Category: Mindfulness

Sex and Virtuous Living

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(This is an excerpt from my book, Sex and Virtuous Living, which will be published in the near future.)

Virtues are beyond the power of the mind; they are the intrinsic qualities of the soul. They are all there just waiting for us open them up and live a purposeful and satisfying life. The human soul contains the mind with all its desires and fears, the heart which longs to reach out to others, and the spirit that longs to connect through positive energy vibrations with others and the universal source of positive divine energy that we can refer to as universal love. This interplay of mind or ego, heart, and spirit has the potential to create the virtues that can lead to bliss and self-actualization.

It is my belief that we are more than body and mind. Granted the human mind is an amazing organ that can draw upon sensations and perceptions to create amazing concepts and schemas that, perhaps, may include some concept of a higher self interacting with a loving god or a universal source of positive energy. But from my studies of the brain and the mind, I do not see how the brain by itself can develop the qualities needed for virtuous living. The mind is very self-centered and focuses on creating and responding to desires that lead to its pleasure and competitive achievement. It wishes to survive at all costs and to be the alpha female or male so that its genes can dominate the next generation.  Even the most altruistic motives can contain an internal reward. Regardless of our views of the Source, the Universe, the Tao, or God as some exterior source of power and enlightenment, most of us would agree that we do in fact have a higher self, that part of us that wishes and attempts to create a higher purpose and be a part of a higher human society. It is this part of the human soul that we will be working with throughout this book. It is this part of the soul that we can tap into to create the virtues needed for spiritual self-actualization.

In our western world, sex and human relationships are terribly misunderstood and the cause of massive amounts of negative energy that surface as depression, anxiety, grief, anger, and hate. Sex is a powerful force that originates in the reproductive organs, the hormone system, and the limbic system of the old brain. It is designed to preserve the human race through copulation and reproduction.  Sex is sex regardless of the issues experienced by various groups in our society, so we will be looking at is as one of the basic drives of the body, mind and soul as well as how it applies to the LBGTQ community and to trauma victims of rape and abuse. Regardless of our sexual experiences, we can channel the sexual energies of our bodies into positive feelings, wholesome relationships, emotional healing, and an energy source we can ride to self-actualization. The way to do that is through consciously developing virtues.

Virtues are qualities or characteristics of the human soul. Even though they may lead to compassion and altruism, they are basically about the self and the interplay of the ego-self, the heart, and the spiritual or higher-self.  We are human beings with all the desires and fears, but we are also spiritual beings who long to resonate in positive vibration with others and to reach out to the Source of Life and Love. Virtues require a desire to cooperate and flow with others towards some universal good. To seek true virtues, I believe we have to go beyond the functions of the mind where there is no perceivable reward other than being part of the flow of goodness and love.

I have divided the virtues into four blocks of five that I label as grounding, centering, love, and spiritual self-actualization. Like Maslow’s hierarchy, each one builds upon the other. The foundation of virtuous living begins in being grounded in the spiritual reality of the higher self.  As we visit each virtue we will attempt to connect it with the drives of survival and reproduction.

Virtuous Living , that will be published in the near future.)

Virtues are beyond the power of the mind; they are the intrinsic qualities of the soul. They are all there just waiting for us open them up and live a purposeful and satisfying life. The human soul contains the mind with all its desires and fears, the heart which longs to reach out to others, and the spirit that longs to connect through positive energy vibrations with others and the universal source of positive divine energy that we can refer to as universal love. This interplay of mind, heart, and spirit has the potential to create the virtues that can lead to bliss and self-actualization.

It is my belief that we are more than body and mind. Granted the human mind is an amazing organ that can draw upon sensations and perceptions to create amazing concepts and schemas that, perhaps, may include some concept of a higher self interacting with a loving god or a universal source of positive energy. But from my studies of the brain and the mind, I do not see how the brain by itself can develop the qualities needed for virtuous living. The mind is very self-centered and focuses on creating and responding to desires that lead to its pleasure and competitive achievement. It wishes to survive at all costs and to be the alpha female or male so that its genes can dominate the next generation.  Even the most altruistic motives can contain an internal reward. Regardless of our views of the Source, the Universe, the Tao, or God as some exterior source of power and enlightenment, most of us would agree that we do in fact have a higher self, that part of us that wishes and attempts to create a higher purpose and be a part of a higher human society. It is this part of the human soul that we will be working with throughout this book. It is this part of the soul that we can tap into to create the virtues needed for spiritual self-actualization.

