I know that within the LBGT community everyone is an individual, everyone has different experiences and brings a different biological and physical make up to the experience of life. But we do have one thing in common. We experience a huge buildup of anxieties that lead to profoundly more mental issues and suicides than the “normal” population. Why is this happening? Let me give you a different take on this. It happens because we want it to happen. We attract it because we need it. It is a tool to be used to heal. It is the doorway to understanding life. It is the portal to ecstasy.
One of the defining characteristics of every gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender person that I have ever interviewed is a state of profound confusion experienced at some time in their life. This state is most persistent in the bisexual community (misnomer- most of us are not part of a community – we choose isolation instead of community). But let’s take a closer look at confusion. Confusion is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. It is an experience common to all mankind. On one hand, it is the experience that causes us to run to the shelter of a religion, a philosophy, or some kind of “group think”, so that we can bring some kind of order to the chaos. But for us bisexuals, we cannot find solutions through these typical short cuts to sanity.
Because it is not that easy to run away from our particular form of confusion and anxiety, we are forced to stay in our own version of chaos. But that is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. We are compelled to dig deeper to find some meaning to take away the anxiety, to find a pattern, to find a purpose, to remain sane. Some never do and they lose it or give up and exit. This is very sad because if they had just stayed in the game a little longer, they might have found that there are no solutions, and if they would have persevered, they may have come to the point that they could accept that confusion was okay.
in fact, confusion is more than okay; it is the only reality. When we accept the confusion, and we accept the chaos, and we accept ourselves just as we are, life becomes quite simple. No pretense. No religious short cuts. No need for philosophy. No need for labels. No need to hide behind the security of the word “bisexual”. No need to seek out the comforts of a group. We just are and we are okay. We are more than okay. We are one with the chaos. We are one with the beautiful pattern of random abstract. We are free to pursue the pleasure of our senses for the sake of pleasure. We are free to explore all our sexual desires. We are open to the infinite possibilities of this amazing universe. We are open to experiencing the ecstasy of being one with chaos.
You see, we were not insane after all. We were just searching for the answer to the ultimate question – what is the purpose of life? And some of us have found the answer. There is no purpose. There is only life with its infinite possibilities to be experienced through the eternity of the ever present moment.