Category: Bisexuality and the Human Mind

Auto-Suggestion and Bisexuality

Published on by Bi-Ed: Bisexual EducationLeave a comment

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)(This is the fourth in the series on applying Napoleon Hill’s principles for financial success to how we can shape our bisexuality into creating a life that we would truly love to live.)

According to Napoleon Hill, auto-suggestion is “the agency of communication between the part of the mind where conscious thought takes place, and that which serves as the seat of action for the subconscious mind (higher self).” [1]

Most of us live continuously within our conscious mind. Biologically, it is the constant process of sensing, turning senses into perceptions, and then processing the new information in the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC). The OFC does this by referring to past mind sets involving memories and emotion. It then sets plans of action and carries them out. Once we have completed the task, the new information is connected through creating neural pathways to past mind sets. Thus we continue to experience and grow. But is that all there is?

Hill suggests that there is another part of us that functions apart from the conscious mind. He refers to it as the subconscious. However, we now know that the subconscious is merely mind sets, or neural pathways, involving implicit and explicit memories attached to strong emotions. Frequently these emotions are based on negative experiences and fears that serve as guides or blocks to taking actions into the unknown. However, we do not grow unless we are willing to take some risks. This leads to my thesis that we have a higher power that drives us on to become better and better human beings. It operates in the realm of imagination and by taking steps into the unknown. It wants to experience and grow.

We can perceive life then as a battle between our conscious mind with its subconscious fears and our higher self with its desire to grow. According to Hill, the way to move from the conscious mind to the higher self is through the power of Auto-Suggestion.  Hill states that we do this by forming a plan under the intuitive guidance of the higher self and developing a procedure to bypass the fears of the conscious mind. He suggests that we put this plan into writing, and repeat it over and over again until a clear picture of the plan is formed in our conscious mind, thereby removing the fear of the unknown. This includes the pleasure feeling of what it would be like to obtain our desires. Instead of fear of failure or the unknown, the conscious mind now has a desire and an expectation for the hoped for outcome. But we still have to battle against the old paragigms of the subconscious mind.

Hill suggests that our ability to use the principle of auto-suggestion will depend upon our ability to concentrate upon a given desire until that desire becomes a burning obsession. Once that obsession is in place we can expect the higher self to connect with the Infinite Intelligence to intuitively provide the conscious mind with a step by step plan. The law of Attraction will then come into effect whereby The Universe will provide everything that is necessary to bring our desires into material reality.

According to Hill we employ the following three-step process for auto-suggestion:

  1. Make a plan including the goal, time limit, and what you will give in return
  2. Create a written copy and post it where you can see it and read it just before retiring and upon arising, until it is memorized.
  3. Repeat this plan vocally day and night until you can see in your imagination the money (desire) you intend to accumulate.

For example, here is the plan on which I am now working:

By June 30, 2019, I will have sold 1000 copies of my latest book, The Room, which is about the emotions and feelings associated with depression. In return I will give readings, book launches, and whatever service needed to market my book. I will then submit my book for provincial and national contests and receive the Governor General’s Award and the twenty-five thousand dollars that goes with it. 

Here are my five suggestions for bisexuals:

  1. We call up our higher self by getting into a state of mindfulness and dreaming up what it would be like to live the life of our dreams. We stay in a state of mindfulness allowing our higher self to formulate a step by step plan  to achieve our dream.
  2. We write and post that plan where we can see it and recite it day and night until it is memorized.
  3. We continue reciting this plan until we can feel what it is like to have the desires fulfilled.
  4. We will begin to receive hunches on what we have to do to achieve our desires, and we immediately act upon them.
  5. We follow these intuitive suggestions step by step until our desires and dreams become a reality.

[1] Hill, Napoleon. Think and Grow Rich. Dover Publications Inc..2015. (page 57)

Bisexuality and Belief In Ourselves

Published on by Bi-Ed: Bisexual EducationLeave a comment

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)

(This is the third in the series on applying Napoleon Hill’s principles for financial success to how we can shape our bisexuality into creating a life that we would truly love to live.)

How do we build belief in ourselves? Napoleon Hill seems to have the answer. He calls it auto-suggestion, which is essentially the power of positive thinking, with the emphasis on thinking. Thoughts are bursts of mind energy and therefore powerful tools in building the life we would love to live. Hill suggests that we can change our present reality through repetition of positive thoughts. He instructs us to formulate a positive thought related to a specific goal and “repeat it in audible words, day after day, until these vibrations of sound have reached our subconscious mind.” He further advocates that we make “a simple arrangement of positive thought impulses stated in writing, memorized, and repeated, until they become the working equipment of the subconscious faculty of our mind.”[1]

There are three aspects to this formula that I believe we should underline and note. The first is the faculty of our subconscious mind. Hill was no doubt influenced by the works of Sigmund Freud, a psychologist who believed all the ills of a troubled mind were located in the subconscious. Of course, he was dealing with mental illness, but what about the rest of us that are only half insane? We now know that the subconscious mind is a collection of mind states that involve complex neural pathways based on past implicit and explicit memories that are linked to powerful emotions. Whenever the orbitofrontal cortex is evaluating a potentially threatening situation, it will juggle negative and positive mind sets looking for a possible solution. Because the negative neural pathways are loaded with negative emotion, they will frequently override our positive feelings and desires. As a result, we will be reluctant to pursue a path that could lead to positive outcomes because of the fear that is embedded in our neural pathways.

In order to move forward with our lives, we have to find a way of subduing these powerful mindsets with positive feelings. One of the ways of doing this is through creation of positive thoughts, but these thoughts have to be loaded with the energy of positive feelings. Hill suggests that one way of doing this is to view the desired outcome as though it is already being experienced.

