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Bisexuality and the Problem with Statistics

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Are you tired of statistics on bisexuality? I am. Yet another survey has shown that bisexuality is on the rise, especially among women[1]. A whopping 17.4% in the current survey have had some bisexual contact compared with 14.2% in the 2006-2010 survey. Higher numbers of both women and men identified as bisexual, 5.5% of women and 2% of men, compared with 3.9% and 1.2% respectively in the last survey. And you can be sure that number is higher for men as most of us to not want to disclose our bisexual tendencies.

So what? Why do we want to know that there are more and more of us? It reminds me of the Matrix Trilogy where Agent Smith keeps reproducing himself by thrusting his hand into someone’s chest. In the case of us bisexuals, we thrust our hand into someone’s pants and avoid the heart. It is time to step back and realize that we are all more than just programs in a worldwide sex-video game. Quite frankly I have no desire to just be another Agent Smith.

It seems that everyone wants to get in on the act. International popular TV series have taken up the torch. Bisexuality needs to be understood, and by god, they are going to show us what it is really like. However, this is not some glamorous Hollywood show where networks are competing with each other to see who can get the most views by depicting yet another example of bisexuality where marriages are broken and people are murdered because of unnatural passion. And quite frankly, I no longer want to compete with other bloggers to see who can get the most views on bisexuality. I do not want my life and my mind and my soul reduced to a statistic or another episode, book, or blog.

Did you know that only one of forty-six chromosomes is dedicated to male or female sexuality, and they cannot even find a half a chromosome, or for that matter, even one of twenty-five thousand genes, that can be nailed down for same seek attraction?  And yet sex, especially bisexual sex, seems to be a preoccupation of our western world, and it seems everyone is now encouraged to experiment with same sex attraction.

Women seem to be more attracted to same sex experimentation. When women engage in sex, their brains lights up like a Christmas tree as the pleasure center, the Nucleus Accumbens, is immediately activated, connecting with the sensory processing lobes, particularly the somatic processor which is associated with touch. Women are lucky, they immediately experience the pleasure. They take a little longer to get wound up which allows for more pleasure and more time for intimacy or attunement with their sex partner. This also allows for a second level of appraisal, and therefore,they are more likely to say “no” even after arousal.  Why do almost one in five women give up on sex with  men as their main source of sexual pleasure? Could it be that they are looking for more than sharing the “rush” provide by men? Could they be looking for something “deeper” (pardon the puns)? Could they be looking for the kind of intimate attunement that is much easier to get with another woman?

For us bisexual men, the pleasure sensation is delayed as the sexual rush is connected with the dopamine drive and the powerful emotions from the Limbic System. We get our pleasure by reaching our goal through orgasm, and only then does the Nucleus Accumbens suddenly connect with all the sensory processors to create a powerful pleasure surge similar to a hit of heroine. There is very little desire for intimacy as it merely delays the rush we so desire, but we do play along with our female partners hoping for the additional rush of mutual orgasm. When we are with men, it is all about the drive. And quite frankly, once another man touches our penis, we are literally driven to seek that hit.  We have our own built in addiction center. Sex is so simple with men. There are no mind games. There is no desire to delay orgasm because our pleasure is not in the play but in the outcome. We can just close our eyes and enjoy the anticipation of the oncoming rush with no thoughts of anyone else. There is no waiting for a partner. No guilt if the partner does not orgasm. It is so reassuring to know that once the game is on  our male sex partners have no intention of saying “wait” or  ”no”.

For many of us bisexual men, especially if we are married or in a relationship with a woman, gay sex becomes guilt and is compounded by addiction withdrawal. Our addiction demands that we do it again. However, our tortured minds are trying desperately to control our drives. The only thing that can stop our addiction is the prefrontal cortex, particularly the orbitofrontal cortex, but quite frankly, once the drive is on, it is very ineffective.  But it is our source of second evaluation, or as Freud would say, our super ego or our conscious. It attempts to employ checks and balances to prevent same-sex arousal, halt addiction, and regain control over our sexual impulses. It employs cultural and religious beliefs that come in the form of layer upon layer of mind sets shaped by past negative experiences that involve shame and guilt. In order to gain control, it has to compartmentalize; it has to put sex back into its Pandora’s Box.  As bisexuals, we have to willingly choose to place our sexual drives in a nice safe compartment that we can access when appropriate so that we are not raping and pillaging or spending all our waking hours in bathhouses.

If we choose to fight the addiction, we may eventually arrive at the conclusion that we are much more than the oxytocin and hormonal impulses coming from our genitals. This realization has the power to bring us to our higher self, our soul, to a deeper level of living. Our spiritual desire and spiritual energy can then be put in control of our impulses so we can generate ideas and thoughts and beliefs to make this world a better place, something a bit more than a worldwide video game where the winner is the one who can screw the most people during a life span.

Sorry for the rant. But for us bisexuals who were born with our bisexual impulses, this is not a game or something to experiment with. This a very powerful part of our mental and physical anatomy. We really do need to control it or it will destroy us. Personally it has literally screwed up my life. I wanted to be a good husband and a good father and, in fact, I was a great husband and a great father for 33 years before everyone I cared about suddenly knew I enjoyed having sex with other men. I lost my marriage and respect from my children which, quite frankly, were more important to me than another same sex orgasm. So let’s not glamorize this thing. Let’s not encourage more and more young people to experiment with bisexuality. If they are bisexual, they will know it because it is so powerful that it will eventually come out into the open. For us, sex is not just another source of pleasure that we can experiment with. So there is no rejoicing here to learn that other men and women are experimenting with bisexuality. Getting involved with bisexual men and women is like playing with fire. We have to take the box of matches away from the juveniles.

