The following is an except from the book my dear wife has written called When Life Has Other Plans. In it she describes her feelings when I told her I was bisexual:
Then one day Lawrence disappeared without saying good-bye. I received an email stating that he was on his journey back home to the East coast. Crossing Canada by car, in March, seemed a bit crazy to me and thoughts of having been conned, again, started to creep into my mind. Didn’t I know our connection had been too good to be true? I had a precognition about some kind of trauma coming my way.
Sure enough, when Lawrence was back home, he sent me an email with the first chapter of a book he was planning to write. The contents hit me like a ton of bricks: Lawrence indicated that he was bisexual and living in a platonic relationship with another man. Just my luck! I had fallen in love with gay men before, but they had all been honest about it. Lawrence claimed he had been afraid to bring it up during our wonderful time together and that I would have rejected him for it. A thought he couldn’t bear because he cared so deeply for me!
I was left to struggle with all this information and no opportunity to clarify many of the questions I had, such as how come he had been married to a woman for 33 years, had two children with her – when he was gay. (In those days I didn’t know anything about bisexuality.) He asked me not to phone the house, so as not to make his partner suspicious, therefore we could only email.
Feeling inconsolable and bereft I didn’t know where to turn with this delicate information. I called some friends who were a lesbian married couple. I wanted their input, but they could only recommend to keep calm and encouraged me to see what would develop. I was shaken to the core to have found someone so compatible and now out of my reach again.
That’s when my spiritual practices and personal growth work started to pay off. I noticed that I could no longer sink as low as I had in the past, since I now had solid ground under my feet and contact with my Higher Consciousness. I wasn’t going to give my hard-earned power away again.
As a bisexual man I still have gay desires from time to time but I have learned to control them for the sake of the love I now share with this woman. Honesty is at the core of our relationship. I can share all my thoughts and feelings with the woman I love. My advice to other bisexual men and women is to first be honest with yourself and then with all the important people in your life.
For more information about how my wife handled the situation I recommend you read her book:
Dorothea L. Gordon B.A. M.Ed.
2 thoughts on “Wives of Bisexual Men”
Thank you for sharing this. I am a bisexual woman that married a straight man who knew about my bisexuality when we were just friends. Honesty in a relationship is very important and we were able to have honest conversations regarding his insecurities about my attraction to other women and whether or not he was enough for me. Desires are natural, whether they are homosexual, heterosexual, etc. in nature. What matters is that when you make the conscious decision to be in a relationship with a person, you are saying to them and yourself that they are the one you want to commit to. That is where, like you said, being honest with YOURSELF and others is most important. In addition, the stigma of male bisexuality in this society definitely needs to end. Bisexual men are viewed way differently and harshly than bisexual women and that needs to stop.
Thank you for your consideration of bisexual men. It is a tragedy that so many us choose to go through life with guilt and no support because we live secret lives.