Category: Bisexual women

Sex and the Mind

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)I think we would all agree that any problem with sex originates in the mind. Our bodies are just answering nature’s call, and the higher self is only concerned with relationships. When we look at the functioning of the brain, the genetic based sexual impulses seem to work at the autonomic level. It is only when the impulses go to the prefrontal cortex for second appraisal do we begin to second guess what our bodies and old brains are telling us. To understand how this works, we can view sexuality as two separate functions: arousal and desire. Adams et al. in their thorough review of brain and hormone activity defined sexual desire as “the behavioral drive that motivates individuals to fantasize about or seek out sexual activity.” In contrast, sexual arousal is defined as “the autonomic physiological processes that prepare the body for sexual activity.” [1] For the purpose of this blog we will be mainly looking at desire.

[1] Adams, Kristian; Favaloro; Dundas, Brendan; Dillon, Aaron; Nixon, Daniel. The Neuroscience of Sexual Desire. (http://neurosciencefundamentals.unsw.wikispaces.net/Sex+and+the+Brain.+What+parts+are+involved%3F)

But first, let’s take a brief look at the nature of arousal. Arousal is an old brain/body function. The activities of the tests and ovaries are regulated by a complex chain of events known as the hypothalamic-pituitary-gonadal axis. Sexual arousal is controlled by the autonomic nervous system which interacts with the sex organs creating an increase in steroids, body heat, and heart rate.  Male arousal is largely controlled directly by emotion through the limbic system, particularly the amygdala, with limited interaction with the rest of the brain.  Males on average have a 16% larger cortico-medial which is the area responsible for steroid uptake which, among other effects,  regulates flow of blood to the genitals. The activity of the limbic system precedes and triggers penile erection, sexual feelings, sensations of extreme pleasure, and memories of sexual intercourse. This creates a dopamine rush similar to a shot of heroin.

Female arousal appears to be more of a whole brain activity. A woman’s brain literally lights up when viewed in brain scans during stimulation of the brain via the vagus nerve.  Increased activity was noted in the hypothalamic paraventricular nucleus (PVN) (sympathetic nervous system – increasing  the dopamine rush –  and regulating blood flow), midbrain central gray (GABA and increased sexual reception), amygdala (emotion), hippocampus (memory), anterior cingulate (blood pressure, heart rate and reward anticipation), frontal parietal (body sensations), temporal and insular cortices (sensory processing and memory), anterior basal ganglia (psychomotor behavior), and cerebellum (motor movement). This results in a complex interaction between the brain and body. It also results in increased lubrication and enhanced touch sensation.

Through the technology of improved use of brain scans, we see that desire on the other hand increases brain activity in both males and females . The center for sexual desire appears to come from the amygdala; however, it does not function in isolation. The amygdalofugal pathway connects the amygdala with the thalamus, median hypothalamus, brain stem and nucleus accumbens. The nucleus accumbens is a large cluster of dopamine generating neurons which produces extreme feelings of pleasure as well as motivation to pursue sexual behavior. The anterior commisure is also activated connecting the left and right amygdala combining left brain (thought) and right brain (visual imagery) stimulation. One theory states that the anterior commisure may be responsible for gender orientation with gay men having am anterior commisure more similar to a woman’s (left brain dominant); however, this has not yet been established by neuroscience. Oxytocin seems to be a major player in sexual desire serving both as a stimulus to arousal and a neuromodulator to the flow of information through the neurotransmitters in the brain. All this happens in a blink of an eye where arousal and desire seem to interact simultaneously. This creates a yo-yo effect with our sexual drive system with constant interplay between thought, emotion, and hormonal arousal.

A review of the literature on neuro-sexual activity by Carl Zimmer[1] leads to some interesting additional information. One study observed that the medial orbito frontal cortex (OFC) was active in desire-impaired  but quiet in the normal men.  The OFC’s connection with the hippocampus  produces emotional memories which create states of mind. Through the interaction of states on mind, the OFC mediates reward and punishment, creates personal assessment, and manages expectations. It is also responsible for  understanding the thoughts, emotions and intentions of other people. It weighs action and consequences thereby influencing sexual desire. The OFC also connects to the neocortex particularly in the lobes involved in sensory integration including all somatosensory (body sensations) modalities.  The OFC also connects to the anterior insula, which is what we use to reflect on the state of our own body sensations. This interplay between the OFC, the anterior insula, and the neocortex may produce the good or bad feelings we associate with sexual arousal. Another set of studies noted that information not only travels from the visual cortex and the emotional centers to the higher regions of the brain, but also goes from the top down. Therefore, the higher regions may be instructing the eyes on what looks sexually desirable. The brain regions that handle self-awareness and understanding others may also be telling the emotional centers what to feel.

The two main disorders relating to sexual desire are hyposexual desire disorder (HSDD) and hypersexuality. The causes of sexual desire disorders vary, but some may include a decrease in the production of oestrogen in woman or testosterone in both men and women. HSDD is characterized by low levels of sexual desire and fantasy. This may be due to genetic predisposition or brain damage to the medial orbitofrontal cortex or the limbic structures of the amygdala, hypothalamus, or the temporal lobes. Hypersexuality can be considered as increased desire for sex that makes it difficult to meet social commitments and/or personal development. Evidence has been found that hypersexuality occurs‍ more often in the right hemisphere of the brain with far more cases in males. Studies also indicate that genetic predictors of homosexuality are associated with increased “risk taking” behavior (hypersexuality) due to irregularities of the serotonin production gene and over stimulus of the dopamine drive system.

I think we can conclude that sexual desire is the culmination of several different neural mechanisms, neural pathways, and states of mind, each of which is controlled in different areas of the brain and is activated at different stages of the sexual experience. In other words, arousal cannot be separated from desire. It is part of the bottom up process but almost simultaneously meets and meshes with the top town approach from the prefrontal cortex. Emotions, impulses and hormonal activity seem to pinball among various areas of the brain once arousal takes place.

