Bisexuality and the Power of Belief

 

SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)You gotta believe. Oh so true. But what is belief? Another word for belief is “faith”, but I am reluctant to use that word because of its religious connotations; however, belief is the same principle that is behind faith and the creation of miracles. The question is, how do we develop the kind of belief needed to live the kind of life we want to live?

According to Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich, “Faith is a state of mind which may be induced, or created, by affirmation or repeated instructions to the subconscious mind”[1] “which proceeds to translate that impulse into its physical equivalent by the most practical procedure available.”[2] According to Hill, when faith or belief are fueled by emotion they create a feeling which in turn brings the thoughts behind the belief into life and action. In other words, it is more than intellectual belief; true belief has to be fueled by the emotions and feelings of love for oneself and for others.

In our Western world, our view of sexuality has become warped and twisted. Our core values as a society are the cause of such things as voyeurism, pornography, objectifying women and men, rape and violence against women and gay men, and the list goes on and on. Nor do I agree with religious fundamentalists who would cover a woman from head to foot to avoid “impure thoughts” or return to Victorian mentality that sex is only for procreation and homosexuality is a mental illness and criminal activity. Is it any wonder that our own core values have also become tainted by the society in which we live?

This leads us to the need to consider beliefs on sexuality that focus on a healthy and pleasure filled experience. This requires an honest look at our own individual set of core values on sex. We have to take a look at the flaws of our rational mind and its thought patterns because our mind will only draw conclusion that are in harmony the core values we have developed under the influence of our parents, the church, the education system, and society.

We have to rely on our higher self to guide us based on the two basic principles which are: love for self and love for others. The higher self will bring these flaws to our attention and then suggest a path to a more wholesome and healthy set of core values. Once we adopt these values into our daily lives we can begin to change our behavior patterns and begin to live the life that we truly would love to live.

When I went through this process I came up with the following.

Flawed Value – I am a Bisexual and I have the right to live with a bisexual lifestyle.

Flawed Value – My bisexuality is a burden that has caused me to loathe myself and the things I have done.

Flawed Value – My bisexual impulses cannot be controlled so I should ignore my conscience and just indulge.

Flawed Value – My bisexuality was the cause of my divorce.

 

Wholesome Value – I am a person with sexual attraction for men and women and I can choose whom to love based on the love I can give and receive.

Wholesome Value – By bisexuality is a gift that lets me see life in a new and beautiful way influenced by my masculine strength and my sacred feminine.

Wholesome Value – I am in complete control of my sexual impulses and I can make a heart decision on when, where, and with whom I will have sex,

Wholesome Value – My bisexuality was not the cause of my divorce. The cause was our inability to love unconditionally and my divorce has led to new opportunities to seek and find unconditional love with another.

My five suggestion for Bisexuals:

Step 1: We can learn to trust our gut. The gut is simply the intuitive voice of the higher self. It will guide and direct our thoughts, help us make the right decision, and direct us in locating and accessing the things we will need to achieve our desires.

Step 2: We use the emotion of love. It is the power or the energy of love that provides the power to attract what we desire and believe. This is the love for the higher self which desires to obtain the desires of our hearts and to form bonds with others.

Step 3:  We can make sure that our thoughts are in line with the universe by simply evaluating whether or not what we desire will be truly good for ourselves and whether there is some good that will come out of it that may benefit others.

Step 4: Put our thoughts into action.

Step 5: Keep a daily inventory. Persist in the belief until it becomes a reality. We have to daily repeat the five step process. We reaffirm the power of the higher self; we check with our higher self to be sure we are on the right track; we employ the power of love from the higher self to connect with the universal intelligence and with others; and we wait for daily instructions on what needs to be done to realize our desires. Then we act upon those instructions.

[1] Hill, 1945 (page,36)

[2] Hill, 1945 (page 37)

Bi-gender and Transsexual Procedures

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)In a recent article in Newsweek[1], Borreli noted that sex change increased by 20 percent from 2015 to 2016 in the U.S., with more than 3,000 operations performed in 2017. She also reported that some male to female transsexuals felt they would never be liked or accepted as real women. Borreli also reported that there is a lack of pre and post counselling, and that a significant number of male to female trans wanted to reverse the procedure.

