Consciousness and Mental Health

cropped-logo_2.pngThis is the second in a series of blogs that attempt to combine  good spiritual practices with sound psychological foundations.  Last week we looked at how to enter into a state of mindfulness and awareness.  This is  a kind of meditation that allows us to engage the parasympathetic system and restore brain and body chemistry. Through relaxation we clear out hormonal chemicals like adrenaline and norepinephrine as well as restore moderate levels of salt, sugar and cholesterol, all resulting in lower blood pressure and reducing wear and tear on the body and the mind.  All good things, but meditation can be used for so much more.   Many people, including me, have tried meditation and have been frustrated in trying to be still and empty the mind.  I have discovered that the key is to fill it, not empty it, and we fill it my being aware of the Self. As we become aware of the Self we automatically enter the state of consciousness and once in the state of consciousness we can begin a mindful healing of the body, mind, and soul.

In a previous blog, “May the Force be with You”, we looked at The Energy Healing Experiments by Gary Schwartz[1] .  According to Schwartz, our bodies have measurable forms of energy that generate electromagnetic energy waves. There are waves which seem to emanate from the whole body, perhaps through the water molecules in our living cells [2]. We can refer to them as soul energy, which is often equated with the aura.  In addition, various organs or systems generate specific waves.  For example brain waves can be picked up on an EEG; whereas, heart waves (five times more powerful) are displayed on EKG’s. Schwartz goes on to show through the rigors of scientific experimentation that intent during consciousness can focus these energies to change the behavior of animals, growth in plants, and even affect the well-being of microorganisms in test tubes. In addition, researchers at the Medical Center of Harvard University have recognized the use of mindfulness and consciousness as sources of energy that accelerate healing in post operation patients.

So what does this have to do with consciousness and healing? Everything. Consciousness can be employed as a tool to focus the energies of the brain, body, and soul to bring about healing to specific areas of the body. So how do we do this?  We simply employ a process called visualization. Visualization is more than just use of imagery and fantasy.  It is a process whereby we allow the conscious mind to create its own reality bypassing the reality and anxieties created by the ego-mind. In so doing, we can employ all the energies of the body, mind, and soul to focus on building a new healthy reality.

Our first focus to restoring mental health, especially as bisexuals, has to begin with our bodies.  We must learn to accept and even cherish our bodies in order to restore this flow of energy. First we need to understand that body wellness is intrinsically connected to the brain. As we focus on healing the body we must also focus on healing or restructuring the neural pathways of the brain that are affected by the stress brought on by the anxieties created by the ego-mind. We often form guilt, shame, and body-loathing neural patterns because of our bisexual and bigender struggles which often block the healing energies from entering the body. By reversing negative energy to positive energy we begin to build instead of destroy the body and the brain

An excellent visualization practice is to view the body as a set of seven energy centers that Hindus and Buddhists refer to as chakras . I do not specifically believe these chakras actually exist in physical/energy form, but they may have their own reality through the creation of the spirit-filled, conscious mind. We can actually create and visualize them and then ask them to give us information they contain about the body.  In other words we are giving our body a voice by which it can communicate with the conscious mind. Each chakra is connected to various body, mind and soul functions.  This provides an excellent inventory of areas to check daily for health and wellness during meditation.

Once we have settled into a mindful, conscious state, we check the primary chakra. It is our spirit’s connection to “real life”, located between the hips, in the space above the genitals.  Its purpose is to help the body maintain the primal drives of survival and reproduction  This is the basic spiritual life-force; it keeps us breathing and wishing for one more day of life.  During meditation we simply visualize the Prime Chakra and check for health signs such a brilliance, compactness, and whether it is centered in the body. We can then focus the energies of our conscious mind on the prime chakra until it is restored to a round, compact, brilliant blood-red ball centred in the middle of our being.

