Category: Bisexuality Victoria BC

Discernment – A True Story

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)The hardest part about discernment is being able to discern between the truth and the fiction coming from our own minds. In reality, every thought is grounded in a story and as such is more like a fiction novel rather than a reality show.  Animals are so lucky.  They mainly live in the moment through instinctual reactions to their senses.  They have some memory, particularly for smells, faces, and some rudimentary signs, but they simply respond according to their instincts. They do not have to evaluate and judge before making a decision.

We humans create neural pathways in our amazing cerebral cortex, linking sensory concepts into thoughts, memories, and emotions. It enables us to make decisions based on past experiences and gives us the power and energy to react accordingly. It helps us adapt to our surroundings in such a magnificent way that even though we are perhaps the weakest species, we have become the creatures at the top of the food chain. This has been a good thing for surviving and avoiding saber-toothed tigers, but too much of a good think can become a bad thing, and perhaps even a curse.

We humans have a control center in the frontal cortex that we can refer to as the administration center, the mind, or the ego. It is this part of our brain that builds our own interpretation and perception of reality, leading to the creation of a gestalt or mind set. This becomes our life story based on a collection of stories that we can refer to as beliefs, attitudes and values. All our thoughts are then grounded in our life story, and we then react, judge and make decisions according to the story. Now this gift is great for avoiding saber-tooth tigers, but it becomes a never ending circle of thought, emotion, and pain when applied to avoiding personal and psychological problems. As twenty-first century humans, we may live in the moment, but every thought is influenced by the pains of the past and the fears for the future.

The key to discernment then is to become aware or conscious of the story and its role in governing our minds or thoughts. In a sense, we are no better than the animals in that we automatically respond through our instincts, except our instincts are governed by our thoughts, a process designed to avoid danger and insure success in the hunt. Because we live in a complex society with complex relationships and feelings, the mind is forever on the alert, always judging and deciding the best route to avoid danger, and forging the best path to becoming alphas in our pack. Because of the immense anxieties related to our new roles, we have lost the ability to act and adapt. We are stuck in the circle of thought; we are living in an on-going fiction novel. We no longer have the ability to perceive reality naturally, let go of the mind, and just experience life through our senses. We now have to find ways to do this consciously while avoiding the saber-tooth tigers in our minds.

And the only way we can do this is through the powers of discernment. In order to live contented and peaceful lives we have to develop the skill of stopping the insanity of the never ending story. To do this we simply stop the mind and open up all our senses without judgement or the need to react.  We just let ourselves relax into the moment. Only then do we begin to perceive reality.  Only then do we begin to see ourselves as beautiful creatures endowed with tremendous physical, mental, and spiritual beauty. Only then are we able to decipher between the chaos of the story and the order and peace of reality, and only then are we able to judge and make decisions based on this true reality.

So what does this have to do with bisexuality? Here are my five points on discerning between reality and the stories of the ego:

  1. As bisexuals, we have developed a very complex story in order to survive. In this story we have judged ourselves to be weak and unworthy so that we do not have to compete. Stop the story. Whenever you hear the cues like, “I will never be good enough”, or, “it’s no use”, or, “it’s all my fault”, stop the story immediately, recognize the belief or lie and then state the true reality: “I am a magnificent human being”, “I am always good enough”, “I can do anything worth doing”, “there is no fault, there is only trial, error, and the accumulation of knowledge and wisdom”.
  2. We have to see and understand the reality of our sexuality. It is merely a biological process of copulation and reproduction, and yes, if we take our cues from the animal kingdom, that includes same sex attraction. But we have made it part of our story. We have created theories of orientation and gender. Stop it. We don’t need it and if we employ the powers of discernment we will come to the conclusion that we don’t want it. It robs us of our ability to be spontaneous and to enjoy the wonderful senses associated with sex and relationship.
  3. Part of our biological process is to become alpha so that we pass on our superior genes to the next generation. In our bisexual stories, we have subconsciously come to the conclusion that we cannot compete, and we rely on same sex association and expression because it is safer; there are no alphas, just us “queers”. Therefore, we have become a society of weaklings, no competition within mainstream society. Oh yes, we indulge our victim stories and rant and rave forcibly against the injustices of this world, but on the inside we don’t perceive ourselves as part of the same human race. That is oh so far from the truth. We are the alphas. We are the ones who can see both sides of the equation. We are the ones with the answers. We are the ones with the genes that need to be passed on to the next generation if this species is to survive. We need to engage and enjoy the opposite sex relationships as masters of bisexuality and not slaves to our same-sex passions.
  4. We have to recognize that we are after all humans and that our minds or egos are amazing evolutionary creations. We do not destroy the story; we simply rebuild it. We create a new story, and in the process, we use discernment to acknowledge that we are, in fact, building a story. But we build a good story with checks and balances. You might say “We Trump” (sorry, could not resist the pun) the aggression and false beliefs before the cards are even played. We need time to do this. I like the mornings. I get into a state of contemplation, not meditation, contemplation. I simply review my action of the previous day and challenge the motives of my ego which may have got the better of me the previous day. I then set out to consciously be in control of my life and to set a new course for the new day.
  5. And finally, enjoy! The purpose of life is to enjoy. To be spontaneous. To shut down the control center, to step outside the story and just respond to the beauty of the energy around me, and the beauties of the people I so dearly love. I set out to deliberately live and experience through my soul, not my mind. I recognize and respect my story and my ego but only allow it to function on a need to know basis. In other words I control it; it does not control me. Now go out and master and enjoy the day. You deserve it.

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Discernment

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)So how do we know? How do we sort through all the data coming in and all the thoughts and judgments going out? How do we discern what is real and what is just what we want to believe? How do we answer the big questions that can help us break through to a life of peace and joy? Is there a God? Is there any meaning and purpose to life? Am I gay or bisexual or just a lost soul searching for intimacy?

Linda Popov in her book, A Pace of Grace, says this about the art and virtue of discernment:

“Discernment is quieting our minds and sensing the truth about things. It is being contemplative and vigilant in seeking to understand what is true.  We are able to make distinctions between what is real and what is illusion…. We trust our inner vision to recognize what is right for us in this moment. We observe, decide, and act with wisdom.”[1]

Before we get started on this, remember that in order for an idea or ideal to become a virtue, it takes a lot of hard work. We have to practice, practice, and practice until it becomes natural, until it becomes a way of life. So let’s look at how to do this from three perspectives: recognizing the inner voice from the higher self, understanding the difference between the voice of the ego or mind and the voice of the higher self, and recognizing and understanding the other voices around us, and let’s practice using the virtue of discernment to accomplish this. We will do this in three blogs, starting this week with recognizing the voice of the higher self and how this applies to bisexuality.

First of all, how do we recognize the inner voice and how can we be sure this is not just another illusion from the mind? Regarding the latter, you may never know for sure that the higher self even exists. Bummer eh? Not really, you see there is a caveat on that. The reason we can never know for certain is that we are trying to find something that does exist but cannot be recognized through rational mind processes, so the mind will always be in doubt and will want to take over to protect us from believing or doing something that it regards as dangerous or foolish. So how can we get past that? We hush the mind. The very fact that we can consciously hush the mind proves in itself that there is a higher self.

Once in this state that we can call mindfulness, the inner truth from the inner self will begin to appear. We will simply become aware of our self as part of a world of peace and beauty. Do we have to meditate to do this? Not really. For many it is a good and sound practice, but it is not for everyone. Personally,  I get into my higher self not by stillness but by engaging, by walking and feeling, by staring at a thing of beauty until a feeling of oneness and peace flows through my brain and body, or by engaging my body, rather than my mind, in walking or working in  my garden. This can only happen when I am alone or sharing moments with a special someone without talk or mental interaction.

