Bisexuality and Interpersonal and Intrapersonal Intelligence

                We are living in a world in crisis. Literally millions are dying from Covid 19 and as many or more are leaving this world due to drug overdose, depression, and suicides. We are asked to trust science and seek intellectual solutions; however, as we have seen, we humans tend to pride ourselves on an intelligence that is based on logical-mathematical reasoning even though it is so prone to errors due to our biases.

                Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner in his book, Multiple Intelligences[1], suggests seven different intelligences including: Linguistic, Mathematical and Logical, Visual and Spatial, Bodily Kinesthetic, Interpersonal, Intrapersonal, and Music. In recent years he has suggested an eighth, called existential or spiritual intelligence, which he defines as our capacity to reflect upon issues such as the meaning of life[2].

                Today I want to look at intrapersonal intelligence  which I believe is a combination of emotional intelligence and  spiritual intelligence and interpersonal intelligence, which I believe can best be  understood as emotional intelligence.  The two go together. I do not think we can have one without the other. Intrapersonal intelligence includes emotional skills like knowing how to relieve stress and to face and overcome challenges. Spiritual skills include self-awareness, living in the moment, acting on the basis of positive beliefs, and having the ability to stand back and examine our setbacks and learn from our experiences. Interpersonal intelligence includes emotional skills like communicating effectively and being able to resolve conflicts positively, and spiritual skills such as deep empathy for others, valuing and respecting differences, and understanding how our actions influence others and affect the greater good.     

                In order for mankind to survive these trying years ahead, we need to first have intrapersonal skills which basically means we have to understand ourselves and why we think the way we think and do the things we do. This means we have to first find peace within ourselves before we will have peace in the world. The first step is learning how to manage our response to stress. We have to get back to our premodern mind states where we used to spend ninety percent of our days just absorbing and responding to the world around us with gratitude and joy. Only in this state can we sense what is right and good; only then can we release our minds so that we can respond to our environment holistically and use the positive energy around us to heal our bodies and our minds. Once in this state, we can become aware of the power and beauty of our spiritual selves. We can live in the moment and deal with issues and conflicts as they arise with clear minds and positive intent. When things go wrong, we can step back and analyze the situation, see where we went wrong, and plot a new course while accepting and growing from the lessons we have learned.

                Once we take the beam out of our own eye, we can strive to remove the speck from our neighbor’s. We can empathize with others, understand why they are saying and doing what they are saying and doing, and not only set aside our differences but actually see that the differences can be used for a better understanding. We can then use this collective wisdom to find real solutions to real problems. In this way we will reinforce each other’s positive beliefs and use the power of our combined spiritual energies to make this world a better place to live.

Here are my five suggestions for bisexuals:

1. Develop your intrapersonal intelligence. Learn to know yourself. Why you think the thoughts you think and why you do the things you do.

2. Once you truly get to know yourself, accept yourself just the way you are, and begin the process of truly loving this wonderful person that you have become.

3.  Instead of rationalizing your sexuality, and labelling and classifying yourself as queer or bisexual or bigender, just accept your sexuality as part of who you are and allow yourself to enjoy being you and to experience the wonderful sensations that your body can provide.

4. Develop your interpersonal intelligence. Instead of random encounters try to really get to know the people you have sex with at an intimate level.

5. Be honest with yourself and intimate others. You can choose to have many friends for many different reasons. If it just for great sex that is perfectly okay. You deserve it. Enjoy it. If it is having intimate friends without sex that is okay too. Define your relationships and share your thoughts and feelings with those who are important to you. 


[1] Gardener, Howard. Multiple Intelligences. Basic Books. New York. 1983.

[2] Gardener, Howard. Intelligence Reframed. Basic Books. New York. 1999.

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