As humans, we have a great need for intimate connections with other human beings. Somewhere around fifty thousand years ago, mankind saw the need to belong to a larger social group for the purpose of hunting and survival. Those of us who had the genetic and mental skills to adapt to social settings became alphas in our group and passed our genes on to the next generation. Those who did not were separated from the group and died out. Through natural selection, our human brain has developed a process where one mind can directly interface with another through the transfer of energy and information to create a super system between two or more individuals.
So how does this social ability work? At conception, we receive a genetic code that fashions a social region in the brain known as the prefrontal cortex. At the center of this is the orbitofrontal cortex which is believed to be the center of emotional and social processing. The emotional state of the sender directly shapes that of the receiver affecting the flow of the other’s state of mind. This is perceived subconsciously through facial expression, voice tone, and other types of body language. This activates the emotion system from the amygdala and the anterior cingulate thereby orienting attention and creating arousal. Through verbal response we begin to share information from one mind to another creating similar representational processes, appraising meaning, and influencing individual or group behavior.
The function of the developing brain is shaped by the parent’s more mature brain. There is an alignment of states of mind between parent and child. When this attunement is conducted in a warm supportive manner, the child understands and feels what is perceived to be right or wrong. This process eventually leads to the child self-regulating its own behavioral impulses. Shame is the emotion evoked when the child’s arousal state is not confirmed or attuned to by the parent. When this attunement is accompanied by a parent’s anger or some other form of disconnection, the parent fails to soothe the child’s sense of shame thus resulting in a deeper negative sensation that we can refer to as humiliation. The way to cope with humiliation is for the child to experience self-loathing or to strike back in anger to protect the self. The processes begun during childhood continue into adulthood. Because the emotions constitute the fundamental value system of the brain, we not only subject ourselves to the positive or negative energy of others, but we also open ourselves to absorbing their value systems. We often lack awareness of internal pain or dissatisfaction with a relationship which otherwise might serve to motivate change.
The good news is the orbitofrontal cortex remains plastic throughout our life time. We cannot change what we have received in the way of parenting, but we can change the way our brain works. We can overcome early damage by being aware of our thinking patterns. By focusing in on our pain and the cause of our pain, we can bring in the vibrations of our higher self to soothe and rewire those circuits. This creates an internal attunement with our own positive guide which will always be gentle and will never seek to shame or humiliate. We ask our higher self to verbally respond to the child within. This allows us to make left hemisphere sense out of right hemisphere emotional feelings and create a sense of order out of our own chaotic processes. By analyzing our relationships, we can then begin to function consciously instead of just reacting subconsciously. We avoid negative relationships and nurture positive ones. Because we are subject to intense sense of vulnerability and loss, we learn to recognize these feeling and reconnect them to the higher self. Because we tend to over compensation and recreate ourselves to please others – the chameleon effect – we learn to recognize our own needs and love, respect and defend ourselves. Because we may have a profound fear of annihilation of abandonment, we recognize our strengths instead of our weaknesses and take time to just be alone with ourselves.
Above all we can learn to parent the ego or child within. We establish loving eye contact each day. We use our tender voice for self-talk never condemning or being disappointed in ourselves. We only allow good touches from others. And we practice focused attention with ourselves by choosing some activity each day just for us. We create our own sense of purpose and set aside time and space to do the things we really want to do. Above all, we shape our own present and future by developing prospective memory which allows us to imagine, create, and remember a set of future feelings and goals and set our will or sense of purpose to creating the life we would love to live.
My five applications for bisexuals
1. When we hear negative words coming from outside or inside we recognize the source as coming from a wounded soul. We simply accept what is said and allow our higher self to soothe us and then simply say “I am beyond that. I am now a supreme being in complete control of my life and my emotions. I choose to ignore.”
2. We spend at least fifteen mines a day in meditation allowing our higher self to soothe our mind, body, and soul. If thoughts come up, we simply thank the ego for the good thoughts and set them aside for later. If the thoughts are negative, we just gently “shusssh” them.
3. We spend time allowing the ego or inner child to expresses its thoughts and fears. We then bring in the higher self to soothe the feelings expressed non verbally. We ask the higher self to explain and guide verbally. We will sense a feeling of peace and confidence regarding the matter. We thank the ego for expressing its fears. If it involves hurt or pain caused by someone else, we forgive and simply tell them they no longer have any control over us. As we start out, we may spend a lot of time in this process, but as time goes by these hurts and pains will gradually dissolve.
4. If we are unable to self-soothe and self-heal we may have to seek outside help. When choosing a psychologist or psychiatrist we should listen to our own gut (orbital frontal cortex). It will provide either a positive or negative feeling about relating to this person. Whatever they say or suggest should be in harmony with our inner self’ We are allowing our mind to attune with them so we should choose carefully.
5. In some cases, the morning sessions will be effective while in a state of meditation and guidance, but we may feel overwhelmed by the challenges of daily living. Particularly with acute anxiety, we may need medication to restore chemical balance. This may be short term or in some cases long term. If we need it, we should take it. This is not a weakness. Once chemical balance is restored, we can proceed with inner healing.