Twenty years ago while I was in the throes of depression, I received a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I was an educational psychologist with a master’s degree in psychology, and yet, I had never fully understood BPD. Not until I started doing research for a series of blogs on BPD, have I come to fully comprehend the struggles I had endured and continue to experience from time to time and how these struggles related to my bisexuality.

Some of the research I have done on this site has indicated a high corrilation between bisexualtiy and borderline personality diosorder. Let’s be clear. Bisexuality is not a mental disorder, but BPD is. Unfortunately many of us bisexuals also have to deal with this disorder which makes it very difficult to enjoy our sexuality without feelings of guilt and shame. As borderliners we often have no sense of self and centainly place little value on ourselves. As a result we try to please others always feeling that they will eventually reject us. I have therefore decided to do an intensive study on BPD to help myself understand myself and then to help others.

This next series of blogs will be based on the lessons I have learned as a person, client, and patient with BPD salted with the latest research and the knowledge I have gained as a psychologist, cousellor, and teacher of Advanced Placement Psychology (which can be the equivalent of a first year university psychology class). These blogs are a combination of personal insights and the professional knowledge I have gained by learning to live with this disorder. I will also attempt to relate it to bisexuality and the problems we bisexuals experience because of our BPD traits.

I now pat myself on the back for not only surviving, but actually thriving, and I want to share my journey and the lessons I have learned with my fellow borderline and bisexual brothers and sisters. I will always live with some of the traits I will describe in these blogs; however, I have not only learned how to manage them, but I have used them to become a better person. I am now living the life I can truly love to live.

In this series of blogs I will give you a few hints on how to manage BPD, to thrive in spite of it, and perhaps even find meaning and purpose because of it. I also want to give those of you who live with loved ones with BPD some insights into what living with BPD is like and suggest some ways to help your loved ones cope with this complex mental disorder.  

       Let’s be clear about one important thing. Borderline does not mean borderline. This is a severe mental condition affecting the lives of millions of people often leading to suicidal behaviour. It was first noted in the 1940’s as a condition between neurotic (the brain) and psychotic (the mind) that could not be successfully treated by medication or traditional therapy. BPD is one of several personality disorders listed by the DSM5 that is used by psychologists all around the world as a diagnostic and theraputic tool. The DSM5 mentions thirteen pathological impairments that we will explore in this series of blogs.

Thirteen Impairments

Impairments in personality functioning

a. Identity:

• Markedly impoverished, poorly developed, or unstable self-image;
• Excessive self-criticism;
• Chronic feelings of emptiness;
• Dissociative states under stress.

b. Self-direction:

• Instability in goals, aspirations, values, or career plans.

Significant impairments in interpersonal functioning

a. Empathy:

• Compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of others;
• interpersonal hypersensitivity (i.e., prone to feel slighted or insulted);
• Perceptions of others selectively biased toward negative attributes or vulnerabilities.

b. Intimacy:

• Intense, unstable, and conflicted close relationships;
• Marked by mistrust, neediness;
• Anxious preoccupation with real or imagined abandonment;
• Close relationships often viewed in extremes of idealization and devaluation;
• Alternating between over involvement and withdrawal.

My Five Suggestions for bisexuals who also have to cope with BPD

1. Learn what you can about BPD by following this series of blogs.
2. Get help if you need it by seing a counsellor or therapist.
3. Try to understand how your BPD is affecting your sexuality.
4. Make an inventory of your concerns as a person, and how it affects your sexuality.
5. Make a commitment to yourself to be the best person you can be.