Why Doesn’t Anyone Hear Me?

Due to the high positive correlation between bisexuality and Borderline Personality Disorder, we are attempting to get a better understanding of the impairments listed in the DSM 5. 

 

In conclusion, both distrust and neediness are calls for help. Even though distrust and anger are hard to live with, they are better characteristics than neediness. These people with BPD are still fighting it. It is the ones with excessive neediness that I am most concerned about. They are just one step away from hopelessness which is one step away form suicidal behavior.

To read more: https://lawrencejwcooper.ca/why-doesnt-anyone-hear-me/

She Loves Me – She Loves Me Not – Part 2

Due to the high positive correlation between bisexuality and Borderline Personality Disorder, we are attempting to get a better understanding of the impairments listed in the DSM 5. 

Impairment 9 – Significant impairments in interpersonal functioning – Intimacy: intense, unstable, and conflicted close relationships.

We never stop growing. Each relationship is an opportunity to really get to know, understand, and love another human being. We are here on this planet to learn and grow. We take that new knowledge and understanding into the next relationship until we find our true soul mate and kindred spirit.To read more: https://lawrencejwcooper.ca/she-love-me-she-loves-me-not-part-2/

She Love Me – She Loves Me Not

Due to the high positive correlation between bisexuality and Borderline Personality Disorder, we are attempting to get a better understanding of the impairments listed in the DSM 5. 

Impairment 9 – Significant impairments in interpersonal functioning – Intimacy: intense, unstable, and conflicted close relationships.

In a review of thirteen empirical studies, Agrawal et al (2009) found that every study concluded that there is a strong association between BPD and insecure, unresolved, preoccupied, and fearful attachments. These studies indicate that there is a longing for intimacy that is troubled by concerns about dependency and rejection. Barone (2010) using the Adult Attachment Interview with forty BPD patients and forty controls, discovered that the two strongest types of attachment problems were entangled/preoccupied (20%) and traumatic experiences (50%).

To read more: https://lawrencejwcooper.ca/she-love-me-she-loves-me-not/

Why We Attack the Ones We Love

Due to the high positive correlation between bisexuality and Borderline Personality Disorder, we are attempting to get a better understanding of the impairments listed in the DSM 5. 

DSM 5 Impairment 8 – Perceptions of others selectively biased toward negative attributes or vulnerabilities

If I see a roll of the eyes, or if someone contradicts, criticizes, or corrects me, I automatically sense rejection. Before this feeling of rejection takes control of my mind, I have a choice, I can still step back, take a deep breath, and take control of the situation, or I can let my emotions take control and take me to a place I do not want to go. Once I let go, my mind will take me down one of two paths.  I can blame myself and withdraw into a dissociate state with a sick feeling in my gut, or blame them and respond in anger. Unfortunately, I follow the path of least resistance. If this is a boss or a colleague at work and the emotional connection is fragile, I withdraw, but I deeply resent them for putting me in this state. However, if this is a loved one, someone with whom I have a solid relationship, I attack. Either way, I am now on a course for anxiety and symptoms of depression. To read more: https://lawrencejwcooper.ca/why-we-attack-the-ones-we-love/

My Lover’s Eyes – Part 2

 Due to the high positive correlation between bisexuality and Borderline Personality Disorder, we are attempting to get a better understanding of the impairments listed in the DSM 5. 

DSM  5: Impairment 7 – Interpersonal hypersensitivity (i.e., prone to feel slighted or insulted)

  After living for twelve years on my own after my divorce (except for a few misguided relationships), I finally met a woman that I could trust and love unconditionally. For the first few months, I was blissfully happy but then things started to fall apart. To read more go to: https://lawrencejwcooper.ca/my-lovers-eyes-part-2/

Why is She Mad at Me

Because we are so concerned with our own safety, we fail to see the feelings being expressed by others, especially those nearest to us, who have the potential to inflict the greatest emotional pain. We fail to meet their needs because we are obsessed with our own need to be accepted and loved.

