Category: Bisexuality and Mindfulness

Self-Actualization, Sex, and the Virtues

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SHIRT & TIE w.out white background (final)We have come to the end on our study of the virtues, and we have developed our body, mind, and soul to the point that we can truly say that we are on the path to self-actualization. The journey is not complete, only because it is never complete; self-actualization is a process, not a destination. Each of the virtues are to be visited over and over again as our knowledge and wisdom spirals ever upward and onward towards self-actualization.

The first stage to self-actualization is the cluster of five virtues involved in grounding. First we become aware of our higher self. We are aware of the power and beauty of our bodies, minds and souls. We accept ourselves just the way we are, and we love ourselves because of the endless capacity, power, and beauty within. We are able to listen to the voice of our higher self as our source of truth. We have learned to feel when something is right or wrong for us. We have learned to appreciate our self, others and the path we are on. We now have a bridge between our physical (body) and spiritual (soul) parts of our being. It enables us to connect our physical and spiritual strengths and energies. It opens up the door to virtuous living.

The second stage is centering. One of the definitions for centering is “a temporary framework for supporting a masonry arch during construction until it is able to stand by itself”. I like this one for two reasons. First because we are indeed building a framework for virtuous living, and secondly, it is part of a process for a higher and majestic structure that often has connotations of spiritual holiness (I use the term spiritual to denote our human spirit which in itself is sacred). As we build these virtues, they are not an end in themselves but a platform on which we can live a higher life. The first of these is assertiveness. It is the ability to express our thoughts and feelings from that inner strength which we all potentially possess through our higher self. This leads to fortitude which is the virtue that allows us to overcome fear and to remain steady in the face of all obstacles – physical, mental, and spiritual.  This leads to the virtue of contentment.  We are not just hopeless victims of our body and ego desires, nor do we have to let go of all desires. We simply have to understand where they are coming from, consciously analyze them through our higher self, and either let them go or indulge and enjoy. This leads to gratitude. We are thankful for everything that comes into our lives. We remind ourselves that there is always something good if we look for it. We see difficulties as opportunities to learn.

We are now ready to reach out to others from a solid base of self-love. We enter what the Greeks called agape love. Agape love is a feeling that comes from the higher self. It is the love energy, or universal positive energy, or the god energy that flows through us when we are interacting positively with other human beings. This takes us to the love virtues. The first love virtue is forgiveness. Forgiveness is an act of love, mainly for the self, but also for others. We merely acknowledge that these things have happened and that we wish to acknowledge the past but live in the present. Next is kindness. Kindness comes from the heart. It flows from and is rooted in love. It involves a three way resonance of vibration from the higher self, another’s higher self, and the external universal flow. This leads to passion. We get to a new kind of love-pleasure based on the energy flow of our combined body, mind, and spirit energies. We are fully charged and motivated to indulge in what we feel is good and right. As we walk solidly along the path of love, we now become aware of the needs of others which leads to empathy. This is the ability to experience the emotional, mental, and spiritual vibrations of another. But we go beyond empathy to compassion which ushers us into the desire to experience life together and to assist others in finding their own true path. It is about overcoming the sources of pain and then sharing this knowledge with others.  When we are  living a life of love,  we seek pleasure through our senses for no other reason than the pleasure itself. We intuitively know whether the pleasure is in harmony with our higher self and we can sense when we are sharing these pleasures with others.

Grounded, centered and living in the universal flow of love, we are now ready to move on to true self-actualization. This begins with trust. First of all, real trust is not about anyone else; it is about the interaction between the ego-self and the inner or higher-self.  We trust ourselves to know, understand and live according to a blend of the ego and the spiritual self. We live in harmony with ourselves. We have sensitivity. We have awakened our natural sensitivity and developed and perfected it so that we can use our feelings for guidance. We are gentle. We realize that positive interactions are part of the flow of universal love and negative ones come from a person’s body of pain. We react to love with love and to pain and anger with gentleness. We embrace uncertainty. We live each moment as if it were the last. We seek the truth and the joy that life presents to us every moment of every day. And finally, we live a life of joy. The virtue of joy is wrapped up in the feeling of expansion. It is living a life each day where all basic and mental needs are essentially fulfilled and our full personal potential takes place. This includes being fully alive and finding our own personal true meaning in life.

My final five applications to bisexuality.

  1. We are grounded in the beauty and power of our higher self. We can choose the life we want to live and live it in harmony with our inner self without having to worry about what others think of us.
  2. We are centered. We know who we are. We have a two-spirit or rather a whole spirit approach to life. We understand our feminine and masculine qualities.
  3. We are not afraid to love. We seek true relationship with other people who are also aware of their higher self. Our sexuality becomes part of the higher function of  making love and living a truly caring and loving life.
  4. We seek self-actualization. We are more than just sexual beings; we also have a spiritual presence that we can share with others.
  5. And finally our bisexuality is meant to be enjoyed. It includes good clean sex, and loving relationships with both or either men or women. We live to enjoy.

Bisexuality and the Spirit of Adventure Virtue

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)As Joseph Conrad states in Heart of Darkness, “‘I went a little farther…then still a little farther—till I had gone so far that I don’t know how I’ll ever get back.” Life is learning not only to be comfortable with uncertainty but to welcome it as an opportunity to expand as a human being. It is not looking back, not wanting to go back, but to be pushing the envelope until the last day of our lives. It is dreaming and then making those dreams come true by the sheer power of our will.

