Category: Bisexuality and Mindfulness

Bisexuality and the Problem with Statistics

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Are you tired of statistics on bisexuality? I am. Yet another survey has shown that bisexuality is on the rise, especially among women[1]. A whopping 17.4% in the current survey have had some bisexual contact compared with 14.2% in the 2006-2010 survey. Higher numbers of both women and men identified as bisexual, 5.5% of women and 2% of men, compared with 3.9% and 1.2% respectively in the last survey. And you can be sure that number is higher for men as most of us to not want to disclose our bisexual tendencies.

So what? Why do we want to know that there are more and more of us? It reminds me of the Matrix Trilogy where Agent Smith keeps reproducing himself by thrusting his hand into someone’s chest. In the case of us bisexuals, we thrust our hand into someone’s pants and avoid the heart. It is time to step back and realize that we are all more than just programs in a worldwide sex-video game. Quite frankly I have no desire to just be another Agent Smith.

It seems that everyone wants to get in on the act. International popular TV series have taken up the torch. Bisexuality needs to be understood, and by god, they are going to show us what it is really like. However, this is not some glamorous Hollywood show where networks are competing with each other to see who can get the most views by depicting yet another example of bisexuality where marriages are broken and people are murdered because of unnatural passion. And quite frankly, I no longer want to compete with other bloggers to see who can get the most views on bisexuality. I do not want my life and my mind and my soul reduced to a statistic or another episode, book, or blog.

Did you know that only one of forty-six chromosomes is dedicated to male or female sexuality, and they cannot even find a half a chromosome, or for that matter, even one of twenty-five thousand genes, that can be nailed down for same seek attraction?  And yet sex, especially bisexual sex, seems to be a preoccupation of our western world, and it seems everyone is now encouraged to experiment with same sex attraction.

Women seem to be more attracted to same sex experimentation. When women engage in sex, their brains lights up like a Christmas tree as the pleasure center, the Nucleus Accumbens, is immediately activated, connecting with the sensory processing lobes, particularly the somatic processor which is associated with touch. Women are lucky, they immediately experience the pleasure. They take a little longer to get wound up which allows for more pleasure and more time for intimacy or attunement with their sex partner. This also allows for a second level of appraisal, and therefore,they are more likely to say “no” even after arousal.  Why do almost one in five women give up on sex with  men as their main source of sexual pleasure? Could it be that they are looking for more than sharing the “rush” provide by men? Could they be looking for something “deeper” (pardon the puns)? Could they be looking for the kind of intimate attunement that is much easier to get with another woman?

For us bisexual men, the pleasure sensation is delayed as the sexual rush is connected with the dopamine drive and the powerful emotions from the Limbic System. We get our pleasure by reaching our goal through orgasm, and only then does the Nucleus Accumbens suddenly connect with all the sensory processors to create a powerful pleasure surge similar to a hit of heroine. There is very little desire for intimacy as it merely delays the rush we so desire, but we do play along with our female partners hoping for the additional rush of mutual orgasm. When we are with men, it is all about the drive. And quite frankly, once another man touches our penis, we are literally driven to seek that hit.  We have our own built in addiction center. Sex is so simple with men. There are no mind games. There is no desire to delay orgasm because our pleasure is not in the play but in the outcome. We can just close our eyes and enjoy the anticipation of the oncoming rush with no thoughts of anyone else. There is no waiting for a partner. No guilt if the partner does not orgasm. It is so reassuring to know that once the game is on  our male sex partners have no intention of saying “wait” or  ”no”.

For many of us bisexual men, especially if we are married or in a relationship with a woman, gay sex becomes guilt and is compounded by addiction withdrawal. Our addiction demands that we do it again. However, our tortured minds are trying desperately to control our drives. The only thing that can stop our addiction is the prefrontal cortex, particularly the orbitofrontal cortex, but quite frankly, once the drive is on, it is very ineffective.  But it is our source of second evaluation, or as Freud would say, our super ego or our conscious. It attempts to employ checks and balances to prevent same-sex arousal, halt addiction, and regain control over our sexual impulses. It employs cultural and religious beliefs that come in the form of layer upon layer of mind sets shaped by past negative experiences that involve shame and guilt. In order to gain control, it has to compartmentalize; it has to put sex back into its Pandora’s Box.  As bisexuals, we have to willingly choose to place our sexual drives in a nice safe compartment that we can access when appropriate so that we are not raping and pillaging or spending all our waking hours in bathhouses.

If we choose to fight the addiction, we may eventually arrive at the conclusion that we are much more than the oxytocin and hormonal impulses coming from our genitals. This realization has the power to bring us to our higher self, our soul, to a deeper level of living. Our spiritual desire and spiritual energy can then be put in control of our impulses so we can generate ideas and thoughts and beliefs to make this world a better place, something a bit more than a worldwide video game where the winner is the one who can screw the most people during a life span.

Sorry for the rant. But for us bisexuals who were born with our bisexual impulses, this is not a game or something to experiment with. This a very powerful part of our mental and physical anatomy. We really do need to control it or it will destroy us. Personally it has literally screwed up my life. I wanted to be a good husband and a good father and, in fact, I was a great husband and a great father for 33 years before everyone I cared about suddenly knew I enjoyed having sex with other men. I lost my marriage and respect from my children which, quite frankly, were more important to me than another same sex orgasm. So let’s not glamorize this thing. Let’s not encourage more and more young people to experiment with bisexuality. If they are bisexual, they will know it because it is so powerful that it will eventually come out into the open. For us, sex is not just another source of pleasure that we can experiment with. So there is no rejoicing here to learn that other men and women are experimenting with bisexuality. Getting involved with bisexual men and women is like playing with fire. We have to take the box of matches away from the juveniles.

Here are my five suggestions for bisexuals:

  1. For those of you who are thinking about experimenting with bisexuality – you don’t have to experiment. If you are gay, lesbian, or bisexual, you will know it without experimenting. Even if you are seriously considering it, it probably means you are bisexual. You still have a choice. The question is do you really want to start a bisexual lifestyle with all the issues it will bring into your life? Think it through. Done the right way, it can be a very powerful and satisfying life choice.; done poorly can lead to a great deal of pain.
  2. For those of us who are truly bisexual my advice is TO BE CAREFUL, and that does not just mean having safe sex.
  3. Care for yourself and have the courage to make the right decisions that will lead to a more conscious and more joyful way of life.
  4. Beware of the addictive powers of casual sex. Avoid porn, sex shops and other places that you can get a quick fix.
  5. Listen to the voice of your higher self. Seek relationship. It can be a man or a woman or both, but it has to involve relationship. Look for love.

