Category: Bisexuality and Conscious Living

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Desire

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)

Aristotle understood that action depends on thought plus desire and that reason and thought by themselves can achieve nothing (Nichomachachean Ethics, 1139a). He goes on to describe desire as the engine for directing “the right thought” which is the basis of higher thinking. In her book,  Li Zhi, and the Virtue of Desire, Lee describes Li Zhi’s insights about the role of feelings and how feeling involve the virtue of desire.[1] Crucial to Zhi’s ideal of the good life is the ability to express one’s feelings, as the articulation of feelings leads to clarity, and clarity leads to new desires. In other words, the virtue of desire is at the foundation of all our actions and even our private thoughts and feelings. Desire is a natural and necessary drive that helps us formulate thoughts and feelings which eventually will lead  to a progression of thought and action. But is desire by itself a virtue? Not necessarily. To become a virtue, desire has to be directed by the higher self, thus leading to higher desires that will set us on the path to self-actualization.

Desire is often omitted from religious inventories of virtues. There is constant reference to controlling our thought life and our desires. Christianity and Islam consistently talk about controlling the desires of the flesh and According to Buddhist belief, the goal of life is to live without any desires at all, because desires result in stress and anxieties that lead us away from a life of peace and contentment. However, this begs the question – can we truly be content without desire? Would we not be conflicting with our basic human nature which is to perceive something greater, some pleasure, some dream, some goal, even the goal of living a life of contentment free of anxiety and stress? What would we be without desires?

Desires are part of our basic brain structures. We see what is not and we ask why? We think of something that might give us pleasure and ask why not? Then the brain sets up a neural pathway that involves a goal that is intrinsically linked to the acquisition of this possible pleasure. A dopamine rush is then set out to motivate the body and the mind to obtain the pleasure. Once the goal is achieved we experience a serotonin rush that engages the pleasure center of the brain and sets up a neural pathway to enjoy this pleasure again in the future.

Human beings are creators, the motivation is desire, and the reward is pleasure. Ester Hicks through the voice of her spirit guide, Abraham, in the book Ask and It Is Given, states that desire is “the delicious awareness of new possibilities. Desire is a fresh, free feeling of anticipating wonderful expansion.” She goes on to say that we will “revel in the conscious awareness that you (we) have deliberately molded your (our) desires into being”[2] and “when you (we) go with the flow of your (our) own desires, you (we) will feel truly alive and you (we) will truly live)[3].

In conclusion, it appears that desire is indeed a virtue and life itself is based on wholesome desires of the body, the mind, and the soul. Our bodies and our drives lead to desires for feeling the pleasures of our bodies which includes sexual experiences. In fact, they lead to body, mind and soul connections with other human beings. They are simply a statement by our bodies that we wish to experience pleasure in its deepest forms. The mind wishes to experience life so that it can expand its knowledge of the world around it. It seeks to understand life in all its forms. The soul longs to dream and make its dreams come true. To reach self-actualization, we can follow our desires to experience the pleasures of our bodies; we can explore life in all its forms, and we can dream and let our dreams lead to desires that motivate us into making the dreams come true.

 

Here are my five applications to bisexuality:

  1. The desires of the body are part of human reality. There is no sin in desire. It is there to lead us to connection with others through the powerful sexual sensations of the body.
  2. The mind will try to evaluate if the desire is good for us. It will attempt to protect us from doing things that may be harmful, such as engaging in unsafe sex. However, the mind is also vulnerable to opinions, because it feels it needs to live in harmony with others. Therefore, it will try to abide by the mores of the society in which it lives. We may wish to override these mores from time to time and engage in activities that will bring pleasure to our being. We need to be conscious of what we are doing and why we are doing it. If we feel the pleasure is a healthy expression of who we want to be, we should set aside the restrictions of the ego and fulfill our desires without guilt and shame.
  3. The higher self is the best judge of what we should and should not do. It directs by feelings. If it feels good at a spiritual level it is automatically good. If it feels bad it is probably bad. We should get in touch with our higher self and learn to listen to the inner voice. This is not the voice of the ego; it is a voice without words. We shut down the mind and reach for the feelings from within.
  4. Our sexual desires usually lead to deeper desires. We seek connection. This is body to body through sex, mind to mind through shared knowledge and desire for learning, and a desire to spiritually vibrate and resonate with the spiritual vibrations of another. These vibrations are enhanced through body, mind, and soul connection. It can just be a full warm hug or it can be whatever we both want it to be.
  5. All paths should lead to self-actualization. It is the desire of the soul to experiment and experience, and move on from experience to higher knowledge and increased love energy. Pay attention to your desires and enjoy.