In our western world, sex and human relationships are terribly misunderstood and the cause of massive amounts of negative energy that surface as depression, anxiety, grief, anger, and hate. Sex is a powerful force that originates in the reproductive organs, the hormone system, and the limbic system of the old brain. It is designed to preserve the human race through copulation and reproduction.  Sex is sex regardless of the issues experienced by various groups in our society, so we will be looking at is as one of the basic drives of the body, as well as how it applies to the LBGTQ community and to trauma victims of rape and abuse. Regardless of our sexual experiences, we can channel the sexual energies of our bodies into positive feelings, wholesome relationships, emotional healing, and an energy source we can ride to self-actualization. The way to do that is through consciously developing virtues.

Virtues are qualities or characteristics of the human soul. Even though they may lead to compassion and altruism, they are basically about the self and the interplay of the ego-self, the heart, and the spiritual or higher-self.  We are human beings with all the desires and fears, but we are also spiritual beings who long to resonate in positive vibration with others and to reach out to the Source of Life and Love. Virtues require a desire to cooperate and flow with others towards some universal good. To seek true virtues, I believe we have to go beyond the functions of the mind where there is no perceivable reward other than being part of the flow of goodness and love.

I have divided the virtues into four blocks of five that I label as grounding, centering, love, and spiritual self-actualization. Like Maslow’s hierarchy, each one builds upon the other. The foundation of virtuous living begins in being grounded in the spiritual reality of the higher self.  As we visit each virtue we will attempt to connect it with the drives of survival and reproduction.

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Trust

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)By definition trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something, but I believe it is much more than that. When we consider trust as a virtue, it becomes a characteristic of the conscious human being on her/his way to self-actualization.

It would appear that every past president of the United States, philosopher, entertainer, and sports hero has at one time in their lives said something quotable about trust. The best quote on the virtue of trust comes from Steve Jobs: “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever…”[1] So what is trust, really? Where does it originate, what does it have to do with love, and how does it manifest itself when we apply it to bisexuality?

First of all, real trust is not about anyone else; it is about the interaction between the ego-self and the inner or higher-self.  It is not about the body because the body just want to survive, feel pleasure, and reproduce. It has nothing to do with the mind and our belief system because the mind is very skillful at twisting what it sees to fit into its belief system which is designed to help us thrive and excel in our social environment. It does not come from the heart because the heart’s sole purpose is to connect with others and is willing to sacrifice everything in exchange for acceptance and connection.  Trust originates in the gut which is the voice of the inner or higher self. We have to learn to trust this voice to guide us in our search for the higher purposes of life.

This brings us to the question of love. As stated many times before, love is the relationship between the ego or the mind and the higher self. We have to love our self from the deepest reaches of our inner soul. This is the only way we can truly love anyone else. We do not try to bind anyone to us so we can control them in order to have them there to meet our needs. We do not have to “trust” them to be “faithful” so that they will always be there for us. When we truly love and trust our self we do not need anyone to meet our needs. We are free to experience them as one higher self to another. We are free to let them be themselves so that we can enjoy connecting and vibrating with them as they reach out to attain their own sources of pleasure and self-fulfillment.

We started with a quote so let’s end with one, this time by Brian Adams, a pop singer: “I’ve only ever trusted my gut on everything. I don’t trust my head, I don’t trust my heart, I trust my gut.”[2]

Here are the five applications to bisexuality:

  1. We can learn to trust our gut, that inner voice that is showing us the path to true happiness. Before making important decisions,we can still the mind and the heart and let that voice show us the path to self-fulfillment.
  2. Our sexual orientation will give us the benefit of a whole and complete voice with both the divine masculine and feminine. We will be able to see both sides of an issue.
  3. When it comes to sex, we can learn to trust our gut to reveal the path between the desires of the body and the fears of the ego. It will show us what beliefs and practices are harmful and which ones will bring true and lasting pleasure.
  4. When it comes to relationships, it will help us see people as they really are. It will reveal those who are still in the throes of negative patterns that might be harmful and those who have reached a level of maturity where they can bring positive energies to our sexual experiences.
  5. When we learn to trust the voice of our gut, we will not seek sex and relationships in order to fulfill a need. All needs will be met naturally through the interaction of the body, the mind, the heart, and the voice of the gut. We can seek sexual relationships simply to enjoy the mingling of our body and soul with the pleasures and vibrations of other human beings.