[1]. Copen, Casey E Chandra; Anjani; and Febo-Vazquez, Isaedmarie. Sexual Behavior, Sexual Attraction, and Sexual Orientation Among Adults Aged 18–44 in the United States: Data From the 2011–2013 National Survey of Family Growth Division of Vital Statistics. National Health Statistics Reports Number 88, January 7, 2016

 

 

Bisexuality and Loneliness

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bisexual_216pxFinally some scientific evidence to support what I have known since my first teenage orgasm. My bisexual life was one of a deep sense of aloneness. There was no one I dared talk to, no one who would truly understand my deepest thoughts and feelings. I was very popular on the outside, but no one knew how lonely I was on the inside.

A recent study by Mereish etal. (2017)[1], indicates that loneliness is a contributing factor in a bisexual individual’s poor mental health leading to a possible greater risk of suicide. As expected, this study confirmed previous research that bisexuals were more likely to experience prejudice from heterosexuals and other members of the LGBQT communities. This can lead to feelings of isolation that contribute to loneliness.

Of special interest, however, are the findings that bisexuals with internal stressors, such as desires for heterosexuality and orientation concealment, were also more likely to report loneliness. The amount of spare time to ruminate and possibly engage in self-loathing mental gymnastics was also a factor. Being a student or unemployed or part–time employed contributed to a feeling of loneliness. Individuals who were single were also more likely to conceal their orientation which is another contributing factor to loneliness. And the catch twenty-two, bisexuals with post graduate degrees were less likely to conceal. and therefore more likely to come out, and therefore more likely to experience prejudice and subsequent professional isolation and loneliness.  There is no correlation between the internal and external stressors; in other words experiencing prejudice is not necessarily related to internal struggles for bisexuals (although such is not the case for other members of the LGBQT community). We can experience both but one does not necessarily lead to the other; yet, both can lead to a feeling of loneliness and therefore mental anxiety and suicide.

Feelings of experiencing external and internal prejudice and loneliness are compounded by the lack of resources that are designed for bisexual individuals. Our needs are often overlooked, possibly because of external factors like prejudice, but more likely due to the fact that we do not express our needs and are often unwilling to have our needs made public.  We are reluctant to join support groups or enter mentorship programs because of our needs for privacy. What is needed is an on-line program that protects anonymity while being able to share and experience connection with another individual or group of individuals. We need to be heard and understood before we will begin to listen to and understand ourselves.

(Please note: my on-line program will be up and running in a few months so stay tuned.)

Here are my five suggestions for bisexuals:

  1. If we are experiencing internal stressors and cannot seem to escape them – we should get help. I strongly suggest you try my on-line program that will be up in a few months. It is designed to build up our self-image and self-concept as bisexuals. It centers on the belief that we have a higher self with an unlimited source of power to live amazing and satisfying life. It focuses not on our problems but on our resources in the form of twenty virtues that we can develop to bring unending joy into our lives.
  2. It would appear that internal stressors may be equal to or an even greater source of anxiety and depression than experiencing prejudice. It would appear that it is worth the possible sorrows that may come from coming out rather than suffering through the loneliness of concealment. We should consider accepting, acknowledging, and telling significant others about our orientation and believing in them and our relationship. It may take time but we will be better off in the long run.
  3. If we have not done so already, we can admit to ourselves that we are bisexual with desires for sexual relationships with both women and men. We are not heterosexual but we can engage in heterosexual relationships. Likewise, we are not lesbian or gay but we can also engage in lesbian or gay relationships. We have a choice. If we are single we can indulge but we should be seeking love as well as sex.
  4. If we are in a relationship, and we are struggling with desires and occasional encounters, this concealment can be a major source of mental anxiety and can lead to a complete collapse. If we share our desires, hopes and failures with our partner, we can convey to them that we love them and are sharing this information in the hope that we can have a more honest and satisfying relationship. If they choose to leave, we have to be prepared to let them go.
  5. Above all else, we have to be true to ourselves. Once we learn to love and care for ourselves, we can begin to enjoy ourselves regardless of prejudice and what others think of us. We are worth it.

[1] Mereish, E., Kzrz-Wise,S, and Woulf3,J..Bisexual-Specific Stressors, Psychological Distress, and Suicidality in Bisexual Individuals: the Mediating Role of Loneliness. Crossmark. 2017.

( https://link.springer.com/epdf/10.1007/s11121-017-0804-2?author_access_token=HmXzCxYOGPXlpyLFkEh2Sfe4RwlQNchNByi7wbcMAY69fGsGy82K2FqKswjcCp_4lquu_M_wYRCb68kZNDamLFIvZBapABKj2WauzK0QwYj51DicENdDF4V1osJGNKNJ7f4EV4qD7AeKrzNK6d3Ww==).

Mind vs Spirit

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Before we go on to explore the nature of spiritual energy, I think we have to take a good look at the elephant in the room, and that is the nature of the human mind and its ability to create new mind sets through imagination. In other words, is the spiritual self, and all the so-called evidence of a spirit, just creations of the imagination power of the human mind?

As we discovered in a previous blog, according to science the mind thinks and creates through the activities of the orbitofrontal cortex which operates in the ongoing present through its autobiographical-self. In other words it is creating and living its own story, and if we take that one step farther, it is creating and living its own self. This mind-self is composed of a variety of related mindsets or sets of neurological pathways connected to past experiences that it can light up at any given time to address the needs of the moment. One might argue that one of these mind sets is the spiritual-self. Yes, we do think about our own spirituality, and it is a definite possibility that these spirit based thought patterns are just a creation of the mind-self. In other words, there may be no spirit, just a mindset that the mind has created to deal with issues or questions that it cannot solve through rational processes. This includes the nature of life itself, the process of death and dying, and the mind’s need to create an afterlife to prevent its complete and total destruction. The argument is that the old brain’s need for survival at all costs has been processed by the mind-self to create the spirit-self and thus provide a solution to the life and death question. We have to admit that this is a definite possibility, and that the bright light at the end of the tunnel may be merely a final flash of energy from the dying brain.

To find an argument for the spirit-self, we have to leave science behind (however, there are some scientists today who are searching for scientific evidence of a spiritual aura but we will address this another time) and enter the field of philosophy. The desire or belief in an afterlife goes back into the origins of modern man and was addressed by Plato and Epicures during the Golden Age of Greece. During the Age of Enlightenment in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, the wise men of the time dared to imaging that the experience of life was simply a product of the functioning of the human mind. Emmanuel Kant developed an excellent argument against these atheistic theories. Kant argued that the concepts of space and time and cause and effect  do not come from just the human mind but are an essential part of our total humanity. He suggested that there is a noumenal (spirit-mind) world as well as phenomenal (rational-mind) world. In other words, we exist in two worlds with two minds, the world of our physical senses and the world or our spiritual senses. In essence, we have a body and a soul or a mind-self and a spirit-self.