The spirit of adventure is the desire and openness to experiencing something new. It is accepting uncertainty and welcoming it as an opportunity to explore, to expand our range of knowledge, and to bring new sets of sensations and feelings into our life portfolio. It is taking a holistic and creative approach to experiencing what each day has to offer. It is living in the now with passion and vitality.

One of the key ways to grow our spirit is to find our place in this universe.  We explore nature realizing our humble place in the unity of all living thing, to the point where we stand in awe of life itself. We indulge ourselves in a forest bath, letting the gentleness of the forest path caress our bodies as we silently absorb its sights, smells, and sounds into our inner sanctuaries. It is taking a mindful ocean walk at low tide where we take off our shoes and feel the hard moist sand peeling off the dead skin from the souls of our feet and the dead thoughts out of the graveyards of our minds. We let nature’s negative ions collide with our positive ones, neutralizing them, and restoring our chemical balance and our spiritual energies.

We seek the truth, not in rational thought, but in the knowing of our higher self. We search for the answers to the question of our souls. We seek to know who we are, where we are going and how we will know when we get there. We understand that when we arrive at that place it will be just one more step in the never-ending journey to self-actualization. We see success and failure as “twin imposters”[1]. We know that success is just temporary and not an end it itself; it is the journey that counts not our worldly achievements. We know there is no such thing as failure, just opportunities for reassessment, clarity, and the selection of new paths.

We learn the most when we fall the hardest; we seize the opportunity to show ourselves what we are made of, not to define ourselves by the thoughts and actions of others. In the process,  we arrive at the  an understanding that all things are possible. There is no looking back. There is no past. There is only the present that is just waiting for us to open it up and enjoy.

We avoid and despise labels. We are beyond labels. We are free to be whatever we want to be and then to reverse and redefine ourselves day by day. We are not limited by what anyone else thinks. We choose to not only think, but to live, outside the box. We avoid the limitations of Religion. We do not live to reach heaven and avoid hell. We do not seek the escape offered by Nirvana but choose to experience life in the here and now with all its flaws and treasures. We never get old; we just get older and wiser. We never stop enjoying the pleasures of our bodies and the wonderment of our minds. We just bring them into harmony with the source of all life and power. We never let go of life. We live it.

My five applications to bisexuality:

  1. Our bisexuality is not a curse or a burden. It is a gift that allows us to experience life from both the feminine and masculine sides of life.
  2. We know who we are and who we want to be. We do not allow others to shape us. We are proud to be who we are.
  3. Even though we live life from our own personal perspective, we seek out a partner who is like-minded to share the journey with us. We do not try to shape them and we do not allow them to shape us. If our life paths separate, we are prepared to let them go.
  4. We dare to dream. We allow our inner self to speak its truth about who we are and where we want to go. We then build on that truth and set a course to greater self-actualization.
  5. We share who we are with others and engage in two way communication that includes the expressing and living of our deepest desires.

[1] Rudyard Kipling. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/spirit-adventure-7-ways-thrive-2017-linda-mccall/

 

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Thriving in Uncertainty

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Uncertainty cannot be a virtue, but the way we deal with it sure can. The feeling associated with uncertainty is based on fear, especially fear of change. We like things the way they are, even when they are filled with fear and turmoil. We resist change and build up defense mechanisms including religion, acquiring material goods and wealth, seeking knowledge, delving into the arts, and seeking experiences with beauty. “In short, we try to make meaning and order of what might otherwise seem a chaotic existence”. [1]

Our greatest fears are death and living a life without meaning and purpose. We set up belief systems to explain the inexplicable and to provide a comfortable degree of certainty where there is no certainty. We develop stories employing the old spiritual standbys of faith and hope. In the case of religion, we strive for group stories filled with justice, including rewards and punishment. These stories are always on the far end of rational thought, just close enough that they make sense with the application of faith and hope. Don’t get me wrong; I also operate on faith, and, if we are honest with ourselves, we all do to some extent. The key is to know and understand that they are just stories that may be based on fiction rather than truth.

The opposite of faith is pessimism. We see the uncertainties of the world around, imagine a worst case scenario, and then learn to live with it. Frankly, I would rather live by faith than pessimism, but I believe there is a third and better way.

“In quantum mechanics, the observation effect states that the photon used to locate and measure a particle actually changes the particle’s position. The observer actually changes the state of the object perceived.” Our thoughts are in truth a release of creative energy from the electromagnetic and chemical activity of our neural pathways. We can create a story that is in fact real and ever changing with the electronic and quantum power of our thoughts and beliefs. Applied to our response to uncertainty, we can, in fact, affect not just the perception, but reality itself. Once set in motion, our thoughts have the power to change and alter reality, provided that they are consistent, passionately powerful, and loaded with creative energy.