Here are my five applications for bisexuals:

  1. Since sex is a whole brain activity, we can learn to control our mind and then use our mind to control our sexual impulses. We can do this through meditation and dealing with the pain stimuli coming from the ego (OFC). We can restructure our neural circuits through the wisdom of our higher self, affirm our desires as natural sources of pleasure, and rewire our mind with positive feelings of self-acceptance.
  2. Our sexual impulses are, by their nature, healthy. If we are attracted to men or women or both, it is merely part of our arousal system. We are free to indulge. However, before we can truly enjoy our sexuality, we must also heal the feelings coming from the prefrontal cortex (ego). We can do this by repeating step one whenever we experienced negative thoughts about our sexuality.
  3. I do not believe that hypersexuality is a legitimate problem except in rare cases. I do not believe it is due to a damaged limbic system. A strong sexual desire system is a sign of a healthy human body. The so-called addiction problems are a result of   developed mind sets that involve implicit and explicit memories connected to negative emotions. We simply have to change the circuits and remove the unhealthy inhibitions which are usually based on shame induced structures from family and religion.
  4. Hyposexuality is a problem, but it is not usually centered in the physical brain  structures. It is more likely an inhibitor from the orbito frontal cortex. We have to remove those inhibitors in order to enjoy our sexuality so that we can have fuller and more passionate relationships.
  5. Gay and bisexual men often have amazingly powerful sex drives. This is natural. We have to learn to enjoy it without shame or blame. When our sexual behavior involves a significant other, we have to be sure that he/she understands our drive, and we have to work out a general understanding that involves both of our needs and desires. We have to open up the doors of communication to take away the potential shame and blame.

[1] Zimmer, Carl. Discover, 2009. (http://discovermagazine.com/tags/?tag=carl+zimmer)

 

 

The Mind and Relationships

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SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)As humans, we have a great need for intimate connections with other human beings. Somewhere around fifty thousand years ago, mankind saw the need to belong to a larger social group for the purpose of hunting and survival. Those who had the genetic and mental skills to adapt to social settings became alphas in the group and passed their genes on to the next generation. Those who did not were separated from the group and died out. Through natural selection, the human brain has developed a process where one mind can directly interface with another through the transfer of energy and information and thus create a super system between two or more individuals.

So how does this social ability work? At conception, we receive a genetic code that fashions a region in the brain known as the prefrontal cortex. At the center of this is the orbitofrontal cortex which is believed to be responsible for emotional and social processing. The right side of this region seems to be able to create an emotional state and then  send signals that  directly shape the emotional mindset of the receiver. This is perceived subconsciously through facial expression, voice tone, and other types of body language. This activates the emotion system of the receiver through the amygdala and the anterior cingulate thereby orienting attention and creating arousal. Through verbal response, the sender and receiver  begin to share information from one mind to another creating similar representational processes, appraising meaning, and influencing individual or group behavior.

This process begins during infancy. The function of the developing brain is shaped by the parent’s more mature brain. There is an alignment of states of mind between parent and child. When this attunement is conducted in a warm supportive manner, the child understands and feels what is perceived to be right or wrong. This process eventually leads to the child self-regulating its own behavioral impulses. Shame is the emotion evoked when the child’s arousal state is not confirmed or attuned to by the parent. When this attunement is accompanied by a parent’s anger or some other form of disconnection, the parent fails to soothe the child’s sense of shame thus resulting in a deeper negative sensation that we can refer to as humiliation. The way to cope with humiliation is for the child to experience self-loathing or to strike back in anger to protect the self.

I did not receive good parenting. I was neglected as a child because my single parent mother with nine children was unable to meet my need for loving and supportive attunement.  As a result, I  developed a personality disorder which made it very difficult to relate to others, particularly members of the opposite sex. On the outside, I was a handsome, athletic, and intelligent guy who attracted a lot of female attention, but I was not sexually aggressive or assertive. I was able to maintain heterosexual relationships and eventually married and had four children, but sexually, I found it much easier to relate to men.

In my case, the processes begun during childhood continued into adulthood. Because the emotions constitute the fundamental value system of the brain, I not only subjected myself to the positive or negative energy of others, but I also opened myself up to absorbing their value systems. This led to self-loathing because I could not control my gay impulses which were in direct conflict with my heterosexual and religious family relationships. I  lacked awareness of internal pain or dissatisfaction with my relationships which otherwise might have served to motivate change. I  became very skilled in providing what I thought others wanted, but I did not take care of my own wants and needs. This eventually led to a mental breakdown and divorce.

The good news is the orbitofrontal cortex remains plastic throughout our life time. We cannot change what we have received in the way of parenting, but we can change the way our brain works. The most important relationship we can develop is with our higher self. This creates an internal attunement with our own positive spiritual guide which will always be gentle and will never seek to shame or humiliate. Through the higher self, we can overcome early damage by being aware of our thinking patterns. We ask our higher self to verbally respond to the child within. This allows us to make left hemisphere sense out of right hemisphere emotional feelings and create a sense of order out of our own chaotic  processes. By focusing in on our pain and the cause of our pain, we can bring in the vibrations of our higher self to soothe and rewire those circuits.

By analyzing our relationships, we can then begin to function consciously instead of just reacting subconsciously. We avoid negative relationships and nurture positive ones. Because we are subject to an intense sense of vulnerability and loss, we learn to recognize these feeling and reconnect them to the higher self for soothing. Because we tend to over compensate and recreate ourselves to please others – the chameleon effect – we learn to recognize our own needs, and love, respect and defend ourselves. Because we may have a profound fear of annihilation or abandonment, we recognize our strengths instead of our weaknesses and take time to just be alone with ourselves.

I have learned to attune to my higher self.  Above all I have learned to parent the ego or child within. In the process, I have established the following guidelines that I would like to pass on to you.

My five applications for bisexuals:

1. We look in the mirror each morning and establish loving eye contact.

2. We use our tender voice for self-talk, never condemning or being disappointed in ourselves.

3. We only allow good touches from others.

4. We practice focused attention with ourselves by choosing some activity each day just for us. We create our own sense of purpose and set aside time and space to do the things we really want to do.

5. Above all, we shape our own present and future by developing prospective memory which allows us to imagine, create, and remember a set of future feelings and goals and then set our will or sense of purpose to creating the life we would love to live.

Self-Regulation, Bisexuality, and the Mind

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SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)I am back in Costa Rica for the winter, a place I came to for refuge twelve years ago. I had had a mental breakdown, got divorced, had to leave the work I loved (but was killing me), took an early retirement. I sought a place of peace, not to put my life back together again because that part of me was dead, but to find the courage and resources to start over again. It has been a long journey with a lot of traumatic ups and downs, but this time in Costa Rica, I know I have arrived.