So which one do we believe? To answer that question we have to look at the evidence. The presence of a mind-self that seems to direct all physical and mental activity appears to be irrefutable. Through the science of brain scans, we can see these parts of the brain light up when we think certain thoughts. It definitely exists. But does it create and direct a spirit-self or does the spirit-self create the thought that is evidenced by the activity of the brain.?  This is where the rational processes go from fact to theories that are only substantiated by the negative hypothesis. The absence of scientific evidence does not prove that the spirit does not exist.

Now let’s turn to spiritual evidence. All the unanswered questions of the mind fall into this category. All the miracles (and yes there is physical evidence that they have happened) are a result of irrational origins; they are beyond reason. The mind-self has no answer to these except the random solution. But are they random? Did they merely happen by chance? I think not,

My dear French Canadian grandmother lived a life of miracles, and the birth of my son, which I have discussed in a previous blog, was something special in my life that can not be explained by medical science. However, when looking for a definite example of a possible spirit based event, I immediately thought of a dear friend of mine.  She actually had her enlarged heart return to normal size after a prayer and the apparent transfer of spiritual energy that seemed to flow from the hands and words of a preacher. After a subsequent medical examination, the heart specialists from the University Hospital in that region had no logical explanation. They confirmed that this could not have occurred by any medical or scientific procedure. The question again is ” Does the lack of a scientific explanation prove there is a spiritual solution and therefore the evidence of a spirit-self?”. We cannot claim this on a scientific basis nor on the absence of such. However,  something inside me knows that I am more than what the eye can see, and my personal beliefs have been reaffirmed over and over again as I have learned to walk along my spirit filled path.

So why even bother with this science versus spirit exercise in logic and lack there-of? It is important because our beliefs direct our feelings, and our feelings direct our emotions, and our emotions direct our behavior.  We set goals and live our lives according to our beliefs. If I believe I am only a mind-self, I am limited by the power of my fragile mind. However, when I begin to explore the possibilities of my spirit nature, I become a powerful being. I am mind and spirit. My mind controls the activities of my body but my spirit controls the activities on my mind. I am not just the mind-self manipulating mind sets to create and co-ordinate thought and activity; I am spirit coordinating my life choices through the activities of my brain. It is not just the lighting up of neural pathways that creates “me”, my autobiographical-self, it is I, my spirit-self, that is creating the thought patterns in my brain. I light up the neural pathways; they do not light up and create me.  I have the power to create. I am a powerful, beautiful ball of eternal energy. I can create a life of miracles. I can create the life I love to live.

Here are my five suggestions for bisexuals and everyone else for that matter:

  1. If we believe only in the power of our mind and have mind issues that come with our bisexual nature, we are severely hampered on how we can respond to the struggles of life. We are alone with our limited mental resources and all the mental and emotional blocks that make it difficult to make good choices.  However, we do not have to accept what life appears to offer. We can face our issues head on and try to learn to control them through  the power of our minds.
  2. However, if we believe we are spiritual beings, we then open up the possibility of a higher self with access to the infinite power of the spiritual world. Just this thought alone, even if the spiritual world is a creation of our mind, creates a whole new world of possibilities. When we focus on being aware of our innate beauty and power, the mental issues will begin to dissolve themselves. We will attract good things into our lives that will bring joy and a feeling of well being.
  3. By associating with others who believe in the spiritual self, we can form powerful bonds that multiply our individual powers to create. We can let the power of love flow through us to others and let their love power flow through us.
  4. Our gender issues do not control us. We control our gender issues. Yes we accept them and the nature of the male and female sides our bisexual nature, but they are not problems we have to live with. They are attributes, gifts that we can use for our own pleasure and to offer to those we love. Our sexuality is a gift. We need to recognize and treat it as such.
  5. As spiritual beings, we have a simple purpose and that is to live, to love, to enjoy and to expand and grow as powerful beings. If we choose to live with a special someone, they have to accept and acknowledge that we are indeed special just as we have to recognize the people we love are also indeed special.

 

Energy and the Brain

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SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)It’s time to take a closer look at physical and spiritual energy. We are energy beings. Right down to the atoms and molecules that make up our cells, we are in constant motion. We are constantly changing. If we are to truly understand our self as a physical and spiritual being, and use this knowledge to grow and expand, we have to understand the nature of the energy by which we breathe, think, and have our being.  There is no better place to start than with the human brain.

The brain uses more energy than any other human organ accounting for up to 20 percent of the body’s total energy requirements. The source of energy that powers the human brain is mainly sugar, more specifically – glucose. Glucose is a hydrocarbon that is broken down with the help of additional oxygen (which we get through breathing) to create ATP (adenosine triphosphate). ATP is responsible for energy transfer in the human brain.

After reading the complex scientific information on ATP, it appears to act like an enzyme which is responsible for the binding of metals, predominantly magnesium, which then act as catalysts for the creation of protein strands and the breaking down of glucose. In the process, it creates an abundance of hydrogen ions which provides the energy for flow of information between neurons.  ATP supplies the energy required for these ions to traverse cell membranes thereby initiating many biological processes that keep our neurons firing.[1] When the accumulation of hydrogen ions increases the voltage in a neuron, the neurotransmitters are released firing an electrochemical impulse across the synapse to the dendrites of the neighboring neuron. The ATP then goes to work resetting the neurons to negative, through transfer of Sodium ions (which we get from salt) back across the membrane, making it more positive, and resulting in the uptake of the neurotransmitter back into the sending neuron. The neighboring dendrites where neurotransmitters are released do the same to the next neuron.

These chemical processes take a great deal of energy. During active mind activity, two thirds of the energy is used to fuel electrical impulses that neurons employ to communicate with one another. The remaining third is used for “housekeeping,” or cell-health maintenance.  When the brain is inactive, during sleep or relaxation (meditation), the process changes to about 50% for maintenance, thus resupplying the neurons with ATP and ions for future brain activity. This information indicates that we need to provide sufficient rest through relaxation periods throughout the day, especially if we are involved in high neocortex activity which includes most of us working in today’s information occupations in our western culture.

This is all fine in a healthy mind in a healthy environment where stages of brain activity are followed by brain maintenance; however, what happens when this does not occur. One study using brain scans showed the inferior parietal cortex (IPC), an area that helps us control the amount of energy we use, becomes deactivated when people felt they were being observed. In other words, if we feel comfortable with the people around us, the system continues to perform well, but if we’re concerned about how others are feeling about us, our performance deteriorates. This suggests that prolonged stress caused by unhealthy social relationships can affect our ability to employ and restore our brain energy systems. The brain will continue to employ its problem solving structures to restore balance, but if it is unable to do so, the mind will be unable to relax and restore the ATP and ions needed for thought and action.  Over an extended period of time this can lead to chemical breakdown and possible depression.