Let me explain through a story, a true story. When my wife was giving birth to our son, the doctor arrived and examined her, told us the baby was turned the wrong way, and it would be hours before it would be born. Meanwhile, he was going to go home and get some sleep. After he left, I placed my hands on my wife’s abdomen and asked god (this occurred during a time when I had traditional Christian beliefs) to turn the baby. At that precise moment, I felt the baby turn in my hands and immediately start down the birth canal. He was born half an hour later. The doctor had just enough time to come back and cut the cord. So what happened? Was this a random coincidence? Perhaps. Did god turn the baby? Perhaps. Did my mental energy turn the baby? Perhaps. Or perhaps it was my higher self connecting with a higher power that transferred the higher energy from my hands to her body thus turning the baby? I choose to believe the latter, but the answer to that question will depend upon our belief systems. The fact remains: the baby did turn, and I believe I was an agent in the process because I felt the power pass through my thoughts and hands.

This brings us back to the question of life and death. What is life all about? Are we just a random occurrence in the universe? Logic would say that we are. Logic would also say that the typical after-death experience of walking towards a bright light is just a final burst of energy from our dying brain. What about reincarnation which is the favorite belief my intellectual friends and associates, who perhaps have developed a rational system that goes very easy on an enlightened ego.  And what about regression? Are they a real recall of a past life or just a creation of the imagination of people who want to believe? Is there a god? And if there is, is he a personal god like the Christians believe, the all-powerful patriarch of the Muslims and Jews, or that universal esoteric presence sought after by the Buddhists and new age intellectuals? The answer to these questions is that there is no answer, all is uncertainty.

It is only by recognizing that life is full of uncertainties that we can then walk the path to self-actualization with creative thought and spiritual confidence. We embrace the only certainty that we have: I am; I breathe; I think; I understand; therefore, I am. The key is to truly know and understand, and yes, believe that this is enough. We embrace the uncertainty. We live each moment as if it were the last. We seek the truth and the joy that life presents to us every moment of every day. If there is another life after this, we know that it will be good. If we search our inner self we will realize that there is no evil; there is no hell. There is nothing to fear, not even death itself. If this life is all there is and the bright light gradually fades and disappears, we will have lived a life full of the creative power of love energy that will continue to shine as long as there is human life on this beautiful planet.

Because we believe life is precarious, and because we strive to fill it with our love energy, we will naturally embrace and help each other.  We will build real stories around family and fellowship, and we will call it love. The natural consequences of our feelings and actions will be the development of a sense of compassion for ourselves and for everyone else who fears the unknown. When we open ourselves to the continually changing nature of your own being, we embrace the reality set before us.  We enjoy our capacity to live a life free of fear. We increase our capacity to be, to enjoy, and to love. We care for other people. We begin to really live a life with endless opportunities to create and enjoy a better world.

My five applications for bisexuality:

  1. We are now beyond gender issues. In the world of uncertainty even our sexual orientation is uncertain. Whether we are attracted to males or females makes no difference. We are one human being connecting with another through the passion and sensuality of our bodies.
  2. We embrace our uncertainties as opportunities to experience something new, something that will lead to greater knowledge and deeper levels of experiencing and feeling.
  3. We realize that our expectations are just our attempts at finding certainty and usually lead to disappointment or to the realization that out strongest desires cannot be fulfilled,  So we reduce our expectations, set goal only on  essential matters, and open ourselves up to the possibility and excitement of change.
  4. We have no expectations of others. We just accept them the way they are at that moment, knowing that they too are searching for their own sense of self-actualization.
  5. We realize that self-actualization is not an end in itself but a process. We continue to explore, build, and feel until the last breath of this uncertain life. We have no expectation of an afterlife but we are open to all possibilities. There is nothing to fear. It may be only the last peaceful breath or the possibility of endless possibilities.

[1] All quotes in this blog are from Greenfield, Susan Celia. The Last Lecture: the Virtue of Uncertainty. (https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/last-lecture-virtue-uncertainty/#!)

 

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Gentleness

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)“The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus tenderly,” Henry David Thoreau.

 

This “delicate handling” is the result of developing the virtue of gentleness. Sensitivity leads to gentleness, first with ourselves and then with others. When we have developed the virtue of sensitivity, we become aware of our own feelings, motivations, and emotions, and then we become aware of the feelings of others. We realize that positive interactions are part of the flow of universal love and negative ones come from a person’s body of pain. We react to love with love and to pain and anger with gentleness.

Gentleness comes from the spirit, or the higher self, and is based on love of self.  If we ask our spirit for guidance it will always respond and show us the way to care for and be gentle with our bodies. When our bodies are in harmony with our spirit, we enter into a place free of anxiety. Our heart rate slows, our blood pressure drops, the sugar and salt levels return to the optimal levels. This allow the body to tap into its source of positive energy to  increase its immune system and repair damaged cells.

The first step is to know, sense, and feel the positive energy and movement of our spirit. It is always gentle. It always brings peace and inner joy. It always directs by bringing us the feeling that what we are doing feels right. If we learn to hear that gentle voice, it will empower us to eat the correct foods, exercise daily without harming our body tissues, and become aware of our abilities and limitations. It will reveal harmful practices like unsafe sex, use of legal and illegal drugs, and high risk activities. It will teach us to love and protect our bodies as a precious gift from the universal creative spirit of love.