Here are my five suggestions for bisexuals:

  1. For those of you who are thinking about experimenting with bisexuality – you don’t have to experiment. If you are gay, lesbian, or bisexual, you will know it without experimenting. Even if you are seriously considering it, it probably means you are bisexual. You still have a choice. The question is do you really want to start a bisexual lifestyle with all the issues it will bring into your life? Think it through. Done the right way, it can be a very powerful and satisfying life choice.; done poorly can lead to a great deal of pain.
  2. For those of us who are truly bisexual my advice is TO BE CAREFUL, and that does not just mean having safe sex.
  3. Care for yourself and have the courage to make the right decisions that will lead to a more conscious and more joyful way of life.
  4. Beware of the addictive powers of casual sex. Avoid porn, sex shops and other places that you can get a quick fix.
  5. Listen to the voice of your higher self. Seek relationship. It can be a man or a woman or both, but it has to involve relationship. Look for love.

[1]. Copen, Casey E Chandra; Anjani; and Febo-Vazquez, Isaedmarie. Sexual Behavior, Sexual Attraction, and Sexual Orientation Among Adults Aged 18–44 in the United States: Data From the 2011–2013 National Survey of Family Growth Division of Vital Statistics. National Health Statistics Reports Number 88, January 7, 2016

 

 

Energy and the Brain

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SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)It’s time to take a closer look at physical and spiritual energy. We are energy beings. Right down to the atoms and molecules that make up our cells, we are in constant motion. We are constantly changing. If we are to truly understand our self as a physical and spiritual being, and use this knowledge to grow and expand, we have to understand the nature of the energy by which we breathe, think, and have our being.  There is no better place to start than with the human brain.

The brain uses more energy than any other human organ accounting for up to 20 percent of the body’s total energy requirements. The source of energy that powers the human brain is mainly sugar, more specifically – glucose. Glucose is a hydrocarbon that is broken down with the help of additional oxygen (which we get through breathing) to create ATP (adenosine triphosphate). ATP is responsible for energy transfer in the human brain.

After reading the complex scientific information on ATP, it appears to act like an enzyme which is responsible for the binding of metals, predominantly magnesium, which then act as catalysts for the creation of protein strands and the breaking down of glucose. In the process, it creates an abundance of hydrogen ions which provides the energy for flow of information between neurons.  ATP supplies the energy required for these ions to traverse cell membranes thereby initiating many biological processes that keep our neurons firing.[1] When the accumulation of hydrogen ions increases the voltage in a neuron, the neurotransmitters are released firing an electrochemical impulse across the synapse to the dendrites of the neighboring neuron. The ATP then goes to work resetting the neurons to negative, through transfer of Sodium ions (which we get from salt) back across the membrane, making it more positive, and resulting in the uptake of the neurotransmitter back into the sending neuron. The neighboring dendrites where neurotransmitters are released do the same to the next neuron.

These chemical processes take a great deal of energy. During active mind activity, two thirds of the energy is used to fuel electrical impulses that neurons employ to communicate with one another. The remaining third is used for “housekeeping,” or cell-health maintenance.  When the brain is inactive, during sleep or relaxation (meditation), the process changes to about 50% for maintenance, thus resupplying the neurons with ATP and ions for future brain activity. This information indicates that we need to provide sufficient rest through relaxation periods throughout the day, especially if we are involved in high neocortex activity which includes most of us working in today’s information occupations in our western culture.

This is all fine in a healthy mind in a healthy environment where stages of brain activity are followed by brain maintenance; however, what happens when this does not occur. One study using brain scans showed the inferior parietal cortex (IPC), an area that helps us control the amount of energy we use, becomes deactivated when people felt they were being observed. In other words, if we feel comfortable with the people around us, the system continues to perform well, but if we’re concerned about how others are feeling about us, our performance deteriorates. This suggests that prolonged stress caused by unhealthy social relationships can affect our ability to employ and restore our brain energy systems. The brain will continue to employ its problem solving structures to restore balance, but if it is unable to do so, the mind will be unable to relax and restore the ATP and ions needed for thought and action.  Over an extended period of time this can lead to chemical breakdown and possible depression.

In another study, Cambridge[2] researchers found that when we are involved in intensive thought processes, the brain will place its own energy needs above the energy requirements of the rest of the body.  Again, over a prolonged period of time, this can create problems with the heart, which also requires a great deal of energy, and our immune system, which is responsible for healing and regeneration of other organs. This can lead to disease and the growth of cancerous tissue. In addition, the continued employment of the sympathetic nervous system creates high levels of salt in the blood stream which can lead to interference with ion transfer in the brain, and increased blood pressure in the body which is dangerous for heart failure and strokes.

Here are my five applications for bisexuals (and everyone else for that matter):

  1. First of all, we have to take good care of our minds with frequent periods of relaxation and mind rest. We can do this simply by learning to read the anxiety levels of our mind when the brain is overloaded. Once we become conscious of our mind states we can learn to provide it with sufficient rest.
  2. When we feel high levels of anxiety, we stop what we are doing and relax. Sometimes this will be a brief meditation where we concentrate on our breathing until the negative feelings dissolve.
  3. If the anxiety has transferred to the body through the sympathetic system, we may have to release this negative flow of body energy by physical exercise. A half hour brisk walk, where we concentrate on our surroundings and squelch our minds problem solving desires, usually does the trick.
  4. If this anxiety occurs whenever we engage in the same stressful activity or relationship, we may have to do an inventory and decide if this is the job or relationship that we really want to engage in. We must be prepared to make life changes to protect the energy system of our minds. If we are unable to make those decisions on our own, we may need to have someone help us through the process. We should take a leave of absence and find a good therapist.
  5. We need to pay special attention to our sex life as it can be a source of great pleasure and stress release or a cause of great anxiety. We have to be sure that our sexual behavior leads to and ends in the pleasure reward system without accompanying shame and anxiety. We may need to change our behavior or the way we think about it, or we may need to change our sex partners. Again, if we cannot seem to do this on our own, we may need professional help.