The next step is simply to listen without engaging in rational thought. For example, when I am opening my soul to the sounds of the forest, I do not try to name or describe what I hear, I just experience it. Same thing applies to my inner voice.  I do not question it or judge it, I just open my whole self to listen. The inner voice is never judging, never striving or conniving.  It always reminds me of how beautiful I am and how precious I am as a source of goodness in this chaotic world. It is as though the inner-self is in communication with the universe, or perhaps, even the person of a sentient god that is imparting the wisdom of the ages to me simply because I am still and seeking guidance. Perhaps it is just from the higher self, itself, that intuitively knows what is best for me. Again,  we do not engage in this mental gymnastics; we simply accept the sensations and the feelings that accompany those sensations.

The third step is to open up the ego-mind and ask the higher self to impart words of wisdom. We simply allow the ego mind to express its fears and concerns and listen to whatever wisdom the higher self wants to impart. We can then allow the ego-mind to specifically ask for wisdom in dealing with a particular situation as long as it sits back and listens without interruption or judgement. The inner voice of the higher self will always speak to us, and the message will always be positive showing insight and a broader understanding of the meaning and purpose behind the circumstances.  We can allow the ego-mind to keep questioning and listening until we feel comfortable with the words  of wisdom from the higher self. We then direct the ego to accept the wisdom and make plans for putting this wisdom into action.

Here are my five thoughts on how the virtue of discernment applies to bisexuality:

  1. Because we are so self-judging, believing ourselves to be unworthy, and blaming ourselves for being unlovable, it can be difficult to accept a higher self that regards us as beautiful and superior beings. We simply recognize the thought and say “I am worthy. I am beautiful.” Then relax again practicing deep breathing until we can open ourselves up to our higher self.
  2. Because we have always focused on imperfections and what we have judged as faults and failures, we may have to seek healing from our higher self or perhaps the great love energy of god or the universe. To do this we open up our ego to express its fears, and then we turn to our higher self and ask it to give us the truth from its higher view of things. It will never judge our ego and will always show us that our actions were a result of the pains of the past and that we have done the best we could under the circumstances. It will then show us the path to self-acceptance and a higher course of action.
  3. As bisexuals, most of us have suffered from some sort of generalized anxiety, and we have always been able to find a sense of peace, or perhaps just plain exhaustion, by engaging in sexual experiences. As a result, it may have become a kind of addiction, a source of relief from the anxiety, and of course, we are reluctant to give it up. Therefore, we have a tendency to avoid the higher self, because we fear that we may have to change our behavior patterns, and we simply do not think we have the energy to try  again. Guess what? Surprise! The higher self will never condemn or blame and will never ask us to give up our sexual practices.  It will simply show us how to incorporate those practices into a more positive experience in tune with its sense of, deeper meaning, beauty, and joy.
  4. By going through this process we inevitable come to a point where we can view our sexual practices as a means to achieving intense sensations that lead to intense feelings, that lead to love of our bodies, and to experiencing all the joys it can share with us.
  5. Finally it will always lead us through sexuality into the deeper experiences of intimacy. The higher self wants to join the body in experiencing love in all its forms and to bring the body, mind and soul into intimate connection with others.

 

[1] Popov, Linda Kavelin. A Pace of Grace. Plume: 2004 (page 62).

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Awareness.

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Awareness is the state or condition of being aware; having knowledge and consciousness.  But awareness can only become a virtue when you don’t just understand it, but you live it. In my opinion, there are three levels of awareness: mindfulness, the acceptance and immersion in the higher self, and the awareness of the day to day pleasures of living. As bisexuals the concept of awareness can take on a whole new meaning.

The first level of awareness is mindfulness.  In my view, it is simply closing down the mind and opening up our souls to all the sensations around us.  It is focusing on the beauties of this world. It can be a walk along the ocean shore with the pungent scent of the salty air or a walk through an old growth forest with the beauty of light filtering down through the maples. It can be the sound of my bird friends singing their hearts out about the joy of living. Mindfulness is immersing my soul in the sweet energies of nature, shutting down the noise of this world, and ignoring the negative energy of my negative thoughts.