 

[1] Lee, Pauline C. ; Li Zhi, and the Virtue of Desire. Suny Series in Chinese Culture and Philosophy, Amazon. 2013.

[2] Hicks, Ester and Jerry. Ask and It Is Given. Hay House. 2004. (page 120).

[3] Hicks (page 123)

Bisexuality and Compassion

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Like all the virtues, compassion is purely selfish, and that is okay. It fact, it is more than okay. We do it because it makes us feel good and we feel good because being compassionate allows us to vibrate with The Source of goodness and compassion, with the universal flow of love that makes us more than rational animals on the planet Earth.  It puts us into the flow of life with such people as Nelson Mandela who truly understood the meaning of compassion: “Our human compassion binds us the one to the other – not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future”[1].

Compassion does not come easy.  It is learned by being conscious travelers on the road of life. We do not have to live a life of suffering to be compassionate but it sure helps. It gives us a reference point with others who are suffering, a place in our minds and souls where we can connect through common painful experiences. Their pain helps us recall our pain, and our pain helps us remember the path through pain which in turn gives us something real to share with another human being. We can help them see the way through to the sanctuary of love and joy. Yes joy – or bliss, or ecstasy or whatever you want to call it. By retracing our steps through the journey with this companion in suffering, we again experience the joy, that place where the depths of the pain enables us to experience the fullness of life.

But before we can be truly compassionate we have to make the journey to self-awareness. As Brene Brown has stated: “It’s hard to practice compassion when we’re struggling with our authenticity or when our own worthiness is off-balance.”[2] If we have worked our way through the grounding virtues (see past blogs on the grounding virtues) we will have had to make that journey. We will have learned to be aware of our higher self and to appreciate our self just as we are.  We will be thankful for those experiences that have helped us reach the place of being conscious. We will have celebrated those moments of suffering because they have made us better human beings.

Grounding leads us to the love virtues of trust and kindness. This makes us aware of the suffering of others and compels us to share the path of restoration. Many of us have been born with a difficult path that has led to sexual confusion and conflict. As members of the LGBTQ communities, we have learned compassion the hard way. For example, Ellen DeGeneres  learned compassion from being discriminated against, “Everything bad that’s ever happened to me has taught me compassion”[3]. And it is not just discrimination; more likely it has been sell-incrimination. We have had to learn to accept our orientation for what it is and to live with it to the best of our abilities. Often, especially for women, this has included some form of sexual abuse.  Therefore, we share a common bond, a source of resonance that is automatically tuned in whenever we begin to share our experiences with each other. This is why I write this blog. I want to share the deepest feelings of my inner soul. That’s why I write poetry, to give substance to those dark feelings so that they can be experienced by others. But life is not just about suffering. It is about overcoming the sources of pain and then sharing it with others. This is compassion.

Here are my five applications to bisexuality:

  1. First we can be compassionate with ourselves. We recognize and walk through our own painful experiences and celebrate our victories. Our bisexuality has been a difficult path. We have survived. But we are not just survivors; we have learned to thrive.
  2. We love our self. That is the only way that we will be able to love anyone else. We begin to see and love others as we love ourselves. We will be drawn to other bisexuals and members of the LGBQT community who need a kind word to help them on their own path to victory.
  3. We can learn to listen. We will soon become aware of the pain of others. We will be able to read between the lines. We will be able to read the body language. We do not pry. We just let others know that we are there to listen if they want to talk.
  4. We become conscious students of bisexuality. The more we understand our own situation the better we are prepared to help others.
  5. We live a joyous life and we let others know that there is a very bright light at the end of the very  dark tunnel.

[1] Nelson Mandela. https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/n/nelsonmand447262.html?src=t_compassion

[2] Brene Brown
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/brenebrown553120.html?src=t_compassion

[3] Ellen DeGeneres
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/ellendegen451793.html?src=t_compassion

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Kindness

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)The dictionary defines kindness as the virtue of showing love and the qualities of having a sympathetic, affectionate, warmhearted, and considerate nature. Kindness is the second of the love virtues. Like all the virtues, it is a quality of one’s being, not just a matter of behavior.