 

  1. Where Does The Human Brain Get Its Energy? Forbes – Whoa Science (https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2017/03/06where-does-the-human-brain-)
  2. Nikhil Swaminathan, Why Does the Brain Need So Much Power? Scientific America (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-does-the-brain-need-s/)

 

Self-Regulation, Bisexuality, and the Mind

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SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)I am back in Costa Rica for the winter, a place I came to for refuge twelve years ago. I had had a mental breakdown, got divorced, had to leave the work I loved (but was killing me), took an early retirement. I sought a place of peace, not to put my life back together again because that part of me was dead, but to find the courage and resources to start over again. It has been a long journey with a lot of traumatic ups and downs, but this time in Costa Rica, I know I have arrived.

Self-regulating processes and mindsets are a result of leaning on the parent for attunement and guidance during infancy. This results in a resonance of states of mind by which the parent guides the infant into understanding and regulating their own emotions. As the child advances into early childhood, the reliance on the parent gets replaced by self-regulation with guidance on the side from the parent as needed. For the lucky ones who come through childhood with healthy mental processes, the mind is free to battle through negative emotion, create goals, and pursue them with focus and purpose. The healthy mind can think, act, and evaluate thus modifying mindsets to solve new problems and storing the new strategies in memory to solve similar problems in the future.

But what happens when the parent is abusive or negligent? I was born into a single parent family with nine children and a mother who did not have the resources to help me regulate my emotional needs. I grew up lost and neglected. Because of my childhood, I had no means to resolve the feelings associated with my emotions, so I suppressed them except for an underlying feeling of shame and self-loathing. Due to the power of a very skilled and creative mind, I managed to survive for fifty years until I was overwhelmed by the negative energy in my life. When I crashed, I was diagnosed as having a borderline personality disorder with a sexual addiction related to my suppressed gay side, a clinical depression, and an acute anxiety disorder. I was a mess. Eighteen weeks of intensive therapy at a psych outpatients hospital clinic along with medication gave me renewed energy and a few new coping mindsets. However, it did not solve the problems that were buried in my implicit memories. The shame and self-loathing continued.

The emotionally damaged child continues to face emotions the only way that it knows how, by denial or repression. It is then unable to use the energy from primary emotions to find new ways to resolve the problems it is facing. Again, the old patterns are reinforced and the child believes that negative problems filled with negative emotion cannot be solved. When faced with negative energy, it can only react through fight (anger), flight (fear) or freeze (withdrawal) because it has not learned to involve the left brain rational processes to solve the right brain feeling problem.

The only way out of these dips and dives is to seek a high level of arousal through pleasures such as food, sex, or chemical highs from drugs including our old friends alcohol and marijuana. For a wounded mind, this will inevitably result in addiction or lead to mood disorders like depression with dysfunction in perceptions, memory, beliefs and behaviors. On the other side of the equation, it may result in chronic anxiety with excessive sensitivity to the environment with ever present signals of impending disaster. This person may seek someone to defer control and responsibility and enter a dependency relationship. Again, this is usually a one way street and the significant other tires of the great need for love and acceptance and leaves, thus reinforcing the feelings of isolation and self-loathing. On occasion, he or she may enter a co-dependency relationship which seems to work until both partners are depleted of their energy producing resources.

The common solution is psychotherapy. A skillful therapist provides the external system of processing or restraint for the person who lacks positive sets of self regulating processes. Sounds good but it is far from fool proof. We all go through stages that seem to be cyclical. In other words, our ability to cope will fluctuate. Whenever we feel overwhelmed, the depression or anxiety will reoccur. If we were children we could run to mama or papa for a hug and all would be well again. But as adults we run to our therapist thus creating another cycle of dependency. Medication provides some relief in restoring chemical balance, but it does not lead to a new set of mindsets where we seek purpose and joy.  It simply dulls the pain for awhile and it too can lead to chemical or psychological addiction.

After indulging in these dark and dreary mindsets, I think it is time we look at real solutions. Twelve years ago in a mountain cabina in Costa Rica, I found the way to soothe my mind without therapy or medication. To do that, I had to go beyond the cognitive strategies of my brain and learn to soothe the emotion and right brain processing centers of my mind. Because my mind was still dysfunctional, and because I had no one to run to for attunement and soothing, I had to step outside my mind and seek attunement with the self within my self; the self that was always there ready to listen and hug the child within. When confronted with a negative thought, energy, or feeling, I simply stilled the mind and traced the feeling back to its nonverbal source. I waited there with this feeling until I began to sense a soothing from within. I eventually found a presence there. I let the feeling of my ego flow into this presence thus forming an attunement of my wounded ego with my higher self. I experienced an infinite source of positive energy. I just let it flow. No thinking.  I did not restructure my mind sets with thought but infused them with this positive feeling of well being. I could sense it flooding through my neural pathways connecting the spiritual self with the physical self through the pleasure center of my brain.

This is the one and only lesson that I want to impart through these blogs. Whenever we feel the old feelings return, we can address them immediately before they take root. We can experience a high that results from the flow of our own brain and body chemistry. That’s what the prescription and hard drugs do, but we can get those same feelings without the addiction and side affects. We simply flood our whole minds with this beautiful flow of positive energy until the old negative feeling disintegrates and is replaced with the new. Then, while are brains are clear and overflowing with positive energy, we instruct our minds to seek a solution to the problem at hand. All of a sudden, the solutions with be clear and ridiculously manageable. We will automatically know when and how to pursue or when to walk away without guilt or shame.

If feels good to be back in Costa Rica, much better than the first time. I now live a life of gratitude for my wife of three years, my present flow of abundance, and yes, even for the dark days that brought me here. I have learned to control all the negative energy that comes from negative emotions, and in fact, I have learned to find the positive in, and be thankful for, every negative event that occurs in my life.There is no self-loathing, there is only peace, beauty and the power to live a life that I can love.

