Category: Virtuous living

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Appreciation

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final) “The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson[1]. Contentment and Gratitude lead to the virtue of Appreciation. Appreciation is different from gratitude. Gratitude is being thankful for some thought or action from someone else, but appreciation is from within. It is simply knowing, understanding and enjoying the beauty of life in all its forms.

Have you ever had a tune going around and around in your head that you just can’t get rid of? I love to sing. I am in a choir and we practice the harmony of songs over and over again until we perfect them. Sometimes I wake up in the night and there it is, one of the songs we have been practicing. It’s the same as the mental songs we play. Do you keep hearing the songs of criticism and self-doubt or do you wake up with a smile on your face because the world is beautiful, and you appreciate your wonderful body, mind, and soul?

The first step in developing the virtue of appreciation is to understand our own wonderful bodies and minds. Do you love your body, even with all its imperfections? You should, we all should, because it is the perfection of the amazing evolution of a superior being that has adapted to extreme hostile conditions and continues to evolve according to changes in our environment. We should be able to look in the mirror every day and appreciate its ability to sense and respond to the world around us. Our minds, especially the working of the frontal cortex, is the culmination of millions of years of evolution, or if you prefer, the miracle of creation from a loving god who has created us in his likeness. People tend to look at the mind as the ego and feel it is somehow responsible for all our troubles, but where would we be without it, without the ability to evaluate, judge, and make decisions? It works on the completely selfish motivation of making decisions to protect and enhance the self. The well-known words of Christ tell us to “Love our neighbor as ourselves”.  We cannot love anyone unless we first make a conscious decision to know, understand and love our mind, ego, or self.

That takes us back to the inner or Higher Self. I know this is repetitive but it is never redundant. There is always some new way to look at, understand, and appreciate the inner Self. We cannot see the beauty in others unless we first see the beauty in ourselves. Both love and seeing beauty are a function of the inner Self. The inner Self feels things. It feels all the patterns of energy around us. Our eyes sense the energy, our minds interpret and evaluate it, but our spirits feel it. It distinguishes between the negative energies brought on by our mind and the minds of others, reinterprets fear as chance or opportunity, and transforms anger to love. It sees the connectedness of everything and can trace the patterns into an ever evolving circle of life. We feel the patterns of the universe itself which we can interpret as God, or the Tao, or just the Universe. It feels our part in all things and encourages us to feel things beyond the power of the body and mind. When we get in touch with the Higher Self we get in touch with all that is and can be, and we sense the best path to living a more conscious life. The Higher Self wants to flood our minds and bodies with the joys of appreciation for this awesome opportunity to just live.

Here are the five applications to bisexuality:

  1. We need to love our bodies; that includes our genetic bisexual orientation. We can enjoy all the pleasures that our senses can provide. We can be true to ourselves and be selfish and enjoy our sexuality. We can start doing things that make us feel good inside and out.
  2. We need to love our minds, recognize that it has done an amazing job to survive with a very difficult predisposition. It has made judgement and decisions to get through all of life’s challenges to the point where we can accept our orientation.
  3. If you have not yet reached that point and no longer trust the powers of your mind, then it is now time to reach to the inner self and allow positive feelings to surface. We can close down the mind for a while and seek the positive energy of the inner Self. We can enter that space of peace through meditation of by taking a forest or ocean side bath where the richness of nature will enter our souls. While in this state we can allow the inner Self to shed its light on our consciousness and lead us to self-love where we can appreciate all life’s experiences as a path to greater understanding. We can let this bath of self-love touch our minds until all the fears and anger have melted under its power to the point where we begin to appreciate these experiences as part of the path to self-actualization.
  4. We can see and appreciate the beauty in others. If we have experienced traumas we can try to see the beauty and struggle of another soul instead of the ugliness of fear and anger emanating from someone else’s tortured mind.
  5. We then can consciously seek a soul-mate that can appreciate our inner as well and outer beauty so that we can let go of casual encounters and appreciate all the joys of a fully conscious intimate relationship.  We each give as well as receive the beauty and power of the intimate vibrations of the body and soul.