Which brings us to the second point of note which is Hill’s referral to vibrations. In order to make the positive thoughts vibrate at a high enough frequency to overcome the energy supplied by the fear mechanism from the  amygdala, we have to really feel the energy coming from the nucleus accumbens in the pleasure center of the brain.  In other words we have to magnify this vibration by really feeling and experiencing the hoped for pleasurable experience.

I would suggest that we have yet another source of positive energy that is from the higher self,  is spiritual in nature,  and is connected to the ultimate source of positive power that comes from the universal intelligence. This vibration is slower and deeper and can be accessed through mindfulness where we shut down the main function of the orbitofrontal cortex and just experience the feelings of success and well-being which will automatically engage the pleasure center of the brain. While in this mindful state we can engage in positive thoughts about the wonderful person we already are and we can call upon the powers of the universe to bring into physical reality the object of our desires.

The third factor centers around repetition. By repeating these pleasant thoughts and feeling several times a day, the neural pathways are reinforced and become stronger. By constant repetition of thought and feeling, the subconscious mind will automatically access the more powerful pleasure vibration rather than the lesser fear vibration whenever the environment sends us a new problem connected to these thought patterns. We can now employ our subconscious mind to work for us instead of against us.

 

Here are my five suggestions for bisexuals; again we will rely on the suggestions given by Napoleon Hill,[2] but we will adapt them to successful living rather that monetary success.

  1. Through mindful connection with our higher self, we realize that we have the ability to achieve whatever our heart desires. We can now engage our thought energy to accomplish our goals.
  2. Hill suggests that we commit ourselves to spending 30 minutes a day to thinking and feeling what it would feel like to be the person we want to be. I have not been able to sustain 30 minutes, but fifteen works really well for me.
  3. We spend ten minutes a day developing our self-confidence by repeating over and over again that through the power of our higher self we have the ability and the power to do whatever it is we have to do.
  4. We do this day after day until we become the person we want to be, achieve the goal we wish to achieve, and live the life we want to live.
  5. We make a commitment to do no harm to anyone else. We will cooperate with others in reaching their goals. They will believe in us because we will believe in them.

[1] Hill, Napoleon. Think and Grow Rich. Dover Publications. 2015.  (page 41)

[2] Hill, Napoleon. Think and Grow Rich. Dover Publications. 2015. (Page 42)

Bisexuality and Desire

Published on by Bi-Ed: Bisexual EducationLeave a comment

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)

“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.” [1]

(This is the second in the series on applying Napoleon Hill’s principles for financial success to how we can shape our bisexuality into creating a life that we would truly love to live.)

I remember our basketball coach saying, “ya gotta wanna to be a winna”. So true. Desire is the life force of the human mind and soul. Desire is the drive to get or do something or to be someone. Desire is the emotional electrical charge from the amygdala that empowers our thoughts and provides the motivation to take action. There are two basic emotions that we can experience as human beings – desire and fear – and all the other emotions are somehow related to these two. Desire is our life force that  propels us forward to a hoped for pleasure, and fear is our safeguard that limits the extent of our desires and keeps the pursuit of pleasure within the boundaries of what is perceived as safe by the ego. Our goal should be to be creatures of desire rather than victims of fear, creatures who live by the desires of the soul rather than the fears of the ego.

Napoleon Hill lists six definite and practical steps by which our desires can be transmuted into the ability to achieve what we are striving for. The first step is to fix clear in our minds the exact form of what it is that we desire. If we could step into the perfect life right here and now, what would it look like? What would it feel like? In other words, what is the dream life that we would love to live? The second step is to decide what we would give in order to achieve that desire. This might mean a heart to heart discussion with a partner or perhaps a move to a new location to be with someone we love. It can be big changes or small changes. The third step is to establish a date by which we will obtain whatever it is that we desire. The fourth is to create a plan to achieve our desire. Step five is to write out a statement that includes the desire, what we will give, the date, and the plan. The sixth and final step is to read this statement every morning and every evening and visualize and feel what it would be like to live this new life.  We repeat this every day until it becomes a reality.

This six step process is known as the law of attraction. If we desire something and can imagine and visualize it with emotion and feeling, the life-force of this universe will begin to shape our reality according to our dreams and feelings. In other words, by the power of organized and persistent desire, we can create the kind of life we would truly love to live.

Here are my five suggestions for bisexuals; in this instance we will simply go with Napoleon hill:

  1. We develop a clear picture in our mind of the kind of life we would love to live. This can be a new relationship or changes to one we have now, or it can be a life with many relationships. We make it as clear as possible. What do we do in our shared time? What is the sex life like? Where do we live? What pleasures can we add?
  2. In order to receive what we desire we clearly list what we will give in return.
  3. We set a date in which we will have the life we want to live.
  4. We make a plan to achieve this life.
  5. We write out our plan and read it each morning and each evening before we go to bed. We visualize what it looks like, and we feel what it feels like. We firmly believe that we are worthy of this dream, and we firmly believe that we will make this dream come true.

[1] Hill, Napoleon. Think and Grow Rich. Dover Publications Inc. 2015.

Bisexuality and the Power of Belief

Published on by Bi-Ed: Bisexual EducationLeave a comment

 

SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)You gotta believe. Oh so true. But what is belief? Another word for belief is “faith”, but I am reluctant to use that word because of its religious connotations; however, belief is the same principle that is behind faith and the creation of miracles. The question is, how do we develop the kind of belief needed to live the kind of life we want to live?

According to Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich, “Faith is a state of mind which may be induced, or created, by affirmation or repeated instructions to the subconscious mind”[1] “which proceeds to translate that impulse into its physical equivalent by the most practical procedure available.”[2] According to Hill, when faith or belief are fueled by emotion they create a feeling which in turn brings the thoughts behind the belief into life and action. In other words, it is more than intellectual belief; true belief has to be fueled by the emotions and feelings of love for oneself and for others.