My five applications to bisexuality:

1. Our sexual impulses are not a mental illness, a dysfunction, or even a faulty thinking pattern. There should be no negative energy associated with our sexuality. We can turn these negative thoughts over to our higher self. We will find no judgment there.

2. We can enter a state of meditation and go back into past negative  experiences and recognize the positive gift associated with these experiences. We can then experience a feeling of gratitude and bless the people involved.

3. If we have feelings related to neglect and abuse, even to trauma, we do not have to feel gratitude for the actual experience, but we can feel gratitude for the support of our higher self which has allowed us to survive these experiences. We can ask our higher self to reveal the lessons we have learned. Once we get beyond the hurt and pain we can begin to see that we are more than just survivors. We are now more powerful people because of our experiences.

4. We do not stay there locked in the past. We acknowledge the powers that helped us survive and we move on. After this healing process, when triggers bring back the old feeling, we thank the ego for its diligence, and acknowledge that we are now superior to those events, feelings, and the people who caused them, and move on.

5. We learn to live and enjoy. We design the life we want to live and use the power of our beautiful minds to make it happen.

Emotion, Three Types of Energy, and the Self Function of the Mind

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)In this blog, we continue to search for the self within the mind. Neuroscience suggests that the answer may lie within the emotional energy of the brain which is a function of the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex. I am suggesting that the answer lies in “the mind within the mind” that I have been referring to as the higher self, or what others may refer to as soul or spirit. The question we have to ask is, “What is the energy source that drives the mental functions of the mind?”.  I believe that this is probably the most important question we can ask ourselves. When we discover the source of this energy, we can then develop a paradigm that will direct all our beliefs and subsequent actions.

According to neuroscience, the flow of brain or mind energy is generated by the hind brain and mid brain which then flows through the thalamus, hypothalamus, and amygdala. It is then regulated by the orbitofrontal cortex and the anterior cingulate which direct the flow of energy to various neural networks that manifest as states of mind. Importance at any point in time is assigned through emotional intensity thereby regulating the number of neurons that fire and the amount of neurotransmitters released. In essence, this energy then attaches meaning, focuses attention, and activates the appropriate mindset to deal with a given situation, thus creating consciousness. With each new experience the energy is directed into combining this new information into the mind state through an increase in complexity, or an expanded neural network. In other words, this flow of energy directs the self, or it is, in fact, the “self” itself.

This flow of energy through and in the mind is known as emotion. The first type of emotion is primary emotion which regulates arousal and controls the flow of information. The second type of emotion is called categorical. It is what we commonly recognize as the typical emotions like fear, anger, joy etc. These emotions are now at the conscious level and we can name them and describe their associated feelings. We can categorize all the emotions as positive of negative. They seem to operate on a continuum. For example, at one end you may have despair, at the middle primary emotion, and then at the opposite end joy.   The negative emotions involves the sympathetic system which activates the hormones of the body, chief of which are adrenaline and cortisone. The inability to regulate the emotions through the activities of the brain is the source of most of our mental and physical problems.

This takes us to the question of the nature of mind energy itself. The negative energy that comes from negative categorical emotions is destructive and paralyzing. The positive energy that comes from primary and positive categorical emotion is enjoyable and constructive. According to neuroscience, these two sources of energy control and regulate all the other functions of the brain. We seek the positive (joy) and avoid the negative (pain). On first glance, this seems preposterous, that brain energy, the mere transfer of electrochemical impulses, could be the essence of self.  I am suggesting that this emotional energy based function of self does indeed exist within the mind sets of the brain, but it does not function on its own. I believe there is an third type of energy that controls this energy.

Recent scientific studies using space age technology have identified  a low frequency electromagnetic energy (similar to light and sound waves) that emanates from the whole body.  I believe that this energy is the essence of life itself. I believe that this energy controls the electrochemical processes of the brain including the flow of emotion and information. I believe it is the mind within the mind  that activates the conscious state of mind that seems to control and regulate the other states of mind. Above all, this flow of energy is the essence of “will”, the desire and ability to choose. It is not just the brain combining states of mind to forge new pathways, it is the energy of self directing the brain to choose new courses and to make new choices that the brain can then encode in the neural pathways for future reference.

Now the question is, “Why is this so important?’ if we believe that the self is merely an electrochemical flow of energy and information then we are extremely limited in our ability to expand. The idea of self then is a bottom up approach. We are a result of our previous experiences and resulting mindsets, which become rigid and limited over time. We have to battle with those previous mindsets and hope for semi-random combinations regulated by emotion to expand and grow. However, if we believe that we have an energy based spiritual self beyond the confines of the brain then the sky is the limit. We now have the ability to create new neural pathways and to make choices based on our  highest feelings and dreams.

My five applications to bisexuality:

1. Our brains are definitely influenced by past states of mind, many of them containing negative reactions to our gender realities. These reactions have tended to control our ability to a accept ourselves the way we are and to expand and grow. We now have an opportunity to bring our higher self into the picture for healing. We attune with our higher self which is always gentle and supportive.

2. We ask our bodies and our minds to bring up old issues. We then call upon and ask for the support of our higher self. We rest there until we feel the positive energy flow into those memories thus rewiring them with positive feedback. We keep doing this over and over again until those old vibrations of negative energy disappear and are replaced by the positive energy of our higher self.

3. We dream new dreams. We plan a life that will fulfill all our hopes and desires. We make this plan real by providing the minute details of what this life will look life.

4. With the help of our higher self, we allow ourselves to feel what this life will feel like. We hold that feeling and rehearse it daily until the dream becomes a reality.

5. We but aside the old patterns of the brain. I am powerless becomes I am powerful.  I am a worthless failure becomes I am am a beautiful being and I deserve to live the life I want. And above all, I loathe and hate myself becomes I love, and yes, I even like myself. We keep reminding ourselves that we deserve to live the life of our dreams.