The second step is to allow the spirit to spread its influence throughout our mind or ego. We tend to be hard on ourselves, expecting the impossible, and then berating ourselves for not attaining it.  The ego sets unrealistic goals and then employs the neural dopamine pathways to achieve those goals. It uses the power of the emotions attached to blame and self-criticism to keep us pushing on towards those goals even though it may not be in our best interest to do so. This creates a constant alert state fueled by anxiety and dangerous levels of adrenaline and epinephrine.

To be truly gentle we have to silence, or rather, redirect, the self-critical voice of the ego.  We do this by consciously inviting the spirit into our decision making process. It will work with the ego or the mind to reveal ways to understand and be gentle with ourselves. The ego is not the enemy of the spirit, but rather a partner and part of the soul. The spirit will always be gentle with our ego never chastising or blaming. It is always ready, when asked, to show a better way, and that way is always gentle in nature. It will never demand that it gives up pleasures or sources of joy. It will merely, gently, show how to bring those pleasures into harmony with the higher self.

Once we have achieved this harmony of body, ego, and spirit, we will then be able to extend it to others. We will be able to sense the feelings behind their actions. With love ones, we will always be able to see the other side where the ego is acting out of this nebula of pain and emotion. We will be able to respond to the desires behind the feeling rather than to the emotions of their wounded egos. We will be able to gently dissolve these emotions and redirect them to the issues causing the pain or, perhaps, just show a gentle understanding of where they are coming from and open the door to future positive interactions. Once we achieve true gentleness through “delicate handling” of ourselves and others, we can begin to enjoy the fruits of self-actualization.

 

Here are my five applications for bisexuals:

  1. As bisexuals, our life path often leads to pain and turmoil. Our natural tendency is to blame ourselves for the pain inflicted upon us. We have to be gentle with ourselves. We are not to blame for our actions brought on by our sexual orientation. There is no blame. Period. Not god, not our parents, and certainly not ourselves. The blame game only leads to more pain and suffering.
  2. We can be kind to our bodies. We can avoid self-destructive behavior like unsafe sex and S and M and humiliation fetishes. Inflicting and enduring pain in role play just deepens the wounds. It may provide a temporary release, but that feeling of self-abuse will just come back stronger than ever.
  3. Rather than abuse our body, we can love it. We can look at our naked body in the mirror and realize just how beautiful and wonderful it really is. And we don’t have to ignore the genitals which are a source of amazing enzymes and hormones connected with the passing on of life itself.
  4. We should avoid excessive use of masturbation. . It is seldom done gently and lovingly. There is always a connection with desperation and anxiety. There is nothing morally wrong with masturbation for the realization of unfulfilled needs and the release of anxieties, but we should always be aware that it can be harmful if it leads us away from genuine relationship.
  5. We can be gentle with those we love. When we see our partners strike out in anger or frustration, we can choose to look for the feelings, needs, and desires behind their words and actions. We can remind them that they are loved and that we are willing to help them meet those needs.

Bisexuality and the Love Virtues

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“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.”[1]

SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)It is oh so true. The whole focus of loving anyone, anything, is to be loved in return. The people who wrote the New Testament of the Bible understood this greatest need of mankind and provided us with the image of Christ, the perfect love, the truly unconditional love, which perhaps does not exist outside of the Christ ideal. Love, just by its nature, demands that it gets something in return. We need to be loved and to feel loved unconditionally, for just ourselves or in spite of ourselves.

As seen in a previous blog, the Greeks had six words for love; I would like to narrow that down to two – eros, which is hormonal and mental, and agape, which is mental and spiritual. Erotica comes from the root work eros, but it is much more than that. It covers all the aspects of romantic or physical love.  I will not attempt to add anything to this most used and misused word in the English language, except to say it is hormonal in nature and connected to the pleasure center of the brain. Agape is the essential part of the love virtues that we have just covered in the last five blogs. They include kindness, compassion, empathy, desire, and passion. Rather than rehash them individually, I would like to demonstrate how they all fit together to provide us with agape love.

First of all, agape love is a feeling that comes from the higher self. It is the love energy, or universal positive energy, or the god energy that flows through us when we are interacting positively with other human beings. It involves a three way resonance of vibration from the higher self, another’s higher self, and the external universal flow. It is the feeling we all seek; it is part of our physical and spiritual genetic makeup. The writers of the Old Testament tried to express this love by the action of god breathing life into Adam. In other words, love is essentially our life energy.

It is this life-love energy that is part of the bonding process, where we give of ourselves to mate, create and nurture our offspring. This child-parent bond is the closest we will ever get to unconditional love; yet, the motive is still based on the desire to be loved. If our children return the love we give, we are content and feel a kind of divine purpose being fulfilled. If our children do not return our love, we suffer the greatest of heartbreaks.

The next closest we get to unconditional love is with our romantic partners; however, if we do not feel love in return, we will eventually wear down spiritually and seek a new partner who is willing to give us the love we desire. And what is this love? Yes it is romantic, and yes it is eros based, but it is much more. It is what I call intimacy or the heart to heart connection that is based on sharing the life journey to self-actualization. In other words we support each other, offering encouragement, and mirroring back to each other where we are on the journey of life, and where we truly need to go.