[1] Virtues for Life. http://www.virtuesforlife.com/30-gratitude-quotes-health-happiness-healing/

Bisexuality, The Virtue of Contentment, and the Second Nobel Truth

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)The first five virtues have dealt with healing and grounding. They have included Truthfulness, Awareness, Discernment, Forgiveness and Gratitude. We are now ready to development a life of conscious living. The first of these virtues is Contentment. Gratitude automatically leads to Contentment.  Gratitude is recognizing that life itself and every event in life is a gift. Contentment is living a life where our higher self is always present and giving us a feeling of peace and abundance.

The Buddha believed that the source of all human misery was having desires – no desires, no anxieties.[1] He identified three types of desires? According to the Buddha, Kama tanha is wanting sense pleasures through the body and always seeking things to excite or please our senses. Taste pecan chocolate cheesecake and see what happens: a desire arises for more. That is kama tanha. Like all philosophical and/or religious statements, I do not accept them carte blanche. What could possibly be wrong with sense pleasures and what is wrong with wanting to fill our lives with sense pleasures? What could be wrong with the wonderful taste of chocolate pecan? Granted discernment is needed, we must evaluate what pleasures  allow our soul to grow and what pleasures stunt our growth. A daily walk along the ocean fills my soul; daily viewing pornography, although it is a pleasure, affects the health of my soul; too much chocolate pecan, affects my health and can damage my teeth. If we are grounded, and in tune with our higher self, we know what desires and pleasures are good for the body, mind and soul, and which pleasures should be avoided or controlled.

The second desire is bhava tanha where we can be caught in a realm of ambition and attainment – the desire to become. We get caught in that movement of striving to become happy, seeking to become wealthy; or we might attempt to make our life feel important by endeavouring to make the world right. This desire is wanting to become something other than what we are right now. There can be no contentment without a sense of being present with the higher self in everything we do. Doing is not becoming, we already are. We do not have to strive to be happy but we have to understand what happiness is and know how to seek it and enjoy it without striving. When I am with my beloved there is no striving for happiness. Being present with each other is happiness and brings happiness to everything we do together. The same thing applies to being present with nature, with  life,  and with the giver of life, with the one who is, with the universe itself. Seeking wealth for the sake of wealth or power is a fool’s game. Endeavoring to make the world right should be the desire of all conscious human beings, but not to feel important but just because it is the right thing to do.

The desire to get rid of things is vibhava tanha. This may be a desire to get rid of our suffering anger, jealousy, fear and anxiety. We can see from this train of thought that “becoming” and “getting rid of”are very much associated. Vibhava tanha also applies in spiritual life, which can be very self-righteous. We may want to get rid of our human nature and become only spiritual. This involves hating our bodies and our minds and all the pleasures they can bring so that we can claim we are spiritual beings. We may desire to have spiritual gifts to show people that we are special or gifted. On the other hand there is nothing wrong with wanting to be rid of suffering, anger and anxiety. In fact, we should even strive for it as they interfere with our ability to be present. And there is nothing wrong with having gifts and sharing them to alleviate the suffering of others. But I think there is something wrong with putting our name behind it and charging for our services.

By understanding these three kinds of desires, we can let them go. The Second Noble Truth is not about identifying with desires in any way; it’s about recognizing desire. It is not about hating oneself for having these thoughts and desires but recognizing when they are conditioned by the ego or the mind. Desire then becomes behavior patterns that we slip into because of ignorance and then apply these patterns to everything in our lives. But we are not just hopeless victims of desire nor do we have to let go of all desires. We simply have to understand where they are coming from, consciously analyze them through our higher self, and either let them go or indulge and enjoy.