Self-Reflection as a Function of the Human Mind

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Much to my chagrin, I have discovered that science has coined a name or term for my way of thinking, and here I thought I was being creative and original. They call it the homunculus, or the mind within the mind, or by definition, the ghost within the machine. Not a very flattering term, but rather than being insulted, I have chosen to take this opportunity to do some “self” reflection.

According to neuroscience, this process of third thought, which I refer to as the higher self, results from the construction of states of mind that continually evolve according to the nonlinear principle of the Complexity Theory. It is believed that the human brain has constructed a wide variety of saved and stored states of mind. Once a collection of these states are activated by triggers in the environment, they interplay with one another in a random series thus creating new patterns of thought. According to the emergent and recursive principles of complexity, these states are then regulated by a system of internal and external constraints which allows the brain to evaluate, sort, and choose significant elements to build more complex structures within that state. The brain then rebuilds the state by forging new links within the billions of neurons of the brain with its trillions of possible connections. In other words, it is continually refiring and rewiring thus creating greater complexity of thought. The self then is merely a continuous shift in states of mind at any one moment in time. According to these theories, my belief of a higher self is merely an interplay of my own brain’s states of mind fueled by my desire to find purpose beyond the constraints of my brain. There is no overall me, it is just a collection of me’s that are responding simultaneously to my environment. I am not real; I am merely the ghost in the machinery of my brain.

And that is the age old question, isn’t it? Am I merely a biological computer employing a collection of programs simultaneously to somehow arrive at biological intelligence, or am I something more than that? Is every thought I think and every action I undertake merely a response by my brain to the environment? Is it merely creating a state of mind that is seeking for something beyond the horror of living a meaningless life ending in a complete and final death? Honestly, I have to admit – “maybe”. You see, I cannot be positive that I have a spiritual higher self because the scientific evidence is just not there. If I am honest, I have to admit that it is really only a theory. However, if the neuroscientists are honest, they have to admit that all of their intellectual gymnastics can only produce a theory as well. Then we both have to do what all theories require and that is look for evidence to support the theory.

I am suggesting that there is more evidence to support the existence of a pure energy higher self than there is for the brain theory of complexity. There is something inside of me that screams, “I am not just a ghost in the machine!” I am real. I am the presence, the being inside of but also beyond the neural pathways. I can feel me there when I put my brain to rest. I am not a state of mind because I exist outside the mind. I am a powerful energy-based, spiritual being in complete control of my life and yes, to all the naysayers, I am the presence within my brain.

My five applications to bisexuals (and everyone else for that matter):

1. We believe. I am not speaking of a religion; I am referring to believing in and experiencing the power of the energy within us. Whenever we feel that the pressures of this life are overwhelming our tired brain, we just stop the madness of the mind for a moment and just feel the power of that presence within us. We will sense a powerful peace-filled entity there that is the “me”, the “self”.

2. We allow the inner me to be present in our life. We awaken it during meditation each morning, and acknowledge its presence there throughout the day.

3. When we feel an anxiety based tension, we know it is our brain or mind overworking to solve make-believe problems. This is different from the energy tension we need to accomplish the necessary life and work tasks. It is a restlessness. It is the brain that is searching for meaning and purpose. It does not matter how hard we try, the brain cannot solve the problem that itself has created. It will just keep on building more and more complex states of mind. We now simply turn this feeling of restlessness over to the higher self and wait for a response. It will be in the form of a feeling of peace and contentment.

4. If we are struggling with our gender issues, this is merely the brain working over previous states of mind and trying to reconnect them with other mind states that may be stored in implicit or explicit memory. There are no brain based answers to these problems. We merely refer them to our higher self. The gender issues will dissolve immediately. We will feel the contentment of knowing that our bodies need for sexual gratification is merely a biological urge. We can either ignore or act upon it. We do not have to process our actions through the judgment of previous states of mind. That one just goes round and round through the brain without a solution.

5. We seek like-minded sexual partners or mates with whom we can interact without the constraints of states of mind related to blame and shame. We meet the biological needs of our bodies and allow our minds and higher selves to mingle and enjoy each other and allow the positive feelings, and yes, love, to enfold us.

Mindsight, and the “Self” Function of the Mind

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)According to Daniel J. Siegel in his book The Developing Mind, there are two ways of thinking. I think there are three. He concludes that the self is created by the neural activities of the right hemisphere of the brain. I believe that there is much more to the self than just the activities of the neural pathways.

In his chapter on Representations, he states that there are  two ways of thinking due to the activities of the left and right brain. He prefaces this with the caution not to be too dogmatic about left and right because neural activity involves the two hemispheres working together. However, he makes a strong case for the duality of the mind. We are indeed bilateral beings. We have a left hand and a right hand, a left eye and a right eye, and we also have a left brain and a right brain. Our brain makes sure the two sides are coordinated through the corpus callosum and by having the left brain operate the right side of our bodies and vise versa.

One way of thinking evolves from the left brain. The left hemisphere creates words to categorize objects and combines these concepts to form abstract ideas. It uses these linguistic representations so that we can experience a logical and higher order of consciousness. It allows us to create new combinations in our mind and in the world. It breaks down reality into small symbolic chunks that allow us to communicate in social situations. As we noted in the last blog, there is power in the word.

On the other hand (pun intended), the right brain gives us our second way of thinking. The right brain approaches life holistically. It perceives patterns within the whole in the form of sensations and images, ties them together with emotions, and is able to relate these patterns through a holistic sense of awareness or consciousness. It has a great deal more interregional links than the left side which gives it the ability to combine information to construct its own visual and abstract reality. This ability of the mind to create gives us a sense of our own mind that we can refer to as mindsight. Therefore it forms the basis of the self. It is able to relate to other minds through its sense of self relating to another person’s right brain with its own sense of self. We can then share thoughts through the left side and humor, painting and poetry through the right.