The agape love stems naturally from these other two loves, but it can also exist in isolation by attaching our higher self to the universal flow of love. We can receive a tremendous boost of energy to share with others in the form of kindness, and compassion.  Yes it is altruistic in nature, but we still want some form of love in return. This can be experienced through appreciation, respect, and connection with other human beings in the form of empathy. When we receive these three gifts in return, it invigorates our desire to give and receive more. This becomes a passion that is based on helping others get on and stay on the path to self-actualization, which in turn moves us onward on our own path. Somewhere on this journey, we drop the need for respect and appreciation from others and do things just because they are the right thing to do according to our higher self. This in turn takes us closer and closer to the universal flow of love.

This is why I spend hours each week trying to understand myself and why I do the things I do. I write this blog because I feel it is the right thing to do. It is the expression of my appreciation of my own road to self-actualization that I feel a need to share to help others on their own journey. I expect nothing in return, but I sure appreciate a kind comment now and then. Even though I have never met you, I can honestly say I love you. Enjoy your love journey.

Five applications to bisexuality:

  1. This is not really about bisexuality; it is about being a loving human being. We are all on a life journey. The purpose is to experience universal love in all its forms. Enjoy the journey.
  2. Sex is great but do not stop there. Use it to form connections. Go for intimacy.
  3. Love yourself. Without self-love there can be no love for anyone else.
  4. Love one someone else and if you love to the best of your ability you will receive love in return. Enjoy this person and always seek the best for them and they will seek the best for you.
  5. Expand your circle of love to include others but do it for the connection to universal love. This is all we will take from this life into the next.

[1] Hugo, victor.  (http://www.yourtango.com/2013182354/love-quotes-inspirational-famous)

 

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Passion

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Passion – vice or virtue? According to the major religions, we have two competing forces – good and evil, vice and virtue. However, if we realize there is actually no evil, just us, walking either a path to self-actualization, or floundering in our own fears and self-defeating negative behavior, we begin to view passion as neither a vice nor a virtue; it just is a part of who we are as humans. Religious study of the virtue of passion is obsessed with defining passion as the choosing of good over evil, serving others rather than ourselves, avoiding pleasure and pursuing some form of altruistic stoicism.  Passion as the pursuit of pleasure is regarded as a vice. However, there can be no passion at all without the pursuit of pleasure.

Passion is usually listed as the fifth cardinal virtue. Aristotle’s term ‘passions’ covers our bodily appetites (for food, drink, sex, etc.), our emotions, and any feelings accompanied by pleasure or pain. On the physical level, passion drives us to self-gratification, and this is as good thing. Our bodies and brains are rooted in the pursuit of pleasure. We are driven by the dopamine based neural pathways from the forebrain which give us our drive to experience challenges and achievements. These pathways, when the circuit is complete, activate the pleasure center of the brain, which releases the neurotransmitters endorphins which inhibits pain, including thought-pain, and gives us a feeling of euphoria. When the goal is physical love, and the joining of two people is accomplished through copulation, the neuromodulator oxytocin is released aiding in the development of powerful neural and hormonal pathways that we can refer to as bonding.  This bond in the basis of romantic passion.

Freud believed that this sexual passion was at the root of all our passions, and I tend to agree with him. The forming of passion for anything, such as politics or even the game of golf, employs the same pleasure seeking bonding system, but without the oxytocin. These dopamine drives are part of our alpha-seeking system which have sexual links, making us, especially males, seem more attractive. When we achieve alpha in any area, it is assumed it will attract others to serve us in the pursuit of spreading our alpha genes and passing on our accomplishments to the next generation.

But passion is more than just enjoying the pleasures of the senses. We also have a trump card, the frontal cortex, the administration center of the brain, which gives us the ability to choose which path we will pursue. It in turn overrides the primitive brain and takes over the dopamine drive and the endorphin reward system. In other words, we can choose to do “good” deeds strictly for the pleasure of it. Usually this leads to self-actualization based on the desires of the ego.  This is good (unless a person gets pleasure by inflicting pain on others) and is the beginning of passion as a virtue.

Beyond the cortex, or perhaps including the cortex, we somehow arrive at the higher self, which I believe involves the energy system of the soul that we can refer to as spirit.  We now begin to create our own love story, which means we are operating from the heart. The heart-passion is a desire and drive for good based on love, but it is still connected to our own selfish, pleasure seeking pursuit of self-actualization, but on a higher level. We get to a new kind of love-pleasure based on the energy flow of combined body, mind, and spirit. This leads to pleasure by connection with others and to the source of all goodness. Self-actualization is now much more than body or ego based passion. Through love we now take pleasure in helping other towards their own self-actualization, which then becomes a collective pursuit of what is considered the universal good. Our romantic passion also takes on a new dimension. We pursue intimacy rather than just sensuous pleasure.

Here are my five applications to sexuality, particularly for us bisexuals:

  1. We can be passionate. We can let our passions free to just be without the restrictions of thought and shame. Our body passions are “good” in themselves; they are the energy system of a healthy body’s needs and desires. Without dopamine passion we slip into repressed drives which leads to chemical imbalance or clinical depression. Without the dopamine-oxytocin drive we become impotent which again can be a symptom of depression. It is natural and good to release and enjoy our passions.
  2. We can employ our minds to choose when to let loose use our passions. We can rely on our egos to choose what is best for us as a sentient being. Sometimes this means delaying self-gratification.
  3. As bisexuals, through consciousness, we can use mindfulness to expand the sexual sensations to involve the full body, mind, and soul, including all our senses and feelings. We can use our sexuality to build more than one love story and we can harmonize these stories into a whole new way of life that involves intimate relationships with both men and/or women, or we can choose to be monogamous and focus our love passion on one individual.
  4. We can expand our passion to include altruism, keeping in mind that we should also derive some form of physical or sentient pleasure by serving others. When we are making love we should be conscious of a partner’s experience of pleasure and take pleasure from our partner’s pleasure.
  5. We can use our relationships to reach out to a higher form of love that includes sexuality as a spiritual experience that binds us to humanity in general and to the universal flow of love. Passion is the love energy that we can learn to use for the universal good.