In our Western world, our view of sexuality has become warped and twisted. Our core values as a society are the cause of such things as voyeurism, pornography, objectifying women and men, rape and violence against women and gay men, and the list goes on and on. Nor do I agree with religious fundamentalists who would cover a woman from head to foot to avoid “impure thoughts” or return to Victorian mentality that sex is only for procreation and homosexuality is a mental illness and criminal activity. Is it any wonder that our own core values have also become tainted by the society in which we live?

This leads us to the need to consider beliefs on sexuality that focus on a healthy and pleasure filled experience. This requires an honest look at our own individual set of core values on sex. We have to take a look at the flaws of our rational mind and its thought patterns because our mind will only draw conclusion that are in harmony the core values we have developed under the influence of our parents, the church, the education system, and society.

We have to rely on our higher self to guide us based on the two basic principles which are: love for self and love for others. The higher self will bring these flaws to our attention and then suggest a path to a more wholesome and healthy set of core values. Once we adopt these values into our daily lives we can begin to change our behavior patterns and begin to live the life that we truly would love to live.

When I went through this process I came up with the following.

Flawed Value – I am a Bisexual and I have the right to live with a bisexual lifestyle.

Flawed Value – My bisexuality is a burden that has caused me to loathe myself and the things I have done.

Flawed Value – My bisexual impulses cannot be controlled so I should ignore my conscience and just indulge.

Flawed Value – My bisexuality was the cause of my divorce.

 

Wholesome Value – I am a person with sexual attraction for men and women and I can choose whom to love based on the love I can give and receive.

Wholesome Value – By bisexuality is a gift that lets me see life in a new and beautiful way influenced by my masculine strength and my sacred feminine.

Wholesome Value – I am in complete control of my sexual impulses and I can make a heart decision on when, where, and with whom I will have sex,

Wholesome Value – My bisexuality was not the cause of my divorce. The cause was our inability to love unconditionally and my divorce has led to new opportunities to seek and find unconditional love with another.

My five suggestion for Bisexuals:

Step 1: We can learn to trust our gut. The gut is simply the intuitive voice of the higher self. It will guide and direct our thoughts, help us make the right decision, and direct us in locating and accessing the things we will need to achieve our desires.

Step 2: We use the emotion of love. It is the power or the energy of love that provides the power to attract what we desire and believe. This is the love for the higher self which desires to obtain the desires of our hearts and to form bonds with others.

Step 3:  We can make sure that our thoughts are in line with the universe by simply evaluating whether or not what we desire will be truly good for ourselves and whether there is some good that will come out of it that may benefit others.

Step 4: Put our thoughts into action.

Step 5: Keep a daily inventory. Persist in the belief until it becomes a reality. We have to daily repeat the five step process. We reaffirm the power of the higher self; we check with our higher self to be sure we are on the right track; we employ the power of love from the higher self to connect with the universal intelligence and with others; and we wait for daily instructions on what needs to be done to realize our desires. Then we act upon those instructions.

[1] Hill, 1945 (page,36)

[2] Hill, 1945 (page 37)

Mindfulness and Bisexuality

Published on by Bi-Ed: Bisexual EducationLeave a comment

SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)By definition, mindfulness is a meditation technique that involves present-centered awareness without judgment. Mindfulness practices are based on Buddhist meditation techniques that target both thoughts and behaviors. The goal is to change the context of our thoughts. Through mindfulness; we observe what we are observing. If our thoughts are maladaptive, we acknowledge them but change our relationship to them. We do not permit them to lead to negative emotions.

During meditation, or perhaps more accurately, contemplation, we let our mind experience disturbing thoughts and feelings without reacting to them. One important technique is called decentering. We simply enter into a state of meditation. We shut down our mind and focus on our breathing until we enter into a state of relaxation.  Our blood pressure will decrease, our heart rate will slow down, and our brain will gradually cease creating thoughts and emotions. We open our mind to experience the sensations that are happening in the now. Inevitably our mind, without our checks and balance, will begin to bring thoughts based on past failures and other negative emotional experiences. We simply notice, label, and relate to them as just passing events rather than letting them regress to negative emotions about ourselves. By increasing our mindful awareness of our thoughts, impulses, cravings, and emotions, we are less likely to act on them or be ruled by them.

Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) has become an actual therapy practiced by present day psychologists. Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) was developed to treat major depressive disorder. Mindfulness training also includes therapies designed to treat substance use disorder and borderline personality disorder. One large, carefully controlled study found that MBCT was as effective as antidepressant medications in preventing relapse after an acute episode of major depressive disorder (Bieling & others, 2012; Segal & others, 2010). However, the actual practice is so simple that it can be practiced by anyone without professional help.

So how does this relate to bisexuality? I can only relate to my own personal experiences. After hiding my gay impulses from my wife and children for thirty-three years, I inevitably crashed and slipped into chronic depression. I sold or gave whatever was left after the divorce, took an early retirement, and fled to a mountain village in Costa Rica. I started to practice meditation each morning as I gazed on the warm forest and cities below. Inevitably all the blame, guilt and self-loathing would barge in on my meditation. With all these negative thoughts and emotion insisting on occupying my mind, I simply could not meditate. It was then that I decided to face my thoughts and feelings honestly and openly. I let them enter my mind, acknowledged them, wrapped them into a gift of love and sent them to the people they involved. I replaced self-loathing with love for them and eventually with love for myself. I realized that I had done the best I could under the circumstances to hold everything together until my last child and completed college. I was then able to move on, come out of my depression, drop all medication, and heal the personality disorder that I had developed by trying to live a double life. I realized that my trials had made me a beautiful person, thanked the universe for my gay impulses, and accepted my bisexuality as a gift and not a curse.