Kindness comes from the heart. It flows from and is rooted in love. Like trust, kindness begins with the self; we can learn to be kind to ourselves. If we truly love ourselves, we will be sympathetic, patient, and forgiving, and stop blaming ourselves for our shortcomings and errors. We will be warmhearted, always believing and expecting the best for ourselves, planning daily to do something to bring pleasure to the body, mind, and soul. We will be considerate of ourselves realizing that trial and error is just living, and we will welcome the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and move on to greater awareness and consciousness.

The word kindness is related to the word kin, which originally meant the sharing of positive feelings with relatives. We learn kindness from our parents, grandparents, and other significant people during our developing years. When we receive kindness we experience a flow of love to and from another, thereby establishing a positive vibration with the other. This vibration is then stored in the heart of the soul and can be shared with others as a source of pleasure.

Kindness for the self leads to kindness to others. As the Delai Lama expressed, “When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.[1]” This establishes a pattern whereby we receive pleasure through acts of kindness. We set up a chain reaction of love vibrations. Whenever we experience this vibration, we restore our own positive love energies. This creates a kind of attraction for others to come and experience the joy of living with us. As Mark Twain, a philosopher as well as a gifted writer, noted: “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.[2]”

Kindness opens the door to the other virtues. When we are in a positive state the beauty of the world seems closer and more intense. We feel a part of the flow of universal love. This love leads to consciousness and wisdom. Truly, “What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?[3]” Kindness, love and spiritual wisdom lead to the only true religion, the religion of spiritual experience. I agree with the Delai Lama:  “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.[4]”

Here are my five applications to bisexuality:

  1. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Enjoy your bisexuality – it is a gift.
  2. Listen to your inner voice. It will lead you to sexual and other acts whereby you will experience love in all its forms. Your inner voice is the source of all the kindness you have within, because it is based on love for the self.
  3. Realize that sex is basically an act of love whereby we experience vibrations with others. It is a powerful drive that can be positive or negative. If you feel the positive vibrations – enjoy. If the feelings are negative – stop.
  4. Always show kindness to others including present and past lovers. Realize that they are just trying to live their lives as positively as they can. If they have negative vibrations related to sexuality, they should not be considered as sex partners but as people on the road of life. Be kind.
  5. Realize that sharing positive vibrations with others is the essence of life and love.

[1] The 14th Dalai Lama; (http://www.virtuesforlife.com/20-kindness-quotes-to-inspire-greatness).

[2] ~Mark Twain; (http://www.virtuesforlife.com/20-kindness-quotes-to-inspire-greatness).

[3] Jean-Jacques Rousseau; (http://www.virtuesforlife.com/20-kindness-quotes-to-inspire-greatness).

[4] Dalai Lama XIV; (http://www.virtuesforlife.com/20-kindness-quotes-to-inspire-greatness).

 

 

Sex and Virtuous Living

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(This is an excerpt from my book, Sex and Virtuous Living, which will be published in the near future.)

Virtues are beyond the power of the mind; they are the intrinsic qualities of the soul. They are all there just waiting for us open them up and live a purposeful and satisfying life. The human soul contains the mind with all its desires and fears, the heart which longs to reach out to others, and the spirit that longs to connect through positive energy vibrations with others and the universal source of positive divine energy that we can refer to as universal love. This interplay of mind or ego, heart, and spirit has the potential to create the virtues that can lead to bliss and self-actualization.

It is my belief that we are more than body and mind. Granted the human mind is an amazing organ that can draw upon sensations and perceptions to create amazing concepts and schemas that, perhaps, may include some concept of a higher self interacting with a loving god or a universal source of positive energy. But from my studies of the brain and the mind, I do not see how the brain by itself can develop the qualities needed for virtuous living. The mind is very self-centered and focuses on creating and responding to desires that lead to its pleasure and competitive achievement. It wishes to survive at all costs and to be the alpha female or male so that its genes can dominate the next generation.  Even the most altruistic motives can contain an internal reward. Regardless of our views of the Source, the Universe, the Tao, or God as some exterior source of power and enlightenment, most of us would agree that we do in fact have a higher self, that part of us that wishes and attempts to create a higher purpose and be a part of a higher human society. It is this part of the human soul that we will be working with throughout this book. It is this part of the soul that we can tap into to create the virtues needed for spiritual self-actualization.

