Bisexual Christmas

img_1394-1Christmas is often a tough time for anyone experiencing social anxieties and that certainly includes us bisexuals. When scouring the net I came up with gift ideas for bi’s including sweatshirts, tee-shirts and pendants.  But that’s not the real gift, is it? I suppose we could look at the Christ story and look for some kind of rebirth, but I think most of us are happy with the life we have. The key is not to wish for anything new but to enjoy and celebrate the important things we have. So here is my wish list for Christmas.

  1. The present – just to live a life free of anxiety, to enjoy the present moment regardless of where it takes me.
  2. Family time – to enjoy my children and grandchildren now and throughout the new year and to celebrate the fact that they do indeed still love me in spite of all the concern I have caused them.
  3. Love – I am thankful for the solid relationship I have with my wife of two and a half years. She knows I am bi, she encourages me to talk about my past and present gay desires, and she gives me the freedom to explore both sides of my bisexual nature. Above all, I am so thankful that we can enjoy each other’s bodies, minds, and souls.
  4. This beautiful planet – I live on Vancouver Island and we are presently moving up-island to live on a bay along the coast where I can greet the morning sun as it rises over Bayne’s Sound. I am thankful for the pairs of eagles that fly overhead and the sea lions that bark all day. I am thankful for the paths that wind through the old growth forest where I can stop and hug a giant tree and know that I am part of an awesome network of living things.
  5. And me – I am thankful for me, my bisexual nature, my masculine straight side and my feminine gay side. I am thankful for all the experiences my bisexuality have caused and yet opened up for me – the beautiful, the bad and the ugly. Without them I would not be who I am and I am proud and happy to be me.

Bisexuality – A Shamanic Dance

cropped-logo_2.pngI keep talking about consciousness and trying to create or perhaps fabricate a connection of consciousness to sex and bisexuality.  Does this connection really exist?  I am not sure, but I have a “feeling” that it does, and “feelings” truly are the door to consciousness.

Consciousness is not going blank and staring at a flower, it is experiencing the essence of the flower through the miracle of our spirit.  It is not about mind, or thinking, or imagining, or even sensing; it is about sharing “being”, sharing the essence of life with another living thing. How much more powerful then must it be to share connection, not with a flower, but with a man or a woman.  I believe that sex is one of those portals where we have an opportunity to ride the sensations of the body into a state of conscious bliss where we experience each other’s essence in a truly sensuous, mindless way.  And moreover, I believe that bisexuality gives us an opportunity to experience this bliss from two different sides, each of which has the potential to create and to enter into a state of conscious ecstasy.  Bisexuality is not a curse, it is a double portal into the spiritual.

The key then is to understand sexuality as a part of our divine nature. I have recently run across a website by Terence McKenna that contains some remarkable snapshots into consciousness and (which I apply to) sexuality:

“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed.”[1]

You see, good sex is that shamanic dance in the waterfall.  It is that powerful surge of emotion, feeling, and all the physical and spiritual energy that goes with it. It is the magic that gives us an opportunity to escape the world of patterns and enter into the chaotic abyss for a few precious moments. And then the magic happens. As we leave the world of our mind, the restrictions or our culture, and our desire to seek the comfort of patterns, we land on the feather bed with another human being.

And this one:

“I think of going to the grave without having a psychedelic experience  (is) like going to the grave without ever having sex. It means that you never figured out what it is all about. The mystery is in the body and the way the body works itself into nature.”

You see, the mystery of the body is that we do not enter into nature through our mind or even mindless consciousness but through the sensations of the body.  And the sensations involved with sex are 1000 times more powerful than any other sensation we are likely to experience.  In addition, the beauty of sex is that we enter into nature in the embrace of another through whom we experience the combined rhythm that produces a harmony and  a resonance that slips into the timeless rhythm of nature, reproduction and life.

And this one:

“You are a divine being. You matter, you count. You come from realms of unimaginable power and light, and you will return to those realms.”

You see, once we arrive in this altered state, we can begin to share not only on the body level, but in the glow, the harmony, the sharing of soul, and even perhaps the sharing of spirit.  When we do this, we experience a powerful healing flow mentally and physically as well as spiritually.  This is the source of passion that gives us the male power to conquer the world and the female sensitivity to enjoy it.

So what does this have to do with bisexuality?  Everything.  Three of four bisexual men (previous blog) have their primary sexual orientation towards other men.  This is the primary power source.  This is where the feelings and sensations are at their height.  It becomes a power surge that can carry us into ecstasy.  On the other hand, when we are connected to women, we enter into a different kind of rhythm, a slower quieter beat where there is no urgency, where we can linger and glow, prune and build neural pathways, and form a different kind of harmony that is longer lasting and more centered on relationship building.  This allows us to carry the experience of the bedroom into the world around us, providing us with peace and contentment and harmony.

Bisexuality then is a gift, a portal into two sides of consciousness, the world of passion and the world of harmony. Let go. Leave all your care and even your thoughts behind and join in the shamanic dance beneath the waterfall.



Bisexuality – Beyond Gender – Reader’s Post

I received this response to the last blog.  It is good to know that there are other men out there who think the way I do.  Here it is, slightly edited:
“Yes, these concepts you write about are really ‘beyond gender’… the idea of gender  is a false and restrictive one.  I do NOT identify as bisexual, I think it’s one of our culture’s biggest problems at the moment – making “gender” into such an huge issue, an arena of dispute, contention and divisiveness. We are all too caught up in our ‘heads’ to see what is happening. We are completely distracted from what is true on a deeper level.
In the finest of ways, when I consider what I’ve learned, I believe now that there is no such thing as bisexuality or any other category of “gender”.  I bolt from the oppression that identifying so, entails. I feel the consideration of any gender classifications is a futile exercise that exposes one’s limited reductionist leanings, and control issues. I believe that modern genetic and “psychological” theories for sexuality and gender are religious, dogmatic and political at their core, and shed no light on the human condition. I choose to follow a different route, and leave behind these non-useful appendages of a civilization that’s gone mad and is caving in on itself all around us.They are just the modern-day face of inhibition, repression, control and dogma… and so I bolt. When I’m confronted with this concept, I am comfortable with ‘not knowing.’
 Out of the ‘trap’, I mostly find myself thinking and feeling beyond gender. As such, thinking about it today, dabbling in gender issues is the wrong way for me to go in my life. Life truly is a beautiful rainbow panoply of diverse, colourful phenomenon… there for the taking/experiencing. My intellectual approaches to it have yielded little except to separate me from immersing myself in the truly fulfilling pageant of it all. Time to leave my last vestiges of needing to control things and just be open to absorb life.”
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