Self-regulating processes and mindsets are a result of leaning on the parent for attunement and guidance during infancy. This results in a resonance of states of mind by which the parent guides the infant into understanding and regulating their own emotions. As the child advances into early childhood, the reliance on the parent gets replaced by self-regulation with guidance on the side from the parent as needed. For the lucky ones who come through childhood with healthy mental processes, the mind is free to battle through negative emotion, create goals, and pursue them with focus and purpose. The healthy mind can think, act, and evaluate thus modifying mindsets to solve new problems and storing the new strategies in memory to solve similar problems in the future.

But what happens when the parent is abusive or negligent? I was born into a single parent family with nine children and a mother who did not have the resources to help me regulate my emotional needs. I grew up lost and neglected. Because of my childhood, I had no means to resolve the feelings associated with my emotions, so I suppressed them except for an underlying feeling of shame and self-loathing. Due to the power of a very skilled and creative mind, I managed to survive for fifty years until I was overwhelmed by the negative energy in my life. When I crashed, I was diagnosed as having a borderline personality disorder with a sexual addiction related to my suppressed gay side, a clinical depression, and an acute anxiety disorder. I was a mess. Eighteen weeks of intensive therapy at a psych outpatients hospital clinic along with medication gave me renewed energy and a few new coping mindsets. However, it did not solve the problems that were buried in my implicit memories. The shame and self-loathing continued.

The emotionally damaged child continues to face emotions the only way that it knows how, by denial or repression. It is then unable to use the energy from primary emotions to find new ways to resolve the problems it is facing. Again, the old patterns are reinforced and the child believes that negative problems filled with negative emotion cannot be solved. When faced with negative energy, it can only react through fight (anger), flight (fear) or freeze (withdrawal) because it has not learned to involve the left brain rational processes to solve the right brain feeling problem.

The only way out of these dips and dives is to seek a high level of arousal through pleasures such as food, sex, or chemical highs from drugs including our old friends alcohol and marijuana. For a wounded mind, this will inevitably result in addiction or lead to mood disorders like depression with dysfunction in perceptions, memory, beliefs and behaviors. On the other side of the equation, it may result in chronic anxiety with excessive sensitivity to the environment with ever present signals of impending disaster. This person may seek someone to defer control and responsibility and enter a dependency relationship. Again, this is usually a one way street and the significant other tires of the great need for love and acceptance and leaves, thus reinforcing the feelings of isolation and self-loathing. On occasion, he or she may enter a co-dependency relationship which seems to work until both partners are depleted of their energy producing resources.

The common solution is psychotherapy. A skillful therapist provides the external system of processing or restraint for the person who lacks positive sets of self regulating processes. Sounds good but it is far from fool proof. We all go through stages that seem to be cyclical. In other words, our ability to cope will fluctuate. Whenever we feel overwhelmed, the depression or anxiety will reoccur. If we were children we could run to mama or papa for a hug and all would be well again. But as adults we run to our therapist thus creating another cycle of dependency. Medication provides some relief in restoring chemical balance, but it does not lead to a new set of mindsets where we seek purpose and joy.  It simply dulls the pain for awhile and it too can lead to chemical or psychological addiction.

After indulging in these dark and dreary mindsets, I think it is time we look at real solutions. Twelve years ago in a mountain cabina in Costa Rica, I found the way to soothe my mind without therapy or medication. To do that, I had to go beyond the cognitive strategies of my brain and learn to soothe the emotion and right brain processing centers of my mind. Because my mind was still dysfunctional, and because I had no one to run to for attunement and soothing, I had to step outside my mind and seek attunement with the self within my self; the self that was always there ready to listen and hug the child within. When confronted with a negative thought, energy, or feeling, I simply stilled the mind and traced the feeling back to its nonverbal source. I waited there with this feeling until I began to sense a soothing from within. I eventually found a presence there. I let the feeling of my ego flow into this presence thus forming an attunement of my wounded ego with my higher self. I experienced an infinite source of positive energy. I just let it flow. No thinking.  I did not restructure my mind sets with thought but infused them with this positive feeling of well being. I could sense it flooding through my neural pathways connecting the spiritual self with the physical self through the pleasure center of my brain.

This is the one and only lesson that I want to impart through these blogs. Whenever we feel the old feelings return, we can address them immediately before they take root. We can experience a high that results from the flow of our own brain and body chemistry. That’s what the prescription and hard drugs do, but we can get those same feelings without the addiction and side affects. We simply flood our whole minds with this beautiful flow of positive energy until the old negative feeling disintegrates and is replaced with the new. Then, while are brains are clear and overflowing with positive energy, we instruct our minds to seek a solution to the problem at hand. All of a sudden, the solutions with be clear and ridiculously manageable. We will automatically know when and how to pursue or when to walk away without guilt or shame.

If feels good to be back in Costa Rica, much better than the first time. I now live a life of gratitude for my wife of three years, my present flow of abundance, and yes, even for the dark days that brought me here. I have learned to control all the negative energy that comes from negative emotions, and in fact, I have learned to find the positive in, and be thankful for, every negative event that occurs in my life.There is no self-loathing, there is only peace, beauty and the power to live a life that I can love.

My five applications to bisexuality:

1. Our sexual impulses are not a mental illness, a dysfunction, or even a faulty thinking pattern. There should be no negative energy associated with our sexuality. We can turn these negative thoughts over to our higher self. We will find no judgment there.

2. We can enter a state of meditation and go back into past negative  experiences and recognize the positive gift associated with these experiences. We can then experience a feeling of gratitude and bless the people involved.

3. If we have feelings related to neglect and abuse, even to trauma, we do not have to feel gratitude for the actual experience, but we can feel gratitude for the support of our higher self which has allowed us to survive these experiences. We can ask our higher self to reveal the lessons we have learned. Once we get beyond the hurt and pain we can begin to see that we are more than just survivors. We are now more powerful people because of our experiences.

4. We do not stay there locked in the past. We acknowledge the powers that helped us survive and we move on. After this healing process, when triggers bring back the old feeling, we thank the ego for its diligence, and acknowledge that we are now superior to those events, feelings, and the people who caused them, and move on.

5. We learn to live and enjoy. We design the life we want to live and use the power of our beautiful minds to make it happen.