The second stage is to become aware of the inner or the higher self.  I am the presence in all the things of beauty. My soul is interacting with all the sweet sensations that surround me. Once in this state of self-awareness, I can feel the surge of positive energy flow through my being. I understand just how beautiful and powerful I am.  I truly understand that there are no limitations on how much I can experience.  I interact with nature and other human beings with an incredible exchange of energy and being.

The third stage is to bring this energy and presence into my everyday life where I can meet each new situation free of anxiety and fear.  I can just be and let things happen around me knowing that all things can lead to joy and personal growth. There are no problems, only opportunities.  There is always choice and I can choose to indulge or walk away.

Now how does this apply to bisexuality?  We are truly blessed on several levels. Here are my five points on awareness and bisexuality:

  1. First, because of the nature of our struggles, we have been compelled to search for our true sexual nature. This gives us the opportunity to become more aware as we search for the universal truths that surround us. This search will either lead to ruin or to a newer level of self-actualization.
  2. In this search, we will come to the understanding that our bisexual gender issues are not part of that reality; they are merely a role that we have slipped into because of the pressures of our families and culture. Once we come to this realization, we can then become aware that our whole life is full of roles that we play. Once we are aware of that we can choose to play the role or to develop our own patterns of living.
  3. The third point is that we really do have a different nature than everyone else. You can refer to it as two spirits in the sense that we have a masculine and a feminine soul, not just sexually, but all the gender qualities that go with it. But in reality, it is only one spirit that combines the whole spectrum of masculine and feminine virtues.
  4. The fourth is our sexual response to life. As bisexuals we can enjoy tremendous sexual energy that we can use to form intimate connection with men and women. We can indulge our feminine personas when we are with a man and our masculine when we are with a woman. We can go beyond the sexual role play and enter into true intimacy where we share not only our bodies but our minds and souls. We are free to choose to do this with one special individual or we can seek connection with whomever we choose.
  5. As bisexuals we have an opportunity to share this tremendous life energy with those around us. We can open our souls to others so that the divine energy, the full energy or a complete human being, can flow to those around us and bless them. This energy is always reciprocal – the more you give the more you get in return.

 

Finding the Higher Self

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img_1394-1In the past, fighting against the desires of my bisexual soul used to drain all my energy. I don’t fight it anymore; I just accept it as a beautiful part of me. Much of the growth has come as a result of getting older. Getting older has its blessings. I no longer chase after fruitless dreams that keep me busy with no real rewards. I choose to see and enjoy the moment and the things of my soul instead of the things of my mind.

Autumn Again

My west deck,

Reaching for the blue sky,

Sitting near the top of the laurel hedge,

Surrounded by trees,

A sea of green, delicious green,

That nurtures my soul

With the vibrations of living things.

The sun pours in its autumn warmth

In golden rays of pure light,

As the silence gathers and spreads,

Offering healing to a tired mind.

 

It is a new age,

The age of not yet old,

But no longer young,

An age where everything fits together,

And I choose to do those things

That offer peace and contentment,

And I choose to give my soul

To a God who does not judge,

But spreads a blanket of love on those who seek,

And I choose to give my heart,

A response to the love energy that surrounds me,

A gift from my higher self to my conscious self,

A gift that keeps on giving and never ends.

The Kinsay Scale and Bisexuality

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)I finally found an easy to do on-line test based on the Kinsey Scale.  I have been interested in doing one for a long time but had difficulty finding one. This was my reading:

 

“At times, you’ve found yourself drawn to different types of people: gay, straight, male, female, and whatever else. Your sexuality is about as fluid as it gets, and it’ll probably remain so as long as you’re having sexual impulses”[1]. Yes, I am definitely bisexual.