In our western world, sex and human relationships are terribly misunderstood and the cause of massive amounts of negative energy that surface as depression, anxiety, grief, anger, and hate. Sex is a powerful force that originates in the reproductive organs, the hormone system, and the limbic system of the old brain. It is designed to preserve the human race through copulation and reproduction.  Sex is sex regardless of the issues experienced by various groups in our society, so we will be looking at is as one of the basic drives of the body, mind and soul as well as how it applies to the LBGTQ community and to trauma victims of rape and abuse. Regardless of our sexual experiences, we can channel the sexual energies of our bodies into positive feelings, wholesome relationships, emotional healing, and an energy source we can ride to self-actualization. The way to do that is through consciously developing virtues.

Virtues are qualities or characteristics of the human soul. Even though they may lead to compassion and altruism, they are basically about the self and the interplay of the ego-self, the heart, and the spiritual or higher-self.  We are human beings with all the desires and fears, but we are also spiritual beings who long to resonate in positive vibration with others and to reach out to the Source of Life and Love. Virtues require a desire to cooperate and flow with others towards some universal good. To seek true virtues, I believe we have to go beyond the functions of the mind where there is no perceivable reward other than being part of the flow of goodness and love.

I have divided the virtues into four blocks of five that I label as grounding, centering, love, and spiritual self-actualization. Like Maslow’s hierarchy, each one builds upon the other. The foundation of virtuous living begins in being grounded in the spiritual reality of the higher self.  As we visit each virtue we will attempt to connect it with the drives of survival and reproduction.

Virtuous Living , that will be published in the near future.)

Virtues are beyond the power of the mind; they are the intrinsic qualities of the soul. They are all there just waiting for us open them up and live a purposeful and satisfying life. The human soul contains the mind with all its desires and fears, the heart which longs to reach out to others, and the spirit that longs to connect through positive energy vibrations with others and the universal source of positive divine energy that we can refer to as universal love. This interplay of mind, heart, and spirit has the potential to create the virtues that can lead to bliss and self-actualization.

It is my belief that we are more than body and mind. Granted the human mind is an amazing organ that can draw upon sensations and perceptions to create amazing concepts and schemas that, perhaps, may include some concept of a higher self interacting with a loving god or a universal source of positive energy. But from my studies of the brain and the mind, I do not see how the brain by itself can develop the qualities needed for virtuous living. The mind is very self-centered and focuses on creating and responding to desires that lead to its pleasure and competitive achievement. It wishes to survive at all costs and to be the alpha female or male so that its genes can dominate the next generation.  Even the most altruistic motives can contain an internal reward. Regardless of our views of the Source, the Universe, the Tao, or God as some exterior source of power and enlightenment, most of us would agree that we do in fact have a higher self, that part of us that wishes and attempts to create a higher purpose and be a part of a higher human society. It is this part of the human soul that we will be working with throughout this book. It is this part of the soul that we can tap into to create the virtues needed for spiritual self-actualization.

In our western world, sex and human relationships are terribly misunderstood and the cause of massive amounts of negative energy that surface as depression, anxiety, grief, anger, and hate. Sex is a powerful force that originates in the reproductive organs, the hormone system, and the limbic system of the old brain. It is designed to preserve the human race through copulation and reproduction.  Sex is sex regardless of the issues experienced by various groups in our society, so we will be looking at is as one of the basic drives of the body, as well as how it applies to the LBGTQ community and to trauma victims of rape and abuse. Regardless of our sexual experiences, we can channel the sexual energies of our bodies into positive feelings, wholesome relationships, emotional healing, and an energy source we can ride to self-actualization. The way to do that is through consciously developing virtues.

Virtues are qualities or characteristics of the human soul. Even though they may lead to compassion and altruism, they are basically about the self and the interplay of the ego-self, the heart, and the spiritual or higher-self.  We are human beings with all the desires and fears, but we are also spiritual beings who long to resonate in positive vibration with others and to reach out to the Source of Life and Love. Virtues require a desire to cooperate and flow with others towards some universal good. To seek true virtues, I believe we have to go beyond the functions of the mind where there is no perceivable reward other than being part of the flow of goodness and love.