A group of researchers in Sweden[2]discovered that the mental health of transsexuals after surgery was not what we would expect it to be. In a follow-up survey of 324 sex-reassigned persons (191 male-to-females, 133 female-to-males), they discovered that the overall mortality, particularly death from suicide, for sex-reassigned persons was higher during follow-up than for controls of the same birth sex. Sex-reassigned persons also had an increased risk for suicide attempts and psychiatric treatment. They concluded that physically changing the birth sex may not be sufficient for treating transsexualism, and advocated for improved psychiatric care after sex reassignment.

With the increased frequency of sexual reassignment and the data on mental wellbeing after transition, one must take a long serious look at this life-changing procedure. Many of the people involved in sex reassignment have been previously married and in a heterosexual relationship. In my mind this makes them bisexual, or to put it more accurately, bi-gender. Many do not make the transition for sexual reasons with little or no desire to experience sex in their new sexually reversed bodies. Most of the issues are gender related not sexual. As we have seen, gender feelings come from a genetic predisposition and then shaped and molded by life and cultural experiences. Perhaps it is enough to be like the hijra and just take on the clothing and gender roles without the sex change.

More and more of the sexually reassigned are young people, many of them in their teens. This may not be a good time for a sex change. Sexuality seems to be quite fluid at this age with many, especially women, experimenting with bisexuality. They may need to resolve these feelings and explore their gay or lesbian nature before deciding on a sex change. They may also want to experiment with gender role change before starting hormone treatments.

Sexual reassignment begins with hormone treatment. One person Borreli interviewed felt it was the hormones that made him act impulsively and go for the surgery that he later regretted. Hormone treatments affect the whole body not just the genitals. They also serve as neuromodulators thus affecting the neural circuits of the brain causing a major shift in mental functioning. These dramatic physical and mental changes may lead to massive confusion in the creation and changing of neural pathways. This may lead to depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.

 

My five applications for bisexuals:

  1. Look for clarity in our sexuality. We can define ourselves sexually as heterosexual, bisexual, gay or lesbian. We can then seek sexual gratification based on this knowledge.
  2. Look for clarification in our gender roles. Are we masculine, or feminine, or are we bigender with fluid flow from male to female feelings of orientation? If we feel we are a man in a woman’s body, or a woman in a man’s body, or if we alternate from one gender role to another, we can explore and enjoy same sex and opposite sex relationships by changing our gender roles without hormones or sexual reassignment.
  3. If we truly want and need to experience sex, not as gay or lesbian, but truly as our transgender nature, than proceed with the sex change.
  4. If we are in a love relationship or we want to experience a love relationship according to our transgender nature, then have a sex change.
  5. Give it time. Be absolutely sure that this is how you want to live the rest of your life. Seek pre and post transition counselling. Make sure you have a professional and personal support system in place before starting the hormone transition.

 

[1] Borreli,Lizette. Transgender Surgery: Regret Rates Highest in Male to Female Reassignment  Operations. Newsweek. April, 2018.

[2] Dhejne, Cecilia; Boman,Marcus; Joohansson,Anna l.; Langston,Niklas; and Landen, Mikael. Long-Term Follow-Up of Transsexual Persons Undergoing Sex Reassignment Surgery: Cohort Study in Sweden. Plos. February 22, 2011.

 

Bisexuality and the Variables

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)In an on-line survey involving 243 college students at Northeastern University[1], researchers assessed variables including same- and other-sex attractions, fantasies, and behaviors; and history and sexual attitudes. Bisexual (nonexclusive) women were more liberal in their political and sexual attitudes and had greater sexual experience then their straight peers, whereas bisexual (nonexclusive) men were virtually indistinguishable from other straight men.