In curiosity, I checked another scale.  This one dealt with figure ground pictures involving naked women or something else.  I came out “straight as an arrow”[2].

Now I was a bit confused (typical state for a bisexual), so I took a third test.  This one seemed more scientific [3]. It was called the Epstein Orientation Inventory (ESOI). It has a range of 13 with a mean of seven. This time the results indicated that I had a mean sexual orientation of 7 (right smack dab in the middle), a sexual orientation range of 11 (really high), a sex drive of 11.5 (really high), a same sex attraction of 12 (really high), an opposite sex attraction of 11 (fairly high).

So what does this all mean. Well, first of all, it means I am bisexual with difficulty analyzing figure ground due to weakness in visual processing where I tend to focus on the dominant figure by color and intensity. According to the other two scales, yes, I am bisexual. So what? I knew that already. To me there are only two questions:

Have you had sex with a man and enjoyed it.

Have you had sex with a woman and enjoyed it.

If you answered “yes” to both questions you are bisexual. If you answered yes to only one you are either heterosexual or gay or lesbian. If you answered no to both questions you are either too young to take the test, or as Hamlet said to Ophelia, “Get thee to a nunnery,” or perhaps a monastery. I would also guess (very unscientific of me) that most experienced bisexuals like me would have a very high sex drive with a slight leaning towards same sex attractions but backed by a healthy drive towards the opposite sex.  I would also guess that most active bisexuals tend to have an opposite sex partner but frequent or occasional desires and perhaps experiences with same sex acquaintances. The opposite is also true but I would guess the difference to be in the range of 1 to 8.

If we know we are bisexual, why take the tests?  In my case, it was curiosity, a desire to know more about myself, and that is a good thing. We should be curious about our bisexual nature, not out of fear or doubt, but just to expand our knowledge of ourselves and our sexual natures. The more we know about ourselves and our sexual drives, the more we can enjoy our bodies and the experiences we can have through our sexuality.

[1] Greenring, Tanner. Buxxfeed.( https://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/lets-talk-about-sex?utm_term=.juDp2XoZ2#.vbLlVzOjV).

[2] Walker, Kate. How Dirty is Your Mind Accorcing to the Kinsaey Scale. Playbuzz. (http://www.playbuzz.com/katewalker10/this-test-will-help-you-place-yourself-on-kinseys-sexuality-scale).

[3] Epstein, Robert.Straight, Gay, or In Between. (http://mysexualorientation.com/)

Bisexual Christmas

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img_1394-1Christmas is often a tough time for anyone experiencing social anxieties and that certainly includes us bisexuals. When scouring the net I came up with gift ideas for bi’s including sweatshirts, tee-shirts and pendants.  But that’s not the real gift, is it? I suppose we could look at the Christ story and look for some kind of rebirth, but I think most of us are happy with the life we have. The key is not to wish for anything new but to enjoy and celebrate the important things we have. So here is my wish list for Christmas.

  1. The present – just to live a life free of anxiety, to enjoy the present moment regardless of where it takes me.
  2. Family time – to enjoy my children and grandchildren now and throughout the new year and to celebrate the fact that they do indeed still love me in spite of all the concern I have caused them.
  3. Love – I am thankful for the solid relationship I have with my wife of two and a half years. She knows I am bi, she encourages me to talk about my past and present gay desires, and she gives me the freedom to explore both sides of my bisexual nature. Above all, I am so thankful that we can enjoy each other’s bodies, minds, and souls.
  4. This beautiful planet – I live on Vancouver Island and we are presently moving up-island to live on a bay along the coast where I can greet the morning sun as it rises over Bayne’s Sound. I am thankful for the pairs of eagles that fly overhead and the sea lions that bark all day. I am thankful for the paths that wind through the old growth forest where I can stop and hug a giant tree and know that I am part of an awesome network of living things.
  5. And me – I am thankful for me, my bisexual nature, my masculine straight side and my feminine gay side. I am thankful for all the experiences my bisexuality have caused and yet opened up for me – the beautiful, the bad and the ugly. Without them I would not be who I am and I am proud and happy to be me.