My five suggestions for bisexuals:

  1. Practice mindful meditation. It may be difficult at first but push through until you are comfortable living in the moment without anxiety.
  2. Once in a state on mindful meditation, allow your mind to bring whatever thoughts it wishes into the present where you sit relaxed and in control.
  3. Accept the thoughts and feelings that go with them but do not accept the negative emotions; in fact, convert them to positive ones. Thank your mind for presenting its thoughts and then release them. I like to visualize them wrapped like a gift and sent back to the ones I love, thanking them for the wonderful moments we had shared.
  4. Keep practicing this mindful meditation until these thoughts eventually cease to return.
  5. Give yourself a great big soul hug. You are a champ, a conqueror of the most powerful enemy you will ever face – yourself.

 

 

  1. Siegel,Daniel,J. Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation: Daniel J … 2010.

 

Bisexuality, Anxiety, and the Cerebellum

Published on by Bi-Ed: Bisexual EducationLeave a comment

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Using national data and the criteria from the DSM 4 to identify people with Anxiety Disorders, a group of researchers[1]  concluded that men who reported lifetime sexual behavior with both male and female partners had the highest rate of every mood and anxiety disorder. This was matched, but by a lesser degree, with women who reported both male and female partners. In some truly significant numbers, 46.5% of bisexual men experienced some mood disorder in their lifetime, compared with 26.8% of men who reported only same-sex sexual partners, 29.3% who reported no sexual partners, and 19.4% who reported exclusively female partners. These numbers are highly significant from two perspectives, first we bisexual men are almost twice as likely as other men to experience clinical anxiety, and secondly, almost half of us have experienced some form of severe anxiety during our lifetime.

So what is happening in our brains? Converging evidence suggests that the culprit may be the cerebellum which was traditionally thought of as the part of the brain responsible for motor control, voluntary movement, and balance. New information based on brain scans suggests that it may be much more than that. One of the surprising areas seems to be associative learning. Remember Pavlov’s dog and conditioned responses? Well it appears our anxiety may be related to conditioning. I read an article once (can’t find the source) that described gay and bisexual lives as death by a thousand cuts. We apparently are subconsciously responding to a lifetime of mini-traumas and now exhibit symptoms of PTSD. It’s like we have been in the trenches waiting for next call to charge the enemy through a mine field. In other words we suffer generalized anxiety because we feel that we are living a life where our sense of security is constantly being threatened.

The cerebellum also forms neural circuits with the thalamus, the hypothalamus and the amygdala. In other words it connects to the limbic and reticular systems which are associated with the two powerful emotions of attraction and fear.  This links whole body involvement with the dopamine pleasure seeking drive and the alert hormones of the sympathetic system.  Therefore, for those of us who have learned to live with generalized anxiety, it is not hard to understand why our whole body seems to be involved in our anxiety and not just our minds or genitals.  I am sure as bisexuals at least half of us have experienced that elephant on the chest, the frequent occurrence of shallow breathing, and mental fatigue that accompanies generalized anxiety.

Generalized anxiety involves the whole body, and therefore the relief has to involve the whole body. In the past the fastest and most effective way to get into my body was through same sex encounters. Unfortunately that was only temporary relief. I would walk away with a hollow feeling akin to depression and a gradual rebuild up of anxiety. The involvement of the cerebellum suggests that these anxieties have passed on beyond mind control and have become a part of my implicit memory and subconscious response systems. In other words I am now stuck with a chemical imbalance that is beyond the scope of psychological therapy. Typically that means medication with all its possible side effects, and that only provides relief for the symptoms and not the cause. It’s like taking a Tylenol for cancer. I have spent the last fifteen years of my life leaning to deal with my anxieties and in the process have found a new way of life that uses my anxiety as nervous energy to accomplish amazing things including this amazing blog.

 

My five suggestions for bisexuals on how to deal with anxiety by controlling our bodies:

  1. We can get in touch and stay in touch with our bodies. It’s simple – meditate. Fifteen minutes a day where we shut down our mind and concentrate of the sensations of our bodies. In the process we will find an inner presence that is interacting with the world around us. It will help us stay grounded.
  2. Practice soothing activities whenever we feel anxious. We simply become aware of our breathing. Deep breath in from the belly, hold, let out slowly and completely.
  3. Practice touch. Touch the area where we are feeling the anxiety and then bring the touch down to the heart and hold it there until the anxiety subsides.
  4. We sooth by talking to ourselves. We acknowledge the fear and its source thus bringing it from the subconscious to the conscious level. It is best done out loud. Then tap your heart and say “There. There, now. It’s all okay. I am here to protect you.”
  5. Whatever our sexual practices, we have a right to experience it without shame and remorse. If you feel that empty feeling, take charge of it and emphatically claim the right to seek pleasure anyway you so choose.
[1] Bostwick, Wendy B.;  Boyd, Carol J.; Hughes, Tonda L, and  McCabe, Sean Esteban. Dimensions of Sexual Orientation and the Prevalence of Mood and Anxiety Disorders in the United States. Am J Public Health, v.100(3); Mar 2010. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2820045/?tool)

 

Bisexuality and the Bonobos

Published on by Bi-Ed: Bisexual EducationLeave a comment

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)This blog focuses on bisexuality, and as much as I would like it to be more mental and spiritual, it seems to keep coming back to just plain (or not so plain) sex.  And, if you take the ‘l’ out of ‘plain’, plain can become ‘pain’. It appears that one thing the human mind cannot cope with is boredom. If we do the mathematics, plain sex = boredom = pain. That makes the letter “l” very important. and of course. the “l” stands for “love”. Love includes sexual pleasure but it is much more than that.