Emotion, Three Types of Energy, and the Self Function of the Mind

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)In this blog, we continue to search for the self within the mind. Neuroscience suggests that the answer may lie within the emotional energy of the brain which is a function of the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex. I am suggesting that the answer lies in “the mind within the mind” that I have been referring to as the higher self, or what others may refer to as soul or spirit. The question we have to ask is, “What is the energy source that drives the mental functions of the mind?”.  I believe that this is probably the most important question we can ask ourselves. When we discover the source of this energy, we can then develop a paradigm that will direct all our beliefs and subsequent actions.

According to neuroscience, the flow of brain or mind energy is generated by the hind brain and mid brain which then flows through the thalamus, hypothalamus, and amygdala. It is then regulated by the orbitofrontal cortex and the anterior cingulate which direct the flow of energy to various neural networks that manifest as states of mind. Importance at any point in time is assigned through emotional intensity thereby regulating the number of neurons that fire and the amount of neurotransmitters released. In essence, this energy then attaches meaning, focuses attention, and activates the appropriate mindset to deal with a given situation, thus creating consciousness. With each new experience the energy is directed into combining this new information into the mind state through an increase in complexity, or an expanded neural network. In other words, this flow of energy directs the self, or it is, in fact, the “self” itself.

This flow of energy through and in the mind is known as emotion. The first type of emotion is primary emotion which regulates arousal and controls the flow of information. The second type of emotion is called categorical. It is what we commonly recognize as the typical emotions like fear, anger, joy etc. These emotions are now at the conscious level and we can name them and describe their associated feelings. We can categorize all the emotions as positive of negative. They seem to operate on a continuum. For example, at one end you may have despair, at the middle primary emotion, and then at the opposite end joy.   The negative emotions involves the sympathetic system which activates the hormones of the body, chief of which are adrenaline and cortisone. The inability to regulate the emotions through the activities of the brain is the source of most of our mental and physical problems.

This takes us to the question of the nature of mind energy itself. The negative energy that comes from negative categorical emotions is destructive and paralyzing. The positive energy that comes from primary and positive categorical emotion is enjoyable and constructive. According to neuroscience, these two sources of energy control and regulate all the other functions of the brain. We seek the positive (joy) and avoid the negative (pain). On first glance, this seems preposterous, that brain energy, the mere transfer of electrochemical impulses, could be the essence of self.  I am suggesting that this emotional energy based function of self does indeed exist within the mind sets of the brain, but it does not function on its own. I believe there is an third type of energy that controls this energy.

Recent scientific studies using space age technology have identified  a low frequency electromagnetic energy (similar to light and sound waves) that emanates from the whole body.  I believe that this energy is the essence of life itself. I believe that this energy controls the electrochemical processes of the brain including the flow of emotion and information. I believe it is the mind within the mind  that activates the conscious state of mind that seems to control and regulate the other states of mind. Above all, this flow of energy is the essence of “will”, the desire and ability to choose. It is not just the brain combining states of mind to forge new pathways, it is the energy of self directing the brain to choose new courses and to make new choices that the brain can then encode in the neural pathways for future reference.

Now the question is, “Why is this so important?’ if we believe that the self is merely an electrochemical flow of energy and information then we are extremely limited in our ability to expand. The idea of self then is a bottom up approach. We are a result of our previous experiences and resulting mindsets, which become rigid and limited over time. We have to battle with those previous mindsets and hope for semi-random combinations regulated by emotion to expand and grow. However, if we believe that we have an energy based spiritual self beyond the confines of the brain then the sky is the limit. We now have the ability to create new neural pathways and to make choices based on our  highest feelings and dreams.

My five applications to bisexuality:

1. Our brains are definitely influenced by past states of mind, many of them containing negative reactions to our gender realities. These reactions have tended to control our ability to a accept ourselves the way we are and to expand and grow. We now have an opportunity to bring our higher self into the picture for healing. We attune with our higher self which is always gentle and supportive.

2. We ask our bodies and our minds to bring up old issues. We then call upon and ask for the support of our higher self. We rest there until we feel the positive energy flow into those memories thus rewiring them with positive feedback. We keep doing this over and over again until those old vibrations of negative energy disappear and are replaced by the positive energy of our higher self.

3. We dream new dreams. We plan a life that will fulfill all our hopes and desires. We make this plan real by providing the minute details of what this life will look life.

4. With the help of our higher self, we allow ourselves to feel what this life will feel like. We hold that feeling and rehearse it daily until the dream becomes a reality.

5. We but aside the old patterns of the brain. I am powerless becomes I am powerful.  I am a worthless failure becomes I am am a beautiful being and I deserve to live the life I want. And above all, I loathe and hate myself becomes I love, and yes, I even like myself. We keep reminding ourselves that we deserve to live the life of our dreams.

Self-Reflection as a Function of the Human Mind

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Much to my chagrin, I have discovered that science has coined a name or term for my way of thinking, and here I thought I was being creative and original. They call it the homunculus, or the mind within the mind, or by definition, the ghost within the machine. Not a very flattering term, but rather than being insulted, I have chosen to take this opportunity to do some “self” reflection.

According to neuroscience, this process of third thought, which I refer to as the higher self, results from the construction of states of mind that continually evolve according to the nonlinear principle of the Complexity Theory. It is believed that the human brain has constructed a wide variety of saved and stored states of mind. Once a collection of these states are activated by triggers in the environment, they interplay with one another in a random series thus creating new patterns of thought. According to the emergent and recursive principles of complexity, these states are then regulated by a system of internal and external constraints which allows the brain to evaluate, sort, and choose significant elements to build more complex structures within that state. The brain then rebuilds the state by forging new links within the billions of neurons of the brain with its trillions of possible connections. In other words, it is continually refiring and rewiring thus creating greater complexity of thought. The self then is merely a continuous shift in states of mind at any one moment in time. According to these theories, my belief of a higher self is merely an interplay of my own brain’s states of mind fueled by my desire to find purpose beyond the constraints of my brain. There is no overall me, it is just a collection of me’s that are responding simultaneously to my environment. I am not real; I am merely the ghost in the machinery of my brain.