In another study, Cambridge[2] researchers found that when we are involved in intensive thought processes, the brain will place its own energy needs above the energy requirements of the rest of the body.  Again, over a prolonged period of time, this can create problems with the heart, which also requires a great deal of energy, and our immune system, which is responsible for healing and regeneration of other organs. This can lead to disease and the growth of cancerous tissue. In addition, the continued employment of the sympathetic nervous system creates high levels of salt in the blood stream which can lead to interference with ion transfer in the brain, and increased blood pressure in the body which is dangerous for heart failure and strokes.

Here are my five applications for bisexuals (and everyone else for that matter):

  1. First of all, we have to take good care of our minds with frequent periods of relaxation and mind rest. We can do this simply by learning to read the anxiety levels of our mind when the brain is overloaded. Once we become conscious of our mind states we can learn to provide it with sufficient rest.
  2. When we feel high levels of anxiety, we stop what we are doing and relax. Sometimes this will be a brief meditation where we concentrate on our breathing until the negative feelings dissolve.
  3. If the anxiety has transferred to the body through the sympathetic system, we may have to release this negative flow of body energy by physical exercise. A half hour brisk walk, where we concentrate on our surroundings and squelch our minds problem solving desires, usually does the trick.
  4. If this anxiety occurs whenever we engage in the same stressful activity or relationship, we may have to do an inventory and decide if this is the job or relationship that we really want to engage in. We must be prepared to make life changes to protect the energy system of our minds. If we are unable to make those decisions on our own, we may need to have someone help us through the process. We should take a leave of absence and find a good therapist.
  5. We need to pay special attention to our sex life as it can be a source of great pleasure and stress release or a cause of great anxiety. We have to be sure that our sexual behavior leads to and ends in the pleasure reward system without accompanying shame and anxiety. We may need to change our behavior or the way we think about it, or we may need to change our sex partners. Again, if we cannot seem to do this on our own, we may need professional help.

 

  1. Where Does The Human Brain Get Its Energy? Forbes – Whoa Science (https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2017/03/06where-does-the-human-brain-)
  2. Nikhil Swaminathan, Why Does the Brain Need So Much Power? Scientific America (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-does-the-brain-need-s/)

 

Sex and the Mind

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)I think we would all agree that any problem with sex originates in the mind. Our bodies are just answering nature’s call, and the higher self is only concerned with relationships. When we look at the functioning of the brain, the genetic based sexual impulses seem to work at the autonomic level. It is only when the impulses go to the prefrontal cortex for second appraisal do we begin to second guess what our bodies and old brains are telling us. To understand how this works, we can view sexuality as two separate functions: arousal and desire. Adams et al. in their thorough review of brain and hormone activity defined sexual desire as “the behavioral drive that motivates individuals to fantasize about or seek out sexual activity.” In contrast, sexual arousal is defined as “the autonomic physiological processes that prepare the body for sexual activity.” [1] For the purpose of this blog we will be mainly looking at desire.

[1] Adams, Kristian; Favaloro; Dundas, Brendan; Dillon, Aaron; Nixon, Daniel. The Neuroscience of Sexual Desire. (http://neurosciencefundamentals.unsw.wikispaces.net/Sex+and+the+Brain.+What+parts+are+involved%3F)

But first, let’s take a brief look at the nature of arousal. Arousal is an old brain/body function. The activities of the tests and ovaries are regulated by a complex chain of events known as the hypothalamic-pituitary-gonadal axis. Sexual arousal is controlled by the autonomic nervous system which interacts with the sex organs creating an increase in steroids, body heat, and heart rate.  Male arousal is largely controlled directly by emotion through the limbic system, particularly the amygdala, with limited interaction with the rest of the brain.  Males on average have a 16% larger cortico-medial which is the area responsible for steroid uptake which, among other effects,  regulates flow of blood to the genitals. The activity of the limbic system precedes and triggers penile erection, sexual feelings, sensations of extreme pleasure, and memories of sexual intercourse. This creates a dopamine rush similar to a shot of heroin.

Female arousal appears to be more of a whole brain activity. A woman’s brain literally lights up when viewed in brain scans during stimulation of the brain via the vagus nerve.  Increased activity was noted in the hypothalamic paraventricular nucleus (PVN) (sympathetic nervous system – increasing  the dopamine rush –  and regulating blood flow), midbrain central gray (GABA and increased sexual reception), amygdala (emotion), hippocampus (memory), anterior cingulate (blood pressure, heart rate and reward anticipation), frontal parietal (body sensations), temporal and insular cortices (sensory processing and memory), anterior basal ganglia (psychomotor behavior), and cerebellum (motor movement). This results in a complex interaction between the brain and body. It also results in increased lubrication and enhanced touch sensation.

Through the technology of improved use of brain scans, we see that desire on the other hand increases brain activity in both males and females . The center for sexual desire appears to come from the amygdala; however, it does not function in isolation. The amygdalofugal pathway connects the amygdala with the thalamus, median hypothalamus, brain stem and nucleus accumbens. The nucleus accumbens is a large cluster of dopamine generating neurons which produces extreme feelings of pleasure as well as motivation to pursue sexual behavior. The anterior commisure is also activated connecting the left and right amygdala combining left brain (thought) and right brain (visual imagery) stimulation. One theory states that the anterior commisure may be responsible for gender orientation with gay men having am anterior commisure more similar to a woman’s (left brain dominant); however, this has not yet been established by neuroscience. Oxytocin seems to be a major player in sexual desire serving both as a stimulus to arousal and a neuromodulator to the flow of information through the neurotransmitters in the brain. All this happens in a blink of an eye where arousal and desire seem to interact simultaneously. This creates a yo-yo effect with our sexual drive system with constant interplay between thought, emotion, and hormonal arousal.

A review of the literature on neuro-sexual activity by Carl Zimmer[1] leads to some interesting additional information. One study observed that the medial orbito frontal cortex (OFC) was active in desire-impaired  but quiet in the normal men.  The OFC’s connection with the hippocampus  produces emotional memories which create states of mind. Through the interaction of states on mind, the OFC mediates reward and punishment, creates personal assessment, and manages expectations. It is also responsible for  understanding the thoughts, emotions and intentions of other people. It weighs action and consequences thereby influencing sexual desire. The OFC also connects to the neocortex particularly in the lobes involved in sensory integration including all somatosensory (body sensations) modalities.  The OFC also connects to the anterior insula, which is what we use to reflect on the state of our own body sensations. This interplay between the OFC, the anterior insula, and the neocortex may produce the good or bad feelings we associate with sexual arousal. Another set of studies noted that information not only travels from the visual cortex and the emotional centers to the higher regions of the brain, but also goes from the top down. Therefore, the higher regions may be instructing the eyes on what looks sexually desirable. The brain regions that handle self-awareness and understanding others may also be telling the emotional centers what to feel.