If there is a struggle to heal we can ask it to speak to us and reveal the physical and mental areas that need to be addressed, and then sit back and wait for a response, not in words, but in images.  This frequently results in awareness of a physical area that needs to be addressed along with a connection to the neural pathways of the brain. As we visually trace the neural pathway, this usually results in a series of images including events that have made us feel worthless or have dampened our love of life.  We then focus all our energy on these events until we can feel the tension leave our body.  We then refocus on the vital signs of the prime chakra until it is fully restored. We can then use the full energies of the restored prime chakra to focus on the body parts that have been affected while we visualize the healing process.  We then can visualize a restored neural pathway, pruning the connection to pain and negative emotions, and reattaching these memories to positive loving emotions. We can follow this process daily until our bodies are strong and restored to health.

Once we have a healthy mind-set the body is free to use its immune system during the rest of the day to restore the body to complete health.  We can then undertake a good diet and exercise program to help our bodies maintain this health, and of course be diligent in checking daily for negative mental activities that can affect our bodies.

In the next blog we will begin the restructuring of the ego-mind, which of course is the path to mental as well as physical health. The strategies I will introduce in the next series of blogs are all based on imagery and visualization. They are spiritual strategies, but they are also just sound psychological practices.

 

Kundalini – Ode to the Old Oak Tree

You are like the oak, a living taproot, burrowing down into the bowels of the Earth,         Still sucking moisture from the deep, dark dirt when others dry up and drift away.           You refuse to quit when life’s powerful storms persistently belittle your worth,                 You are the burning bush; your red glow flows into my soul, lighting my way.

You maintain your dignity when all others bow their branches to the gods at play.           Your roots are planted in solid ground; they will not run nor buckle nor show                     Any sign of weakness, any indication that we must succumb to this hellish day.             Your roots spread confidently into the rocky soil, demanding your space to grow.

You acknowledge no surrender to the shadows who think they know.                                   Your arms stretch out in defiance; they will not pause, hesitate nor bend;                          You will not bow to those who come to spread their empty words of woe.                             You will fight this battle for me, my Kundalini, to life’s sweet but bitter end.

We are in this together, you and I, through all that comes you will sustain me,           Holding my head, guarding my back, teaching me when, how and why to fight.                 You will guide me through life’s dark jungles into the soft glow of peaceful eternity.        You will keep me in the game, guiding me to the source of the bright white light.

 

 

 

 

[1] Schwartz, Gary, E; Simon, William L. The Energy Healing Experiments. Atria Books, New Your; 2007.

[2] Page 149

Self-Awareness and Mental Health

logo_2Several responses to my blogs seek to inform me that my message “is not their experience” with bisexuality. Of course not, we are all unique in our sexual and gender experiences. Mine was tainted, or should I say, “guided”, by my mental disorders. I can now understand that my disorders were a gift that urged me on to finally get to know and be true to my “Self”, not my ego-self, but my inner-self, or soul-self, or just plain Self with a capital “S”.

There appear to be two types (sorry, generalizing again) of bisexual people, those who struggle with their sexual identity and those who just seem to feel free and easy to float from one sexual experience to another. However, we are all on the same journey, including all members of the LGBT community, and all heterosexuals. We are here to grow into sentient, compassionate people, and I believe that means to grow the eternal part of our being – our soul. The soul is the place of inner-healing but it is also the center of our being and our power source into the realm of the miracle of living a full and complete life. To do that we have to first become aware that we are more than our mind, which is the ego-self, and become aware of our inner or spiritual Self.

The first step in awakening the Self is to find a way to enter into that inner space in the soul. The only way to do that is to seek a place of quiet, wait until our mind ceases its striving, and then just settle into the beauty of the moment. Once in this peaceful state, surrounded by beauty, a miraculous condition known as mindfulness can occur. In my view, mindfulness begins with mindlessness; it can only occur when the rational ego part of the mind is at rest. I believe our soul now takes over and re-calibrates the brain so that it can absorb all the information coming from all the senses. In my experience, the key is to not process this information, but to just let it flow. The spirit-filled mind now seems to integrate all these sensations with past and present feelings. The mind now appears to function in unison with the soul and absorbs the truths of life from a spiritual sense. I believe this is the field of genius where all thoughts come together, that aha moment where profound scientific discoveries are made. This is the zone where creativity is at its fullest and the words just flow onto the page, or the images emerge out of the white of the canvas. I feel that this is the point where we become mindful of the totality of the physical and spiritual world around us.