Why do we bisexual often seek sex without love? For one answer beyond the pure aspect of pleasure, we can look to our fellow primates. As we go from simple to more complex animals (that means a bigger brain), sexual behavior becomes subject to learning and environmental influences and not just reproduction (Buss, 2007a, 2007b). For example, in one species, the bonobos of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, sexual activity can occur at any time, not just when the female is fertile. Bonobos also engage in oral sex, intense tongue kissing, and homosexual and group sex. Among the bonobos, sexual interaction is used to increase group cohesion, avoid conflict, and decrease tension that might be caused by competition for food (de Waal,1995). Bonobos’ behaviors appear to be instinctive for social and stress relief reasons; these lucky fellows can seek pleasure for the sake of pleasure and the instinctive needs of the group. They are not capable of love as we know it.

Are we like our friends the bonobos? Are we just sex craved bisexuals merely releasing our aggressive tendencies so that we do not wreak havoc on society? I think not. You see, unlike the bonobos, we do have the ability to make complex rational decisions. Because of the evolution of our brains, we can hold two or more concepts or mind states simultaneously and employ our powers of reason to compare or combine them to make decisions for the self’s greater good. We can even take that one step farther and combine all our mind sets to create an emotional whole-brain mindset that we can call love. It then can become our guiding force that can control sexual pleasure by bringing it into the mindset as one whole-brain, whole-body experience that is greater and more powerful that the just sex-for-pleasure feeling.

Like our cousins the bonobos, we bisexuals often are out just for the pleasure of sex and to release our sex-based tensions so we can go back to our heterosexual world.  However, without love, sex can become merely an addictive pleasure seeking activity, and like with any other pleasure centered drug, the mind will seek greater and greater “highs”. Sex for the sake of sex will eventually become repetitive and mundane. If our only goal is pleasure, the obvious path is to find someone else who can start us off on a new high. If that fails, we can try same sex pleasure, and if that does not work, we can try fetishes. If that does not work, do we give up on sex? No. We give up on life.  In other words, our sexual desires have to be based on something more than just plain pleasure if we are to truly enjoy living.

Granted, a lot of us pleasure seeking bisexuals choose to follow our drives and not use our brains; however, we do have a choice.  And somewhere along the way, we may come to realize that pleasure for the sake of pleasure is literally a dead end street. And then we can try to put the “l” back into pain and just relax and enjoy good old plain sex with someone whom we can relate to on a mind and soul basis. We can choose to have sex because we love and want to be loved.

My five applications to bisexuality:

  1. Seeking pleasure is a good thing. It’s what keeps the old heart ticking. We can discover what turns us on and go out and find it. All is okay. No self judgement. No shame.
  2. We can use our brain to monitor our sexual drives and notice when the pleasure seems to be slipping. We can add new ideas and positions etc. to enhance the experience. This is also okay, but if we follow this path alone, it may never be enough.
  3. There is nothing wrong with repetition and familiarity. It’s okay to establish sexual patterns – the brain likes predictability. We do not have to work on our technique to increase pleasure, we just have to work on our minds.
  4. We can stop the noise of the mind that equates increased excitement with increased pleasure. We simply shut it down and enter into a sexual experience mindfully, allowing the mind to slowly absorb all the sensations that come from all seven senses.
  5. We can focus on our feelings for our partner and enjoy their increased levels of excitement and anticipation. We can learn to increase our own pleasure by enjoying the pleasure we give to the one we love. [1]

[2]

[1]Buss,DM.. Why Humans Have Sex. NCIB Resources. 2007. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17610060)

[2] De Waal, Frans B.M. Bonobo Sex and Society. Scientific American. 1995. (https://www.scribd.com/document/317081020/de-Waal-1995-Bonobo-Sex-and-Society-abbrev-pd)

Mind vs Spirit

Published on by Bi-Ed: Bisexual EducationLeave a comment

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Before we go on to explore the nature of spiritual energy, I think we have to take a good look at the elephant in the room, and that is the nature of the human mind and its ability to create new mind sets through imagination. In other words, is the spiritual self, and all the so-called evidence of a spirit, just creations of the imagination power of the human mind?

As we discovered in a previous blog, according to science the mind thinks and creates through the activities of the orbitofrontal cortex which operates in the ongoing present through its autobiographical-self. In other words it is creating and living its own story, and if we take that one step farther, it is creating and living its own self. This mind-self is composed of a variety of related mindsets or sets of neurological pathways connected to past experiences that it can light up at any given time to address the needs of the moment. One might argue that one of these mind sets is the spiritual-self. Yes, we do think about our own spirituality, and it is a definite possibility that these spirit based thought patterns are just a creation of the mind-self. In other words, there may be no spirit, just a mindset that the mind has created to deal with issues or questions that it cannot solve through rational processes. This includes the nature of life itself, the process of death and dying, and the mind’s need to create an afterlife to prevent its complete and total destruction. The argument is that the old brain’s need for survival at all costs has been processed by the mind-self to create the spirit-self and thus provide a solution to the life and death question. We have to admit that this is a definite possibility, and that the bright light at the end of the tunnel may be merely a final flash of energy from the dying brain.

To find an argument for the spirit-self, we have to leave science behind (however, there are some scientists today who are searching for scientific evidence of a spiritual aura but we will address this another time) and enter the field of philosophy. The desire or belief in an afterlife goes back into the origins of modern man and was addressed by Plato and Epicures during the Golden Age of Greece. During the Age of Enlightenment in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, the wise men of the time dared to imaging that the experience of life was simply a product of the functioning of the human mind. Emmanuel Kant developed an excellent argument against these atheistic theories. Kant argued that the concepts of space and time and cause and effect  do not come from just the human mind but are an essential part of our total humanity. He suggested that there is a noumenal (spirit-mind) world as well as phenomenal (rational-mind) world. In other words, we exist in two worlds with two minds, the world of our physical senses and the world or our spiritual senses. In essence, we have a body and a soul or a mind-self and a spirit-self.