The two main disorders relating to sexual desire are hyposexual desire disorder (HSDD) and hypersexuality. The causes of sexual desire disorders vary, but some may include a decrease in the production of oestrogen in woman or testosterone in both men and women. HSDD is characterized by low levels of sexual desire and fantasy. This may be due to genetic predisposition or brain damage to the medial orbitofrontal cortex or the limbic structures of the amygdala, hypothalamus, or the temporal lobes. Hypersexuality can be considered as increased desire for sex that makes it difficult to meet social commitments and/or personal development. Evidence has been found that hypersexuality occurs‍ more often in the right hemisphere of the brain with far more cases in males. Studies also indicate that genetic predictors of homosexuality are associated with increased “risk taking” behavior (hypersexuality) due to irregularities of the serotonin production gene and over stimulus of the dopamine drive system.

I think we can conclude that sexual desire is the culmination of several different neural mechanisms, neural pathways, and states of mind, each of which is controlled in different areas of the brain and is activated at different stages of the sexual experience. In other words, arousal cannot be separated from desire. It is part of the bottom up process but almost simultaneously meets and meshes with the top town approach from the prefrontal cortex. Emotions, impulses and hormonal activity seem to pinball among various areas of the brain once arousal takes place.

Here are my five applications for bisexuals:

  1. Since sex is a whole brain activity, we can learn to control our mind and then use our mind to control our sexual impulses. We can do this through meditation and dealing with the pain stimuli coming from the ego (OFC). We can restructure our neural circuits through the wisdom of our higher self, affirm our desires as natural sources of pleasure, and rewire our mind with positive feelings of self-acceptance.
  2. Our sexual impulses are, by their nature, healthy. If we are attracted to men or women or both, it is merely part of our arousal system. We are free to indulge. However, before we can truly enjoy our sexuality, we must also heal the feelings coming from the prefrontal cortex (ego). We can do this by repeating step one whenever we experienced negative thoughts about our sexuality.
  3. I do not believe that hypersexuality is a legitimate problem except in rare cases. I do not believe it is due to a damaged limbic system. A strong sexual desire system is a sign of a healthy human body. The so-called addiction problems are a result of   developed mind sets that involve implicit and explicit memories connected to negative emotions. We simply have to change the circuits and remove the unhealthy inhibitions which are usually based on shame induced structures from family and religion.
  4. Hyposexuality is a problem, but it is not usually centered in the physical brain  structures. It is more likely an inhibitor from the orbito frontal cortex. We have to remove those inhibitors in order to enjoy our sexuality so that we can have fuller and more passionate relationships.
  5. Gay and bisexual men often have amazingly powerful sex drives. This is natural. We have to learn to enjoy it without shame or blame. When our sexual behavior involves a significant other, we have to be sure that he/she understands our drive, and we have to work out a general understanding that involves both of our needs and desires. We have to open up the doors of communication to take away the potential shame and blame.

[1] Zimmer, Carl. Discover, 2009. (http://discovermagazine.com/tags/?tag=carl+zimmer)

 

 

The Mind and Relationships

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SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)As humans, we have a great need for intimate connections with other human beings. Somewhere around fifty thousand years ago, mankind saw the need to belong to a larger social group for the purpose of hunting and survival. Those who had the genetic and mental skills to adapt to social settings became alphas in the group and passed their genes on to the next generation. Those who did not were separated from the group and died out. Through natural selection, the human brain has developed a process where one mind can directly interface with another through the transfer of energy and information and thus create a super system between two or more individuals.

So how does this social ability work? At conception, we receive a genetic code that fashions a region in the brain known as the prefrontal cortex. At the center of this is the orbitofrontal cortex which is believed to be responsible for emotional and social processing. The right side of this region seems to be able to create an emotional state and then  send signals that  directly shape the emotional mindset of the receiver. This is perceived subconsciously through facial expression, voice tone, and other types of body language. This activates the emotion system of the receiver through the amygdala and the anterior cingulate thereby orienting attention and creating arousal. Through verbal response, the sender and receiver  begin to share information from one mind to another creating similar representational processes, appraising meaning, and influencing individual or group behavior.

This process begins during infancy. The function of the developing brain is shaped by the parent’s more mature brain. There is an alignment of states of mind between parent and child. When this attunement is conducted in a warm supportive manner, the child understands and feels what is perceived to be right or wrong. This process eventually leads to the child self-regulating its own behavioral impulses. Shame is the emotion evoked when the child’s arousal state is not confirmed or attuned to by the parent. When this attunement is accompanied by a parent’s anger or some other form of disconnection, the parent fails to soothe the child’s sense of shame thus resulting in a deeper negative sensation that we can refer to as humiliation. The way to cope with humiliation is for the child to experience self-loathing or to strike back in anger to protect the self.

I did not receive good parenting. I was neglected as a child because my single parent mother with nine children was unable to meet my need for loving and supportive attunement.  As a result, I  developed a personality disorder which made it very difficult to relate to others, particularly members of the opposite sex. On the outside, I was a handsome, athletic, and intelligent guy who attracted a lot of female attention, but I was not sexually aggressive or assertive. I was able to maintain heterosexual relationships and eventually married and had four children, but sexually, I found it much easier to relate to men.

In my case, the processes begun during childhood continued into adulthood. Because the emotions constitute the fundamental value system of the brain, I not only subjected myself to the positive or negative energy of others, but I also opened myself up to absorbing their value systems. This led to self-loathing because I could not control my gay impulses which were in direct conflict with my heterosexual and religious family relationships. I  lacked awareness of internal pain or dissatisfaction with my relationships which otherwise might have served to motivate change. I  became very skilled in providing what I thought others wanted, but I did not take care of my own wants and needs. This eventually led to a mental breakdown and divorce.

The good news is the orbitofrontal cortex remains plastic throughout our life time. We cannot change what we have received in the way of parenting, but we can change the way our brain works. The most important relationship we can develop is with our higher self. This creates an internal attunement with our own positive spiritual guide which will always be gentle and will never seek to shame or humiliate. Through the higher self, we can overcome early damage by being aware of our thinking patterns. We ask our higher self to verbally respond to the child within. This allows us to make left hemisphere sense out of right hemisphere emotional feelings and create a sense of order out of our own chaotic  processes. By focusing in on our pain and the cause of our pain, we can bring in the vibrations of our higher self to soothe and rewire those circuits.

By analyzing our relationships, we can then begin to function consciously instead of just reacting subconsciously. We avoid negative relationships and nurture positive ones. Because we are subject to an intense sense of vulnerability and loss, we learn to recognize these feeling and reconnect them to the higher self for soothing. Because we tend to over compensate and recreate ourselves to please others – the chameleon effect – we learn to recognize our own needs, and love, respect and defend ourselves. Because we may have a profound fear of annihilation or abandonment, we recognize our strengths instead of our weaknesses and take time to just be alone with ourselves.