[1] Steve Jobs. Life, Future, Destin. (Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_trust.html)

[2] Bryan Adams
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_trust.html

Bisexuality and Virtuous Living A Review

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Virtue, by definition, is behavior showing high moral standards, but who is to decide what high moral behavior is?  I choose to look at virtue as a collection of characteristics that indicate a higher level of physical and spiritual well being.

It is time to step back and take a look at where we have come from in understanding virtuous living. In the first set of five talks we looked at how we can become grounded.  The first step is to become aware of our higher self, the interactions of our higher self with our ego self, the interaction we have with life and the Source of Life, and our associations with the ones we love. This led to seeking Truth, or the virtue of Honesty. This path took us to the virtue of Discernment where we learned to deal with our wounded ego and the wounded egos of others. We then looked at Acceptance of ourselves including our orientation and the circumstances of our past and present lives. Our virtues of discernment and acceptance took us to Forgiveness where we come to the realization that there is no fault and no guilt. We were able to forgive ourselves for the wrongs we had done and forgive others for the things they have done to us. With this foundation in place we can begin to live a virtuous life.

This took us to the second set of five virtues that we can label as centering. Gratitude is where we were thankful for the people in our lives and the things they have been a part of that have led us to a higher level of consciousness. We can allow our higher self to enter into a spiritual existence where we can free ourselves from anxiety and begin to accept and appreciate the circumstances of our lives.  This provides us with an inner peace that we can refer to as Contentment. The third is Appreciation. We can be thankful for what others have done for us but Appreciation comes from within. We see the world and its beauty and we see ourselves as part of this internal and external beauty. The fourth is Fortitude.  We become strong inside and out and we begin to see ourselves as infinite powerful human beings. With this inner strength in place we can now be genuinely Assertive and stand up for ourselves and the things we believe.

This is the beginning of living a virtuous life.  We know who we are and what we believe.  In other words we are grounded and centered. We have inner strength to live according to those beliefs and we have the power to express those beliefs as needed.   This will take us to the third and last set of virtues in the next five blogs that we can refer to as the Love Virtues.

Here are my five thoughts on how these ten virtues applies to bisexuality:

  1. We must never forget that we are powerful beautiful human beings that are capable of generating powerful energy vibrations that can change the way we live and lead us to the person we want to be.
  2. We can appreciate our bisexuality as a gift that allows us to experience life though the divine masculine and divine feminine. We are blessed.
  3. We can strive to know, understand, and always be true to ourselves. We do not have to defend ourselves as bisexuals. We are what we are, no guilt, no shame. We have inner strength that we have not even begun to touch.
  4. We can develop the skills necessary to be assertive and still be compassionate with the ones we love.
  5. We can choose to help others by placing ourselves in positions to be noticed and heard. We do not have to seek out anyone to preach our beliefs; we just have to be ready with an answer when asked. If we are living a virtuous life we will be noticed and people will ask.

 

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Fortitude

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Fortitude is mentioned by Plato in “The Republic” as one of the four cardinal virtues.  St. Thomas Aquinas ranked fortitude as the third of the cardinal virtues after prudence and justice.  In the Bible, it is also included as one of the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, (Isaiah 11:2-3). The virtue of fortitude can be practiced by anyone; it is not only a Christian value but the natural outgrowth of life’s experiences.

The virtue of fortitude is commonly called courage, but it is different from what we think of as courage today. Fortitude always serves a higher purpose, is beyond reason, and is therefore, an expression of the will of the human spirit. Fortitude is the virtue that allows us to overcome fear and to remain steady in the face of all obstacles – physical, mental, and spiritual. If we look at fortitude from the perspective of good versus evil or light versus darkness, we see fortitude as our ability and strength to reach for the good for ourselves and others, instead of just allowing the darkness of the world to overcome us and prevent us from reaching for our higher sense of being.

Fortitude is strength of purpose in the face of all the obstacles that life tries to throw at us. If we have the virtue of fortitude, we will persist in reaching for our better self and to keep on going through pain and trials. We push on, believing in ourselves and in our divine purpose which is just to be, and to radiate the joyful vibrations of our inner self.  We never lose the vision of who we are and we rejoice in the opportunities to push through the chaos and grow as human beings in body, soul and spirit. Once we have arrived at the goal of divine Self-Actualization, we help others on their path, not out of feelings of guilt or responsibility for others, but as an opportunity to create the positive energies in others so we can vibrate and resonate together for our own sense of joy and purpose. In a way, we defeat darkness collectively by bringing light into the world, not as a collective, but as individuals vibrating in frequency with other individuals.