Sex, Pleasure, and Beauty

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)As I am getting older, I am learning to savor the pleasures of this life with all the passion that my mind and body can muster. I have become conscious of beauty.  I seek it throughout each and every day.  As I explore the pleasures of my senses I am much more selective in how the next moment should be spent.

Sexuality has become much more than experiencing orgasm. My sexual passions meld with the other senses. Making love is no longer a ritual or a tension and anxiety release; I make love because I love life, I love the moment, and I love the person that I am with. The feelings of togetherness dominate my moments and I can focus my arousal on exploring the beauty of his/her body and soul. Sometimes this sense of attraction and oneness leads to sexual passion, but most of the time, I just want to settle into the glow.

As I continue to read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Eat, Pray, Love[1], slowly and thoughtfully, I am impressed with the beauty of her words. I would like to explore some of her thoughts on the topic of pleasure and beauty and apply them to bisexuality.

“In a world of disorder and disaster and fraud, sometimes only beauty can be trusted . . . .  Pleasure cannot be bargained down. And sometimes the meal (sex) is the only currency that is real.” (page 114)

This one is about forgetting about the negative aspect of gaining weight and just settling in to consciously enjoying a gourmet Italian meal in a quaint restaurant on the streets of Rome. The same thing can be said about sex. We have to learn to forget the consequences, ignore the negative feelings, and just enjoy the sensuality of touch and taste. For much of my life, perhaps due to my religious background, the beauty of sex has been watered down and devalued, at times to the point of shame and guilt. All of those thoughts imposed by well-meaning individuals have interfered with my sense of pleasure. I have come to realize that those thoughts are not to be trusted.  I will no longer bargain my right to enjoy one of the greatest pleasures of life. The only thing that is real is the pleasure and the knowledge that I can gain through my senses.

“To devote yourself to the creation and enjoyment of beauty, then, can be a serious business – not always a means of escaping reality, but sometimes a means of holding on to the real when everything else is flaking away into rhetoric and plot . . . . You were given life; it is your duty (an also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight” (page 115).

I am leaning to see beauty in everything, especially in the act and art of making love. Seeing the beauty of my own body, mind, and soul has been like coming out of Plato’s cave and seeing life the way it really is. I am beautiful.  My feelings and sensations are beautiful.  I can reach emotional orgasm smelling a flower or seeing a doe curled up in my flower bed, but best of all by experiencing the love that comes from the exchange of touch. Holding my partner consciously and sensuously is the greatest pleasure I know.  She/he is beautiful. I am beautiful. We are beautiful.

”And I will leave with the hope that the expansion of one person – the magnification of one’s life – is indeed an act of worth in this world. Even if that life, just this one time, happens to be nobody’s but my own” (page 116).

My sole purpose is to see myself as I really am and to expand into the most beautiful person that I can be. I have learned to live selfishly.  My own personal pleasure and my own pursuit of beauty is the purpose of my life, but it is a purpose I can share with another human being. By exploring another’s beauty sensuously, sexually, and consciously and reflecting it back  to them,  I provide the divine energy that enables that person to expand and grow individually. And when we perform this act of love together, living and growing itself becomes something beautiful and the source of ultimate pleasure.This is a pleasure that I have chosen to experience with one person because of the intensity of the feelings we can share.  I have become monogamous not because of any restrictions on my mind but because of the expansion of my soul.

[1] Gilbert, Elizabeth. Eat Pray Love. Penguin Books. London, England. 2006.

Statistics and Bisexuality

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Statistics consistently indicate that bisexuals outnumber gays and lesbians. In a comprehensive study of scientifically accurate surveys from around the world, Gates[1] concluded that among adults who identify as LGBQ, bisexuals comprise a slight majority, 1.8% compared to 1.7% who identify as lesbian or gay. However, when you factor in people with sexual orientation issues (presumably bisexual?) the numbers clearly indicate that bisexuality is a major factor in the lives of a growing number of people today.