Here are the five applications to Bisexuality:

  1. Sex is great. It absolutely overwhelms the senses of touch and feeling. It links two people together through the joy of their bodies. But it should be based on pleasing as well as being pleased and it should always come from the soul, not desperation of anxiety or self-hate.
  2. Bisexuality is great, it allows for two kinds of pleasure and two different responses to life. However, it should also come from the soul. Promiscuity for the sake of promiscuity can harm the soul and lead to guilt and shame.
  3. When we are in harmony with our self and our partner there is never shame. There is a wonderful exchange of parts of our souls that we refer to as bonding. We should feel closer and share deeper understanding of each other.
  4. As bisexuals we have no obligation to set the world right or to gain our identity from being a bisexual. We do not have to strive to become anything or anyone but who we already are. We must enjoy being us.
  5. If we feel suffering or anger or shame because of our bisexuality –  we have to get rid of it. It is pure poison. We can never thrive with the virtue of contentment unless we accept ourselves just the way we are and  learn to control and channel our desires to become content with ourselves, the people around us and with our higher selves.

[1] http://www.buddhanet.net/4noble12.htm

The Virtue of Forgiveness and the Guilt, Blame, and Shame Game.

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)“Man learns through experience, and the spiritual path is full of different kinds of experiences. He will encounter many difficulties and obstacles, and they are the very experiences he needs to encourage and complete the cleansing process,” Sai Baba[1].

The virtue of forgiveness is the act and art of cleansing the mind and the soul. After negative experiences, the mind leaves a trail  of neural pathways in the brain that form the negative feelings and emotions of fear, grief, guilt, blame, and shame. The mind is always of the alert through this subconscious anxiety, watching for triggers that can lead it back to these feelings so they can be resolved. The key is to resolve them by linking them back to the positive emotions of acceptance and forgiveness. Forgiveness is an act of love, mainly for the self but also for others.

Forgiveness is the beginning of change. “Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can’t ride you unless your back is bent,” Martin Luther King, Jr.[2] The goal of forgiveness is freedom from anxiety, freedom to live joyfully in the present, freedom to accept that we are a beautiful bisexual soul in peace with ourselves and the other important people in our lives.  So how do we actually and completely forgive? How do we rid our minds of these thoughts and feelings that may have haunted us for decades? We do not ignore and suppress the mind; we use its main function, judgement or free will, but we do it with our heart or spirit in support of the mind.

The first step in developing the virtue of forgiveness is to forgive the self. In reality there is no past or future; there is only the present.  The past only exists in our mind, so we have to use the mind to heal the mind. We simply recognize the feeling, seek the root of the feeling, and then employ judgement with compassion and understanding for our self. We accept what happened, recognize that we did our best under the circumstances, look at the positive things we have learned from the experience, and forgive ourselves. Here is where the heart comes in. Forgiveness is not a rational process but an act of love. We allow our heart or spirit to embrace the experience and then give our self a warm hug until the feeling becomes warm and peaceful. We have now established a new link to that pathway that we can choose to follow whenever a trigger has activated it. We can use our heart-based judgement in a positive sense to judge the memory and the trigger for what it is and choose to follow the positive pathway back to love of self. By repeating this process over and over again we eventually establish a strong neural pathway to self-love.

The next step is to forgive others and to allow others to forgive us. Once we have forgiven ourselves for the situation, we are free, but this important relationship is still fractured. We take the initiative and approach the other person for cleansing of the relationship. This can be difficult because of the negative bond that has been established and strengthened by powerful negative feelings from both parties. Within this negative bond there is a need for blame. Blame is an extremely powerful negative feeling that can turn from sadness to anger. In reality there is no blame. There was only a situation in which each individual did what they had to do because they felt that was the only alternative given the situation.

We can go to the person and describe our experience of self-forgiveness, thereby opening the doorway to letting them approach the situation positively. We do not accept any blame; we do not apologize, and we do not defend ourselves. We are not responsible for their feelings, and we are really no longer responsible for the events that happened.  That is all in the past.  We merely acknowledge that these things have happened and that we wish to forget the past and live in the present.  If they wish to play the name, blame and shame game, we simply take the role of an active listener.  We acknowledge and affirm their feelings but we do not share in owning them. When they have expressed their thoughts and hurts, we can reassure them of our love for them, and our desire to have a good relationship. If they choose to stay in anger and fear of the past, we can choose to walk away and let them resolve their own issues. We are now both free of the negative bond and can live in the present free of the chains of the past. We also free them from the bond and our complicity in it.