So what does this mean? Again, women seem to be leading the way in accepting and acting upon their bisexual preferences. They seem to enjoy their dual sexuality more and are not afraid to let their preferences and opinions be known in public.  This suggests one of two things or perhaps both. On one hand, they seem to be able to put aside personal feelings of shame and uncertainty and just flow with their own desires and inclinations. The second factor is that same sex behavior among women is much more accepted by the general public. Lesbian and bisexual romance among women is considered erotic, whereas, the same behavior among men is often labelled as disgusting.

As bisexual men, we face a more difficult road when we choose to come out and admit our same sex attractions.  It is much easier for gay men who are certain of their orientation and are eventually willing to step out, take their place in society, and declare their orientation to the world by flirting in public or joining political organizations.  Our sexual excursions are usually carried out in private where we are less likely to be observed by our male peers.  We will go to places frequented by our gay friends and acquaintances, but usually we do so with a feeling that we do not belong, and we seldom carry those friendships out into the broader public. We seem to find it more difficult than bisexual women to walk away from relationships. Once they decide they seem to be able to make a clean break while we struggle to hang on. Political will and advocacy is almost non-existent among bisexual males.  We have no need for special recognition of our rights and freedoms because we can hide, if we so choose, with the rest of the general public.

Here are my five applications for bisexuals:

  1. We can accept who we are and let it be known on a need to know basis with those we care about. This is really a shame issue because we feel we are not attuning to perceived parental and society norms. If the truth is known, they do not care as much as we think they do, and if they care about us, they will accept us just the way we are.
  2. We can begin to feel proud of our orientation – and it is an orientation in spite of what others may believe. We are not heterosexual and we are not gay or lesbian. We are bisexual. Let’s not feel queasy about it and call in “nonexclusive” or “queer” or anything else. There is nothing wrong with the term bisexual; it is a perfect description of who we are. Let’s not forget that sex has two meanings; yes, we enjoy having sex with men or women, but we also have the biological (brain patterns) and psychological qualities of both genders. That makes us special with an amazing range of feelings and thinking patterns.
  3. We can go public. That means pursuing sexual encounters in public. We do not have to meet in bath houses and public parks after dark. We can be like our open female bisexuals who are not afraid to be seen in public with same sex friends and lovers.
  4. We can choose to pursue relationships with men or women and eventually choose to settle down with one or the other. We can be monogamous. If the relationship fails we can eventually choose to be monogamous again with someone of the other sex than our last partner. This does not mean that we switch from heterosexual to gay or gay to heterosexual. We are just following our freedom to be one or the other and to switch back and forth without having to explain what our new orientation is. We are bisexual.
  5. We have to let our lovers know who we are and let them decide if they want to risk a permanent relationship with us. Whether or not we remain in a lasting relationship has nothing to do with our orientation. We are like everybody else. The relationship may last, or not, and if it does not, we are free to seek a new relationship, or not. We may choose to have an open relationship but it is not a necessity. We are quite capable of maintaining a permanent relationship like everyone else. If it is an open relationship this is not a SPECIAL CONSIDERATION BECAUSE WE ARE UNCONTROLLABLY BISEXUAL, it should be open to both parties.

 

 

Mindsight, and the “Self” Function of the Mind

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)According to Daniel J. Siegel in his book The Developing Mind, there are two ways of thinking. I think there are three. He concludes that the self is created by the neural activities of the right hemisphere of the brain. I believe that there is much more to the self than just the activities of the neural pathways.

In his chapter on Representations, he states that there are  two ways of thinking due to the activities of the left and right brain. He prefaces this with the caution not to be too dogmatic about left and right because neural activity involves the two hemispheres working together. However, he makes a strong case for the duality of the mind. We are indeed bilateral beings. We have a left hand and a right hand, a left eye and a right eye, and we also have a left brain and a right brain. Our brain makes sure the two sides are coordinated through the corpus callosum and by having the left brain operate the right side of our bodies and vise versa.

One way of thinking evolves from the left brain. The left hemisphere creates words to categorize objects and combines these concepts to form abstract ideas. It uses these linguistic representations so that we can experience a logical and higher order of consciousness. It allows us to create new combinations in our mind and in the world. It breaks down reality into small symbolic chunks that allow us to communicate in social situations. As we noted in the last blog, there is power in the word.

