The hardest part about discernment is being able to discern between the truth and the fiction coming from our own minds. In reality, every thought is grounded in a story and as such is more like a fiction novel rather than a reality show. Animals are so lucky. They mainly live in the moment through instinctual reactions to their senses. They have some memory, particularly for smells, faces, and some rudimentary signs, but they simply respond according to their instincts. They do not have to evaluate and judge before making a decision.
We humans create neural pathways in our amazing cerebral cortex, linking sensory concepts into thoughts, memories, and emotions. It enables us to make decisions based on past experiences and gives us the power and energy to react accordingly. It helps us adapt to our surroundings in such a magnificent way that even though we are perhaps the weakest species, we have become the creatures at the top of the food chain. This has been a good thing for surviving and avoiding saber-toothed tigers, but too much of a good think can become a bad thing, and perhaps even a curse.
We humans have a control center in the frontal cortex that we can refer to as the administration center, the mind, or the ego. It is this part of our brain that builds our own interpretation and perception of reality, leading to the creation of a gestalt or mind set. This becomes our life story based on a collection of stories that we can refer to as beliefs, attitudes and values. All our thoughts are then grounded in our life story, and we then react, judge and make decisions according to the story. Now this gift is great for avoiding saber-tooth tigers, but it becomes a never ending circle of thought, emotion, and pain when applied to avoiding personal and psychological problems. As twenty-first century humans, we may live in the moment, but every thought is influenced by the pains of the past and the fears for the future.
The key to discernment then is to become aware or conscious of the story and its role in governing our minds or thoughts. In a sense, we are no better than the animals in that we automatically respond through our instincts, except our instincts are governed by our thoughts, a process designed to avoid danger and insure success in the hunt. Because we live in a complex society with complex relationships and feelings, the mind is forever on the alert, always judging and deciding the best route to avoid danger, and forging the best path to becoming alphas in our pack. Because of the immense anxieties related to our new roles, we have lost the ability to act and adapt. We are stuck in the circle of thought; we are living in an on-going fiction novel. We no longer have the ability to perceive reality naturally, let go of the mind, and just experience life through our senses. We now have to find ways to do this consciously while avoiding the saber-tooth tigers in our minds.
And the only way we can do this is through the powers of discernment. In order to live contented and peaceful lives we have to develop the skill of stopping the insanity of the never ending story. To do this we simply stop the mind and open up all our senses without judgement or the need to react. We just let ourselves relax into the moment. Only then do we begin to perceive reality. Only then do we begin to see ourselves as beautiful creatures endowed with tremendous physical, mental, and spiritual beauty. Only then are we able to decipher between the chaos of the story and the order and peace of reality, and only then are we able to judge and make decisions based on this true reality.
So what does this have to do with bisexuality? Here are my five points on discerning between reality and the stories of the ego:
- As bisexuals, we have developed a very complex story in order to survive. In this story we have judged ourselves to be weak and unworthy so that we do not have to compete. Stop the story. Whenever you hear the cues like, “I will never be good enough”, or, “it’s no use”, or, “it’s all my fault”, stop the story immediately, recognize the belief or lie and then state the true reality: “I am a magnificent human being”, “I am always good enough”, “I can do anything worth doing”, “there is no fault, there is only trial, error, and the accumulation of knowledge and wisdom”.
- We have to see and understand the reality of our sexuality. It is merely a biological process of copulation and reproduction, and yes, if we take our cues from the animal kingdom, that includes same sex attraction. But we have made it part of our story. We have created theories of orientation and gender. Stop it. We don’t need it and if we employ the powers of discernment we will come to the conclusion that we don’t want it. It robs us of our ability to be spontaneous and to enjoy the wonderful senses associated with sex and relationship.
- Part of our biological process is to become alpha so that we pass on our superior genes to the next generation. In our bisexual stories, we have subconsciously come to the conclusion that we cannot compete, and we rely on same sex association and expression because it is safer; there are no alphas, just us “queers”. Therefore, we have become a society of weaklings, no competition within mainstream society. Oh yes, we indulge our victim stories and rant and rave forcibly against the injustices of this world, but on the inside we don’t perceive ourselves as part of the same human race. That is oh so far from the truth. We are the alphas. We are the ones who can see both sides of the equation. We are the ones with the answers. We are the ones with the genes that need to be passed on to the next generation if this species is to survive. We need to engage and enjoy the opposite sex relationships as masters of bisexuality and not slaves to our same-sex passions.
- We have to recognize that we are after all humans and that our minds or egos are amazing evolutionary creations. We do not destroy the story; we simply rebuild it. We create a new story, and in the process, we use discernment to acknowledge that we are, in fact, building a story. But we build a good story with checks and balances. You might say “We Trump” (sorry, could not resist the pun) the aggression and false beliefs before the cards are even played. We need time to do this. I like the mornings. I get into a state of contemplation, not meditation, contemplation. I simply review my action of the previous day and challenge the motives of my ego which may have got the better of me the previous day. I then set out to consciously be in control of my life and to set a new course for the new day.
- And finally, enjoy! The purpose of life is to enjoy. To be spontaneous. To shut down the control center, to step outside the story and just respond to the beauty of the energy around me, and the beauties of the people I so dearly love. I set out to deliberately live and experience through my soul, not my mind. I recognize and respect my story and my ego but only allow it to function on a need to know basis. In other words I control it; it does not control me. Now go out and master and enjoy the day. You deserve it.