Here are the five applications to bisexuality:

  1. Even though our bodies and brains are bisexual by nature, it is not who we are. It is simply a genetic predisposition to sexual preference. It belongs to our bodies and minds but not to our spirits. Who we really are is our higher self, that part of us that is beyond the functions of the body and the mind. We must never lose sight of the fact that our sexual orientation is just that – a sexual orientation.
  2. Because of the life experiences that come with our orientation, we tend to be empaths, people with the ability to feel and comprehend the mental or emotional state and needs of others. This gives us the ability to feel and see things that others do not. This makes it possible for us to be artists, poets, and effective professional caregivers, but it also makes us more sensitive, and therefore, more vulnerable to the words and actions of others. Our first responsibility as empaths is not to serve others, but to understand, care for, and love ourselves. We have to be self-centered, not narcissistic, but aware of our own feelings and needs. We cannot save anyone. If we are in a relationship that is sucking the life out of us, we have to get out. If we are surrounded by people who want to take advantage of us, we are in dangerous company. We have to trust our inner Self to lead us to people who will be genuine friends and lovers regardless of their orientation.
  3. As bisexuals, our empathic natures are going to be wrapped up in our emotions, and of course, because of our life’s experiences, our emotions are going to be wrapped up in our sexuality. Sometimes we have to literally take pains to come to grips with our sexuality. We have to bring our sexual thoughts and behaviors in line with our higher self. This does not mean we have be to monks or nuns and suppress our sexual desires, but we should try to bring our sexual vibrations in line with our soul vibrations. If we are experiencing negative energy during our sexual practices, it does not mean that we have to stop having this kind of sex. It just means that we have to adjust our own attitudes or to recognize how our sexual partners are influencing our own vibrations.
  4. If we are using our sexuality to feed the dark, negative, or wounded ego side of our self, we must take stock, face the situation honestly, and do whatever it takes to turn off the negative feeling and open up to the positive. There is nothing wrong with our sexual practices as such, but it depends on how we think about them and which side of our psyche we are feeding. We have to learn to trust the feelings coming from our gut. If these interactions bring us down and make us feel sick inside, we have to then change our thought and  behavior patterns.
  5. We have to take an inventory of our life. Is what we are doing bringing the vibrations of peace and joy? If not, we have to make changes. This mean recognizing  the effects of what we are doing and the people with whom we are associating. We can mark each person or item with a positive or a negative, then make plans to embellish the positive and remove the negative. This includes everything including our relationships, jobs, activities and sexual practices. Above all, we remember that we are powerful beings with the ability to make whatever changes are necessary. All it takes is fortitude.

Discernment – A True Story

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)The hardest part about discernment is being able to discern between the truth and the fiction coming from our own minds. In reality, every thought is grounded in a story and as such is more like a fiction novel rather than a reality show.  Animals are so lucky.  They mainly live in the moment through instinctual reactions to their senses.  They have some memory, particularly for smells, faces, and some rudimentary signs, but they simply respond according to their instincts. They do not have to evaluate and judge before making a decision.

We humans create neural pathways in our amazing cerebral cortex, linking sensory concepts into thoughts, memories, and emotions. It enables us to make decisions based on past experiences and gives us the power and energy to react accordingly. It helps us adapt to our surroundings in such a magnificent way that even though we are perhaps the weakest species, we have become the creatures at the top of the food chain. This has been a good thing for surviving and avoiding saber-toothed tigers, but too much of a good think can become a bad thing, and perhaps even a curse.

We humans have a control center in the frontal cortex that we can refer to as the administration center, the mind, or the ego. It is this part of our brain that builds our own interpretation and perception of reality, leading to the creation of a gestalt or mind set. This becomes our life story based on a collection of stories that we can refer to as beliefs, attitudes and values. All our thoughts are then grounded in our life story, and we then react, judge and make decisions according to the story. Now this gift is great for avoiding saber-tooth tigers, but it becomes a never ending circle of thought, emotion, and pain when applied to avoiding personal and psychological problems. As twenty-first century humans, we may live in the moment, but every thought is influenced by the pains of the past and the fears for the future.