I believe there is a third way of thinking. The brain is merely a tool that we use to experience and process the environment in which we live. The brain by itself is like a very sophisticated robotic computer, but it does not operate itself. The functions of the brain in a sense do create mind but we are more than the mind depicted by science as a product of the functions of the right brain. By some fluke of nature or some divine plan from an infinite being, we have soul. Our soul or self, is an entity composed of pure energy that functions beyond the processing components of the brain. It is the substance of thought and the substance of life. In fact, it is the energy that controls and employs the brain to carry out the functions of living.

I believe that the part of us that is pure energy has the potential to grow into something beyond the confines of the left and right brain. Whether we are eternal beings or not is insignificant brain noise. We simply are. We have this moment to be whatever we want to be. We are beautiful powerful creatures in the here and now. We create and we live and milk whatever we can from this period of time we call life. We have a wonderful brain that we employ to make sense of our world, but it is limited to those areas that involve reasoning and ordering of thoughts and other brain functions. In order to find meaning and purpose the answers exists in the energy of the soul.  The purpose is to live, experience, expand, and enjoy. The rest will be revealed (or not) the moment these brains cease to function.

Here are my five applications for bisexuality:

1. Let’s not fall into the left brain trap. We do not need labels. We are simply individuals who enjoy sexual experiences, period. It can be with either men or women. We are led to sex by the biological urges of our bodies. Sex is sex. Enjoy it.

2. We are also sentient beings. Our right side of our brain wants to get involved. It wants to feel the sensations of the body, create emotion, and turn them into perceptions of something greater. We should listen.

3. If we just have sex, and for some of us bisexual men this can be an anonymous encounter, we are often left with a hollow feeling. Where the body ends the mind is just getting started; it feels left out. The left side of our brain wants to turn the sexual experience into an opportunity to relate on an intellectual level. It wants to form a physical/mental bond.

4. Where the mind ends, the soul is now just getting started. It wants to linger in this exchange of positive energy. It wants to form an energy or spiritual bond. It wants to create and enjoy the resonating vibrations of one being uniting with another.

5. When we engage in sexual activities let’s go for the touchdown. Let’s not be satisfied with encounters. Let’s look for relationship. We may discover that there really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The Three functions of the Mind and Sex

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Throughout the study of the virtues one glaring fact repeated itself over and over again – all our sorrows are centered in our human mind. The exciting and expanding study of neurobiology has led to some interesting insights into the human brain and how it develops into the human mind. Coupled with psychology and psychiatry we are just beginning to understand how the mind develops and how it functions. Keeping in mind the neurology, we will focus on the psychology as we look at the – count them – the ninety-six known functions of the mind. We will also focus on how the mind relates to what we call soul and spirit by attempting to solve the mystery of if and where the mind ends and the soul or spirit begins.  We will then apply these findings to our sexuality with special attention given to bisexuality and to the sexuality of our fellow members in the LGBQT community.

According to studies by Dr.’s Linda and Richard Elder[1], the simplest way to look at the functions of the mind is to consider it as a three function organism – thinking – feeling – wanting. They suggest that the mind doesn’t just think; it also feels and wants. They conclude that feelings are influenced by powerful emotions or desires that result in egocentric tendencies that function automatically and unconsciously. This results in what they call ego-centered reality that sees the world from a narrow self-serving perspective. The Elders suggest that egocentric thinking is responsible for negative feelings such as anger, depression, defensiveness, apathy, and indifference. According to the Elders the one saving grace is our capacity for reasoning which frees us from self-delusions. They suggest that rational tendencies arise only from active self-development resulting in bringing thought and desire into consciousness. However, I believe that reasoning cannot be relied upon because thought and reasoning themselves are governed by what we feel and desire.

First of all let’s look at thinking. According to the Elders “thinking is the part of the mind that figures things out. It makes sense of life’s events. It creates the ideas through which we define situations, relationships and problems. It continually tells us: This is what is going on. This is what is happening. Notice this and that.” They appear to be referring to the conscious mind which uses its array of memories of past events to make decisions about the present. But to look at the rational or conscious mind in isolation leads to a whole nest of errors. We have to face the fact that we are not rational animals.  We are indeed emotional and controlled by our desires. Without considering that the schemas are there to achieve our desires, we find ourselves with the false hope that our reason can solve all our problems. Reason in merely the tool of our desires.

Now let’s consider feelings. According to the Elders “Feelings are created by thinking — evaluating whether the events of our lives are positive or negative. Feelings continually tell us: ‘This is how I should feel about what is happening in my life. I’m doing really well.’ Or, alternatively, ‘Things aren’t going well for me.’ “  I believe that feelings are not really a part of the thinking process; they are an entity in themselves. They come from the old brain, specifically from the reticular and limbic systems. They are natural pre-thought-responses to our environment. They are the rooted in our fears and our sexual desires long before our frontal cortex even gets involved (just speaking figuratively – it only takes a few nanoseconds before the frontal cortex is activated). Most of these fears originate from implicit memory formed during our infancy which directs the workings of the subconscious mind. The brief time between feeling and thought makes all the difference. From that point on our fears and desires take over and the frontal cortex merely rationalizes what is already in place.

This takes us to the third function, desire. According to the elders, desire occurs when we “allocate energy to action, in keeping with what we define as desirable and possible. It continually tells us: ‘this is worth getting. Go for it!’ Or, conversely, ‘This is not worth getting. Don’t bother.’ “. This is the same blind alley. Desire and feelings are synonymous. They are the ends of the same construct. As soon as feelings are formed, the emotions are activated and the desires are born from the marriage of the environment and the feelings about the environment. Only after a desire is formed do we activate the frontal cortex to provide us with a plan to fulfill our desires.