Gates found that estimates of those who report any lifetime same-sex sexual behavior and any same-sex sexual attraction are substantially higher than estimates of those who identify as LGB. He discovered that an estimated 19 million Americans (8.2%) report that they have engaged in same-sex sexual behavior and nearly 25.6 million Americans (11%) acknowledge at least some same-sex sexual attraction.These last figures indicate that people who have some attraction more often than not act upon these impulses. Some of these then choose to live bisexual lives while others use these experiences to determine their true wants and desires.

So what can we take from this data? Bisexuality is the largest component in the LGBQ community, and yet, we receive the least attention. Two question arise from this – “Why?”, and  “Is this a god thing or a bad thing?” Frankly, I think this is a good thing. We do not need the label, and we do not need special political considerations. These viewpoints just cloud the issues and focus on the bi nature and not the human aspects of our sexuality and how it affects our general health and well-being.

The “Why?” is a little more complex. Samantha Joel, in her article “Bisexual Myths Debunked by Science”[2] used science to discredit three myths: Bisexuality Doesn’t Exist, Bisexuality Is Just a Phase, and Bisexual People Can’t Be Faithful to Their Partners. I believe that society has created these myths out of fear of the greater implications of bisexuality. If we are not gay or lesbian, and if we are not straight, then we are somehow a threat to both. Gays and Lesbian hold to myths 1 and 2 because they need to believe that if you have same-sex tendencies than you must be gay or lesbian in denial or repression. After all, sexual orientation must be biological and probably genetic, and therefore, there is no room for a third grouping. Straight people hold to Myth 3 as a warning to straight people to stay away from this dangerous and unpredictable group in society. There is also the belief by both groups in myth 2, in that bisexual people are just confused with loose morals and need erotic experiences; therefore, they must be just going through a sexual exploration phase. They can therefore be devalued and ignored.

At the root of it all is fear for the greater unasked question and the subsequent response. We engage is bisexual activities because we enjoy it. We have stepped outside the sexual boxes imposed by the heterosexual and gay explanations of sexuality and declared that we are our own sexual revolution where sex is a pleasure of the body that can be explored without morals or gender bias. We have stepped into the realm where gay, lesbian, or heterosexual sex is perfectly normal, enjoyable, and open to everyone.

And if we have sexual freedom that is just the tip of the iceberg. Then we have the potential to be free from all of the other restrictions placed on us by society. That makes us even more dangerous.  That means we are out of control. It actually may lead to a deeper level of brotherly love free of political and religious restrictions. It might even mean that we might destroy the planet as the majority know it and subsequently save it by helping to usher in a new paradigm based on universal love, acceptance, and freedom.

 

[1] Gates, Gary. “How many people are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender?”. Williams Distinguished Scholar, April 2011 (The Williams Institute, UCLA School of Law)

[2] Joel, Samantha. “Bisexual Myths Debunked by Science”. Science of Relationships, file:///C:/Users/User/Documents/My%20writing/Blogs/Bisexuality%20Myths%20Debunked%20by%C2%A0Science%20-%20_%20-%20Science%20of%20Relationships.html

Bisexuality and Pride

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)

Has pride become a meaningless side-show attracting political parties and marketing ploys? Is Pride now a family show for the amusement of the straights in the community? Are we ignoring the issues for which many have fought and died? In a recent article in the local newspaper, the writer stated just that, but I think he missed the main point. It has truly become a community celebration, and that is a good thing. Pride celebrates the uniqueness and freedoms of all of us.  We have fought and won the main event. For the most part, our right to exist has indeed been won; the community has recognized and accepted us into its heart, and our unique contribution to society is being recognized. It is indeed a time to celebrate and to welcome the political parties (I marched with the Greens) that want to be a part of our community, and the local and national companies that want to show their appreciation for our business. It is time to welcome families and children to our events to paint their faces and listen to the music.