So which one do we believe? To answer that question we have to look at the evidence. The presence of a mind-self that seems to direct all physical and mental activity appears to be irrefutable. Through the science of brain scans, we can see these parts of the brain light up when we think certain thoughts. It definitely exists. But does it create and direct a spirit-self or does the spirit-self create the thought that is evidenced by the activity of the brain.?  This is where the rational processes go from fact to theories that are only substantiated by the negative hypothesis. The absence of scientific evidence does not prove that the spirit does not exist.

Now let’s turn to spiritual evidence. All the unanswered questions of the mind fall into this category. All the miracles (and yes there is physical evidence that they have happened) are a result of irrational origins; they are beyond reason. The mind-self has no answer to these except the random solution. But are they random? Did they merely happen by chance? I think not,

My dear French Canadian grandmother lived a life of miracles, and the birth of my son, which I have discussed in a previous blog, was something special in my life that can not be explained by medical science. However, when looking for a definite example of a possible spirit based event, I immediately thought of a dear friend of mine.  She actually had her enlarged heart return to normal size after a prayer and the apparent transfer of spiritual energy that seemed to flow from the hands and words of a preacher. After a subsequent medical examination, the heart specialists from the University Hospital in that region had no logical explanation. They confirmed that this could not have occurred by any medical or scientific procedure. The question again is ” Does the lack of a scientific explanation prove there is a spiritual solution and therefore the evidence of a spirit-self?”. We cannot claim this on a scientific basis nor on the absence of such. However,  something inside me knows that I am more than what the eye can see, and my personal beliefs have been reaffirmed over and over again as I have learned to walk along my spirit filled path.

So why even bother with this science versus spirit exercise in logic and lack there-of? It is important because our beliefs direct our feelings, and our feelings direct our emotions, and our emotions direct our behavior.  We set goals and live our lives according to our beliefs. If I believe I am only a mind-self, I am limited by the power of my fragile mind. However, when I begin to explore the possibilities of my spirit nature, I become a powerful being. I am mind and spirit. My mind controls the activities of my body but my spirit controls the activities on my mind. I am not just the mind-self manipulating mind sets to create and co-ordinate thought and activity; I am spirit coordinating my life choices through the activities of my brain. It is not just the lighting up of neural pathways that creates “me”, my autobiographical-self, it is I, my spirit-self, that is creating the thought patterns in my brain. I light up the neural pathways; they do not light up and create me.  I have the power to create. I am a powerful, beautiful ball of eternal energy. I can create a life of miracles. I can create the life I love to live.

Here are my five suggestions for bisexuals and everyone else for that matter:

  1. If we believe only in the power of our mind and have mind issues that come with our bisexual nature, we are severely hampered on how we can respond to the struggles of life. We are alone with our limited mental resources and all the mental and emotional blocks that make it difficult to make good choices.  However, we do not have to accept what life appears to offer. We can face our issues head on and try to learn to control them through  the power of our minds.
  2. However, if we believe we are spiritual beings, we then open up the possibility of a higher self with access to the infinite power of the spiritual world. Just this thought alone, even if the spiritual world is a creation of our mind, creates a whole new world of possibilities. When we focus on being aware of our innate beauty and power, the mental issues will begin to dissolve themselves. We will attract good things into our lives that will bring joy and a feeling of well being.
  3. By associating with others who believe in the spiritual self, we can form powerful bonds that multiply our individual powers to create. We can let the power of love flow through us to others and let their love power flow through us.
  4. Our gender issues do not control us. We control our gender issues. Yes we accept them and the nature of the male and female sides our bisexual nature, but they are not problems we have to live with. They are attributes, gifts that we can use for our own pleasure and to offer to those we love. Our sexuality is a gift. We need to recognize and treat it as such.
  5. As spiritual beings, we have a simple purpose and that is to live, to love, to enjoy and to expand and grow as powerful beings. If we choose to live with a special someone, they have to accept and acknowledge that we are indeed special just as we have to recognize the people we love are also indeed special.

 

Energy and the Brain

Published on by Bi-Ed: Bisexual EducationLeave a comment

SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)It’s time to take a closer look at physical and spiritual energy. We are energy beings. Right down to the atoms and molecules that make up our cells, we are in constant motion. We are constantly changing. If we are to truly understand our self as a physical and spiritual being, and use this knowledge to grow and expand, we have to understand the nature of the energy by which we breathe, think, and have our being.  There is no better place to start than with the human brain.

The brain uses more energy than any other human organ accounting for up to 20 percent of the body’s total energy requirements. The source of energy that powers the human brain is mainly sugar, more specifically – glucose. Glucose is a hydrocarbon that is broken down with the help of additional oxygen (which we get through breathing) to create ATP (adenosine triphosphate). ATP is responsible for energy transfer in the human brain.

After reading the complex scientific information on ATP, it appears to act like an enzyme which is responsible for the binding of metals, predominantly magnesium, which then act as catalysts for the creation of protein strands and the breaking down of glucose. In the process, it creates an abundance of hydrogen ions which provides the energy for flow of information between neurons.  ATP supplies the energy required for these ions to traverse cell membranes thereby initiating many biological processes that keep our neurons firing.[1] When the accumulation of hydrogen ions increases the voltage in a neuron, the neurotransmitters are released firing an electrochemical impulse across the synapse to the dendrites of the neighboring neuron. The ATP then goes to work resetting the neurons to negative, through transfer of Sodium ions (which we get from salt) back across the membrane, making it more positive, and resulting in the uptake of the neurotransmitter back into the sending neuron. The neighboring dendrites where neurotransmitters are released do the same to the next neuron.

