In this reply from Robert, I am once again reminded of the diversity of our experiences as bisexual men. We all come from different places and we all have different experiences. Every man has his own story, his own truth. The key is to understand ourselves, love ourselves and learn to experience sex and life at the highest levels.
“As a bisexual man, great sex is where you find it… but it begins inside your head, your thoughts and feelings about sex both generally and specifically. I learned to adopt the mindset that any time I can have sex either way (guy or gal), this is a damned good thing ….
Do you have to sense that bonding factor to have great sex? No doubt – it does help; as they say, the more you care for someone, the better the sex is… but I’m not totally sold on this given that we all don’t look at sex in the same way – we all have different triggers that are affected by our past experiences and, sometimes, even when the bonding/love is there, we can find reason to engage in sex… but not to enjoy it as it’s meant to be enjoyed. I’ve learned, in the decades of my bisexuality, that I have to make the best of any situation, to do whatever I have to do to make the sexual experience “great” rather than mundane or just doing it by rote and not with much in the way of enthusiasm for the pleasures sex can afford. Instead of depending on someone to put me in the mood – and since I believe that my sexual pleasure is my responsibility – I have to be self-motivating.
Can we have a bonding relationship with another man and remain true to our bonded female partner? Yes, we can… provided we know how to do it and not, like so many people do, stay locked into a monogamous mindset that demands that we only bond with one person at a time and then insist that any additional bonds aren’t possible… or required.
They’re wrong… and while many people can agree intelligently that having multiple bonds is possible, emotionally and morally, nah, they don’t believe it’s the right thing to do. It’s a mindset that denies our innate and natural ability to be able to be emotionally bonded to more than one person….
I could talk about this aspect for days…”
Robert at blog kdaddy23.wordpress.com
My comment: Bonding is the key. It is the difference between good sex and great sex. Sex can be, but need not be, an end in itself. We can ride the waves of sexual pleasure into deeper commitment and intimacy and therefore into deeper, more passionate experiences with our partners. Bonding does not guarantee great sex but it does make it possible. The rest is up to you and your partner. You have to work at bringing pleasure and ecstasy to each other.
However, Robert does bring up a good point about bonding. I believe that bonding between men, and between a man and a woman, is different and I do believe that it is not only possible but almost necessary to be bonded with a male friend as well as a female partner. But does the bonding have to be sexual? But more of that in another blog. In either case bonding is where it’s at . Bonding is where we share soul and spirit feelings and energy as well as sexual gratification.
One thought on “Reader’s Response to Great Sex”
That male bonding thing us guys do doesn’t have to be sexual; in my experiences, it rarely starts out as being sexual – having a limit things in common usually can start the bonding process and things like hanging out together can build upon the process. At some point, and assuming for the purpose of this comment, the guys in question are both bi (or latently so), talking about women and sex happens; “intimate” secrets are shared (there was this girl I met at a wedding and, man…!) and maybe they start to feel something a bit more than being acquaintances… And the bond is established, which just might lead to revealing that they’re bisexual to each other but maybe not directly (man, I got drunk one night and let some dude blow me… it was okay, I guess…) and if they now have any sexual interest in each other, well, you can guess what happens next.
Yes, the initial bond could be sexual because guys do find each other to be hot but now there’s that whole feeling out process to see if the other guy has any interest in being more than just friends.
I don’t discount bonding nor how such bonding can lead to wonderful things… but I also know that some guys aren’t interested in bonding – they just want the sex – and it can be most excellent. Whether the bonding is worked at or not depends on the bisexual in question and, of course, why he wants to bond with a guy and to whatever degree is required. So many people discount the emotional elements of bisexuality as if it doesn’t exist or as something to be avoided – the emotional attached is more gay than manly, they say – but it does exist and many bisexuals “feel the love” which can aid them in establishing that bond that is emotionally satisfying.
In over fifty years of being bisexual and being in the midst of many situations, I’ve seen a lot, talked to a lot of men and, of course, experienced much in this. If the bond is established, it can be good and comfortable and even nonsexual… but if we’re talking about sex, nah, for some it’s either about being horny (and nothing else) or simply liking a guy in some way and enough to want to have sex with him if he’s good with it. You don’t have to “be into” the guy to bond with him or to have mind-blowing sex… but, yeah, it helps.
If we’re talking about relationships, yep, having that bond is essential and provided that having such a relationship is one’s goal; I personally and strongly resist the notion that if you’re bisexual, you HAVE to be in a relationship; if you can or want to do it, fine; otherwise, having a relationship isn’t necessary for bonding and/or sexual interests.