And that is the age old question, isn’t it? Am I merely a biological computer employing a collection of programs simultaneously to somehow arrive at biological intelligence, or am I something more than that? Is every thought I think and every action I undertake merely a response by my brain to the environment? Is it merely creating a state of mind that is seeking for something beyond the horror of living a meaningless life ending in a complete and final death? Honestly, I have to admit – “maybe”. You see, I cannot be positive that I have a spiritual higher self because the scientific evidence is just not there. If I am honest, I have to admit that it is really only a theory. However, if the neuroscientists are honest, they have to admit that all of their intellectual gymnastics can only produce a theory as well. Then we both have to do what all theories require and that is look for evidence to support the theory.

I am suggesting that there is more evidence to support the existence of a pure energy higher self than there is for the brain theory of complexity. There is something inside of me that screams, “I am not just a ghost in the machine!” I am real. I am the presence, the being inside of but also beyond the neural pathways. I can feel me there when I put my brain to rest. I am not a state of mind because I exist outside the mind. I am a powerful energy-based, spiritual being in complete control of my life and yes, to all the naysayers, I am the presence within my brain.

My five applications to bisexuals (and everyone else for that matter):

1. We believe. I am not speaking of a religion; I am referring to believing in and experiencing the power of the energy within us. Whenever we feel that the pressures of this life are overwhelming our tired brain, we just stop the madness of the mind for a moment and just feel the power of that presence within us. We will sense a powerful peace-filled entity there that is the “me”, the “self”.

2. We allow the inner me to be present in our life. We awaken it during meditation each morning, and acknowledge its presence there throughout the day.

3. When we feel an anxiety based tension, we know it is our brain or mind overworking to solve make-believe problems. This is different from the energy tension we need to accomplish the necessary life and work tasks. It is a restlessness. It is the brain that is searching for meaning and purpose. It does not matter how hard we try, the brain cannot solve the problem that itself has created. It will just keep on building more and more complex states of mind. We now simply turn this feeling of restlessness over to the higher self and wait for a response. It will be in the form of a feeling of peace and contentment.

4. If we are struggling with our gender issues, this is merely the brain working over previous states of mind and trying to reconnect them with other mind states that may be stored in implicit or explicit memory. There are no brain based answers to these problems. We merely refer them to our higher self. The gender issues will dissolve immediately. We will feel the contentment of knowing that our bodies need for sexual gratification is merely a biological urge. We can either ignore or act upon it. We do not have to process our actions through the judgment of previous states of mind. That one just goes round and round through the brain without a solution.

5. We seek like-minded sexual partners or mates with whom we can interact without the constraints of states of mind related to blame and shame. We meet the biological needs of our bodies and allow our minds and higher selves to mingle and enjoy each other and allow the positive feelings, and yes, love, to enfold us.

Mindsight, and the “Self” Function of the Mind

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)According to Daniel J. Siegel in his book The Developing Mind, there are two ways of thinking. I think there are three. He concludes that the self is created by the neural activities of the right hemisphere of the brain. I believe that there is much more to the self than just the activities of the neural pathways.

In his chapter on Representations, he states that there are  two ways of thinking due to the activities of the left and right brain. He prefaces this with the caution not to be too dogmatic about left and right because neural activity involves the two hemispheres working together. However, he makes a strong case for the duality of the mind. We are indeed bilateral beings. We have a left hand and a right hand, a left eye and a right eye, and we also have a left brain and a right brain. Our brain makes sure the two sides are coordinated through the corpus callosum and by having the left brain operate the right side of our bodies and vise versa.

One way of thinking evolves from the left brain. The left hemisphere creates words to categorize objects and combines these concepts to form abstract ideas. It uses these linguistic representations so that we can experience a logical and higher order of consciousness. It allows us to create new combinations in our mind and in the world. It breaks down reality into small symbolic chunks that allow us to communicate in social situations. As we noted in the last blog, there is power in the word.

On the other hand (pun intended), the right brain gives us our second way of thinking. The right brain approaches life holistically. It perceives patterns within the whole in the form of sensations and images, ties them together with emotions, and is able to relate these patterns through a holistic sense of awareness or consciousness. It has a great deal more interregional links than the left side which gives it the ability to combine information to construct its own visual and abstract reality. This ability of the mind to create gives us a sense of our own mind that we can refer to as mindsight. Therefore it forms the basis of the self. It is able to relate to other minds through its sense of self relating to another person’s right brain with its own sense of self. We can then share thoughts through the left side and humor, painting and poetry through the right.

I believe there is a third way of thinking. The brain is merely a tool that we use to experience and process the environment in which we live. The brain by itself is like a very sophisticated robotic computer, but it does not operate itself. The functions of the brain in a sense do create mind but we are more than the mind depicted by science as a product of the functions of the right brain. By some fluke of nature or some divine plan from an infinite being, we have soul. Our soul or self, is an entity composed of pure energy that functions beyond the processing components of the brain. It is the substance of thought and the substance of life. In fact, it is the energy that controls and employs the brain to carry out the functions of living.

I believe that the part of us that is pure energy has the potential to grow into something beyond the confines of the left and right brain. Whether we are eternal beings or not is insignificant brain noise. We simply are. We have this moment to be whatever we want to be. We are beautiful powerful creatures in the here and now. We create and we live and milk whatever we can from this period of time we call life. We have a wonderful brain that we employ to make sense of our world, but it is limited to those areas that involve reasoning and ordering of thoughts and other brain functions. In order to find meaning and purpose the answers exists in the energy of the soul.  The purpose is to live, experience, expand, and enjoy. The rest will be revealed (or not) the moment these brains cease to function.

Here are my five applications for bisexuality:

1. Let’s not fall into the left brain trap. We do not need labels. We are simply individuals who enjoy sexual experiences, period. It can be with either men or women. We are led to sex by the biological urges of our bodies. Sex is sex. Enjoy it.

2. We are also sentient beings. Our right side of our brain wants to get involved. It wants to feel the sensations of the body, create emotion, and turn them into perceptions of something greater. We should listen.

3. If we just have sex, and for some of us bisexual men this can be an anonymous encounter, we are often left with a hollow feeling. Where the body ends the mind is just getting started; it feels left out. The left side of our brain wants to turn the sexual experience into an opportunity to relate on an intellectual level. It wants to form a physical/mental bond.

4. Where the mind ends, the soul is now just getting started. It wants to linger in this exchange of positive energy. It wants to form an energy or spiritual bond. It wants to create and enjoy the resonating vibrations of one being uniting with another.