My first moment of mindfulness and awareness occurred during my darkest moments after my divorce, exploring the miles of nature trails around my country home. As I continued to let my body and my bulldog take me into the beauty of the day, I began to understand the needs and desires of my soul. I realized there was a lot more to life than serving my family and humanity. It was time to get to know and be true to my Self. So I took an early retirement which left me with half of one small pension. When I realized it was not enough to pay my bills, I left behind the ruins of my troubled past, sold or gave away everything I owned, and headed for the volcanic mountains of Costa Rica where I could thrive financially, mentally, and spiritually. Nestled in my mountain village, surrounded by the simplicity and unconditional acceptance of the Costa Ricans, I was free to enter into the mysteries of awareness.

I spent hours each day on my front patio beside the bubbling river letting my soul guide me into a state of mindfulness. In the process of meditation I became more and more aware of the living things around me. I believe that there is a state of being where we become aware that we are aware. It is during this state of awareness that we see our Self interacting with the plants and animals around us. We experience the Self as something beyond the limits of the ego-self. We begin to realize that we are powerful spiritual beings capable of experiencing and influencing the world around us. As we become more and more aware of our Self, we begin to see the infinite possibilities of life, and we can begin the process of deep inner healing.

There can be no sexual identification or gender healing without reaching into the soul, and the only way to reach into the soul is through awareness. Once we are aware, we can leave behind the days and ways of mental issues and begin the journey towards mental health and mental thriving. In other words, we use the power of the soul to heal the ego-mind.

Bisexuality – Finding Mental Health

Two weeks ago we looked at mental health for bisexuals through statistics, and of course, it was a downer. The statistics for depression and suicide and attempted suicide are staggering. As much as we put on the brave face, and tell the world the glories of bisexuality, there is another part of our community (and truthfully, a part of ourselves) that remains confused and ready to wallow in the old pain body at the next trigger. So what can we do about it? Lots. In the next series of blogs I am going to deal with Real Mental Health, the keys to maintaining and even thriving in spite of life’s ups and downs. Today we will start with my story.

After coming out to my wife and my subsequent divorce in a marriage that had held me together for thirty-three years, I was suicidal. I admitted myself to an eighteen week, five days a week, five hours a day program at the Mental Health Ward at the University of Alberta, Edmonton. I was diagnosed with Acute Generalized Anxiety, Clinical Depression, Avoidance Personality Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder with Sexual Identity Disorder. With therapy and heavy medication, I was able I get my “act” together and return to work as a psychologist for the next two years. I had new mental strategies and a functioning chemically-balanced brain, but nothing inside my mind or my soul had been healed.

I collapsed into a second bout of generalized anxiety and clinical depression, I was suicidal again. During my darkest days, that voice inside me urged me to remember the miracles of the past and believe that I was worthy of one more. I had witnessed and experienced happenings in my life which had no physical or human-brain-power explanations. When my dear French Canadian grandmother was on her death bed dying of cancer, the family gathered together for her last Christmas. She asked to be propped up on pillows in the living room so she could be a part of the gathering. When she heard the fiddle music of her French soul, she got up, and with one hand on the table, she danced the jig. When the song ended, she collapsed on the floor. They put her back in her bed and she never got up again. Like my grandmother, I decided to dance just one more time.

I gave up looking for answers through my mind and just tried to survive the best I could. In the process of avoiding the pain of my mind and soul, I created a time and space vacuum that needed to be filled. I sold or gave away everything I had except what would fit into two suitcases, took an early retirement, and headed for a mountain village in Costa Rica. For the next two years, I searched for moments where I could shut down my mind and just experience peace and contentment. These moments led to a sense of awareness of the beauty surrounding me that was available through my senses. I was able to find inner peace and gradually took myself off all medications. And then, the greatest miracle of all happened; I was able to get in touch with my inner spirit, the “I”, that part of “me” that is aware, conscious and eternal. With the help of a rejuvenated spirit, I was ready to start the healing process of my soul which has stretched on over the past twelve years.