On the other hand (pun intended), the right brain gives us our second way of thinking. The right brain approaches life holistically. It perceives patterns within the whole in the form of sensations and images, ties them together with emotions, and is able to relate these patterns through a holistic sense of awareness or consciousness. It has a great deal more interregional links than the left side which gives it the ability to combine information to construct its own visual and abstract reality. This ability of the mind to create gives us a sense of our own mind that we can refer to as mindsight. Therefore it forms the basis of the self. It is able to relate to other minds through its sense of self relating to another person’s right brain with its own sense of self. We can then share thoughts through the left side and humor, painting and poetry through the right.

I believe there is a third way of thinking. The brain is merely a tool that we use to experience and process the environment in which we live. The brain by itself is like a very sophisticated robotic computer, but it does not operate itself. The functions of the brain in a sense do create mind but we are more than the mind depicted by science as a product of the functions of the right brain. By some fluke of nature or some divine plan from an infinite being, we have soul. Our soul or self, is an entity composed of pure energy that functions beyond the processing components of the brain. It is the substance of thought and the substance of life. In fact, it is the energy that controls and employs the brain to carry out the functions of living.

I believe that the part of us that is pure energy has the potential to grow into something beyond the confines of the left and right brain. Whether we are eternal beings or not is insignificant brain noise. We simply are. We have this moment to be whatever we want to be. We are beautiful powerful creatures in the here and now. We create and we live and milk whatever we can from this period of time we call life. We have a wonderful brain that we employ to make sense of our world, but it is limited to those areas that involve reasoning and ordering of thoughts and other brain functions. In order to find meaning and purpose the answers exists in the energy of the soul.  The purpose is to live, experience, expand, and enjoy. The rest will be revealed (or not) the moment these brains cease to function.

Here are my five applications for bisexuality:

1. Let’s not fall into the left brain trap. We do not need labels. We are simply individuals who enjoy sexual experiences, period. It can be with either men or women. We are led to sex by the biological urges of our bodies. Sex is sex. Enjoy it.

2. We are also sentient beings. Our right side of our brain wants to get involved. It wants to feel the sensations of the body, create emotion, and turn them into perceptions of something greater. We should listen.

3. If we just have sex, and for some of us bisexual men this can be an anonymous encounter, we are often left with a hollow feeling. Where the body ends the mind is just getting started; it feels left out. The left side of our brain wants to turn the sexual experience into an opportunity to relate on an intellectual level. It wants to form a physical/mental bond.

4. Where the mind ends, the soul is now just getting started. It wants to linger in this exchange of positive energy. It wants to form an energy or spiritual bond. It wants to create and enjoy the resonating vibrations of one being uniting with another.

5. When we engage in sexual activities let’s go for the touchdown. Let’s not be satisfied with encounters. Let’s look for relationship. We may discover that there really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Self-Actualization, Sex, and the Virtues

SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)We have come to the end on our study of the virtues, and we have developed our body, mind, and soul to the point that we can truly say that we are on the path to self-actualization. The journey is not complete, only because it is never complete; self-actualization is a process, not a destination. Each of the virtues are to be visited over and over again as our knowledge and wisdom spirals ever upward and onward towards self-actualization.

The first stage to self-actualization is the cluster of five virtues involved in grounding. First we become aware of our higher self. We are aware of the power and beauty of our bodies, minds and souls. We accept ourselves just the way we are, and we love ourselves because of the endless capacity, power, and beauty within. We are able to listen to the voice of our higher self as our source of truth. We have learned to feel when something is right or wrong for us. We have learned to appreciate our self, others and the path we are on. We now have a bridge between our physical (body) and spiritual (soul) parts of our being. It enables us to connect our physical and spiritual strengths and energies. It opens up the door to virtuous living.