So what does this have to do with bisexuality? Here are my five points on the virtue of forgiveness:

  1. As bisexuals, we are major players in the name, blame, and shame game. I do not remember the number of times I said it is all my fault and was too ashamed to look myself in the mirror. These feeling are rooted deeply in our childhood and hold strong feelings of disappointing our parents because of our desires and behaviors. It is time to go back in the child within and give him or her a great big hug and say how proud we are of their courage to be who they were and do what they did.
  2. As bisexuals we have often started off in a heterosexual relationship and been unable to control our same-sex impulses and desires. This is natural.  This is who we are. There is no need to have shame over these desires. We recognize the shame for what it is and forgive ourselves.
  3. These desires have often led to having sexual experiences outside the relationship. This may cause us to feel extreme guilt and shame. We have to be compassionate with ourselves and recognize the powerful sources of these desires and feelings. We have to also realize that we will continue to have these desires for the rest of our lives. The key is truth and honesty. We first forgive ourselves for having these desires. They are what they are. There is no need for guilt. We have to forgive ourselves.
  4. At some point we will have to disclose our desires and actions to our heterosexual partners. We do not apologize for them or ask for forgiveness. We simply acknowledge them and the subsequent confusion and grief that may come from the partner. We become active listeners letting them ask their questions and confirming their feelings. We then focus on the relationship and see if both parties still want to maintain it and what changes that may involve. If we or the partner choose to leave the relationship, we do so expressing our love for them, wishing them the best and offering to support them in any way we can.
  5. We move on without guilt or shame. We may seek new relationships but we are always honest with potential new partners about our bisexuality showing no remorse or guilt. It is who we are and we ask the new partner to accept us just the way we are.

We remember that we are spiritual human beings, and we act and make decisions from the heart. Our sexuality is the desire of the heart to connect with people who can accept and love us just the way we are without shame, blame or guilt.

 

[1] https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/martinluth101472.html?src=t_forgiveness

 

[2] https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/martinluth121065.html

Discernment and Surviving and Thriving in a Hostile World

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)

How can we fit into a world that basically fears us and what we stand for? It’s not easy, but once we master the virtue of discernment, we can actually enjoy living in the chaos. Once we understand our own story and how we use that story to survive, we can begin to understand that everyone else is living in their own illusions and fears. It is basically fear that runs the individual, the group, and society as a whole.

We can begin by going top down; that means starting with society as a whole. Society is composed of  group stories and fears resulting in a group mind-set designed to desperately hold onto the status quo. To maintain the status quo, society depends on control and power exercised through the institutions of family, church, education, the media, and the government. When being gay or bisexual threatens these basic structures of society we can expect a negative reaction. Fear will turn to anger and hate for anyone that threatens that security. Because hate has now been stifled by popular opinion, it has gone underground and resurfaced in inappropriate humor, indifference, or even pity, all of which contribute to our feelings of isolation and helplessness. We are even willing to accept the label of “queer” out of defiance and misplaced pride.

The gay movement however has made huge inroads in the basic institutions, to the point where the external fight appears to be basically over. Most families have accepted their gay children, most of the churches have welcomed us back into their folds, the media is trying to exorcise its demons by giving us special treatment, and the laws have been changed. But the power struggle has gone underground. The suicide and depression rates are actually increasing.  We have won the right to marry but our divorce rates for lesbians (gay men seem to do better than heterosexuals but there is some controversy about the results)  are twice that of the heterosexual population[1].  We are still suffering from extreme loneliness and many (and perhaps most) of us feel or have felt some degree of helplessness and hopelessness. Why?

I think it is probably because we are being tolerated and not really accepted by society. The fear often turns to indifference and even pity, both of which tend to make us feel isolated and misunderstood. This includes those we love the most.  Our loved ones tend to avoid the issue of our gay side or they question us as if they are trying desperately and unsuccessfully to understand our behavior. The uneasiness, intricate voice tones, and the body language that we perceive subconsciously is wearing us down. In one article I read, our mental-emotional state is being compared to soldiers who are suffering from PTSD.  Subconsciously we are in a battle for survival. It is not one big trauma but a lifetime of small traumas that have worn us down. We are constantly receiving negative vibrations from our heterosexual friends and family, and even from our own tortured gay companions. These vibrations wear on our nervous systems until we crash.