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Empathy.

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Is empathy a virtue or an emotion? Not really either, but it is an essential ingredient in forming any of the virtues related to the ability to love. “Empathy is the intellectual, emotional, and imaginative apprehension of another person’s situation that takes place without experiencing it. It is learning through identification, through entering that special matrix where one encounters the unifying co-humanity of self and neighbor”[1]. So when is empathy a virtue? It depends, Miller in his research article concluded, “Empathy as a virtue is dependent on other virtues. It can’t stand alone; it’s insufficient. It needs to be informed and disciplined by other virtues such equity, judgment, and fairness[2].” However, empathy is much more than an emotional or cognitive connection. It is the ability to feel what someone else feels, and when these feelings involve the higher self, they become a call to action and become a virtue in themselves.

Empathy involves the ability to relate on body, mind, and soul levels. The emotions are the domain of the body and the old brain. When we experience and absorb the sadness or grief from another, it activates the amygdala resulting in our own experience of sadness including tears and the lump in the throat sensation. The call to help involves the workings of the mind. We evaluate the best way to support the other person, whether it be a hug, a word of encouragement, or just the silence of a good listener. If the cause of the person’s grief relates to our own experiences, there is a mental and emotional connection. We feel bonded through our sadness. Our soul, or more correctly, our spirit, experiences their soul energies and will begin to resonate with the same vibration with the goal of bringing the other soul back to the natural vibrations associated with love and joy. This ability to experience the emotional, mental, and spiritual vibrations of another is truly a remarkable virtue, one that we all have the innate ability to practice and experience. It is one of the basic foundations of love.

When it comes to sex, our body goal is orgasm, the mind goal is self-gratification, but the unspoken goal of the soul is to empathize or to seek and resonate with the love and joy vibrations of another.  If we are feeling down, we will seek another, usually a love partner, to help us regain our love-joy vibrations again. This is empathy in reverse, but it is still empathy according to our definition. This is more than an emotion, it is the ability to connect, not just for orgasm and sexual self-gratification, but for the ultimate goal of reaching and sharing the vibrations of love and joy. However, we have to be careful with whom we mate, because empathy means we absorb the emotional and mental vibrations as well as the spiritual. The goal should always be seeking the love-joy connection, so we can experience enriching feelings of higher vibrations.

 

Five application for bisexuality:

  1. We are a sexual body. It is sometimes okay to seek orgasm for the sake of orgasm as long as the other person is seeking sex for the same reason. And as bisexuals we can seek copulation with either men or women.
  2. We also have a brain or a mind, and we should use it. We will be forming a mental and emotional link with another human being. We should evaluate whether or not we wish to form such a link with the individual involved.
  3. We should also be seeking more than just orgasm. Anonymous encounters provide orgasm but nothing else and usually leave us with a hollow feeling, or even guilt, or shame. When we seek a sexual partner, we also have an opportunity to exchange thoughts and feelings with another human being. We have an opportunity to form a friendship and to share emotions and other feelings as well as orgasm.
  4. We can view sex as a soul experience. If we just experience sex and a physical and emotional experience, we have missed or deliberately chosen to bypass the greater sensation of joy. We can seize the opportunity to form a spiritual link which will lead to the wonderful vibrations of love and joy.
  5. We can remember that we are higher beings with a higher inner self. We have an opportunity to experience love and joy continuously. Sex can be a bridge from the mundane world of crying and striving to the fields of Elysium. We can choose a partner to help us walk the path with the enormous boost to joy that sexual experiences can provide.

[1] Virtue, First Foundation –

 

[2] Miller, Richard. Research IU Bloomington. 2013. http://virtuefirst.org/virtues/empathy/

 

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Desire

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)

Aristotle understood that action depends on thought plus desire and that reason and thought by themselves can achieve nothing (Nichomachachean Ethics, 1139a). He goes on to describe desire as the engine for directing “the right thought” which is the basis of higher thinking. In her book,  Li Zhi, and the Virtue of Desire, Lee describes Li Zhi’s insights about the role of feelings and how feeling involve the virtue of desire.[1] Crucial to Zhi’s ideal of the good life is the ability to express one’s feelings, as the articulation of feelings leads to clarity, and clarity leads to new desires. In other words, the virtue of desire is at the foundation of all our actions and even our private thoughts and feelings. Desire is a natural and necessary drive that helps us formulate thoughts and feelings which eventually will lead  to a progression of thought and action. But is desire by itself a virtue? Not necessarily. To become a virtue, desire has to be directed by the higher self, thus leading to higher desires that will set us on the path to self-actualization.