The second stage is centering. One of the definitions for centering is “a temporary framework for supporting a masonry arch during construction until it is able to stand by itself”. I like this one for two reasons. First because we are indeed building a framework for virtuous living, and secondly, it is part of a process for a higher and majestic structure that often has connotations of spiritual holiness (I use the term spiritual to denote our human spirit which in itself is sacred). As we build these virtues, they are not an end in themselves but a platform on which we can live a higher life. The first of these is assertiveness. It is the ability to express our thoughts and feelings from that inner strength which we all potentially possess through our higher self. This leads to fortitude which is the virtue that allows us to overcome fear and to remain steady in the face of all obstacles – physical, mental, and spiritual.  This leads to the virtue of contentment.  We are not just hopeless victims of our body and ego desires, nor do we have to let go of all desires. We simply have to understand where they are coming from, consciously analyze them through our higher self, and either let them go or indulge and enjoy. This leads to gratitude. We are thankful for everything that comes into our lives. We remind ourselves that there is always something good if we look for it. We see difficulties as opportunities to learn.

We are now ready to reach out to others from a solid base of self-love. We enter what the Greeks called agape love. Agape love is a feeling that comes from the higher self. It is the love energy, or universal positive energy, or the god energy that flows through us when we are interacting positively with other human beings. This takes us to the love virtues. The first love virtue is forgiveness. Forgiveness is an act of love, mainly for the self, but also for others. We merely acknowledge that these things have happened and that we wish to acknowledge the past but live in the present. Next is kindness. Kindness comes from the heart. It flows from and is rooted in love. It involves a three way resonance of vibration from the higher self, another’s higher self, and the external universal flow. This leads to passion. We get to a new kind of love-pleasure based on the energy flow of our combined body, mind, and spirit energies. We are fully charged and motivated to indulge in what we feel is good and right. As we walk solidly along the path of love, we now become aware of the needs of others which leads to empathy. This is the ability to experience the emotional, mental, and spiritual vibrations of another. But we go beyond empathy to compassion which ushers us into the desire to experience life together and to assist others in finding their own true path. It is about overcoming the sources of pain and then sharing this knowledge with others.  When we are  living a life of love,  we seek pleasure through our senses for no other reason than the pleasure itself. We intuitively know whether the pleasure is in harmony with our higher self and we can sense when we are sharing these pleasures with others.

Grounded, centered and living in the universal flow of love, we are now ready to move on to true self-actualization. This begins with trust. First of all, real trust is not about anyone else; it is about the interaction between the ego-self and the inner or higher-self.  We trust ourselves to know, understand and live according to a blend of the ego and the spiritual self. We live in harmony with ourselves. We have sensitivity. We have awakened our natural sensitivity and developed and perfected it so that we can use our feelings for guidance. We are gentle. We realize that positive interactions are part of the flow of universal love and negative ones come from a person’s body of pain. We react to love with love and to pain and anger with gentleness. We embrace uncertainty. We live each moment as if it were the last. We seek the truth and the joy that life presents to us every moment of every day. And finally, we live a life of joy. The virtue of joy is wrapped up in the feeling of expansion. It is living a life each day where all basic and mental needs are essentially fulfilled and our full personal potential takes place. This includes being fully alive and finding our own personal true meaning in life.

My final five applications to bisexuality.

  1. We are grounded in the beauty and power of our higher self. We can choose the life we want to live and live it in harmony with our inner self without having to worry about what others think of us.
  2. We are centered. We know who we are. We have a two-spirit or rather a whole spirit approach to life. We understand our feminine and masculine qualities.
  3. We are not afraid to love. We seek true relationship with other people who are also aware of their higher self. Our sexuality becomes part of the higher function of  making love and living a truly caring and loving life.
  4. We seek self-actualization. We are more than just sexual beings; we also have a spiritual presence that we can share with others.
  5. And finally our bisexuality is meant to be enjoyed. It includes good clean sex, and loving relationships with both or either men or women. We live to enjoy.