When we try to separate our minds into distinct functions, we run into several roadblocks and some faulty conclusions. The major problem in relying on thought and reason is that it then becomes the focal point in problem solving. According to any form of verbal therapy, the issues we face are because of our inability to control our feelings and therefore our desires. The premise is that we can allow our feelings to express themselves through images and symbols in the form of thoughts and words. The hope is that once we understand what our feelings are telling us, we can then develop a rational plan that will achieve our new desires.  Even this form of cognitive therapy is based on a faulty premise because we do not control our feelings through thought. It is like taking a pain killer to numb the pain, thereby dealing with the symptoms without ever getting to the root cause.  We have to realize that most of our fears and desires are coming from our implicit memory which composes our subconscious mind. We cannot use the mind to control these feelings and desires because we are using the egocentric part of us to solve the problems created before the sense of self and the advent of reasoning.  This requires a paradigm shift. We have to find some way to reach the feelings coming from the subconscious mind.

So this is where the soul comes in. We have to stop relying on our mind for healing and look for something beyond the mind. I believe the soul or spirit is the instrument that can bring our feelings to a second level of consciousness. The spirit brings a counterbalance to feelings, or more accurately, embodies the feelings so that fear and sexual impulse can be momentarily neutralized for a second look to take place. This look comes not in the form of thoughts and words, but in a new feeling. It says “something is wrong with this feeling” and it provides a mirror by which we can examine our feelings in light of some universal truth. It then changes the feelings and alters the implicit memories associated with anxiety and fear to ones of peace and well-being. I am worthless and I fear the present” can become “No! I am beautiful and I welcome the present.” Only with the advent of this new feeling can the human mind come under the influence of the second level of spiritual consciousness and heal the implicit memories and reroute the self-defeating neurological patterns. This is the function of the human soul. The mind’s desire to fight or flee becomes the spirit’s desire to stay, understand and to do something to make a difference for ourselves, the ones we love, and to contribute to the universal source of life and love. Healing then becomes a function not of the mind but of the soul.

My five applications to bisexuality:

  1. As expressed in previous blogs, we have a genetic predisposition towards both men and women with no built in aversions to either one. According to research, the predisposition may also contain a prenatal stress factor absorbed from our mothers during pregnancy and accentuated during infancy. This may have resulted in anxiety filled implicit memories and subconscious mental states.  If we fall into these categories we usually need inner healing before we can enjoy our sexuality.  In order to deal with the implicit subconsciousness we have to seek out our higher self before we can find peace.
  2. We can get in touch with our higher self by seeking a state of peace during meditation or nature baths. Once we capture that feeling we can tuck it into our memory banks and recall it whenever we have a sense of low self-esteem.
  3. Implicit memories usually result in a continued feeling of being unattached or separated  during our developing years thus causing additional stress and anxiety. This usually affects our explicit memory experiences and our sense of self. We therefore have a conscious issues  which can be dealt with through cognitive therapy once our subconscious self has been addressed. We can work on our explicit and autobiographical sense of self by constantly repeating “I am better than that,” every time we feel a self-defeating wave of anxiety.
  4. We recognize our freedom to choose any life styles we wish and deal with self-criticism by saying to our egocentric self, “I understand your concerns but I choose to enjoy this experience.”
  5. We do not accept any feelings of guilt. We simply say “I chose to have that experience and I have a right to enjoy the pleasures associated with my choices.”

[1] Elder, Linda and Elder Richard. The Human Mind. https://www.criticalthinking.org/TGS_files/SAM-TheHumanMind.pdf

 

A Song of Appreciation

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img_1394-1            Forest Bath

Life as a bisexual can be tough sometimes. We have to know when and how to recharge our batteries and get our minds off sex and gender issues. A forest walk does that for me.

(written after another delightful walk through the old growth rain forest)
The rains are back.
After a long dry season the creeks that have all dried
Are running again and the salmon are returning
To sacrifice their bodies to bring new life.
The forest walk is soft and sweet
As my hiking shoes sing into
The moss that has turned green again,
Empowering the fallen firs with new life and purpose,
Adorning the mighty maples with green lips
That sings the song of life.
I hear the murmuring of the streams,
As they wend their way to the resurgent rivers,
Bringing a new song to the quiet of the forest.
The hot days of summer are over
And the memories stored and treasured.
And I am content to walk these paths once more
As the forest bath washes off the dust of summer.
I am ready for a new autumn
A new chapter in this wonderful book of adventure
That I am living.

The Virtue of Living a Life of Joy

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)

 

“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.” [1]

The virtue of joy is wrapped up in the feeling of expansion. It is living a life each day where all basic and mental needs are essentially fulfilled and our full personal potential takes place. This includes being fully alive and finding our own personal true meaning in life. It is an emotion but it is more than an emotion; it is a feeling but it is more than a feeling; it is a state of being where we are constantly growing and expanding. Jack London in The Call of the Wild expresses this beautifully when Buck claims his true wild nature: “He was mastered by the sheer surging of life, the tidal wave of being, the perfect joy of each separate muscle, joint, and sinew in that it was everything that was not death, that it was aglow and rampant, expressing itself in movement, flying exultantly under the stars.” It is the ultimate sense of power, beauty and freedom we experience when we are who we were meant to be.

Like Buck, we have to escape the bonds of civilization to experience our true nature. Maslow in this hierarchy speaks about reaching our human potential in what he calls self-actualization. He associates this with using our gifts as in art or music, or perhaps rising to the top of our career choices, or perhaps excelling due to some major achievement. But all these things are merely an extension of our egos. It is striving for and reaching a goal set and achieved in the mind. It is an expansion of the mind which is a good thing but only part of true self-actualization. As Buck experienced his true animal nature, in order to achieve a state of joy, we have to experience our true human nature which means existing beyond the confines of the mind.