The key then is to use the power of discernment to become aware of these negative feelings and vibrations coming from others and take immediate measures to counter balance them with positive vibrations from our higher self.

Here are my five steps on discernment for bisexuals and the process of turning the struggle to survive into the joy of thriving:

  1. First, we must realize that we are bisexual, that part of us is gay or lesbian and we must be aware of the struggles that go with it. That means we take time to build up our self-image and self-esteem before going to work, or church, or visiting members of our family. We have to be 100% sure that we are indeed beautiful and wonderful spiritual human beings. This provides a constant flow of positive energy that can balance the negative energy coming our way from the people who are important in our lives.
  2. We seek those who are like-minded and like-souled for intimate partnerships. This can be a heterosexual, gay, or bisexual soul mate. It can be sexual or nonsexual, but it has to be within the higher self, beyond the urges of the body and the sorrows of the ego. If we have a heterosexual partner, we have to understand they may be struggling to understand and accept us just the way we are. We have to be patient with their struggles and realize they are trying to settle some of their subconscious fears. We respond gently and lovingly. Sometimes we or they may break down because of the triggers that may reopen old woulds. We have to accept that these will happen and that they are an opportunity to heal and even to go deeper in the relationship.
  3. We must understand that our sexuality makes us different, and because we are different, the straight population will experience some degree of uneasiness when we are around them or their children.  We must understand that their uneasiness is based on fear and is subconsciously a threat to their beliefs and mindset, and therefore to their ego’s sense of survival. We must recognize their struggle and conflict of beliefs and emotions. We accept the uneasiness and try to eliminate the fears. We send our positive energy to them in the form of love to balance the negative energy of fear. We continue our relationships and perhaps even increase the time we spend with them. We use the time to naturally express our own feelings and encourage them to express and unconditionally accept theirs, while maintaining the positive flow of love energy from the higher self. Eventually the fears will break down allowing genuine bonds to be formed.
  4. We avoid all forms of hate. HATE IS A BARRIER TO LOVE. We never allow our own fears to become anger or hate. When we experience hate (or other negative emotions) from others, we try to respond positively. Christ frequently talks about loving our enemies and doing good to those who abuse us. That does not mean we accept their hate. We simply acknowledge it in our higher self, recognize it is based on fear, confront it gently, thus providing a seed of love, and then immediately remove ourselves from these powerful negative vibrations.
  5. With these foundations of security in place, we can try to reach out and make a difference in our world,  to change society one small step at a time in our own way. It can be a blog or a poem, sitting on a board, volunteering for a compassionate cause, or even being president of the United States. But is has to be done in love, bursting from a full heart that longs to share, balance, and change the world through powerful positive vibrations of love from the core of our higher selves.

[1] Schwartz, Ruth. Why Do Lesbians Have Higher Divorce Rates Than Anyone Else? (https://consciousgirlfriend.com/lesbians-higher-divorce-rates-everyone-else/)

Discernment – A True Story

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)The hardest part about discernment is being able to discern between the truth and the fiction coming from our own minds. In reality, every thought is grounded in a story and as such is more like a fiction novel rather than a reality show.  Animals are so lucky.  They mainly live in the moment through instinctual reactions to their senses.  They have some memory, particularly for smells, faces, and some rudimentary signs, but they simply respond according to their instincts. They do not have to evaluate and judge before making a decision.

We humans create neural pathways in our amazing cerebral cortex, linking sensory concepts into thoughts, memories, and emotions. It enables us to make decisions based on past experiences and gives us the power and energy to react accordingly. It helps us adapt to our surroundings in such a magnificent way that even though we are perhaps the weakest species, we have become the creatures at the top of the food chain. This has been a good thing for surviving and avoiding saber-toothed tigers, but too much of a good think can become a bad thing, and perhaps even a curse.