I believe the natural state of man is the Self (or the soul), whole and complete. In my view, the trial of living, especially in our western world, and especially if we are bisexual, fragments us and destroys the harmony of the Self. I believe that living in the spirit is the key to restoring this harmony which can in turn lead to true mental health. I have come to the conclusion that there is a definite, powerful, spiritual energy which is available to all of us, that comes through the heart in the form of feelings. These feelings can guide and empower our thoughts and our actions. Therefore, the focus for healing and maintaining mental health, must be is on these feelings, not the twisted neural pathways of the mind.

In my bisexual journey, I have explored and tried various spiritual practices. For the most part, I have found them to be useful sources of imagery to assist my soul in visualizing the amazing spiritual world in which I live. I have attempted to narrow down my spiritual beliefs and visualization practices to those that have been tested and found true consistently throughout the trials of my life. Next week we will roll up our sleeves and get down to business.

Dance with Death

And having given all, having left nothing in the arena,
I stand exhausted, panting for breath,
Waiting for my heart to stop,
Letting my struggling mind slip into unconsciousness,
Releasing my tortured soul to give up its will to survive.

Having only the desire to raise the sword one last time,
I reject the rhythm of the unknown drummer;
I reject the solitude and the silence of the dark;
I refuse to close my mind to its fear and striving;
I refuse to seal up my soul and run away and hide.
I choose to dance the dance of my own soul;
I choose to let my feet flow
With the rhythm of my own music.

The dance comes on the wings of violence.
It begins with the girding up of loins,
By taking up the sword of truth,
By facing the monsters of the mind,
Matching blow for blow, breath for breath,
Smashing disillusionment, laughing at Fear,
Meeting Self-Hatred with righteous anger,
Disarming the Black Knight of Nothingness.

Then the dance seeks its own rhythm.
There, in the moment of defeat and surrender,
I dance, and I dance, and I dance
To the rhythm of the beating of my heart.
There, in the moment of defeat and surrender,
I dance, and I dance, and I dance,
Moving my feet to the eternal beat,
That guides my soul along the golden path of life.

The whole story can be purchased at: http://www.friesenpress.com/bookstore/title/119734000021128517/Lawrence-J.W.-Cooper-Bi

Bisexuality and Health and Wellness

I have recently been appointed to the LGBTQ sub-committee of the Saanich Health and Wellness Committee in Greater Victoria, British Columbia. I am attempting to assist bisexual men and women in fitting in with our community. One of the things I have discovered is that we are not very vocal and not as well organized as the gay, lesbian, and transgender groups. There are a few scattered bisexual groups in the Greater Victoria area but there does not appear to be any concerted effort to identify problems and support one another with solutions (by my brief survey of other communities this appears to hold true around the world). What representation there is comes mostly from bisexual women. Men are clearly not visible, but then again that should come as no surprise. Yet, we do have major problems that should be addressed by the community.

Tari Hanneman, Deputy Director of the Health and Aging Program at the HRC Foundation, has stated, “Bisexual people are the largest single group within the LGBT community, but we’re not addressing their specific healthcare needs,”1 Hanneman’s study shows that bisexuals face elevated rates of poor health outcomes ranging from cancer and heart disease, to obesity, (all stress related) sexually-transmitted infections, and mental health issues. In addition:

 Bisexual adults have double the rate of depression than heterosexual adults, higher rates of binge drinking, and are more likely to engage in self-harming behavior, including attempting suicide;

 Bisexual women have higher rates of cancer than the general population of women, higher rates of heart disease and obesity than heterosexual women, and are more likely than all other women to suffer from mental and emotional stress;

 Bisexual men are less likely than gay or heterosexual men to get tested for HIV, leading them to be disproportionately affected by the infection; and bisexual people are less likely to be screened for the human papilloma virus (HPV), which can increase the risk of cancer in both men and women.

In her conclusion, she stated that the reality is that bisexual people face discrimination not only outside of the community, but also from within, and that the community often discourages bisexuals from engaging in and benefiting from the work that LGBT advocates are doing to address mental, physical, and sexual health. “Bisexual people often face outright discrimination when they come out in healthcare settings,” Hanneman said; “That can lead bisexual people to delay or avoid seeking care, or not disclose their identities to their providers. This can mean that medical professionals are not getting an accurate picture of what that patient’s sexual health needs are, or the mental or physical health concerns for which they may face heightened risk.”