I have divided the virtues into four blocks of five that I label as grounding, centering, love, and spiritual self-actualization. Like Maslow’s hierarchy, each one builds upon the other. The foundation of virtuous living begins in being grounded in the spiritual reality of the higher self.  As we visit each virtue we will attempt to connect it with the drives of survival and reproduction.

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Trust

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)By definition trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something, but I believe it is much more than that. When we consider trust as a virtue, it becomes a characteristic of the conscious human being on her/his way to self-actualization.

It would appear that every past president of the United States, philosopher, entertainer, and sports hero has at one time in their lives said something quotable about trust. The best quote on the virtue of trust comes from Steve Jobs: “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever…”[1] So what is trust, really? Where does it originate, what does it have to do with love, and how does it manifest itself when we apply it to bisexuality?

First of all, real trust is not about anyone else; it is about the interaction between the ego-self and the inner or higher-self.  It is not about the body because the body just want to survive, feel pleasure, and reproduce. It has nothing to do with the mind and our belief system because the mind is very skillful at twisting what it sees to fit into its belief system which is designed to help us thrive and excel in our social environment. It does not come from the heart because the heart’s sole purpose is to connect with others and is willing to sacrifice everything in exchange for acceptance and connection.  Trust originates in the gut which is the voice of the inner or higher self. We have to learn to trust this voice to guide us in our search for the higher purposes of life.

This brings us to the question of love. As stated many times before, love is the relationship between the ego or the mind and the higher self. We have to love our self from the deepest reaches of our inner soul. This is the only way we can truly love anyone else. We do not try to bind anyone to us so we can control them in order to have them there to meet our needs. We do not have to “trust” them to be “faithful” so that they will always be there for us. When we truly love and trust our self we do not need anyone to meet our needs. We are free to experience them as one higher self to another. We are free to let them be themselves so that we can enjoy connecting and vibrating with them as they reach out to attain their own sources of pleasure and self-fulfillment.

We started with a quote so let’s end with one, this time by Brian Adams, a pop singer: “I’ve only ever trusted my gut on everything. I don’t trust my head, I don’t trust my heart, I trust my gut.”[2]

Here are the five applications to bisexuality:

  1. We can learn to trust our gut, that inner voice that is showing us the path to true happiness. Before making important decisions,we can still the mind and the heart and let that voice show us the path to self-fulfillment.
  2. Our sexual orientation will give us the benefit of a whole and complete voice with both the divine masculine and feminine. We will be able to see both sides of an issue.
  3. When it comes to sex, we can learn to trust our gut to reveal the path between the desires of the body and the fears of the ego. It will show us what beliefs and practices are harmful and which ones will bring true and lasting pleasure.
  4. When it comes to relationships, it will help us see people as they really are. It will reveal those who are still in the throes of negative patterns that might be harmful and those who have reached a level of maturity where they can bring positive energies to our sexual experiences.
  5. When we learn to trust the voice of our gut, we will not seek sex and relationships in order to fulfill a need. All needs will be met naturally through the interaction of the body, the mind, the heart, and the voice of the gut. We can seek sexual relationships simply to enjoy the mingling of our body and soul with the pleasures and vibrations of other human beings.

[1] Steve Jobs. Life, Future, Destin. (Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_trust.html)

[2] Bryan Adams
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_trust.html

Bisexuality and Virtuous Living A Review

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Virtue, by definition, is behavior showing high moral standards, but who is to decide what high moral behavior is?  I choose to look at virtue as a collection of characteristics that indicate a higher level of physical and spiritual well being.

It is time to step back and take a look at where we have come from in understanding virtuous living. In the first set of five talks we looked at how we can become grounded.  The first step is to become aware of our higher self, the interactions of our higher self with our ego self, the interaction we have with life and the Source of Life, and our associations with the ones we love. This led to seeking Truth, or the virtue of Honesty. This path took us to the virtue of Discernment where we learned to deal with our wounded ego and the wounded egos of others. We then looked at Acceptance of ourselves including our orientation and the circumstances of our past and present lives. Our virtues of discernment and acceptance took us to Forgiveness where we come to the realization that there is no fault and no guilt. We were able to forgive ourselves for the wrongs we had done and forgive others for the things they have done to us. With this foundation in place we can begin to live a virtuous life.

