The following has been written by my wife, who has tried to understand my bisexuality so that she can help me on my life’s journey. We have consciously worked out our sexual passion so that it can enrich our relationship. Here is her advice to bisexual couples:
Intimacy requires emotional sensitivity and sexual compatibility.
Since a bisexual man is basically gay, he has a very active sex drive that needs to be met. At the beginning of a relationship he may be besotted with the woman meeting his emotional and physical needs. He may not pay attention to her having an average to low sex drive. Over time he may become aware of her lack of interest which may become the one reason that drives him back into the arms of gay lovers.
Couples in a bisexual relationship need to be sexually compatible if they want to flourish. ( Which is also true for heterosexuals.) There needs to be a willingness to bring in excitement based on knowing what turns the partner on. Bi men can instantly be ready to mate, and be unaware that their female partner needs emotional and physical stimulation to get aroused. If that does not happen she may become frustrated and withdraw or become a ‘routine’ partner.
Women don’t like being used as sperm ‘receptacles’, they want to be seduced and played with. A good lover needs to have sexual skills and a good knowledge of the most responsive and pleasurable spots on his woman’s body. The ecstacy/oxytocin he produces in her makes her want more and keeps the excitement alive. On the other hand there is nothing wrong with an occasional ‘quickie’, but the emphasis is on occasional.
Some bottom guys may take on the role of the female and expect the woman to initiate sex. This works when the couple have a heart to heart connection where the woman is keen on pleasing her man in a role reversal. It also requires knowing what her man likes. Frank and honest communication is the key to letting each other know what works.
Bisexual men seek out women because they want a heart to heart connection. Gay encounters can leave them emotionally empty and unfulfilled. Their beautiful sensitive nature wants to be nurtured and expressed. It’s the female partner’s privilege to meet that need by accepting and appreciating her man’s feminine side.
By being active sexual and emotional partners the need to seek pleasures outside the relationship can thus be greatly diminished.
I dare not contradict anything said here (lol), but there is one note I would like to add. In response to one of my readers, I have to agree to disagree that we are not necessarily “basically gay”. We are heterosexual and gay and really not either but a combination of the two and maybe not even that. Like three out of four bisexual men, however, my fantasies tend to focus on male sex. But, when it comes to love and intimacy I gravitate to women. I am the only bisexual my wife sees so this is her honest perception.