5. When we engage in sexual activities let’s go for the touchdown. Let’s not be satisfied with encounters. Let’s look for relationship. We may discover that there really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The Creative Function of the Mind

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SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)In exploring the functions of the mind, I had it all backwards. We do not start with the simplest and go to the more complex (from the bottom up) we start at the top and work down. In everything in life, we do not start at the bottom and think upwards, we start at the top. I am beautiful. I am powerful. There is greatness in me. I have a gifted mind that can create what it desires.

During meditation this morning, instead of just trying to remain silent without thought, I allowed the universe, or if you prefer, my god (perhaps my higher self), to speak to me. I opened up my soul and asked whoever is out there (or in here) to speak. The message was loud and clear; it was to create, to employ the power of my thoughts to create. Instead or completing my book on developing virtues, it was to show the power of virtues. Instead of intellectual prose, I was to use creative prose and the power of poetry.

But the power of creation has to be more than just writing poetry. So what is the intrinsic nature of creativity and how is it manifested by the human mind? What immediately came to mind was the moment my son was born. My wife had gone into labor and we had hurried to the hospital for the delivery. The doctor arrived, examined my wife, and proclaimed that the baby was turned the wrong way, and it would be several hours before he was born. He said he was going home to sleep and would come back in the morning. Feeling the guilt of putting my wife through this incredible sequence of unending pain, I placed my hands on her abdomen and asked god to turn the baby. At that exact moment, the baby turned. The doctor had just enough time to return to the hospital and cut the umbilical cord.

So what had happened? Out of the power of extreme emotion came the thought and then the words. The words had the power to create, to change the physical world around me. Words bring thoughts into clarity and therefore in reality. Words have power. Where does this power come from? I could go into the neurobiology and explain how the activities of the amygdala, the orbitofrontal cortex, and the anterior cingulate create energy which we refer to as primary emotion, and how these emotions then are regulated by the prefrontal cortex to create the categorical emotions we know as fear, sadness etc., and these emotions then give the power to put these thoughts into action. But we do not need to know all that; we just need to know that when we add feeling to our thoughts, we can change the world. This is what I mean by the creative function of the mind.

The Power of thought is much more than the few amps of electrochemical energy produced by the brain. All the combined energies of brain, body, and heart do not have the power to create things in our environment. Even if we add the electromagnetic waves that emanate from the whole body, which researchers suggest is evidence of an aura or a human soul, we still do not have enough energy to turn on a light bulb, let alone cause a baby to turn in the womb. So then where does this energy come from? It has to be that we are more than just brain/mind and that we must have an additional dimension of mind/soul that serves as a link to the life power around us. We need this infinite source of power to turn a baby or cause the Red Sea to part.

This power of thought/word/life energy is the power of creation. We have the power to create by thinking with emotion and purpose. We can heal our minds and bodies. We can dream dreams and make those dreams become reality with the power of emotional thought put into words that then are turned into action.

My five applications to bisexuality:

1. Be creative. If we do not like our present circumstance, all we have to do is think the right thoughts, put our full power of emotion into them, and speak them into reality. I am a hopeless failure becomes “I am a beautiful powerful being.” We keep saying it louder and louder until we feel the enormous power of our thoughts.

2. We believe in the power of our thoughts. We look for evidence that our thoughts are being manifested. The world will begin to change one small step at a time. The key is to look for and find the evidence of that change. This will reinforce our belief, which in turn will energize our emotions, which in turn will enhance our ability to create.

3. As bisexuals, we will begin to believe in ourselves. We will design the life we love and we will begin to love the life we live. We will not be satisfied until we actualize the full power of our dream.

4. We will visualize the perfect mate and bring that person into our lives.

5. We will use our sexual energy to build our relationships and enhance all our sensory experiences, including enjoying great sex.

The Three functions of the Mind and Sex

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Throughout the study of the virtues one glaring fact repeated itself over and over again – all our sorrows are centered in our human mind. The exciting and expanding study of neurobiology has led to some interesting insights into the human brain and how it develops into the human mind. Coupled with psychology and psychiatry we are just beginning to understand how the mind develops and how it functions. Keeping in mind the neurology, we will focus on the psychology as we look at the – count them – the ninety-six known functions of the mind. We will also focus on how the mind relates to what we call soul and spirit by attempting to solve the mystery of if and where the mind ends and the soul or spirit begins.  We will then apply these findings to our sexuality with special attention given to bisexuality and to the sexuality of our fellow members in the LGBQT community.

According to studies by Dr.’s Linda and Richard Elder[1], the simplest way to look at the functions of the mind is to consider it as a three function organism – thinking – feeling – wanting. They suggest that the mind doesn’t just think; it also feels and wants. They conclude that feelings are influenced by powerful emotions or desires that result in egocentric tendencies that function automatically and unconsciously. This results in what they call ego-centered reality that sees the world from a narrow self-serving perspective. The Elders suggest that egocentric thinking is responsible for negative feelings such as anger, depression, defensiveness, apathy, and indifference. According to the Elders the one saving grace is our capacity for reasoning which frees us from self-delusions. They suggest that rational tendencies arise only from active self-development resulting in bringing thought and desire into consciousness. However, I believe that reasoning cannot be relied upon because thought and reasoning themselves are governed by what we feel and desire.

First of all let’s look at thinking. According to the Elders “thinking is the part of the mind that figures things out. It makes sense of life’s events. It creates the ideas through which we define situations, relationships and problems. It continually tells us: This is what is going on. This is what is happening. Notice this and that.” They appear to be referring to the conscious mind which uses its array of memories of past events to make decisions about the present. But to look at the rational or conscious mind in isolation leads to a whole nest of errors. We have to face the fact that we are not rational animals.  We are indeed emotional and controlled by our desires. Without considering that the schemas are there to achieve our desires, we find ourselves with the false hope that our reason can solve all our problems. Reason in merely the tool of our desires.

Now let’s consider feelings. According to the Elders “Feelings are created by thinking — evaluating whether the events of our lives are positive or negative. Feelings continually tell us: ‘This is how I should feel about what is happening in my life. I’m doing really well.’ Or, alternatively, ‘Things aren’t going well for me.’ “  I believe that feelings are not really a part of the thinking process; they are an entity in themselves. They come from the old brain, specifically from the reticular and limbic systems. They are natural pre-thought-responses to our environment. They are the rooted in our fears and our sexual desires long before our frontal cortex even gets involved (just speaking figuratively – it only takes a few nanoseconds before the frontal cortex is activated). Most of these fears originate from implicit memory formed during our infancy which directs the workings of the subconscious mind. The brief time between feeling and thought makes all the difference. From that point on our fears and desires take over and the frontal cortex merely rationalizes what is already in place.

