The virtue of gratitude – Bi-Ed: Bisexual Education

SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final) Strange title isn’t it? Seems like those two words just don’t go together. That may be because of our concept of God as the Ultimate Patriarch of the Islamic/Christian/Judean faiths. We have been taught to think of God as the judge and prosecutor of the family unit, where the man is the protector and guiding force, and the woman is the keeper of the hearth. There is no room here for the person who is not sure of their gender or is experimenting with same sex relationships.

Because of these foundation beliefs, we are taught to fear God and to attune ourselves with the traditions and beliefs of our parents, and through them, to the community of believers, and to our society at large. The result is either conformity and peace, or shame and anxiety. The tendency for us bisexuals, who just cannot conform to these beliefs no matter how hard we try, is to say “there is no God” and “I will live my life with my heart and my gut as my only judges”. We rule out the possibility of God because we can no longer carry the shame and the pain of being isolated from our biological, social, and spiritual families.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Each morning when I wake up, I light the fire in the hearth and then go out onto my front deck to watch the sun rise over the Salish Sea. I slide into my meditation sanctuary and experience the beauty of the colors melting into the clouds, framed by the silent silhouettes of the giant fir trees, and I listen to the barking of the sea lions and the songs of the twees, robins, and loons, and I somehow feel a part of something grand and powerful.

This is my God, the Presence that is in me and all around me; the Presence that is Life itself. This Presence is part of me and I am part of it. It is masculine and feminine, male and female. It is the God of bisexuals as well as the God of gays, lesbians, and heterosexuals. It is the God of the Christians, Jews, and Muslims, yes and even the fundamentalists. If I want to relate to this Presence as my Father, than he is my Father; as the Tao then it is the Tao; as my Mother Earth, then she is my mother earth. It, he, she – is everything. There is no gender; there is no condemnation based on race, religion, or sexual orientation. It is what connects me to you and you to me. It is the source of all that is, of every thought, of every spark of energy, including our powerful drives. It is even part of my sexuality, my desire and joy in being a bisexual man and a Father, my ability to know and love lovers and friends sexually and/or platonically.

Anyway, that is my own personal belief, and this belief makes life easier and sweeter for me. It gives me a foundation for love. It gives me a reason to get up each morning and love the life that is in me. And yes, it is even there at the basis of my sexual desires. It is what transforms having sex into “making love’.

Here are my five applications for bisexuals:

We do not have to give up on God; he-she-it, by its very nature, has not given up on us. Remember our beliefs provide the guidance and the power for our feelings and emotions. We have to believe in something so we may as well reach for the sky and believe in this wonderful power of love and beauty that is the foundation for all that is good in this life. Believing we are part of this presence, and it is part of us, opens the door to unlimited power. We can create miracles.
Even if we cannot believe in a personal god, or even a presence in the universe, we can believe in something. We can believe in love. We can believe that we are beautiful powerful creatures, and yes we can still create miracles. This presence, this energy, can still work for us subconsciously.
We can see the presence in others. This will prevent us from falling into hate with all its negative emotions and consequences. We can see others as powerful and beautiful people who are struggling with their own identity.
We should never be ashamed of our bodies. They are a gift. They are beautiful. They are what binds us to Mother Earth and to the Universal Presence.
We should never be ashamed of our sexual desires. They are a gift of the Universal Presence through our bodies. Through sexual relationships we can connect with others on a deep spiritual as well as physical level. We can know that love is the essence of life.

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final) ”Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others,” Marcus Tullius Cicero[1]. Wise words from a wise old Roman. It makes more sense when you apply the words of John F. Kennedy, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”[2] You see gratitude is more than saying ‘thank you’ it is being truly thankful. That means realizing the gift that has been given is more than just a gift; the acts of giving and receiving are acts of the heart.

Sometimes it seems impossible to feel thankful for what we have been given. At times, life really sucks, and we may feel alone, abandoned, and despised. That is when we have to dig deep into our souls to find our higher self which will always feel gratitude even if it is just for life itself. That is when we come to know that life means there is a giver of life and that giving life is the most precious gift that we can receive, because the gift of life is the gift of love. If you have ever been a parent you know exactly what I mean. At that moment when the baby is born and placed in your arms we cannot help but feel an overpowering sensation of deepest affection and love.

As suggested by J.F.K. there is a part of our self that lives continuously in this feeling of gratitude, and that is our higher self. When we view life through our higher self, there is always a reason to be thankful even if it is just for the next breath. When we do this we change the circuitry of the brain .

Image result for pleasure center of the brain

The thought releases dopamine through the nucleus accumbens which is the pleasure center of the brain, affecting the amygdala, thus changing the emotion from negative to positive, and the hippocampus which affects our memories. . Then as we thank this universe for each breath, the other things come to mind, love that we have experienced, someone who touched us in a special way, the beauty of nature that is all around us. By doing this repeatedly, we create a new neural circuit where the memory makes us smile instead of weep.

The key to living a virtuous life is to be thankful for everything. We should practice gratitude every day and remind ourselves that there is always something good if we look for it. We should see difficulties as opportunities to learn. When people abandon us we can be thankful for the moments we have shared and be compassionate with them and wish them well in their own journey. If this person shows us contempt or spite, we can be thankful that we will not have to live with someone who no longer cares for us. We should be thankful for every kindness passed our way. We should not be envious of those who appear to have more but be thankful for the simplicity of what we do have, free of the tyranny of possessions.

So how does this apply to bisexuality? Here are my five suggestions on gratitude:

1 First be thankful for your life. It is a gift.

Be thankful for your bisexuality. It too is a gift, one that opens up intimate relationships with both men and women.
Be thankful for all the relationships you have had. Remember that people are just human and may not be able to understand your sexual nature or your wants and needs. Be thankful for the love and passion they were able to share; it may be all they were able to give at the time.
When you move on to other relationships, be thankful for the lessons you learned in the last one or series of ones. Never give up on finding the soul mate and kindred spirit.
Be thankful that you can give something back even if it is something small. Volunteer for something or plant a garden of flowers. Try to make the world a little bit better while you have the chance to live in it.

Category: The virtue of gratitude

Bisexuality and God

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Gratitude