Whereas the self-actualization appears to be a an ego-drive, SELF-actualization comes from the heart. It is based not on meeting the needs of the ego, but on meeting the needs of the soul. Relationship becomes a struggle between the ego and the spirit as to who will win the heart. Once we are in the realm of consciousness and mindfulness we then begin to experience unconditional love and true commitment.
When a man senses that his lover’s love is conditional, he seems to fear that he cannot meet those conditions and is tempted to just drift away. I believe that it is at this point that he has to trust his heart and make an unconditional commitment to his lover (male or female), or the relationship will die. When a man makes this commitment, his soul connects with his spirit. I believe he then inherits the gift of faith. Through faith the heart can transform conditional ego love to unconditional spirit love. He begins to understand what unconditional love is all about. This can be very difficult for a bisexual man in a gay relationship. As we have seen in a previous blog, pillow talk does not come naturally for a man and without pillow talk it is difficult for oxytocin bonding to take root. Both men have to make it happen. They have to take time for post-orgasm conversation. During these conversations he will be able to express his true wants and needs and respond to his lover’s wants and needs.
On the other hand, a woman seems to continue looking deeper and deeper into her lover’s soul to see if there are any warning signs that need to be explored. She looks for faults that can be a threat to her own dreams and goals. She questions and questions, not really looking for verbal answers but searching for hidden agendas and messages that might reveal the depth and sincerity of his commitment. I believe that it is at this point that the woman must decide that she loves her man with all his flaws. She must give up trying to change those last basic blocks that form his identity and protect his inner soul. If she can see the situation through the eyes of her heart, she will know that their relationship cannot survive without the power, passion, and determination of the ego part of his male soul. In my opinion, this stage can only last so long or the relationship will disintegrate. She has to trust her heart and decide that this is the one, throw all caution to the wind, and jump in with both feet.
This period can be very difficult for a bisexual man in a heterosexual relationship. Because he is wired biologically for gay sex, he often feels inadequate and vulnerable. The questioning can become a threat to his fragile ego. He has to focus and be aware of her and what she is trying to communicate. This can be stressful. Rather than revert to his male aggression when threatened, he has to learn to step back, enter into a state of mindfulness and learn to listen to the wants and needs of his lover. A good out is to take a few deep breaths, focus on his feelings of love and simple ask “What do you need?”
I do not think that spiritual love is bound by limitations of gender or orientation. In a gay or bisexual relationship both partners have the task of completing and fulfilling all the needs of both their masculine and feminine nature. At the same time they also seem to have the privilege of embracing both sides of the love bond. I believe this gives them an opportunity to create a deeper, more beautiful heart-filled relationship. I also believe a bisexual man in a relationship with a woman has the female to female conflict but he can also offer the feminine as well as the masculine sides of his nature. The key is to embrace the situation as it is, work to overcome the flaws, and be ready to celebrate the beauty and uniqueness of the beloved’s spirit-filled soul.
One last step is necessary for the two lovers to solidify their unconditional love for each other. They must begin to see each other’s flaws as essential characteristics, gifts to be celebrated. In my opinion, this is what makes the lovers who they are. It is the defining qualities of their souls. It is what makes them beautiful. Both hearts are now exposed and a miracle takes place. Their spirits are now free to release the full power of their love energy to bond the two souls together in unconditional love. Their egos’ need to be loved and their spirits’ need to love are now fulfilled. This enables their hearts to form a dimension of love which includes the passionate feelings from the body, thoughts and dreams from the ego, and joy from the spirit. Thus begins the delightful dance of giving and receiving unconditional love as they celebrate the joy of each day as it opens before them. They can now experience life through each other’s soul.