The key to discernment then is to become aware or conscious of the story and its role in governing our minds or thoughts. In a sense, we are no better than the animals in that we automatically respond through our instincts, except our instincts are governed by our thoughts, a process designed to avoid danger and insure success in the hunt. Because we live in a complex society with complex relationships and feelings, the mind is forever on the alert, always judging and deciding the best route to avoid danger, and forging the best path to becoming alphas in our pack. Because of the immense anxieties related to our new roles, we have lost the ability to act and adapt. We are stuck in the circle of thought; we are living in an on-going fiction novel. We no longer have the ability to perceive reality naturally, let go of the mind, and just experience life through our senses. We now have to find ways to do this consciously while avoiding the saber-tooth tigers in our minds.

And the only way we can do this is through the powers of discernment. In order to live contented and peaceful lives we have to develop the skill of stopping the insanity of the never ending story. To do this we simply stop the mind and open up all our senses without judgement or the need to react.  We just let ourselves relax into the moment. Only then do we begin to perceive reality.  Only then do we begin to see ourselves as beautiful creatures endowed with tremendous physical, mental, and spiritual beauty. Only then are we able to decipher between the chaos of the story and the order and peace of reality, and only then are we able to judge and make decisions based on this true reality.

So what does this have to do with bisexuality? Here are my five points on discerning between reality and the stories of the ego:

  1. As bisexuals, we have developed a very complex story in order to survive. In this story we have judged ourselves to be weak and unworthy so that we do not have to compete. Stop the story. Whenever you hear the cues like, “I will never be good enough”, or, “it’s no use”, or, “it’s all my fault”, stop the story immediately, recognize the belief or lie and then state the true reality: “I am a magnificent human being”, “I am always good enough”, “I can do anything worth doing”, “there is no fault, there is only trial, error, and the accumulation of knowledge and wisdom”.
  2. We have to see and understand the reality of our sexuality. It is merely a biological process of copulation and reproduction, and yes, if we take our cues from the animal kingdom, that includes same sex attraction. But we have made it part of our story. We have created theories of orientation and gender. Stop it. We don’t need it and if we employ the powers of discernment we will come to the conclusion that we don’t want it. It robs us of our ability to be spontaneous and to enjoy the wonderful senses associated with sex and relationship.
  3. Part of our biological process is to become alpha so that we pass on our superior genes to the next generation. In our bisexual stories, we have subconsciously come to the conclusion that we cannot compete, and we rely on same sex association and expression because it is safer; there are no alphas, just us “queers”. Therefore, we have become a society of weaklings, no competition within mainstream society. Oh yes, we indulge our victim stories and rant and rave forcibly against the injustices of this world, but on the inside we don’t perceive ourselves as part of the same human race. That is oh so far from the truth. We are the alphas. We are the ones who can see both sides of the equation. We are the ones with the answers. We are the ones with the genes that need to be passed on to the next generation if this species is to survive. We need to engage and enjoy the opposite sex relationships as masters of bisexuality and not slaves to our same-sex passions.
  4. We have to recognize that we are after all humans and that our minds or egos are amazing evolutionary creations. We do not destroy the story; we simply rebuild it. We create a new story, and in the process, we use discernment to acknowledge that we are, in fact, building a story. But we build a good story with checks and balances. You might say “We Trump” (sorry, could not resist the pun) the aggression and false beliefs before the cards are even played. We need time to do this. I like the mornings. I get into a state of contemplation, not meditation, contemplation. I simply review my action of the previous day and challenge the motives of my ego which may have got the better of me the previous day. I then set out to consciously be in control of my life and to set a new course for the new day.
  5. And finally, enjoy! The purpose of life is to enjoy. To be spontaneous. To shut down the control center, to step outside the story and just respond to the beauty of the energy around me, and the beauties of the people I so dearly love. I set out to deliberately live and experience through my soul, not my mind. I recognize and respect my story and my ego but only allow it to function on a need to know basis. In other words I control it; it does not control me. Now go out and master and enjoy the day. You deserve it.

The Virtue of Awareness In Full Blossom

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img_1394-1The journey to awareness will reach its final destination when we are aware of just how connected we are to life itself and to the universal presence of life.

 

Awareness

Dawn breaks;

The Eastern light brings peace

With the soft touch of wonder.

As the sensation intensifies,

I can see the fine lines of life

All held together by sweet silver threads,

That surround me,

Entrapping me in a web of joy.

And I laugh,

At first gently,

Then deep from the bowels of my being,

At all the confusion and pain

Manufactured by my tired mind.