Our personal potential is much more than what we achieve or what we do. It is coming to terms with our true nature as powerful and beautiful human beings with body, mind, and soul. Like Buck, it is learning to be in and enjoy our bodies, the movements of our muscles, exploring the treasures to be experienced through our senses, experiencing the pure joy of each breath. It is using our minds as an extension of our bodies to plan and enjoy our achievements, to being in control of our life path, and using it to provide experiences where we are constantly expanding.  But it is still much more. It is living by the heart, choosing to love and connect with others for the pure joy of knowing them and experiencing their lives with all their joys and sorrows.

But it is till more than just mind and heart, it is spiritual, which means we sense the energy patterns that surround us and learn to flow with them, soaring and expanding on the lifts of pure clean energy. We experience our own energy as something that contains the threads of eternity that hold us and bind us to life itself. We then become aware of the energies of others and can feel and experience their vibrations, helping them when there is need and simply enjoying them when they, too, are full and whole.

The virtue of joy is bliss and ecstasy with and within ourselves. It is being at peace with ourselves and learning to just be ourselves without striving to be something else. It is the ability to be completely content with who we are and to enjoy the life we live. This is the purpose and meaning to life. It is expanding in vibrational energy, love energy, and body energy until the day we die. Our true purpose is just to live, expand, and enjoy. In the words of Percy Bysshe Shelly, it is being able to say when each day is done “I have drunken deep of joy,/And I will taste no other wine tonight.”
My five applications to Bisexuality:

  1. We simply enjoy our bodies and our sexual experiences as a true expression of ourselves. It is celebrating the animal in us.
  2. We explore the full circle of masculinity and femininity allowing ourselves to experience our full range of potential sensations and feelings.
  3. We seek sexual partners and life partners with whom we can experience the gifts of the mind, where we can share our life path and expand in knowledge and wisdom.
  4. We seek soul mates where we can share the gifts of the heart including love and compassion. We strive to continuously expand and grow our relationships.
  5. We seek kindred spirits where we can sense their love vibrations and life vibrations and the joy of combining their vibrations with ours to experience, expand, grow, and vibrate with pure joy.

 

 

[1] ― Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Sensitivity

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“Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears.” Edgar Allan Poe[1]

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)We cannot be too sensitive, but we can learn to direct our sensitivity so that it becomes a virtue rather than a source of confusion and pain. If we honor our sensitivity, we are on our way to self- actualization.

These next five blogs are about our becoming the best we can be. Maslow in his hierarchy of human values believed the ultimate goal was self-actualization which he associated with finding meaning and purpose in life. In his study, he looked at people he believed had special qualities that made them special people. I believe that being special is developing the five major virtues that allow us to live life the way it was intended to be according to some universal principles that are beyond the scope of meaning and purpose. It is about being rather than doing.

As human beings, we have a natural sensitivity that over time gets dulled and repressed due to harsh and sometimes painful life experiences. To reach self-actualization, we have to reawaken our natural sensitivity and develop and perfect it so that we can use our feelings for guidance and the pursuit of joy.

Our brains naturally are built to take in information from all our senses and to combine the information to form feelings that lead to the pursuit of happiness. The self-actualized person learns to select and enhance the positive feelings and to evaluate and process the negative ones. Physiologically that includes using the frontal cortex and the dopamine pathways to solve problems and then returning to the pleasure center and the serotonin pathways which are free of constructive or destructive anxieties. We are not built to linger in the anxiety that comes from the front of our brain; our main purpose is to pursue and enjoy pleasure in all its forms through our senses.

The greatest source of pleasure from our senses is rooted in love, including intimate love with a partner and the love of life. I go around my yard every morning thanking the flowers for sharing their beauty with me. I wait for my beloved to wake in the morning and greet her with a warm embrace and an “I love you.” I open my day in meditation where I sit on my front deck overlooking the Pacific Ocean and shut down my mind and concentrate on all the senses my beautiful body is providing, including the smell of vegetation, the feel of the sea air on my face, the sound of the birds, and the taste of a hot cup of coffee. I think about my children and grandchildren and my close friends and allow my feelings of love to build and flow out to them. I plan the day, things I have to do and things that I can ask the universal life force to do for me. I concentrate on completing my tasks and then return to enjoying my senses with a walk or a bike ride along the beach or reading a good book on a bench in my garden. I thank the universal love force for each day, and for each moment of each day. I pursue happiness through my senses and use my wonderful frontal cortex and dopamine neural pathways to plan ways to keep me in a state of bliss.

 

Five applications to bisexuality:

  1. Sex is a great source of pleasure. It includes all our senses. Learn to use them all, not just the sense of touch. We can open up our sense of smell to include scents and pheromones. Our sense of smell is directly linked to the old brain and the limbic system and the amygdala. We can enjoy taste, touch, and sight, and listen to the heavy breathing of our lover. We can make making love truly making love.
  2. We can love life and love our body. It is a gift. We can explore it and enjoy it, and not just the genitals. If we limit masturbation we can let our whole body enjoy loving touch. We can hug ourselves and touch all the parts of our body and thank these parts for doing their job and adding to our pleasure. We show our body that we love it.
  3. Seeking the sensations of sex with a new partner can be exciting but it is nothing like the joys of familiarity that comes from working on expanding the pleasure we can enjoy with a steady partner. We can seek to develop that one special relationship where we can share and explore together without the rush of an encounter with a stranger.
  4. Our bisexuality is more than just a sexual orientation. It is an ability to sense things at a deeper level. We can employ the full range of feminine and masculine characteristics. We have a wider view of life. The key is to follow our feelings and let them lead us to all aspects of pleasure.
  5. Expand our senses. Meditate but not in mindlessness. There is more out there to enjoy than just the sound of our own breathing. We can use this time to explore all the sights and sounds and smells around us and then thank the source of universal love and life for the privilege of just being alive.

[1] Virtue Science. https://www.virtuescience.com/sensitivity.html