I have learned to attune to my higher self.  Above all I have learned to parent the ego or child within. In the process, I have established the following guidelines that I would like to pass on to you.

My five applications for bisexuals:

1. We look in the mirror each morning and establish loving eye contact.

2. We use our tender voice for self-talk, never condemning or being disappointed in ourselves.

3. We only allow good touches from others.

4. We practice focused attention with ourselves by choosing some activity each day just for us. We create our own sense of purpose and set aside time and space to do the things we really want to do.

5. Above all, we shape our own present and future by developing prospective memory which allows us to imagine, create, and remember a set of future feelings and goals and then set our will or sense of purpose to creating the life we would love to live.

Emotion, Three Types of Energy, and the Self Function of the Mind

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)In this blog, we continue to search for the self within the mind. Neuroscience suggests that the answer may lie within the emotional energy of the brain which is a function of the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex. I am suggesting that the answer lies in “the mind within the mind” that I have been referring to as the higher self, or what others may refer to as soul or spirit. The question we have to ask is, “What is the energy source that drives the mental functions of the mind?”.  I believe that this is probably the most important question we can ask ourselves. When we discover the source of this energy, we can then develop a paradigm that will direct all our beliefs and subsequent actions.

According to neuroscience, the flow of brain or mind energy is generated by the hind brain and mid brain which then flows through the thalamus, hypothalamus, and amygdala. It is then regulated by the orbitofrontal cortex and the anterior cingulate which direct the flow of energy to various neural networks that manifest as states of mind. Importance at any point in time is assigned through emotional intensity thereby regulating the number of neurons that fire and the amount of neurotransmitters released. In essence, this energy then attaches meaning, focuses attention, and activates the appropriate mindset to deal with a given situation, thus creating consciousness. With each new experience the energy is directed into combining this new information into the mind state through an increase in complexity, or an expanded neural network. In other words, this flow of energy directs the self, or it is, in fact, the “self” itself.

This flow of energy through and in the mind is known as emotion. The first type of emotion is primary emotion which regulates arousal and controls the flow of information. The second type of emotion is called categorical. It is what we commonly recognize as the typical emotions like fear, anger, joy etc. These emotions are now at the conscious level and we can name them and describe their associated feelings. We can categorize all the emotions as positive of negative. They seem to operate on a continuum. For example, at one end you may have despair, at the middle primary emotion, and then at the opposite end joy.   The negative emotions involves the sympathetic system which activates the hormones of the body, chief of which are adrenaline and cortisone. The inability to regulate the emotions through the activities of the brain is the source of most of our mental and physical problems.

This takes us to the question of the nature of mind energy itself. The negative energy that comes from negative categorical emotions is destructive and paralyzing. The positive energy that comes from primary and positive categorical emotion is enjoyable and constructive. According to neuroscience, these two sources of energy control and regulate all the other functions of the brain. We seek the positive (joy) and avoid the negative (pain). On first glance, this seems preposterous, that brain energy, the mere transfer of electrochemical impulses, could be the essence of self.  I am suggesting that this emotional energy based function of self does indeed exist within the mind sets of the brain, but it does not function on its own. I believe there is an third type of energy that controls this energy.

Recent scientific studies using space age technology have identified  a low frequency electromagnetic energy (similar to light and sound waves) that emanates from the whole body.  I believe that this energy is the essence of life itself. I believe that this energy controls the electrochemical processes of the brain including the flow of emotion and information. I believe it is the mind within the mind  that activates the conscious state of mind that seems to control and regulate the other states of mind. Above all, this flow of energy is the essence of “will”, the desire and ability to choose. It is not just the brain combining states of mind to forge new pathways, it is the energy of self directing the brain to choose new courses and to make new choices that the brain can then encode in the neural pathways for future reference.

Now the question is, “Why is this so important?’ if we believe that the self is merely an electrochemical flow of energy and information then we are extremely limited in our ability to expand. The idea of self then is a bottom up approach. We are a result of our previous experiences and resulting mindsets, which become rigid and limited over time. We have to battle with those previous mindsets and hope for semi-random combinations regulated by emotion to expand and grow. However, if we believe that we have an energy based spiritual self beyond the confines of the brain then the sky is the limit. We now have the ability to create new neural pathways and to make choices based on our  highest feelings and dreams.

My five applications to bisexuality:

1. Our brains are definitely influenced by past states of mind, many of them containing negative reactions to our gender realities. These reactions have tended to control our ability to a accept ourselves the way we are and to expand and grow. We now have an opportunity to bring our higher self into the picture for healing. We attune with our higher self which is always gentle and supportive.

2. We ask our bodies and our minds to bring up old issues. We then call upon and ask for the support of our higher self. We rest there until we feel the positive energy flow into those memories thus rewiring them with positive feedback. We keep doing this over and over again until those old vibrations of negative energy disappear and are replaced by the positive energy of our higher self.

3. We dream new dreams. We plan a life that will fulfill all our hopes and desires. We make this plan real by providing the minute details of what this life will look life.

4. With the help of our higher self, we allow ourselves to feel what this life will feel like. We hold that feeling and rehearse it daily until the dream becomes a reality.

5. We but aside the old patterns of the brain. I am powerless becomes I am powerful.  I am a worthless failure becomes I am am a beautiful being and I deserve to live the life I want. And above all, I loathe and hate myself becomes I love, and yes, I even like myself. We keep reminding ourselves that we deserve to live the life of our dreams.

Self-Reflection as a Function of the Human Mind

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Much to my chagrin, I have discovered that science has coined a name or term for my way of thinking, and here I thought I was being creative and original. They call it the homunculus, or the mind within the mind, or by definition, the ghost within the machine. Not a very flattering term, but rather than being insulted, I have chosen to take this opportunity to do some “self” reflection.

According to neuroscience, this process of third thought, which I refer to as the higher self, results from the construction of states of mind that continually evolve according to the nonlinear principle of the Complexity Theory. It is believed that the human brain has constructed a wide variety of saved and stored states of mind. Once a collection of these states are activated by triggers in the environment, they interplay with one another in a random series thus creating new patterns of thought. According to the emergent and recursive principles of complexity, these states are then regulated by a system of internal and external constraints which allows the brain to evaluate, sort, and choose significant elements to build more complex structures within that state. The brain then rebuilds the state by forging new links within the billions of neurons of the brain with its trillions of possible connections. In other words, it is continually refiring and rewiring thus creating greater complexity of thought. The self then is merely a continuous shift in states of mind at any one moment in time. According to these theories, my belief of a higher self is merely an interplay of my own brain’s states of mind fueled by my desire to find purpose beyond the constraints of my brain. There is no overall me, it is just a collection of me’s that are responding simultaneously to my environment. I am not real; I am merely the ghost in the machinery of my brain.