And I laugh at the lack of knowing,

Because the search for knowledge,

Only leads to more questions,

While I can sit her laughing hysterically,

Because I know I have all the answers.

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Discernment

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)So how do we know? How do we sort through all the data coming in and all the thoughts and judgments going out? How do we discern what is real and what is just what we want to believe? How do we answer the big questions that can help us break through to a life of peace and joy? Is there a God? Is there any meaning and purpose to life? Am I gay or bisexual or just a lost soul searching for intimacy?

Linda Popov in her book, A Pace of Grace, says this about the art and virtue of discernment:

“Discernment is quieting our minds and sensing the truth about things. It is being contemplative and vigilant in seeking to understand what is true.  We are able to make distinctions between what is real and what is illusion…. We trust our inner vision to recognize what is right for us in this moment. We observe, decide, and act with wisdom.”[1]

Before we get started on this, remember that in order for an idea or ideal to become a virtue, it takes a lot of hard work. We have to practice, practice, and practice until it becomes natural, until it becomes a way of life. So let’s look at how to do this from three perspectives: recognizing the inner voice from the higher self, understanding the difference between the voice of the ego or mind and the voice of the higher self, and recognizing and understanding the other voices around us, and let’s practice using the virtue of discernment to accomplish this. We will do this in three blogs, starting this week with recognizing the voice of the higher self and how this applies to bisexuality.

First of all, how do we recognize the inner voice and how can we be sure this is not just another illusion from the mind? Regarding the latter, you may never know for sure that the higher self even exists. Bummer eh? Not really, you see there is a caveat on that. The reason we can never know for certain is that we are trying to find something that does exist but cannot be recognized through rational mind processes, so the mind will always be in doubt and will want to take over to protect us from believing or doing something that it regards as dangerous or foolish. So how can we get past that? We hush the mind. The very fact that we can consciously hush the mind proves in itself that there is a higher self.

Once in this state that we can call mindfulness, the inner truth from the inner self will begin to appear. We will simply become aware of our self as part of a world of peace and beauty. Do we have to meditate to do this? Not really. For many it is a good and sound practice, but it is not for everyone. Personally,  I get into my higher self not by stillness but by engaging, by walking and feeling, by staring at a thing of beauty until a feeling of oneness and peace flows through my brain and body, or by engaging my body, rather than my mind, in walking or working in  my garden. This can only happen when I am alone or sharing moments with a special someone without talk or mental interaction.

The next step is simply to listen without engaging in rational thought. For example, when I am opening my soul to the sounds of the forest, I do not try to name or describe what I hear, I just experience it. Same thing applies to my inner voice.  I do not question it or judge it, I just open my whole self to listen. The inner voice is never judging, never striving or conniving.  It always reminds me of how beautiful I am and how precious I am as a source of goodness in this chaotic world. It is as though the inner-self is in communication with the universe, or perhaps, even the person of a sentient god that is imparting the wisdom of the ages to me simply because I am still and seeking guidance. Perhaps it is just from the higher self, itself, that intuitively knows what is best for me. Again,  we do not engage in this mental gymnastics; we simply accept the sensations and the feelings that accompany those sensations.

The third step is to open up the ego-mind and ask the higher self to impart words of wisdom. We simply allow the ego mind to express its fears and concerns and listen to whatever wisdom the higher self wants to impart. We can then allow the ego-mind to specifically ask for wisdom in dealing with a particular situation as long as it sits back and listens without interruption or judgement. The inner voice of the higher self will always speak to us, and the message will always be positive showing insight and a broader understanding of the meaning and purpose behind the circumstances.  We can allow the ego-mind to keep questioning and listening until we feel comfortable with the words  of wisdom from the higher self. We then direct the ego to accept the wisdom and make plans for putting this wisdom into action.

Here are my five thoughts on how the virtue of discernment applies to bisexuality:

  1. Because we are so self-judging, believing ourselves to be unworthy, and blaming ourselves for being unlovable, it can be difficult to accept a higher self that regards us as beautiful and superior beings. We simply recognize the thought and say “I am worthy. I am beautiful.” Then relax again practicing deep breathing until we can open ourselves up to our higher self.
  2. Because we have always focused on imperfections and what we have judged as faults and failures, we may have to seek healing from our higher self or perhaps the great love energy of god or the universe. To do this we open up our ego to express its fears, and then we turn to our higher self and ask it to give us the truth from its higher view of things. It will never judge our ego and will always show us that our actions were a result of the pains of the past and that we have done the best we could under the circumstances. It will then show us the path to self-acceptance and a higher course of action.
  3. As bisexuals, most of us have suffered from some sort of generalized anxiety, and we have always been able to find a sense of peace, or perhaps just plain exhaustion, by engaging in sexual experiences. As a result, it may have become a kind of addiction, a source of relief from the anxiety, and of course, we are reluctant to give it up. Therefore, we have a tendency to avoid the higher self, because we fear that we may have to change our behavior patterns, and we simply do not think we have the energy to try  again. Guess what? Surprise! The higher self will never condemn or blame and will never ask us to give up our sexual practices.  It will simply show us how to incorporate those practices into a more positive experience in tune with its sense of, deeper meaning, beauty, and joy.
  4. By going through this process we inevitable come to a point where we can view our sexual practices as a means to achieving intense sensations that lead to intense feelings, that lead to love of our bodies, and to experiencing all the joys it can share with us.
  5. Finally it will always lead us through sexuality into the deeper experiences of intimacy. The higher self wants to join the body in experiencing love in all its forms and to bring the body, mind and soul into intimate connection with others.

 

[1] Popov, Linda Kavelin. A Pace of Grace. Plume: 2004 (page 62).

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Awareness.

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Awareness is the state or condition of being aware; having knowledge and consciousness.  But awareness can only become a virtue when you don’t just understand it, but you live it. In my opinion, there are three levels of awareness: mindfulness, the acceptance and immersion in the higher self, and the awareness of the day to day pleasures of living. As bisexuals the concept of awareness can take on a whole new meaning.

The first level of awareness is mindfulness.  In my view, it is simply closing down the mind and opening up our souls to all the sensations around us.  It is focusing on the beauties of this world. It can be a walk along the ocean shore with the pungent scent of the salty air or a walk through an old growth forest with the beauty of light filtering down through the maples. It can be the sound of my bird friends singing their hearts out about the joy of living. Mindfulness is immersing my soul in the sweet energies of nature, shutting down the noise of this world, and ignoring the negative energy of my negative thoughts.

The second stage is to become aware of the inner or the higher self.  I am the presence in all the things of beauty. My soul is interacting with all the sweet sensations that surround me. Once in this state of self-awareness, I can feel the surge of positive energy flow through my being. I understand just how beautiful and powerful I am.  I truly understand that there are no limitations on how much I can experience.  I interact with nature and other human beings with an incredible exchange of energy and being.

The third stage is to bring this energy and presence into my everyday life where I can meet each new situation free of anxiety and fear.  I can just be and let things happen around me knowing that all things can lead to joy and personal growth. There are no problems, only opportunities.  There is always choice and I can choose to indulge or walk away.

Now how does this apply to bisexuality?  We are truly blessed on several levels. Here are my five points on awareness and bisexuality:

  1. First, because of the nature of our struggles, we have been compelled to search for our true sexual nature. This gives us the opportunity to become more aware as we search for the universal truths that surround us. This search will either lead to ruin or to a newer level of self-actualization.
  2. In this search, we will come to the understanding that our bisexual gender issues are not part of that reality; they are merely a role that we have slipped into because of the pressures of our families and culture. Once we come to this realization, we can then become aware that our whole life is full of roles that we play. Once we are aware of that we can choose to play the role or to develop our own patterns of living.
  3. The third point is that we really do have a different nature than everyone else. You can refer to it as two spirits in the sense that we have a masculine and a feminine soul, not just sexually, but all the gender qualities that go with it. But in reality, it is only one spirit that combines the whole spectrum of masculine and feminine virtues.
  4. The fourth is our sexual response to life. As bisexuals we can enjoy tremendous sexual energy that we can use to form intimate connection with men and women. We can indulge our feminine personas when we are with a man and our masculine when we are with a woman. We can go beyond the sexual role play and enter into true intimacy where we share not only our bodies but our minds and souls. We are free to choose to do this with one special individual or we can seek connection with whomever we choose.
  5. As bisexuals we have an opportunity to share this tremendous life energy with those around us. We can open our souls to others so that the divine energy, the full energy or a complete human being, can flow to those around us and bless them. This energy is always reciprocal – the more you give the more you get in return.