This takes us to the third function, desire. According to the elders, desire occurs when we “allocate energy to action, in keeping with what we define as desirable and possible. It continually tells us: ‘this is worth getting. Go for it!’ Or, conversely, ‘This is not worth getting. Don’t bother.’ “. This is the same blind alley. Desire and feelings are synonymous. They are the ends of the same construct. As soon as feelings are formed, the emotions are activated and the desires are born from the marriage of the environment and the feelings about the environment. Only after a desire is formed do we activate the frontal cortex to provide us with a plan to fulfill our desires.

When we try to separate our minds into distinct functions, we run into several roadblocks and some faulty conclusions. The major problem in relying on thought and reason is that it then becomes the focal point in problem solving. According to any form of verbal therapy, the issues we face are because of our inability to control our feelings and therefore our desires. The premise is that we can allow our feelings to express themselves through images and symbols in the form of thoughts and words. The hope is that once we understand what our feelings are telling us, we can then develop a rational plan that will achieve our new desires.  Even this form of cognitive therapy is based on a faulty premise because we do not control our feelings through thought. It is like taking a pain killer to numb the pain, thereby dealing with the symptoms without ever getting to the root cause.  We have to realize that most of our fears and desires are coming from our implicit memory which composes our subconscious mind. We cannot use the mind to control these feelings and desires because we are using the egocentric part of us to solve the problems created before the sense of self and the advent of reasoning.  This requires a paradigm shift. We have to find some way to reach the feelings coming from the subconscious mind.

So this is where the soul comes in. We have to stop relying on our mind for healing and look for something beyond the mind. I believe the soul or spirit is the instrument that can bring our feelings to a second level of consciousness. The spirit brings a counterbalance to feelings, or more accurately, embodies the feelings so that fear and sexual impulse can be momentarily neutralized for a second look to take place. This look comes not in the form of thoughts and words, but in a new feeling. It says “something is wrong with this feeling” and it provides a mirror by which we can examine our feelings in light of some universal truth. It then changes the feelings and alters the implicit memories associated with anxiety and fear to ones of peace and well-being. I am worthless and I fear the present” can become “No! I am beautiful and I welcome the present.” Only with the advent of this new feeling can the human mind come under the influence of the second level of spiritual consciousness and heal the implicit memories and reroute the self-defeating neurological patterns. This is the function of the human soul. The mind’s desire to fight or flee becomes the spirit’s desire to stay, understand and to do something to make a difference for ourselves, the ones we love, and to contribute to the universal source of life and love. Healing then becomes a function not of the mind but of the soul.

My five applications to bisexuality:

  1. As expressed in previous blogs, we have a genetic predisposition towards both men and women with no built in aversions to either one. According to research, the predisposition may also contain a prenatal stress factor absorbed from our mothers during pregnancy and accentuated during infancy. This may have resulted in anxiety filled implicit memories and subconscious mental states.  If we fall into these categories we usually need inner healing before we can enjoy our sexuality.  In order to deal with the implicit subconsciousness we have to seek out our higher self before we can find peace.
  2. We can get in touch with our higher self by seeking a state of peace during meditation or nature baths. Once we capture that feeling we can tuck it into our memory banks and recall it whenever we have a sense of low self-esteem.
  3. Implicit memories usually result in a continued feeling of being unattached or separated  during our developing years thus causing additional stress and anxiety. This usually affects our explicit memory experiences and our sense of self. We therefore have a conscious issues  which can be dealt with through cognitive therapy once our subconscious self has been addressed. We can work on our explicit and autobiographical sense of self by constantly repeating “I am better than that,” every time we feel a self-defeating wave of anxiety.
  4. We recognize our freedom to choose any life styles we wish and deal with self-criticism by saying to our egocentric self, “I understand your concerns but I choose to enjoy this experience.”
  5. We do not accept any feelings of guilt. We simply say “I chose to have that experience and I have a right to enjoy the pleasures associated with my choices.”

[1] Elder, Linda and Elder Richard. The Human Mind. https://www.criticalthinking.org/TGS_files/SAM-TheHumanMind.pdf

 

Self-Actualization, Sex, and the Virtues

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SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)We have come to the end on our study of the virtues, and we have developed our body, mind, and soul to the point that we can truly say that we are on the path to self-actualization. The journey is not complete, only because it is never complete; self-actualization is a process, not a destination. Each of the virtues are to be visited over and over again as our knowledge and wisdom spirals ever upward and onward towards self-actualization.

The first stage to self-actualization is the cluster of five virtues involved in grounding. First we become aware of our higher self. We are aware of the power and beauty of our bodies, minds and souls. We accept ourselves just the way we are, and we love ourselves because of the endless capacity, power, and beauty within. We are able to listen to the voice of our higher self as our source of truth. We have learned to feel when something is right or wrong for us. We have learned to appreciate our self, others and the path we are on. We now have a bridge between our physical (body) and spiritual (soul) parts of our being. It enables us to connect our physical and spiritual strengths and energies. It opens up the door to virtuous living.

The second stage is centering. One of the definitions for centering is “a temporary framework for supporting a masonry arch during construction until it is able to stand by itself”. I like this one for two reasons. First because we are indeed building a framework for virtuous living, and secondly, it is part of a process for a higher and majestic structure that often has connotations of spiritual holiness (I use the term spiritual to denote our human spirit which in itself is sacred). As we build these virtues, they are not an end in themselves but a platform on which we can live a higher life. The first of these is assertiveness. It is the ability to express our thoughts and feelings from that inner strength which we all potentially possess through our higher self. This leads to fortitude which is the virtue that allows us to overcome fear and to remain steady in the face of all obstacles – physical, mental, and spiritual.  This leads to the virtue of contentment.  We are not just hopeless victims of our body and ego desires, nor do we have to let go of all desires. We simply have to understand where they are coming from, consciously analyze them through our higher self, and either let them go or indulge and enjoy. This leads to gratitude. We are thankful for everything that comes into our lives. We remind ourselves that there is always something good if we look for it. We see difficulties as opportunities to learn.