Read more at: https://lawrencejwcooper.ca/why-is-she-mad-at-m/

Bisexuality, Anxiety, and the Cerebellum

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Using national data and the criteria from the DSM 4 to identify people with Anxiety Disorders, a group of researchers[1]  concluded that men who reported lifetime sexual behavior with both male and female partners had the highest rate of every mood and anxiety disorder. This was matched, but by a lesser degree, with women who reported both male and female partners. In some truly significant numbers, 46.5% of bisexual men experienced some mood disorder in their lifetime, compared with 26.8% of men who reported only same-sex sexual partners, 29.3% who reported no sexual partners, and 19.4% who reported exclusively female partners. These numbers are highly significant from two perspectives, first we bisexual men are almost twice as likely as other men to experience clinical anxiety, and secondly, almost half of us have experienced some form of severe anxiety during our lifetime.

So what is happening in our brains? Converging evidence suggests that the culprit may be the cerebellum which was traditionally thought of as the part of the brain responsible for motor control, voluntary movement, and balance. New information based on brain scans suggests that it may be much more than that. One of the surprising areas seems to be associative learning. Remember Pavlov’s dog and conditioned responses? Well it appears our anxiety may be related to conditioning. I read an article once (can’t find the source) that described gay and bisexual lives as death by a thousand cuts. We apparently are subconsciously responding to a lifetime of mini-traumas and now exhibit symptoms of PTSD. It’s like we have been in the trenches waiting for next call to charge the enemy through a mine field. In other words we suffer generalized anxiety because we feel that we are living a life where our sense of security is constantly being threatened.

The cerebellum also forms neural circuits with the thalamus, the hypothalamus and the amygdala. In other words it connects to the limbic and reticular systems which are associated with the two powerful emotions of attraction and fear.  This links whole body involvement with the dopamine pleasure seeking drive and the alert hormones of the sympathetic system.  Therefore, for those of us who have learned to live with generalized anxiety, it is not hard to understand why our whole body seems to be involved in our anxiety and not just our minds or genitals.  I am sure as bisexuals at least half of us have experienced that elephant on the chest, the frequent occurrence of shallow breathing, and mental fatigue that accompanies generalized anxiety.

Generalized anxiety involves the whole body, and therefore the relief has to involve the whole body. In the past the fastest and most effective way to get into my body was through same sex encounters. Unfortunately that was only temporary relief. I would walk away with a hollow feeling akin to depression and a gradual rebuild up of anxiety. The involvement of the cerebellum suggests that these anxieties have passed on beyond mind control and have become a part of my implicit memory and subconscious response systems. In other words I am now stuck with a chemical imbalance that is beyond the scope of psychological therapy. Typically that means medication with all its possible side effects, and that only provides relief for the symptoms and not the cause. It’s like taking a Tylenol for cancer. I have spent the last fifteen years of my life leaning to deal with my anxieties and in the process have found a new way of life that uses my anxiety as nervous energy to accomplish amazing things including this amazing blog.

 

My five suggestions for bisexuals on how to deal with anxiety by controlling our bodies:

  1. We can get in touch and stay in touch with our bodies. It’s simple – meditate. Fifteen minutes a day where we shut down our mind and concentrate of the sensations of our bodies. In the process we will find an inner presence that is interacting with the world around us. It will help us stay grounded.
  2. Practice soothing activities whenever we feel anxious. We simply become aware of our breathing. Deep breath in from the belly, hold, let out slowly and completely.
  3. Practice touch. Touch the area where we are feeling the anxiety and then bring the touch down to the heart and hold it there until the anxiety subsides.
  4. We sooth by talking to ourselves. We acknowledge the fear and its source thus bringing it from the subconscious to the conscious level. It is best done out loud. Then tap your heart and say “There. There, now. It’s all okay. I am here to protect you.”
  5. Whatever our sexual practices, we have a right to experience it without shame and remorse. If you feel that empty feeling, take charge of it and emphatically claim the right to seek pleasure anyway you so choose.
[1] Bostwick, Wendy B.;  Boyd, Carol J.; Hughes, Tonda L, and  McCabe, Sean Esteban. Dimensions of Sexual Orientation and the Prevalence of Mood and Anxiety Disorders in the United States. Am J Public Health, v.100(3); Mar 2010. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2820045/?tool)