 

Bisexuality and The Virtue of Truthfulness

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“All our sacred traditions reveal that our life is inherently meaningful because we are the expression of Divine love, justice, kindness, and truthfulness in the world”[1].  In her book, A Pace of Grace, Linda Popov talks about how focusing on our virtues is essential in maintaining a joyous and productive life. I believe it is time for us bisexuals to take our focus off of what we do, and all the shame and guilt that goes with it, and focus on what we are and all the virtues we possess.

I would like to start with the virtue of  “truthfulness”. Throughout my first marriage, I lived a double life.  I was dishonest with myself and my ex-wife. It lead to heartbreak and grief for both of us and a mental crash and thoughts of suicide for me. In order to prevent heartbreak and depression, we have to be honest with ourselves, take an honest look at our actions, and search our feelings. Does our way of life really reflect the values we care most about? Does our life bring us joy? According to Popov truthfulness requires that we, “reflect on the meaning of what is happening in your (our) life and determine the guiding virtues you (we) need to do the right thing and to live more consciously”[2]. Truly this is the way, and perhaps, in the long run, the only way, to truly live a happy and meaningful life.

So how does the virtue of truthfulness apply to bisexuality? Here are my five thoughts on the subject:

  1. First the big one, we have to deal with the thoughts that are preventing us from being truthful with ourselves. The greatest source of these negative thoughts is shame. To deal with shame we have to first understand what it is and where it comes from. It is part of our subconscious mind developed during early childhood by the disciplinary system of our culture.  When we, as children, do something that our parents disapprove of, they try to make us feel remorse or shame. Then, as we get older, we feel this sense of shame whenever we do something that we feel our parents would not approve of.  This then generalizes to our relationships with others, including teachers, peers, and society at large. As bisexuals, we automatically fall into the shame category because our society does not understand our behavior and thus disapproves of the way we live our lives. We have to realize that our bisexuality is our own individual biological predisposition or orientation. We have to recognize that shame is coming from an outside source that is trying to make us conform to its standards. We have to realize that we are free to recognize the source, state our truth, and then respond and behave in a way that is true to ourselves and our orientation.  To live in truthfulness we must not feel forced to conform to  anyone else’s view on our own behavior and morality.
  2. Speak only the truth. This means being truthful with ourselves as well as others. We need to learn how to listen to the inner voice from the higher self that is telling us that there is something wrong with the way we are perceiving things. We have to let the voice speak without interruptions or excuses and then act according to that truth.
  3. We do not have to justify, or feel we have to justify, our thoughts and actions. We simply state the truth to ourselves and then to others as needed. It really is on a need to know basis. If someone inquiries about our actions, we should respond honestly and from the heart and give them only as much information as they need to know. If they want to know more they will ask.
  4. We should not impose our truth on others. Our virtue of truthfulness is never intended to put others in their place or to shock and hurt. We do not have to parade our thoughts and feeling before others who have no idea of where we are coming from and the truth of our inner thoughts and feelings. Truth is a private thing between us and our inner selves and the significant people in our lives. If you want to get involved in LGBTQ politically do it for good reasons but not to follow the crowd or to justify your actions to others.
  5. We must focus on the basic truth. The virtue of truthfulness should lead to a greater sense of being, purpose, and joy. If we are not experiencing these feelings there may be something wrong with our interpretation and practice of our inner truth and our development of the virtue of truthfulness.

[1] Popov, Linda K. . A Pace of Grace. Plume. 2004 (Page 25).

[2] Popov (page 25).

 

 

 

Finding the Higher Self

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img_1394-1In the past, fighting against the desires of my bisexual soul used to drain all my energy. I don’t fight it anymore; I just accept it as a beautiful part of me. Much of the growth has come as a result of getting older. Getting older has its blessings. I no longer chase after fruitless dreams that keep me busy with no real rewards. I choose to see and enjoy the moment and the things of my soul instead of the things of my mind.

Autumn Again

My west deck,

Reaching for the blue sky,

Sitting near the top of the laurel hedge,

Surrounded by trees,

A sea of green, delicious green,

That nurtures my soul

With the vibrations of living things.

The sun pours in its autumn warmth

In golden rays of pure light,

As the silence gathers and spreads,

Offering healing to a tired mind.

 

It is a new age,

The age of not yet old,

But no longer young,

An age where everything fits together,

And I choose to do those things

That offer peace and contentment,

And I choose to give my soul

To a God who does not judge,

But spreads a blanket of love on those who seek,

And I choose to give my heart,

A response to the love energy that surrounds me,

A gift from my higher self to my conscious self,

A gift that keeps on giving and never ends.