These chemical processes take a great deal of energy. During active mind activity, two thirds of the energy is used to fuel electrical impulses that neurons employ to communicate with one another. The remaining third is used for “housekeeping,” or cell-health maintenance.  When the brain is inactive, during sleep or relaxation (meditation), the process changes to about 50% for maintenance, thus resupplying the neurons with ATP and ions for future brain activity. This information indicates that we need to provide sufficient rest through relaxation periods throughout the day, especially if we are involved in high neocortex activity which includes most of us working in today’s information occupations in our western culture.

This is all fine in a healthy mind in a healthy environment where stages of brain activity are followed by brain maintenance; however, what happens when this does not occur. One study using brain scans showed the inferior parietal cortex (IPC), an area that helps us control the amount of energy we use, becomes deactivated when people felt they were being observed. In other words, if we feel comfortable with the people around us, the system continues to perform well, but if we’re concerned about how others are feeling about us, our performance deteriorates. This suggests that prolonged stress caused by unhealthy social relationships can affect our ability to employ and restore our brain energy systems. The brain will continue to employ its problem solving structures to restore balance, but if it is unable to do so, the mind will be unable to relax and restore the ATP and ions needed for thought and action.  Over an extended period of time this can lead to chemical breakdown and possible depression.

In another study, Cambridge[2] researchers found that when we are involved in intensive thought processes, the brain will place its own energy needs above the energy requirements of the rest of the body.  Again, over a prolonged period of time, this can create problems with the heart, which also requires a great deal of energy, and our immune system, which is responsible for healing and regeneration of other organs. This can lead to disease and the growth of cancerous tissue. In addition, the continued employment of the sympathetic nervous system creates high levels of salt in the blood stream which can lead to interference with ion transfer in the brain, and increased blood pressure in the body which is dangerous for heart failure and strokes.

Here are my five applications for bisexuals (and everyone else for that matter):

  1. First of all, we have to take good care of our minds with frequent periods of relaxation and mind rest. We can do this simply by learning to read the anxiety levels of our mind when the brain is overloaded. Once we become conscious of our mind states we can learn to provide it with sufficient rest.
  2. When we feel high levels of anxiety, we stop what we are doing and relax. Sometimes this will be a brief meditation where we concentrate on our breathing until the negative feelings dissolve.
  3. If the anxiety has transferred to the body through the sympathetic system, we may have to release this negative flow of body energy by physical exercise. A half hour brisk walk, where we concentrate on our surroundings and squelch our minds problem solving desires, usually does the trick.
  4. If this anxiety occurs whenever we engage in the same stressful activity or relationship, we may have to do an inventory and decide if this is the job or relationship that we really want to engage in. We must be prepared to make life changes to protect the energy system of our minds. If we are unable to make those decisions on our own, we may need to have someone help us through the process. We should take a leave of absence and find a good therapist.
  5. We need to pay special attention to our sex life as it can be a source of great pleasure and stress release or a cause of great anxiety. We have to be sure that our sexual behavior leads to and ends in the pleasure reward system without accompanying shame and anxiety. We may need to change our behavior or the way we think about it, or we may need to change our sex partners. Again, if we cannot seem to do this on our own, we may need professional help.

 

  1. Where Does The Human Brain Get Its Energy? Forbes – Whoa Science (https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2017/03/06where-does-the-human-brain-)
  2. Nikhil Swaminathan, Why Does the Brain Need So Much Power? Scientific America (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-does-the-brain-need-s/)

 

Sex and the Mind

Published on by Bi-Ed: Bisexual EducationLeave a comment

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)I think we would all agree that any problem with sex originates in the mind. Our bodies are just answering nature’s call, and the higher self is only concerned with relationships. When we look at the functioning of the brain, the genetic based sexual impulses seem to work at the autonomic level. It is only when the impulses go to the prefrontal cortex for second appraisal do we begin to second guess what our bodies and old brains are telling us. To understand how this works, we can view sexuality as two separate functions: arousal and desire. Adams et al. in their thorough review of brain and hormone activity defined sexual desire as “the behavioral drive that motivates individuals to fantasize about or seek out sexual activity.” In contrast, sexual arousal is defined as “the autonomic physiological processes that prepare the body for sexual activity.” [1] For the purpose of this blog we will be mainly looking at desire.

[1] Adams, Kristian; Favaloro; Dundas, Brendan; Dillon, Aaron; Nixon, Daniel. The Neuroscience of Sexual Desire. (http://neurosciencefundamentals.unsw.wikispaces.net/Sex+and+the+Brain.+What+parts+are+involved%3F)

But first, let’s take a brief look at the nature of arousal. Arousal is an old brain/body function. The activities of the tests and ovaries are regulated by a complex chain of events known as the hypothalamic-pituitary-gonadal axis. Sexual arousal is controlled by the autonomic nervous system which interacts with the sex organs creating an increase in steroids, body heat, and heart rate.  Male arousal is largely controlled directly by emotion through the limbic system, particularly the amygdala, with limited interaction with the rest of the brain.  Males on average have a 16% larger cortico-medial which is the area responsible for steroid uptake which, among other effects,  regulates flow of blood to the genitals. The activity of the limbic system precedes and triggers penile erection, sexual feelings, sensations of extreme pleasure, and memories of sexual intercourse. This creates a dopamine rush similar to a shot of heroin.