Desire is often omitted from religious inventories of virtues. There is constant reference to controlling our thought life and our desires. Christianity and Islam consistently talk about controlling the desires of the flesh and According to Buddhist belief, the goal of life is to live without any desires at all, because desires result in stress and anxieties that lead us away from a life of peace and contentment. However, this begs the question – can we truly be content without desire? Would we not be conflicting with our basic human nature which is to perceive something greater, some pleasure, some dream, some goal, even the goal of living a life of contentment free of anxiety and stress? What would we be without desires?

Desires are part of our basic brain structures. We see what is not and we ask why? We think of something that might give us pleasure and ask why not? Then the brain sets up a neural pathway that involves a goal that is intrinsically linked to the acquisition of this possible pleasure. A dopamine rush is then set out to motivate the body and the mind to obtain the pleasure. Once the goal is achieved we experience a serotonin rush that engages the pleasure center of the brain and sets up a neural pathway to enjoy this pleasure again in the future.

Human beings are creators, the motivation is desire, and the reward is pleasure. Ester Hicks through the voice of her spirit guide, Abraham, in the book Ask and It Is Given, states that desire is “the delicious awareness of new possibilities. Desire is a fresh, free feeling of anticipating wonderful expansion.” She goes on to say that we will “revel in the conscious awareness that you (we) have deliberately molded your (our) desires into being”[2] and “when you (we) go with the flow of your (our) own desires, you (we) will feel truly alive and you (we) will truly live)[3].

In conclusion, it appears that desire is indeed a virtue and life itself is based on wholesome desires of the body, the mind, and the soul. Our bodies and our drives lead to desires for feeling the pleasures of our bodies which includes sexual experiences. In fact, they lead to body, mind and soul connections with other human beings. They are simply a statement by our bodies that we wish to experience pleasure in its deepest forms. The mind wishes to experience life so that it can expand its knowledge of the world around it. It seeks to understand life in all its forms. The soul longs to dream and make its dreams come true. To reach self-actualization, we can follow our desires to experience the pleasures of our bodies; we can explore life in all its forms, and we can dream and let our dreams lead to desires that motivate us into making the dreams come true.

 

Here are my five applications to bisexuality:

  1. The desires of the body are part of human reality. There is no sin in desire. It is there to lead us to connection with others through the powerful sexual sensations of the body.
  2. The mind will try to evaluate if the desire is good for us. It will attempt to protect us from doing things that may be harmful, such as engaging in unsafe sex. However, the mind is also vulnerable to opinions, because it feels it needs to live in harmony with others. Therefore, it will try to abide by the mores of the society in which it lives. We may wish to override these mores from time to time and engage in activities that will bring pleasure to our being. We need to be conscious of what we are doing and why we are doing it. If we feel the pleasure is a healthy expression of who we want to be, we should set aside the restrictions of the ego and fulfill our desires without guilt and shame.
  3. The higher self is the best judge of what we should and should not do. It directs by feelings. If it feels good at a spiritual level it is automatically good. If it feels bad it is probably bad. We should get in touch with our higher self and learn to listen to the inner voice. This is not the voice of the ego; it is a voice without words. We shut down the mind and reach for the feelings from within.
  4. Our sexual desires usually lead to deeper desires. We seek connection. This is body to body through sex, mind to mind through shared knowledge and desire for learning, and a desire to spiritually vibrate and resonate with the spiritual vibrations of another. These vibrations are enhanced through body, mind, and soul connection. It can just be a full warm hug or it can be whatever we both want it to be.
  5. All paths should lead to self-actualization. It is the desire of the soul to experiment and experience, and move on from experience to higher knowledge and increased love energy. Pay attention to your desires and enjoy.

 

[1] Lee, Pauline C. ; Li Zhi, and the Virtue of Desire. Suny Series in Chinese Culture and Philosophy, Amazon. 2013.

[2] Hicks, Ester and Jerry. Ask and It Is Given. Hay House. 2004. (page 120).

[3] Hicks (page 123)

Bisexuality and Compassion

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Like all the virtues, compassion is purely selfish, and that is okay. It fact, it is more than okay. We do it because it makes us feel good and we feel good because being compassionate allows us to vibrate with The Source of goodness and compassion, with the universal flow of love that makes us more than rational animals on the planet Earth.  It puts us into the flow of life with such people as Nelson Mandela who truly understood the meaning of compassion: “Our human compassion binds us the one to the other – not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future”[1].

Compassion does not come easy.  It is learned by being conscious travelers on the road of life. We do not have to live a life of suffering to be compassionate but it sure helps. It gives us a reference point with others who are suffering, a place in our minds and souls where we can connect through common painful experiences. Their pain helps us recall our pain, and our pain helps us remember the path through pain which in turn gives us something real to share with another human being. We can help them see the way through to the sanctuary of love and joy. Yes joy – or bliss, or ecstasy or whatever you want to call it. By retracing our steps through the journey with this companion in suffering, we again experience the joy, that place where the depths of the pain enables us to experience the fullness of life.

But before we can be truly compassionate we have to make the journey to self-awareness. As Brene Brown has stated: “It’s hard to practice compassion when we’re struggling with our authenticity or when our own worthiness is off-balance.”[2] If we have worked our way through the grounding virtues (see past blogs on the grounding virtues) we will have had to make that journey. We will have learned to be aware of our higher self and to appreciate our self just as we are.  We will be thankful for those experiences that have helped us reach the place of being conscious. We will have celebrated those moments of suffering because they have made us better human beings.