We humans have a control center in the frontal cortex that we can refer to as the administration center, the mind, or the ego. It is this part of our brain that builds our own interpretation and perception of reality, leading to the creation of a gestalt or mind set. This becomes our life story based on a collection of stories that we can refer to as beliefs, attitudes and values. All our thoughts are then grounded in our life story, and we then react, judge and make decisions according to the story. Now this gift is great for avoiding saber-tooth tigers, but it becomes a never ending circle of thought, emotion, and pain when applied to avoiding personal and psychological problems. As twenty-first century humans, we may live in the moment, but every thought is influenced by the pains of the past and the fears for the future.

The key to discernment then is to become aware or conscious of the story and its role in governing our minds or thoughts. In a sense, we are no better than the animals in that we automatically respond through our instincts, except our instincts are governed by our thoughts, a process designed to avoid danger and insure success in the hunt. Because we live in a complex society with complex relationships and feelings, the mind is forever on the alert, always judging and deciding the best route to avoid danger, and forging the best path to becoming alphas in our pack. Because of the immense anxieties related to our new roles, we have lost the ability to act and adapt. We are stuck in the circle of thought; we are living in an on-going fiction novel. We no longer have the ability to perceive reality naturally, let go of the mind, and just experience life through our senses. We now have to find ways to do this consciously while avoiding the saber-tooth tigers in our minds.

And the only way we can do this is through the powers of discernment. In order to live contented and peaceful lives we have to develop the skill of stopping the insanity of the never ending story. To do this we simply stop the mind and open up all our senses without judgement or the need to react.  We just let ourselves relax into the moment. Only then do we begin to perceive reality.  Only then do we begin to see ourselves as beautiful creatures endowed with tremendous physical, mental, and spiritual beauty. Only then are we able to decipher between the chaos of the story and the order and peace of reality, and only then are we able to judge and make decisions based on this true reality.

So what does this have to do with bisexuality? Here are my five points on discerning between reality and the stories of the ego:

  1. As bisexuals, we have developed a very complex story in order to survive. In this story we have judged ourselves to be weak and unworthy so that we do not have to compete. Stop the story. Whenever you hear the cues like, “I will never be good enough”, or, “it’s no use”, or, “it’s all my fault”, stop the story immediately, recognize the belief or lie and then state the true reality: “I am a magnificent human being”, “I am always good enough”, “I can do anything worth doing”, “there is no fault, there is only trial, error, and the accumulation of knowledge and wisdom”.
  2. We have to see and understand the reality of our sexuality. It is merely a biological process of copulation and reproduction, and yes, if we take our cues from the animal kingdom, that includes same sex attraction. But we have made it part of our story. We have created theories of orientation and gender. Stop it. We don’t need it and if we employ the powers of discernment we will come to the conclusion that we don’t want it. It robs us of our ability to be spontaneous and to enjoy the wonderful senses associated with sex and relationship.
  3. Part of our biological process is to become alpha so that we pass on our superior genes to the next generation. In our bisexual stories, we have subconsciously come to the conclusion that we cannot compete, and we rely on same sex association and expression because it is safer; there are no alphas, just us “queers”. Therefore, we have become a society of weaklings, no competition within mainstream society. Oh yes, we indulge our victim stories and rant and rave forcibly against the injustices of this world, but on the inside we don’t perceive ourselves as part of the same human race. That is oh so far from the truth. We are the alphas. We are the ones who can see both sides of the equation. We are the ones with the answers. We are the ones with the genes that need to be passed on to the next generation if this species is to survive. We need to engage and enjoy the opposite sex relationships as masters of bisexuality and not slaves to our same-sex passions.
  4. We have to recognize that we are after all humans and that our minds or egos are amazing evolutionary creations. We do not destroy the story; we simply rebuild it. We create a new story, and in the process, we use discernment to acknowledge that we are, in fact, building a story. But we build a good story with checks and balances. You might say “We Trump” (sorry, could not resist the pun) the aggression and false beliefs before the cards are even played. We need time to do this. I like the mornings. I get into a state of contemplation, not meditation, contemplation. I simply review my action of the previous day and challenge the motives of my ego which may have got the better of me the previous day. I then set out to consciously be in control of my life and to set a new course for the new day.
  5. And finally, enjoy! The purpose of life is to enjoy. To be spontaneous. To shut down the control center, to step outside the story and just respond to the beauty of the energy around me, and the beauties of the people I so dearly love. I set out to deliberately live and experience through my soul, not my mind. I recognize and respect my story and my ego but only allow it to function on a need to know basis. In other words I control it; it does not control me. Now go out and master and enjoy the day. You deserve it.