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Desire

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Aristotle understood that action depends on thought plus desire and that reason and thought by themselves can achieve nothing (Nichomachachean Ethics, 1139a). He goes on to describe desire as the engine for directing “the right thought” which is the basis of higher thinking. In her book,  Li Zhi, and the Virtue of Desire, Lee describes Li Zhi’s insights about the role of feelings and how feeling involve the virtue of desire.[1] Crucial to Zhi’s ideal of the good life is the ability to express one’s feelings, as the articulation of feelings leads to clarity, and clarity leads to new desires. In other words, the virtue of desire is at the foundation of all our actions and even our private thoughts and feelings. Desire is a natural and necessary drive that helps us formulate thoughts and feelings which eventually will lead  to a progression of thought and action. But is desire by itself a virtue? Not necessarily. To become a virtue, desire has to be directed by the higher self, thus leading to higher desires that will set us on the path to self-actualization.

Desire is often omitted from religious inventories of virtues. There is constant reference to controlling our thought life and our desires. Christianity and Islam consistently talk about controlling the desires of the flesh and According to Buddhist belief, the goal of life is to live without any desires at all, because desires result in stress and anxieties that lead us away from a life of peace and contentment. However, this begs the question – can we truly be content without desire? Would we not be conflicting with our basic human nature which is to perceive something greater, some pleasure, some dream, some goal, even the goal of living a life of contentment free of anxiety and stress? What would we be without desires?

Desires are part of our basic brain structures. We see what is not and we ask why? We think of something that might give us pleasure and ask why not? Then the brain sets up a neural pathway that involves a goal that is intrinsically linked to the acquisition of this possible pleasure. A dopamine rush is then set out to motivate the body and the mind to obtain the pleasure. Once the goal is achieved we experience a serotonin rush that engages the pleasure center of the brain and sets up a neural pathway to enjoy this pleasure again in the future.

Human beings are creators, the motivation is desire, and the reward is pleasure. Ester Hicks through the voice of her spirit guide, Abraham, in the book Ask and It Is Given, states that desire is “the delicious awareness of new possibilities. Desire is a fresh, free feeling of anticipating wonderful expansion.” She goes on to say that we will “revel in the conscious awareness that you (we) have deliberately molded your (our) desires into being”[2] and “when you (we) go with the flow of your (our) own desires, you (we) will feel truly alive and you (we) will truly live)[3].

In conclusion, it appears that desire is indeed a virtue and life itself is based on wholesome desires of the body, the mind, and the soul. Our bodies and our drives lead to desires for feeling the pleasures of our bodies which includes sexual experiences. In fact, they lead to body, mind and soul connections with other human beings. They are simply a statement by our bodies that we wish to experience pleasure in its deepest forms. The mind wishes to experience life so that it can expand its knowledge of the world around it. It seeks to understand life in all its forms. The soul longs to dream and make its dreams come true. To reach self-actualization, we can follow our desires to experience the pleasures of our bodies; we can explore life in all its forms, and we can dream and let our dreams lead to desires that motivate us into making the dreams come true.

 

Here are my five applications to bisexuality:

  1. The desires of the body are part of human reality. There is no sin in desire. It is there to lead us to connection with others through the powerful sexual sensations of the body.
  2. The mind will try to evaluate if the desire is good for us. It will attempt to protect us from doing things that may be harmful, such as engaging in unsafe sex. However, the mind is also vulnerable to opinions, because it feels it needs to live in harmony with others. Therefore, it will try to abide by the mores of the society in which it lives. We may wish to override these mores from time to time and engage in activities that will bring pleasure to our being. We need to be conscious of what we are doing and why we are doing it. If we feel the pleasure is a healthy expression of who we want to be, we should set aside the restrictions of the ego and fulfill our desires without guilt and shame.
  3. The higher self is the best judge of what we should and should not do. It directs by feelings. If it feels good at a spiritual level it is automatically good. If it feels bad it is probably bad. We should get in touch with our higher self and learn to listen to the inner voice. This is not the voice of the ego; it is a voice without words. We shut down the mind and reach for the feelings from within.
  4. Our sexual desires usually lead to deeper desires. We seek connection. This is body to body through sex, mind to mind through shared knowledge and desire for learning, and a desire to spiritually vibrate and resonate with the spiritual vibrations of another. These vibrations are enhanced through body, mind, and soul connection. It can just be a full warm hug or it can be whatever we both want it to be.
  5. All paths should lead to self-actualization. It is the desire of the soul to experiment and experience, and move on from experience to higher knowledge and increased love energy. Pay attention to your desires and enjoy.

