Bisexuality and Compassion

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Like all the virtues, compassion is purely selfish, and that is okay. It fact, it is more than okay. We do it because it makes us feel good and we feel good because being compassionate allows us to vibrate with The Source of goodness and compassion, with the universal flow of love that makes us more than rational animals on the planet Earth.  It puts us into the flow of life with such people as Nelson Mandela who truly understood the meaning of compassion: “Our human compassion binds us the one to the other – not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future”[1].

Compassion does not come easy.  It is learned by being conscious travelers on the road of life. We do not have to live a life of suffering to be compassionate but it sure helps. It gives us a reference point with others who are suffering, a place in our minds and souls where we can connect through common painful experiences. Their pain helps us recall our pain, and our pain helps us remember the path through pain which in turn gives us something real to share with another human being. We can help them see the way through to the sanctuary of love and joy. Yes joy – or bliss, or ecstasy or whatever you want to call it. By retracing our steps through the journey with this companion in suffering, we again experience the joy, that place where the depths of the pain enables us to experience the fullness of life.

But before we can be truly compassionate we have to make the journey to self-awareness. As Brene Brown has stated: “It’s hard to practice compassion when we’re struggling with our authenticity or when our own worthiness is off-balance.”[2] If we have worked our way through the grounding virtues (see past blogs on the grounding virtues) we will have had to make that journey. We will have learned to be aware of our higher self and to appreciate our self just as we are.  We will be thankful for those experiences that have helped us reach the place of being conscious. We will have celebrated those moments of suffering because they have made us better human beings.

Grounding leads us to the love virtues of trust and kindness. This makes us aware of the suffering of others and compels us to share the path of restoration. Many of us have been born with a difficult path that has led to sexual confusion and conflict. As members of the LGBTQ communities, we have learned compassion the hard way. For example, Ellen DeGeneres  learned compassion from being discriminated against, “Everything bad that’s ever happened to me has taught me compassion”[3]. And it is not just discrimination; more likely it has been sell-incrimination. We have had to learn to accept our orientation for what it is and to live with it to the best of our abilities. Often, especially for women, this has included some form of sexual abuse.  Therefore, we share a common bond, a source of resonance that is automatically tuned in whenever we begin to share our experiences with each other. This is why I write this blog. I want to share the deepest feelings of my inner soul. That’s why I write poetry, to give substance to those dark feelings so that they can be experienced by others. But life is not just about suffering. It is about overcoming the sources of pain and then sharing it with others. This is compassion.

Here are my five applications to bisexuality:

  1. First we can be compassionate with ourselves. We recognize and walk through our own painful experiences and celebrate our victories. Our bisexuality has been a difficult path. We have survived. But we are not just survivors; we have learned to thrive.
  2. We love our self. That is the only way that we will be able to love anyone else. We begin to see and love others as we love ourselves. We will be drawn to other bisexuals and members of the LGBQT community who need a kind word to help them on their own path to victory.
  3. We can learn to listen. We will soon become aware of the pain of others. We will be able to read between the lines. We will be able to read the body language. We do not pry. We just let others know that we are there to listen if they want to talk.
  4. We become conscious students of bisexuality. The more we understand our own situation the better we are prepared to help others.
  5. We live a joyous life and we let others know that there is a very bright light at the end of the very  dark tunnel.

[1] Nelson Mandela.

[2] Brene Brown

[3] Ellen DeGeneres

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