Revised – Oops

logo_2OOps that did not come out right.  As a result of the lack of response on the last article, I realize my enthusiasm for man to man sex seemed to be wiped out by desire for consciousness.  Let me correct myself.  Lets do this again.  Please reread because I believe that the thoughts in the article  are important to digest on the road to understanding our bisexuality.

Thanks to a dear friend who scours the universe for me looking for precious nuggets of gold, I came across this article by Jon Rappoport[i].  Here is an excerpt:

“The word ‘art,’ across the full range of its meanings, is what happens when, from a platform of structure, a person takes off and discovers that consciousness doesn’t particularly want to wait around a railroad station looking at What Already Exists forever. Consciousness wants to invent what isn’t there.  Consciousness wants other spaces and times.”

 Bisexuality, at least the concept as presented by our society, does not exist. It is just a label and labels are dangerous, especially if we accept them unconditionally. In spiritual reality, it is only a story of our collective minds.  The key for us as flesh, blood, and soul individuals is to know that it is only a story.  This is called consciousness.

Am I a bisexual?  Yes and no.  do I enjoy sex with both and women? Yes, so I guess that makes be bisexual.  But do I fit a one-size-fits-all  definition and label? No. I have come to realize that bisexuality is just a platform, a structure, a label, a part of the story that helps me make sense of the world in which I live.  Does the label have a purpose? No, not really, not anymore.  Oh it did once, but it has fulfilled its purpose in leading me into consciousness and into the understanding of my sexual-self.  My sexuality has grown so that I no longer need labels.  I no longer have to fight to define and protect myself.  I am confident in my sexuality and in being who I am.  I don’t need it anymore.  I am conscious, which means I have transcended the label of bisexuality and integrated my complex sexuality into the I Am that is me. I do not have to wait around the railroad station for my train to come in.  It has already and I am on it.

Does that mean that I no longer desire sex with another man?  Oh, but indeed I still do. Sometimes when I am alone and feeling down, I long to engage again in that wonderful sexuality that makes me feel so alive, that makes me feel the natural power of my inner being.

However, sexuality is not just about sex.  It never was, at least not since I first masturbated at the age of fourteen.  That was when it became a story of guilt and ugliness brought on by my Catholic upbringing.  I was a sinner and as often as I went to Confession and pleaded with God to take away my source of sin, I just kept adding to the story.  Then, when I added sex with a man, and then another man, and another and another, it became a book titled “Gay” that I could not put down until it was finished; but, of course, that book has no ending.  Then when I got married and could not control my impulses, I had to defend my actions with a label and the title changed to “Bisexual”. I had to come to the point where I realized that this was not a good book, regardless of how often the title changed.  It did not make me feel good.  It was just fiction written by people who did not understand the nature of sexuality.

That’s when I became sexually conscious.  That’s when I saw that the subplot was to control me and marginalize me and put a stamp of “unworthiness” on me so they (the mythological Big Brother) could control my thoughts and actions. It also became a vehicle whereby I could justify my action, even though I was hurting other people with my dishonesty.  Then It became a place of identification where I could link myself with other men going through the same life plans.  The title became mine.  It became me.  That’s when the story ended. I now know I am not that title.  I am a free spirit with a  body that desires sex with another man and a soul that longs to be connected with a loving woman.

But you see, that’s the beauty of being conscious.  This is where living becomes an art. There are no controls.  There are no rules.  There are no lies. There is no guilt.  There is no label. There is just the white canvas, the ever present moment where we can choose to use all the colors of the rainbow.  But this pleasure is not an end in itself, pleasure leads us to more consciousness and a greater appreciation of what is whole and good.  And let me be very clear.  Sex is “good”.  Sex with a man is powerful and beautiful.  Sex with a woman is sweet and intimate. Sex is the natural expression of this wonderful body that wants to pursue what it feels as “sexual pleasure”.  It is the expression of my soul that searches for deep connection and purpose.  It is the expression of my spirit that wants to wrap itself in a blanket of joy so it can laugh at the coldness as it gets on its train to Ecstasy.

Jon Rappoport. Exit From The Matrix Beyond;  structures, beyond one space and time. November 22, 2015 [i]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s