 

[1] Lee, Pauline C. ; Li Zhi, and the Virtue of Desire. Suny Series in Chinese Culture and Philosophy, Amazon. 2013.

[2] Hicks, Ester and Jerry. Ask and It Is Given. Hay House. 2004. (page 120).

[3] Hicks (page 123)

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Awareness.

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Awareness is the state or condition of being aware; having knowledge and consciousness.  But awareness can only become a virtue when you don’t just understand it, but you live it. In my opinion, there are three levels of awareness: mindfulness, the acceptance and immersion in the higher self, and the awareness of the day to day pleasures of living. As bisexuals the concept of awareness can take on a whole new meaning.

The first level of awareness is mindfulness.  In my view, it is simply closing down the mind and opening up our souls to all the sensations around us.  It is focusing on the beauties of this world. It can be a walk along the ocean shore with the pungent scent of the salty air or a walk through an old growth forest with the beauty of light filtering down through the maples. It can be the sound of my bird friends singing their hearts out about the joy of living. Mindfulness is immersing my soul in the sweet energies of nature, shutting down the noise of this world, and ignoring the negative energy of my negative thoughts.

The second stage is to become aware of the inner or the higher self.  I am the presence in all the things of beauty. My soul is interacting with all the sweet sensations that surround me. Once in this state of self-awareness, I can feel the surge of positive energy flow through my being. I understand just how beautiful and powerful I am.  I truly understand that there are no limitations on how much I can experience.  I interact with nature and other human beings with an incredible exchange of energy and being.

The third stage is to bring this energy and presence into my everyday life where I can meet each new situation free of anxiety and fear.  I can just be and let things happen around me knowing that all things can lead to joy and personal growth. There are no problems, only opportunities.  There is always choice and I can choose to indulge or walk away.

Now how does this apply to bisexuality?  We are truly blessed on several levels. Here are my five points on awareness and bisexuality:

  1. First, because of the nature of our struggles, we have been compelled to search for our true sexual nature. This gives us the opportunity to become more aware as we search for the universal truths that surround us. This search will either lead to ruin or to a newer level of self-actualization.
  2. In this search, we will come to the understanding that our bisexual gender issues are not part of that reality; they are merely a role that we have slipped into because of the pressures of our families and culture. Once we come to this realization, we can then become aware that our whole life is full of roles that we play. Once we are aware of that we can choose to play the role or to develop our own patterns of living.
  3. The third point is that we really do have a different nature than everyone else. You can refer to it as two spirits in the sense that we have a masculine and a feminine soul, not just sexually, but all the gender qualities that go with it. But in reality, it is only one spirit that combines the whole spectrum of masculine and feminine virtues.
  4. The fourth is our sexual response to life. As bisexuals we can enjoy tremendous sexual energy that we can use to form intimate connection with men and women. We can indulge our feminine personas when we are with a man and our masculine when we are with a woman. We can go beyond the sexual role play and enter into true intimacy where we share not only our bodies but our minds and souls. We are free to choose to do this with one special individual or we can seek connection with whomever we choose.
  5. As bisexuals we have an opportunity to share this tremendous life energy with those around us. We can open our souls to others so that the divine energy, the full energy or a complete human being, can flow to those around us and bless them. This energy is always reciprocal – the more you give the more you get in return.

 

Bisexuality –Gender or Sexuality?

I am a bisexual – I did not choose it, I was born with it. I do not even really have a choice on whether I will be attracted to a male or a female. It comes and goes almost like a bipolar experience, but I hate to use that comparison because there is an unspoken feeling out there that bisexuals are actually mentally unstable (my apologies to the wonderful and stable bipolar friends out there). We are not. We are just delightfully unpredictable, even to ourselves. So what does bisexuality mean? Is it strictly sexuality or is it more?