And that is the age old question, isn’t it? Am I merely a biological computer employing a collection of programs simultaneously to somehow arrive at biological intelligence, or am I something more than that? Is every thought I think and every action I undertake merely a response by my brain to the environment? Is it merely creating a state of mind that is seeking for something beyond the horror of living a meaningless life ending in a complete and final death? Honestly, I have to admit – “maybe”. You see, I cannot be positive that I have a spiritual higher self because the scientific evidence is just not there. If I am honest, I have to admit that it is really only a theory. However, if the neuroscientists are honest, they have to admit that all of their intellectual gymnastics can only produce a theory as well. Then we both have to do what all theories require and that is look for evidence to support the theory.

I am suggesting that there is more evidence to support the existence of a pure energy higher self than there is for the brain theory of complexity. There is something inside of me that screams, “I am not just a ghost in the machine!” I am real. I am the presence, the being inside of but also beyond the neural pathways. I can feel me there when I put my brain to rest. I am not a state of mind because I exist outside the mind. I am a powerful energy-based, spiritual being in complete control of my life and yes, to all the naysayers, I am the presence within my brain.

My five applications to bisexuals (and everyone else for that matter):

1. We believe. I am not speaking of a religion; I am referring to believing in and experiencing the power of the energy within us. Whenever we feel that the pressures of this life are overwhelming our tired brain, we just stop the madness of the mind for a moment and just feel the power of that presence within us. We will sense a powerful peace-filled entity there that is the “me”, the “self”.

2. We allow the inner me to be present in our life. We awaken it during meditation each morning, and acknowledge its presence there throughout the day.

3. When we feel an anxiety based tension, we know it is our brain or mind overworking to solve make-believe problems. This is different from the energy tension we need to accomplish the necessary life and work tasks. It is a restlessness. It is the brain that is searching for meaning and purpose. It does not matter how hard we try, the brain cannot solve the problem that itself has created. It will just keep on building more and more complex states of mind. We now simply turn this feeling of restlessness over to the higher self and wait for a response. It will be in the form of a feeling of peace and contentment.

4. If we are struggling with our gender issues, this is merely the brain working over previous states of mind and trying to reconnect them with other mind states that may be stored in implicit or explicit memory. There are no brain based answers to these problems. We merely refer them to our higher self. The gender issues will dissolve immediately. We will feel the contentment of knowing that our bodies need for sexual gratification is merely a biological urge. We can either ignore or act upon it. We do not have to process our actions through the judgment of previous states of mind. That one just goes round and round through the brain without a solution.

5. We seek like-minded sexual partners or mates with whom we can interact without the constraints of states of mind related to blame and shame. We meet the biological needs of our bodies and allow our minds and higher selves to mingle and enjoy each other and allow the positive feelings, and yes, love, to enfold us.

The Creative Function of the Mind

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SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)In exploring the functions of the mind, I had it all backwards. We do not start with the simplest and go to the more complex (from the bottom up) we start at the top and work down. In everything in life, we do not start at the bottom and think upwards, we start at the top. I am beautiful. I am powerful. There is greatness in me. I have a gifted mind that can create what it desires.

During meditation this morning, instead of just trying to remain silent without thought, I allowed the universe, or if you prefer, my god (perhaps my higher self), to speak to me. I opened up my soul and asked whoever is out there (or in here) to speak. The message was loud and clear; it was to create, to employ the power of my thoughts to create. Instead or completing my book on developing virtues, it was to show the power of virtues. Instead of intellectual prose, I was to use creative prose and the power of poetry.

But the power of creation has to be more than just writing poetry. So what is the intrinsic nature of creativity and how is it manifested by the human mind? What immediately came to mind was the moment my son was born. My wife had gone into labor and we had hurried to the hospital for the delivery. The doctor arrived, examined my wife, and proclaimed that the baby was turned the wrong way, and it would be several hours before he was born. He said he was going home to sleep and would come back in the morning. Feeling the guilt of putting my wife through this incredible sequence of unending pain, I placed my hands on her abdomen and asked god to turn the baby. At that exact moment, the baby turned. The doctor had just enough time to return to the hospital and cut the umbilical cord.

So what had happened? Out of the power of extreme emotion came the thought and then the words. The words had the power to create, to change the physical world around me. Words bring thoughts into clarity and therefore in reality. Words have power. Where does this power come from? I could go into the neurobiology and explain how the activities of the amygdala, the orbitofrontal cortex, and the anterior cingulate create energy which we refer to as primary emotion, and how these emotions then are regulated by the prefrontal cortex to create the categorical emotions we know as fear, sadness etc., and these emotions then give the power to put these thoughts into action. But we do not need to know all that; we just need to know that when we add feeling to our thoughts, we can change the world. This is what I mean by the creative function of the mind.

The Power of thought is much more than the few amps of electrochemical energy produced by the brain. All the combined energies of brain, body, and heart do not have the power to create things in our environment. Even if we add the electromagnetic waves that emanate from the whole body, which researchers suggest is evidence of an aura or a human soul, we still do not have enough energy to turn on a light bulb, let alone cause a baby to turn in the womb. So then where does this energy come from? It has to be that we are more than just brain/mind and that we must have an additional dimension of mind/soul that serves as a link to the life power around us. We need this infinite source of power to turn a baby or cause the Red Sea to part.

This power of thought/word/life energy is the power of creation. We have the power to create by thinking with emotion and purpose. We can heal our minds and bodies. We can dream dreams and make those dreams become reality with the power of emotional thought put into words that then are turned into action.

My five applications to bisexuality:

1. Be creative. If we do not like our present circumstance, all we have to do is think the right thoughts, put our full power of emotion into them, and speak them into reality. I am a hopeless failure becomes “I am a beautiful powerful being.” We keep saying it louder and louder until we feel the enormous power of our thoughts.

2. We believe in the power of our thoughts. We look for evidence that our thoughts are being manifested. The world will begin to change one small step at a time. The key is to look for and find the evidence of that change. This will reinforce our belief, which in turn will energize our emotions, which in turn will enhance our ability to create.

3. As bisexuals, we will begin to believe in ourselves. We will design the life we love and we will begin to love the life we live. We will not be satisfied until we actualize the full power of our dream.

4. We will visualize the perfect mate and bring that person into our lives.

5. We will use our sexual energy to build our relationships and enhance all our sensory experiences, including enjoying great sex.