Valentine’s Day and the Virtue of Awareness

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img_1394-1Awareness is an act of love, first for the self and then for the special person in our lives. One of the best words of wisdom I have garnered over the years is: “do yourself a favor, love your wife.”  Speaking to all the men out there, and this also applies to women, this is the best investment you will ever make. Whatever you give will come back to you a hundred fold. As humans we need to not only be loved but to feel loved.  Acts of love turn us on, not just sexually, but our entire reward and drive systems are activated.  This is the virtue of joy. This is where awareness comes in.  We should live in constant awareness (not just on Valentine’s Day) of the beauty and virtues of our partner, not only consciously, but especially through our feelings, thoughts and actions. Continuous acts and words of love between us and our partners gives us a window by which we have an opportunity to live in constant joy. When we are in the state of bliss it demands that we give back even more than we receive. Love grows.

Happy Valentine’s and Engagement Day

(We got engaged on Valentine’s Day)

 

You are the sunshine that breaks the gloom of a cold cloudy day,

The reason to get up in the morning after a long sleepless night.

You bring warm sunshine to a cold heart with your beautiful smile,

You bring a cozy feeling that says everything will be all right.

 

You are the reason and the fulfillment of a young man’s romance.

You are the juice that transforms an old man into an innocent boy.

You are the power to conquer all the weaknesses that come my way.

That are the source of love that fills another year with contentment and joy.

 

You are the unmoving rock that anchors my boat in the storm.

You are the warm breeze that continually blows good things my way.

You are the beginning and the end of all my good thoughts and desires.

You are the perfect beginning and the perfect end to an imperfect day.

Bisexuality, Truth, and Forgiveness

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When seeking the virtue of truth, the most important piece of truth we can discover is that we have always done our best. Given the circumstances of our lives, given the fact that we have powerful sexual drives that demand to be heard, given the fact that we have to balance our desires with our relationships, we have to accept the fact that we did the best we could under the circumstances. There is no need for guilt, there is no need for shame.

I finally have reached this level of consciousness where I not only mouth the words, but I actually accept and believe that I am a good human being. One hot summer afternoon as I did my daily journey through the deserts of Arizona, I finally understood self forgiveness and its effect on self-love.  I was finally free to leave my desert. There was no blame, no shame, no need for guilt. All just was. I was finally free to accept the whole and comforting meaning of forgiveness. I was free to forgive myself for all the mistakes I had made, for all the wrong I had done, for all the wrongs that had been done to me. I was free to return to the world of warm moist winds and rich green life.

 

Ode to the Tree

Forgiveness comes like an October snowfall,

That quietly settles, one flake at a time, on the dead grass,

Covering the barren ground with pure soft white crystals,

A cool white shroud on summer’s passionate past.

 

Feelings fall forgotten like frail dead leaves

Without purpose and life beneath the white;

They are discarded bits of vanity and vitality,

Having fulfilled their purpose on the tree of life.

Yet, I remain in my state of shock like the tree,

Stripped of its drive, purpose, and ability to grow,

Thrusting my life blood back down into my roots,

Away from the cold November winds that blow.

 

But I still live, and I still feel, and I can still dream.

I know that those discarded feelings beneath the pain,

In time shall break down and nurture growth, new life,

When the warm spring sun shines overhead again.

And those feelings like last years living leaves

Have contributed their substances to make me strong;

Their scars have become next year’s branching points,

New life made ready for a new season with a new song.