We are now ready to reach out to others from a solid base of self-love. We enter what the Greeks called agape love. Agape love is a feeling that comes from the higher self. It is the love energy, or universal positive energy, or the god energy that flows through us when we are interacting positively with other human beings. This takes us to the love virtues. The first love virtue is forgiveness. Forgiveness is an act of love, mainly for the self, but also for others. We merely acknowledge that these things have happened and that we wish to acknowledge the past but live in the present. Next is kindness. Kindness comes from the heart. It flows from and is rooted in love. It involves a three way resonance of vibration from the higher self, another’s higher self, and the external universal flow. This leads to passion. We get to a new kind of love-pleasure based on the energy flow of our combined body, mind, and spirit energies. We are fully charged and motivated to indulge in what we feel is good and right. As we walk solidly along the path of love, we now become aware of the needs of others which leads to empathy. This is the ability to experience the emotional, mental, and spiritual vibrations of another. But we go beyond empathy to compassion which ushers us into the desire to experience life together and to assist others in finding their own true path. It is about overcoming the sources of pain and then sharing this knowledge with others.  When we are  living a life of love,  we seek pleasure through our senses for no other reason than the pleasure itself. We intuitively know whether the pleasure is in harmony with our higher self and we can sense when we are sharing these pleasures with others.

Grounded, centered and living in the universal flow of love, we are now ready to move on to true self-actualization. This begins with trust. First of all, real trust is not about anyone else; it is about the interaction between the ego-self and the inner or higher-self.  We trust ourselves to know, understand and live according to a blend of the ego and the spiritual self. We live in harmony with ourselves. We have sensitivity. We have awakened our natural sensitivity and developed and perfected it so that we can use our feelings for guidance. We are gentle. We realize that positive interactions are part of the flow of universal love and negative ones come from a person’s body of pain. We react to love with love and to pain and anger with gentleness. We embrace uncertainty. We live each moment as if it were the last. We seek the truth and the joy that life presents to us every moment of every day. And finally, we live a life of joy. The virtue of joy is wrapped up in the feeling of expansion. It is living a life each day where all basic and mental needs are essentially fulfilled and our full personal potential takes place. This includes being fully alive and finding our own personal true meaning in life.

My final five applications to bisexuality.

  1. We are grounded in the beauty and power of our higher self. We can choose the life we want to live and live it in harmony with our inner self without having to worry about what others think of us.
  2. We are centered. We know who we are. We have a two-spirit or rather a whole spirit approach to life. We understand our feminine and masculine qualities.
  3. We are not afraid to love. We seek true relationship with other people who are also aware of their higher self. Our sexuality becomes part of the higher function of  making love and living a truly caring and loving life.
  4. We seek self-actualization. We are more than just sexual beings; we also have a spiritual presence that we can share with others.
  5. And finally our bisexuality is meant to be enjoyed. It includes good clean sex, and loving relationships with both or either men or women. We live to enjoy.

The Virtue of Living a Life of Joy

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“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.” [1]

The virtue of joy is wrapped up in the feeling of expansion. It is living a life each day where all basic and mental needs are essentially fulfilled and our full personal potential takes place. This includes being fully alive and finding our own personal true meaning in life. It is an emotion but it is more than an emotion; it is a feeling but it is more than a feeling; it is a state of being where we are constantly growing and expanding. Jack London in The Call of the Wild expresses this beautifully when Buck claims his true wild nature: “He was mastered by the sheer surging of life, the tidal wave of being, the perfect joy of each separate muscle, joint, and sinew in that it was everything that was not death, that it was aglow and rampant, expressing itself in movement, flying exultantly under the stars.” It is the ultimate sense of power, beauty and freedom we experience when we are who we were meant to be.

Like Buck, we have to escape the bonds of civilization to experience our true nature. Maslow in this hierarchy speaks about reaching our human potential in what he calls self-actualization. He associates this with using our gifts as in art or music, or perhaps rising to the top of our career choices, or perhaps excelling due to some major achievement. But all these things are merely an extension of our egos. It is striving for and reaching a goal set and achieved in the mind. It is an expansion of the mind which is a good thing but only part of true self-actualization. As Buck experienced his true animal nature, in order to achieve a state of joy, we have to experience our true human nature which means existing beyond the confines of the mind.

Our personal potential is much more than what we achieve or what we do. It is coming to terms with our true nature as powerful and beautiful human beings with body, mind, and soul. Like Buck, it is learning to be in and enjoy our bodies, the movements of our muscles, exploring the treasures to be experienced through our senses, experiencing the pure joy of each breath. It is using our minds as an extension of our bodies to plan and enjoy our achievements, to being in control of our life path, and using it to provide experiences where we are constantly expanding.  But it is still much more. It is living by the heart, choosing to love and connect with others for the pure joy of knowing them and experiencing their lives with all their joys and sorrows.

But it is till more than just mind and heart, it is spiritual, which means we sense the energy patterns that surround us and learn to flow with them, soaring and expanding on the lifts of pure clean energy. We experience our own energy as something that contains the threads of eternity that hold us and bind us to life itself. We then become aware of the energies of others and can feel and experience their vibrations, helping them when there is need and simply enjoying them when they, too, are full and whole.

The virtue of joy is bliss and ecstasy with and within ourselves. It is being at peace with ourselves and learning to just be ourselves without striving to be something else. It is the ability to be completely content with who we are and to enjoy the life we live. This is the purpose and meaning to life. It is expanding in vibrational energy, love energy, and body energy until the day we die. Our true purpose is just to live, expand, and enjoy. In the words of Percy Bysshe Shelly, it is being able to say when each day is done “I have drunken deep of joy,/And I will taste no other wine tonight.”
My five applications to Bisexuality:

  1. We simply enjoy our bodies and our sexual experiences as a true expression of ourselves. It is celebrating the animal in us.
  2. We explore the full circle of masculinity and femininity allowing ourselves to experience our full range of potential sensations and feelings.
  3. We seek sexual partners and life partners with whom we can experience the gifts of the mind, where we can share our life path and expand in knowledge and wisdom.
  4. We seek soul mates where we can share the gifts of the heart including love and compassion. We strive to continuously expand and grow our relationships.
  5. We seek kindred spirits where we can sense their love vibrations and life vibrations and the joy of combining their vibrations with ours to experience, expand, grow, and vibrate with pure joy.

 

 

[1] ― Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life