The Three functions of the Mind and Sex

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Throughout the study of the virtues one glaring fact repeated itself over and over again – all our sorrows are centered in our human mind. The exciting and expanding study of neurobiology has led to some interesting insights into the human brain and how it develops into the human mind. Coupled with psychology and psychiatry we are just beginning to understand how the mind develops and how it functions. Keeping in mind the neurology, we will focus on the psychology as we look at the – count them – the ninety-six known functions of the mind. We will also focus on how the mind relates to what we call soul and spirit by attempting to solve the mystery of if and where the mind ends and the soul or spirit begins.  We will then apply these findings to our sexuality with special attention given to bisexuality and to the sexuality of our fellow members in the LGBQT community.

According to studies by Dr.’s Linda and Richard Elder[1], the simplest way to look at the functions of the mind is to consider it as a three function organism – thinking – feeling – wanting. They suggest that the mind doesn’t just think; it also feels and wants. They conclude that feelings are influenced by powerful emotions or desires that result in egocentric tendencies that function automatically and unconsciously. This results in what they call ego-centered reality that sees the world from a narrow self-serving perspective. The Elders suggest that egocentric thinking is responsible for negative feelings such as anger, depression, defensiveness, apathy, and indifference. According to the Elders the one saving grace is our capacity for reasoning which frees us from self-delusions. They suggest that rational tendencies arise only from active self-development resulting in bringing thought and desire into consciousness. However, I believe that reasoning cannot be relied upon because thought and reasoning themselves are governed by what we feel and desire.

First of all let’s look at thinking. According to the Elders “thinking is the part of the mind that figures things out. It makes sense of life’s events. It creates the ideas through which we define situations, relationships and problems. It continually tells us: This is what is going on. This is what is happening. Notice this and that.” They appear to be referring to the conscious mind which uses its array of memories of past events to make decisions about the present. But to look at the rational or conscious mind in isolation leads to a whole nest of errors. We have to face the fact that we are not rational animals.  We are indeed emotional and controlled by our desires. Without considering that the schemas are there to achieve our desires, we find ourselves with the false hope that our reason can solve all our problems. Reason in merely the tool of our desires.

Now let’s consider feelings. According to the Elders “Feelings are created by thinking — evaluating whether the events of our lives are positive or negative. Feelings continually tell us: ‘This is how I should feel about what is happening in my life. I’m doing really well.’ Or, alternatively, ‘Things aren’t going well for me.’ “  I believe that feelings are not really a part of the thinking process; they are an entity in themselves. They come from the old brain, specifically from the reticular and limbic systems. They are natural pre-thought-responses to our environment. They are the rooted in our fears and our sexual desires long before our frontal cortex even gets involved (just speaking figuratively – it only takes a few nanoseconds before the frontal cortex is activated). Most of these fears originate from implicit memory formed during our infancy which directs the workings of the subconscious mind. The brief time between feeling and thought makes all the difference. From that point on our fears and desires take over and the frontal cortex merely rationalizes what is already in place.

This takes us to the third function, desire. According to the elders, desire occurs when we “allocate energy to action, in keeping with what we define as desirable and possible. It continually tells us: ‘this is worth getting. Go for it!’ Or, conversely, ‘This is not worth getting. Don’t bother.’ “. This is the same blind alley. Desire and feelings are synonymous. They are the ends of the same construct. As soon as feelings are formed, the emotions are activated and the desires are born from the marriage of the environment and the feelings about the environment. Only after a desire is formed do we activate the frontal cortex to provide us with a plan to fulfill our desires.

When we try to separate our minds into distinct functions, we run into several roadblocks and some faulty conclusions. The major problem in relying on thought and reason is that it then becomes the focal point in problem solving. According to any form of verbal therapy, the issues we face are because of our inability to control our feelings and therefore our desires. The premise is that we can allow our feelings to express themselves through images and symbols in the form of thoughts and words. The hope is that once we understand what our feelings are telling us, we can then develop a rational plan that will achieve our new desires.  Even this form of cognitive therapy is based on a faulty premise because we do not control our feelings through thought. It is like taking a pain killer to numb the pain, thereby dealing with the symptoms without ever getting to the root cause.  We have to realize that most of our fears and desires are coming from our implicit memory which composes our subconscious mind. We cannot use the mind to control these feelings and desires because we are using the egocentric part of us to solve the problems created before the sense of self and the advent of reasoning.  This requires a paradigm shift. We have to find some way to reach the feelings coming from the subconscious mind.

So this is where the soul comes in. We have to stop relying on our mind for healing and look for something beyond the mind. I believe the soul or spirit is the instrument that can bring our feelings to a second level of consciousness. The spirit brings a counterbalance to feelings, or more accurately, embodies the feelings so that fear and sexual impulse can be momentarily neutralized for a second look to take place. This look comes not in the form of thoughts and words, but in a new feeling. It says “something is wrong with this feeling” and it provides a mirror by which we can examine our feelings in light of some universal truth. It then changes the feelings and alters the implicit memories associated with anxiety and fear to ones of peace and well-being. I am worthless and I fear the present” can become “No! I am beautiful and I welcome the present.” Only with the advent of this new feeling can the human mind come under the influence of the second level of spiritual consciousness and heal the implicit memories and reroute the self-defeating neurological patterns. This is the function of the human soul. The mind’s desire to fight or flee becomes the spirit’s desire to stay, understand and to do something to make a difference for ourselves, the ones we love, and to contribute to the universal source of life and love. Healing then becomes a function not of the mind but of the soul.

My five applications to bisexuality:

  1. As expressed in previous blogs, we have a genetic predisposition towards both men and women with no built in aversions to either one. According to research, the predisposition may also contain a prenatal stress factor absorbed from our mothers during pregnancy and accentuated during infancy. This may have resulted in anxiety filled implicit memories and subconscious mental states.  If we fall into these categories we usually need inner healing before we can enjoy our sexuality.  In order to deal with the implicit subconsciousness we have to seek out our higher self before we can find peace.
  2. We can get in touch with our higher self by seeking a state of peace during meditation or nature baths. Once we capture that feeling we can tuck it into our memory banks and recall it whenever we have a sense of low self-esteem.
  3. Implicit memories usually result in a continued feeling of being unattached or separated  during our developing years thus causing additional stress and anxiety. This usually affects our explicit memory experiences and our sense of self. We therefore have a conscious issues  which can be dealt with through cognitive therapy once our subconscious self has been addressed. We can work on our explicit and autobiographical sense of self by constantly repeating “I am better than that,” every time we feel a self-defeating wave of anxiety.
  4. We recognize our freedom to choose any life styles we wish and deal with self-criticism by saying to our egocentric self, “I understand your concerns but I choose to enjoy this experience.”
  5. We do not accept any feelings of guilt. We simply say “I chose to have that experience and I have a right to enjoy the pleasures associated with my choices.”

[1] Elder, Linda and Elder Richard. The Human Mind. https://www.criticalthinking.org/TGS_files/SAM-TheHumanMind.pdf