Female arousal appears to be more of a whole brain activity. A woman’s brain literally lights up when viewed in brain scans during stimulation of the brain via the vagus nerve.  Increased activity was noted in the hypothalamic paraventricular nucleus (PVN) (sympathetic nervous system – increasing  the dopamine rush –  and regulating blood flow), midbrain central gray (GABA and increased sexual reception), amygdala (emotion), hippocampus (memory), anterior cingulate (blood pressure, heart rate and reward anticipation), frontal parietal (body sensations), temporal and insular cortices (sensory processing and memory), anterior basal ganglia (psychomotor behavior), and cerebellum (motor movement). This results in a complex interaction between the brain and body. It also results in increased lubrication and enhanced touch sensation.

Through the technology of improved use of brain scans, we see that desire on the other hand increases brain activity in both males and females . The center for sexual desire appears to come from the amygdala; however, it does not function in isolation. The amygdalofugal pathway connects the amygdala with the thalamus, median hypothalamus, brain stem and nucleus accumbens. The nucleus accumbens is a large cluster of dopamine generating neurons which produces extreme feelings of pleasure as well as motivation to pursue sexual behavior. The anterior commisure is also activated connecting the left and right amygdala combining left brain (thought) and right brain (visual imagery) stimulation. One theory states that the anterior commisure may be responsible for gender orientation with gay men having am anterior commisure more similar to a woman’s (left brain dominant); however, this has not yet been established by neuroscience. Oxytocin seems to be a major player in sexual desire serving both as a stimulus to arousal and a neuromodulator to the flow of information through the neurotransmitters in the brain. All this happens in a blink of an eye where arousal and desire seem to interact simultaneously. This creates a yo-yo effect with our sexual drive system with constant interplay between thought, emotion, and hormonal arousal.

A review of the literature on neuro-sexual activity by Carl Zimmer[1] leads to some interesting additional information. One study observed that the medial orbito frontal cortex (OFC) was active in desire-impaired  but quiet in the normal men.  The OFC’s connection with the hippocampus  produces emotional memories which create states of mind. Through the interaction of states on mind, the OFC mediates reward and punishment, creates personal assessment, and manages expectations. It is also responsible for  understanding the thoughts, emotions and intentions of other people. It weighs action and consequences thereby influencing sexual desire. The OFC also connects to the neocortex particularly in the lobes involved in sensory integration including all somatosensory (body sensations) modalities.  The OFC also connects to the anterior insula, which is what we use to reflect on the state of our own body sensations. This interplay between the OFC, the anterior insula, and the neocortex may produce the good or bad feelings we associate with sexual arousal. Another set of studies noted that information not only travels from the visual cortex and the emotional centers to the higher regions of the brain, but also goes from the top down. Therefore, the higher regions may be instructing the eyes on what looks sexually desirable. The brain regions that handle self-awareness and understanding others may also be telling the emotional centers what to feel.

The two main disorders relating to sexual desire are hyposexual desire disorder (HSDD) and hypersexuality. The causes of sexual desire disorders vary, but some may include a decrease in the production of oestrogen in woman or testosterone in both men and women. HSDD is characterized by low levels of sexual desire and fantasy. This may be due to genetic predisposition or brain damage to the medial orbitofrontal cortex or the limbic structures of the amygdala, hypothalamus, or the temporal lobes. Hypersexuality can be considered as increased desire for sex that makes it difficult to meet social commitments and/or personal development. Evidence has been found that hypersexuality occurs‍ more often in the right hemisphere of the brain with far more cases in males. Studies also indicate that genetic predictors of homosexuality are associated with increased “risk taking” behavior (hypersexuality) due to irregularities of the serotonin production gene and over stimulus of the dopamine drive system.

I think we can conclude that sexual desire is the culmination of several different neural mechanisms, neural pathways, and states of mind, each of which is controlled in different areas of the brain and is activated at different stages of the sexual experience. In other words, arousal cannot be separated from desire. It is part of the bottom up process but almost simultaneously meets and meshes with the top town approach from the prefrontal cortex. Emotions, impulses and hormonal activity seem to pinball among various areas of the brain once arousal takes place.

Here are my five applications for bisexuals:

  1. Since sex is a whole brain activity, we can learn to control our mind and then use our mind to control our sexual impulses. We can do this through meditation and dealing with the pain stimuli coming from the ego (OFC). We can restructure our neural circuits through the wisdom of our higher self, affirm our desires as natural sources of pleasure, and rewire our mind with positive feelings of self-acceptance.
  2. Our sexual impulses are, by their nature, healthy. If we are attracted to men or women or both, it is merely part of our arousal system. We are free to indulge. However, before we can truly enjoy our sexuality, we must also heal the feelings coming from the prefrontal cortex (ego). We can do this by repeating step one whenever we experienced negative thoughts about our sexuality.
  3. I do not believe that hypersexuality is a legitimate problem except in rare cases. I do not believe it is due to a damaged limbic system. A strong sexual desire system is a sign of a healthy human body. The so-called addiction problems are a result of   developed mind sets that involve implicit and explicit memories connected to negative emotions. We simply have to change the circuits and remove the unhealthy inhibitions which are usually based on shame induced structures from family and religion.
  4. Hyposexuality is a problem, but it is not usually centered in the physical brain  structures. It is more likely an inhibitor from the orbito frontal cortex. We have to remove those inhibitors in order to enjoy our sexuality so that we can have fuller and more passionate relationships.
  5. Gay and bisexual men often have amazingly powerful sex drives. This is natural. We have to learn to enjoy it without shame or blame. When our sexual behavior involves a significant other, we have to be sure that he/she understands our drive, and we have to work out a general understanding that involves both of our needs and desires. We have to open up the doors of communication to take away the potential shame and blame.

[1] Zimmer, Carl. Discover, 2009. (http://discovermagazine.com/tags/?tag=carl+zimmer)