My daughter was having an evening out with female friends and discussing sexual behavior among young women when the host’s fourteen year old daughter chimed in. She stated that most of the girls in her school feel comfortable having sex with either guys or gals. My daughter and her age 35 + friends were shocked. This new sexual freedom among young women seems to be confirmed by a study by researchers at Boise State University that found that in a group of college heterosexual women, 60 percent were physically interested in other women, 45 percent made out with a woman in the past, and 50 percent had fantasies about the same sex.1

Is this bisexuality? Depends on your definition of bisexuality. If you mean sexual attraction and sexual experiences with both men and women, then it is bisexuality. But that reduces bisexuality merely to sexual behavior. I choose to believe it is much more than that, at least it certainly has been in my own bisexual life.

I could not find a similar study that identified the percentage of heterosexual males that experienced same sex attraction. Even if there was one, it would probably not be reliable because of male confusion and lack of disclosure. Therefore, it is not surprising that the Boise State researchers also found that men were more likely than women to report being “100 percent heterosexual” or “100 percent homosexual” continually throughout their lives. Most of the time we are lumped into the gay population. Most of the combined gay and bisexual statistics range from 2 to 5 percent. My guess is that gay would be 2% and bisexual males an additional 3 to 5%, but certainly not in the 40 to 50% territory. On the surface, this suggests a definite difference among bisexual men and women; however, my guess is that most of these young women eventually will gravitate to one or the other leaving a similar smaller population that continues to experience swings (pardon the pun) from one gender preference to the other on an ongoing basis for the rest of their lives.

I think we can safely conclude from these studies that there are a large number of people (mostly women) who experience a same sex attraction. We can call them bicurious and perhaps even bisexual, but not bioriented and certainly not bigender.

A true bisexual man is at least bioriented. At times we experience strong biological impulses to meet and mate with someone from our own sex. As a man, it gives me a sense of leaving behind my ego-mind and slipping into my biological, hormone based body to respond to the smells, feelings, strength, and pheromones of another man. At other times, I feel attracted to a well-shaped woman walking in front of me. Certainly when I am with my wife and we begin to cuddle and kiss, the lamp lights and my hormones are pushing me towards copulation. I need to feel the pull of my masculine sexuality, the need to dominate her body sexually as our sexual passions blend together. In other words I have a biological biattraction and biorientation towards both men and women.

But my bisexuality is so much more than biological attraction and sexual orientation. At times I feel an overwhelming drive to experience the feminine side of my being physically, emotionally, and sexually; in other words, I flow into my feminine gender is a full body and soul experience. This is when I feel a need to flirt and express my deeper emotions with my male friends. This is when I sometimes need to reach out and hold and hug a man from the heart in the hopes of feeling a magical moment filled with a sense of wonder and completion. This is when I feel the need to feel intimacy with a man and tell him “I love you”. But “I love you” means something different when I am with my wife. I also seem to have a need for a masculine biological/psychological base. I need to feel the power flow through my body as I reach out and hold my woman and feel her face against my chest and my arms wrapped around her body. I need to feel that I am the protecting husband and father.

I cannot truthfully even attempt to know how bisexual women experience their bigender but from studies I have read I believe they are more likely to seek a sexual/psychological base in either a same-sex or heterosexual relationship. They also appear to be more likely to seek deeper relationship in their “other” gender experience, rather than engage in casual sex like their male counterparts. In both cases bisexual men and women seem to need an intimate gender base that meets their needs for relationship, love, and family while maintaining a parallel drive for sensuous and even erotic pleasure in their other side. We do not seem to operate well on our own without a base. The world becomes too chaotic with constant confusion and pulling from the two sides of our nature. The hard part is to find a mate that understands our other side and is willing to give us the freedom to experience our bisexuality as a basic need of our bisexual gender. So there is a tendency to be dishonest and hide our bisexuality from our partners, and of course that leads to suffering and pain. On the other hand, as bisexuals, we are faced with the constant struggle to be true to ourselves, or should that read – to be true to “both selves”?

1 <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2011/10/20/study-more-than-half-of-women-attracted-to-other-women_n_1021730.html&quot;