Grounding leads us to the love virtues of trust and kindness. This makes us aware of the suffering of others and compels us to share the path of restoration. Many of us have been born with a difficult path that has led to sexual confusion and conflict. As members of the LGBTQ communities, we have learned compassion the hard way. For example, Ellen DeGeneres  learned compassion from being discriminated against, “Everything bad that’s ever happened to me has taught me compassion”[3]. And it is not just discrimination; more likely it has been sell-incrimination. We have had to learn to accept our orientation for what it is and to live with it to the best of our abilities. Often, especially for women, this has included some form of sexual abuse.  Therefore, we share a common bond, a source of resonance that is automatically tuned in whenever we begin to share our experiences with each other. This is why I write this blog. I want to share the deepest feelings of my inner soul. That’s why I write poetry, to give substance to those dark feelings so that they can be experienced by others. But life is not just about suffering. It is about overcoming the sources of pain and then sharing it with others. This is compassion.

Here are my five applications to bisexuality:

  1. First we can be compassionate with ourselves. We recognize and walk through our own painful experiences and celebrate our victories. Our bisexuality has been a difficult path. We have survived. But we are not just survivors; we have learned to thrive.
  2. We love our self. That is the only way that we will be able to love anyone else. We begin to see and love others as we love ourselves. We will be drawn to other bisexuals and members of the LGBQT community who need a kind word to help them on their own path to victory.
  3. We can learn to listen. We will soon become aware of the pain of others. We will be able to read between the lines. We will be able to read the body language. We do not pry. We just let others know that we are there to listen if they want to talk.
  4. We become conscious students of bisexuality. The more we understand our own situation the better we are prepared to help others.
  5. We live a joyous life and we let others know that there is a very bright light at the end of the very  dark tunnel.

[1] Nelson Mandela. https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/n/nelsonmand447262.html?src=t_compassion

[2] Brene Brown
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/brenebrown553120.html?src=t_compassion

[3] Ellen DeGeneres
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/ellendegen451793.html?src=t_compassion

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Kindness

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)The dictionary defines kindness as the virtue of showing love and the qualities of having a sympathetic, affectionate, warmhearted, and considerate nature. Kindness is the second of the love virtues. Like all the virtues, it is a quality of one’s being, not just a matter of behavior.

Kindness comes from the heart. It flows from and is rooted in love. Like trust, kindness begins with the self; we can learn to be kind to ourselves. If we truly love ourselves, we will be sympathetic, patient, and forgiving, and stop blaming ourselves for our shortcomings and errors. We will be warmhearted, always believing and expecting the best for ourselves, planning daily to do something to bring pleasure to the body, mind, and soul. We will be considerate of ourselves realizing that trial and error is just living, and we will welcome the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and move on to greater awareness and consciousness.

The word kindness is related to the word kin, which originally meant the sharing of positive feelings with relatives. We learn kindness from our parents, grandparents, and other significant people during our developing years. When we receive kindness we experience a flow of love to and from another, thereby establishing a positive vibration with the other. This vibration is then stored in the heart of the soul and can be shared with others as a source of pleasure.

Kindness for the self leads to kindness to others. As the Delai Lama expressed, “When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.[1]” This establishes a pattern whereby we receive pleasure through acts of kindness. We set up a chain reaction of love vibrations. Whenever we experience this vibration, we restore our own positive love energies. This creates a kind of attraction for others to come and experience the joy of living with us. As Mark Twain, a philosopher as well as a gifted writer, noted: “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.[2]”

Kindness opens the door to the other virtues. When we are in a positive state the beauty of the world seems closer and more intense. We feel a part of the flow of universal love. This love leads to consciousness and wisdom. Truly, “What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?[3]” Kindness, love and spiritual wisdom lead to the only true religion, the religion of spiritual experience. I agree with the Delai Lama:  “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.[4]”

Here are my five applications to bisexuality:

  1. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Enjoy your bisexuality – it is a gift.
  2. Listen to your inner voice. It will lead you to sexual and other acts whereby you will experience love in all its forms. Your inner voice is the source of all the kindness you have within, because it is based on love for the self.
  3. Realize that sex is basically an act of love whereby we experience vibrations with others. It is a powerful drive that can be positive or negative. If you feel the positive vibrations – enjoy. If the feelings are negative – stop.
  4. Always show kindness to others including present and past lovers. Realize that they are just trying to live their lives as positively as they can. If they have negative vibrations related to sexuality, they should not be considered as sex partners but as people on the road of life. Be kind.
  5. Realize that sharing positive vibrations with others is the essence of life and love.

[1] The 14th Dalai Lama; (http://www.virtuesforlife.com/20-kindness-quotes-to-inspire-greatness).

[2] ~Mark Twain; (http://www.virtuesforlife.com/20-kindness-quotes-to-inspire-greatness).

[3] Jean-Jacques Rousseau; (http://www.virtuesforlife.com/20-kindness-quotes-to-inspire-greatness).

[4] Dalai Lama XIV; (http://www.virtuesforlife.com/20-kindness-quotes-to-inspire-greatness).