The greatest risk to bisexual men, I believe, is in the area of mental health and suicide. It is very difficult to find information on bisexual men alone for obvious reasons; they do not like to disclose or take part in any scientific surveys; moreover, any attempts at suicide will not be attributed to their orientation. In a study by Paul et al, 2002, involving approximately three thousand gay and bisexual men, they discovered that twenty-one percent had made a suicide plan; 12% had attempted suicide (almost half of those 12% were multiple attempters). Most who attempted suicide made their first attempt before age 25. They concluded, “Gay and bisexual men are at elevated risk for suicide attempts, with such risk clustered earlier in life. Some risk factors were specific to being gay or bisexual in a hostile environment.”2 My personal belief is that bisexual men probably exceed these statistics by an additional two to five percent due to nondisclosure.

The saddest statistics are the ones that do not exist. We seldom talk about our problems and usually do not seek counselling from our friends and families, religious institutions, or community mental health institutions. The stresses build and build until we seek the final solution. Bisexual men are withdrawing into the shadows exposing their bodies to disease and their minds to stress and breakdown, and their lives to the hands of the dark executioner – their own tortured self. Time to stand up, I think, and be counted.

1. Lifter from http://www.bi-alliance.org Read More: http://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/abs/10.2105/AJPH.92.8.1338

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2. Jay P. Paul, Joseph Catania, Lance Pollack, Judith Moskowitz, Jesse Canchola, Thomas Mills, Diane Binson, and Ron Stall. Suicide Attempts Among Gay and Bisexual Men: Lifetime Prevalence and Antecedents. American Journal of Public Health: August 2002, Vol. 92, No. 8, pp. 1338-1345.
doi: 10.2105/AJPH.92.8.1338

Bisexuality – the Search for Sanity

logo_2I know that within the LBGT community everyone is an individual, everyone has different experiences and brings a different biological and physical make up to the experience of life.  But we do have one thing in common.  We experience a huge buildup of anxieties that lead to profoundly more mental issues and suicides than the “normal” population. Why is this happening?  Let me give you a different take on this.  It happens because we want it to happen.  We attract it because we need it.  It is a tool to be used to heal. It is the doorway to understanding life. It is the portal to ecstasy.

One of the defining characteristics of every gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender person that I have ever interviewed is a state of profound confusion experienced at some time in their life.  This state is most persistent in the bisexual community (misnomer- most of us are not part of a community – we choose isolation instead of community). But let’s take a closer look at confusion.  Confusion is not a bad thing.  It is a good thing.  It is an experience common to all mankind.  On one hand, it is the experience that causes us to run to the shelter of a religion, a philosophy, or some kind of “group think”, so that we can bring some kind of order to the chaos. But for us bisexuals, we cannot find solutions through these typical short cuts to sanity.

Because it is not that easy to run away from our particular form of confusion and anxiety, we are forced to stay in our own version of chaos.  But that is not a bad thing.  It is a good thing.  We are compelled to dig deeper to find some meaning to take away the anxiety, to find a pattern, to find a purpose, to remain sane.  Some never do and they lose it or give up and exit.  This is very sad because if they had just stayed in the game a little longer, they might have found that there are no solutions, and if they would have persevered, they may have come to the point that they could accept that confusion was okay.

in fact, confusion is more than okay; it is the only reality.  When we accept the confusion, and we accept the chaos, and we accept ourselves just as we are, life becomes quite simple.  No pretense.  No religious short cuts. No need for philosophy.  No need for labels.  No need to hide behind the security of the word “bisexual”. No need to seek out the comforts of a group. We just are and we are okay.  We are more than okay.  We are one with the chaos. We are one with the beautiful pattern of random abstract.  We are free to pursue the pleasure of our senses for the sake of pleasure. We are free to explore all our sexual desires.  We are open to the infinite possibilities of this amazing universe.  We are open to experiencing the ecstasy of being one with chaos.

You see, we were not insane after all.  We were just searching for the answer to the ultimate question – what is the purpose of life?  And some of us have found the answer.  There is no purpose.  There is only life with its infinite possibilities to be experienced through the eternity of the ever present moment.