 

Are there still issues that we need to address? Sure, but they are not on the same scale as imprisonment and forced lobotomies, or being targets for abuse by the thugs on the street or even the justice system itself. I sit on the Saanich LGBTQ subcommittee for the Health and Wellness Committee and we are addressing issues still faced by the Transsexual Community. All our concerns are listened to and approached in a rational and compassionate manner. We have workers on the police force and the parks and rec department that have taken on the role of addressing our needs. It is no longer a fight to exist; it is just a matter of crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s. It is indeed a time to celebrate.

 

In our bisexual community there are many horrific needs to be met, but they are not political in nature. Bisexuality in not just about sex and it is not really about gender. We are not like the rest of the LGBTQ community seeking our place in the sun.  We do not protest or organize for common goals, and we seldom join organizations for a sense of community. We have the freedom to float in and out of the homosexual and heterosexual communities without notice.  But we are complex human beings with an unquenchable thirst for intimacy with both men and women. That places us on the front lines of the sexual revolution that is still being fought. We have sexual needs that go beyond the rest of the community and we are fighting to have complete sexual freedom so that we can explore our sexuality and conquer our demons.

Like many in the community we have a huge hole in our soul that cannot be filled, but our hole seems to be centered on our sexuality. Perhaps it is related to unfulfilled needs for love during childhood; perhaps it is some genetic drive that leaves us with a huge hole that needs to be filled; perhaps it is some psychological/biological intense drive that urges us on to taking risks to fill our hunger for connection. Perhaps it is all of these or none of these. But when this hole is not filled, it results in an epidemic of depression and suicide attempts that I have documented in previous blogs. These are our issues; they are personal issues not political, but we still do not have the support we need in our community, and we are still afraid to ask for it.

Our challenge is to make the community aware of our plight and to make sure the community mental health services are open to us. We need to have our identities protected if we wish to remain anonymous, but we must be open to counselling that will bring the major players to the table in an open and honest way. This includes, spouses, parents, and brothers and sisters. It is our responsibility to make sure these services are available and then to take the initiative to use them. This requires a support network to assist bisexual men and women to come out and accept their position in the sun.  Bisexuals need to feel proud of their orientation and be willing to take their place and dance in the Pride Parade.

Victoria News, Readers Respond, Page A6, July 8.

Published on by Bi-Ed: Bisexual EducationLeave a comment

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)“Pride is a day to celebrate diversity in gender and sexuality. Often overlooked amongst the more vocal Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender communities is the B in LGBTQ, and of course B stands for Bisexuality. You do not often see us as a group in the Pride Parades or in information booths. Apart from a few female dominated groups, you do not find us on the Web or in Meetup groups. Victoria’s Bisexual Meetup group has forty signed up members but they never attend meetings. This is because many of us are in heterosexual relationships and wish to remain private or anonymous.

There is a new wave of sexual freedom sweeping the country where young people engage in sexual activities with both males and females, but is this true bisexuality or merely sexual exploration? True bisexuality is not just experimentation; it is a way of life that involves strong emotional and heartfelt desires for connection with both males and females. It is not merely sexual; it is also a unique gender. We have been getting a fair amount of publicity by the film industry who uses us as a surprise element for twisting the plot. But the filmmakers don’t enlighten the public about the background of what makes a person bisexual.

Our sometimes mysterious group is perhaps more numerous that the other LGBTQ groups. Because we live a secret double life we experience higher levels of depression and suicide attempts but we are reluctant to seek assistance in the community. We are often looked down upon by the rest of society because of the pain we cause our spouses, families, and friends by our sexual behavior. We are often shunned by gays and lesbians because of our inconsistencies. But we are not just gays or lesbians who refuse to accept our gender; we are somewhere in the middle of heterosexual and homosexual and in many cases an emotional mixture of male and female.”