This took us to the second set of five virtues that we can label as centering. Gratitude is where we were thankful for the people in our lives and the things they have been a part of that have led us to a higher level of consciousness. We can allow our higher self to enter into a spiritual existence where we can free ourselves from anxiety and begin to accept and appreciate the circumstances of our lives.  This provides us with an inner peace that we can refer to as Contentment. The third is Appreciation. We can be thankful for what others have done for us but Appreciation comes from within. We see the world and its beauty and we see ourselves as part of this internal and external beauty. The fourth is Fortitude.  We become strong inside and out and we begin to see ourselves as infinite powerful human beings. With this inner strength in place we can now be genuinely Assertive and stand up for ourselves and the things we believe.

This is the beginning of living a virtuous life.  We know who we are and what we believe.  In other words we are grounded and centered. We have inner strength to live according to those beliefs and we have the power to express those beliefs as needed.   This will take us to the third and last set of virtues in the next five blogs that we can refer to as the Love Virtues.

Here are my five thoughts on how these ten virtues applies to bisexuality:

  1. We must never forget that we are powerful beautiful human beings that are capable of generating powerful energy vibrations that can change the way we live and lead us to the person we want to be.
  2. We can appreciate our bisexuality as a gift that allows us to experience life though the divine masculine and divine feminine. We are blessed.
  3. We can strive to know, understand, and always be true to ourselves. We do not have to defend ourselves as bisexuals. We are what we are, no guilt, no shame. We have inner strength that we have not even begun to touch.
  4. We can develop the skills necessary to be assertive and still be compassionate with the ones we love.
  5. We can choose to help others by placing ourselves in positions to be noticed and heard. We do not have to seek out anyone to preach our beliefs; we just have to be ready with an answer when asked. If we are living a virtuous life we will be noticed and people will ask.

 

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Fortitude

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)Fortitude is mentioned by Plato in “The Republic” as one of the four cardinal virtues.  St. Thomas Aquinas ranked fortitude as the third of the cardinal virtues after prudence and justice.  In the Bible, it is also included as one of the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, (Isaiah 11:2-3). The virtue of fortitude can be practiced by anyone; it is not only a Christian value but the natural outgrowth of life’s experiences.

The virtue of fortitude is commonly called courage, but it is different from what we think of as courage today. Fortitude always serves a higher purpose, is beyond reason, and is therefore, an expression of the will of the human spirit. Fortitude is the virtue that allows us to overcome fear and to remain steady in the face of all obstacles – physical, mental, and spiritual. If we look at fortitude from the perspective of good versus evil or light versus darkness, we see fortitude as our ability and strength to reach for the good for ourselves and others, instead of just allowing the darkness of the world to overcome us and prevent us from reaching for our higher sense of being.

Fortitude is strength of purpose in the face of all the obstacles that life tries to throw at us. If we have the virtue of fortitude, we will persist in reaching for our better self and to keep on going through pain and trials. We push on, believing in ourselves and in our divine purpose which is just to be, and to radiate the joyful vibrations of our inner self.  We never lose the vision of who we are and we rejoice in the opportunities to push through the chaos and grow as human beings in body, soul and spirit. Once we have arrived at the goal of divine Self-Actualization, we help others on their path, not out of feelings of guilt or responsibility for others, but as an opportunity to create the positive energies in others so we can vibrate and resonate together for our own sense of joy and purpose. In a way, we defeat darkness collectively by bringing light into the world, not as a collective, but as individuals vibrating in frequency with other individuals.

Here are the five applications to bisexuality:

  1. Even though our bodies and brains are bisexual by nature, it is not who we are. It is simply a genetic predisposition to sexual preference. It belongs to our bodies and minds but not to our spirits. Who we really are is our higher self, that part of us that is beyond the functions of the body and the mind. We must never lose sight of the fact that our sexual orientation is just that – a sexual orientation.
  2. Because of the life experiences that come with our orientation, we tend to be empaths, people with the ability to feel and comprehend the mental or emotional state and needs of others. This gives us the ability to feel and see things that others do not. This makes it possible for us to be artists, poets, and effective professional caregivers, but it also makes us more sensitive, and therefore, more vulnerable to the words and actions of others. Our first responsibility as empaths is not to serve others, but to understand, care for, and love ourselves. We have to be self-centered, not narcissistic, but aware of our own feelings and needs. We cannot save anyone. If we are in a relationship that is sucking the life out of us, we have to get out. If we are surrounded by people who want to take advantage of us, we are in dangerous company. We have to trust our inner Self to lead us to people who will be genuine friends and lovers regardless of their orientation.
  3. As bisexuals, our empathic natures are going to be wrapped up in our emotions, and of course, because of our life’s experiences, our emotions are going to be wrapped up in our sexuality. Sometimes we have to literally take pains to come to grips with our sexuality. We have to bring our sexual thoughts and behaviors in line with our higher self. This does not mean we have be to monks or nuns and suppress our sexual desires, but we should try to bring our sexual vibrations in line with our soul vibrations. If we are experiencing negative energy during our sexual practices, it does not mean that we have to stop having this kind of sex. It just means that we have to adjust our own attitudes or to recognize how our sexual partners are influencing our own vibrations.
  4. If we are using our sexuality to feed the dark, negative, or wounded ego side of our self, we must take stock, face the situation honestly, and do whatever it takes to turn off the negative feeling and open up to the positive. There is nothing wrong with our sexual practices as such, but it depends on how we think about them and which side of our psyche we are feeding. We have to learn to trust the feelings coming from our gut. If these interactions bring us down and make us feel sick inside, we have to then change our thought and  behavior patterns.
  5. We have to take an inventory of our life. Is what we are doing bringing the vibrations of peace and joy? If not, we have to make changes. This mean recognizing  the effects of what we are doing and the people with whom we are associating. We can mark each person or item with a positive or a negative, then make plans to embellish the positive and remove the negative. This includes everything including our relationships, jobs, activities and sexual practices. Above all, we remember that we are powerful beings with the ability to make whatever changes are necessary. All it takes is fortitude.

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Appreciation

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final) “The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson[1]. Contentment and Gratitude lead to the virtue of Appreciation. Appreciation is different from gratitude. Gratitude is being thankful for some thought or action from someone else, but appreciation is from within. It is simply knowing, understanding and enjoying the beauty of life in all its forms.

Have you ever had a tune going around and around in your head that you just can’t get rid of? I love to sing. I am in a choir and we practice the harmony of songs over and over again until we perfect them. Sometimes I wake up in the night and there it is, one of the songs we have been practicing. It’s the same as the mental songs we play. Do you keep hearing the songs of criticism and self-doubt or do you wake up with a smile on your face because the world is beautiful, and you appreciate your wonderful body, mind, and soul?

The first step in developing the virtue of appreciation is to understand our own wonderful bodies and minds. Do you love your body, even with all its imperfections? You should, we all should, because it is the perfection of the amazing evolution of a superior being that has adapted to extreme hostile conditions and continues to evolve according to changes in our environment. We should be able to look in the mirror every day and appreciate its ability to sense and respond to the world around us. Our minds, especially the working of the frontal cortex, is the culmination of millions of years of evolution, or if you prefer, the miracle of creation from a loving god who has created us in his likeness. People tend to look at the mind as the ego and feel it is somehow responsible for all our troubles, but where would we be without it, without the ability to evaluate, judge, and make decisions? It works on the completely selfish motivation of making decisions to protect and enhance the self. The well-known words of Christ tell us to “Love our neighbor as ourselves”.  We cannot love anyone unless we first make a conscious decision to know, understand and love our mind, ego, or self.

That takes us back to the inner or Higher Self. I know this is repetitive but it is never redundant. There is always some new way to look at, understand, and appreciate the inner Self. We cannot see the beauty in others unless we first see the beauty in ourselves. Both love and seeing beauty are a function of the inner Self. The inner Self feels things. It feels all the patterns of energy around us. Our eyes sense the energy, our minds interpret and evaluate it, but our spirits feel it. It distinguishes between the negative energies brought on by our mind and the minds of others, reinterprets fear as chance or opportunity, and transforms anger to love. It sees the connectedness of everything and can trace the patterns into an ever evolving circle of life. We feel the patterns of the universe itself which we can interpret as God, or the Tao, or just the Universe. It feels our part in all things and encourages us to feel things beyond the power of the body and mind. When we get in touch with the Higher Self we get in touch with all that is and can be, and we sense the best path to living a more conscious life. The Higher Self wants to flood our minds and bodies with the joys of appreciation for this awesome opportunity to just live.

Here are the five applications to bisexuality:

  1. We need to love our bodies; that includes our genetic bisexual orientation. We can enjoy all the pleasures that our senses can provide. We can be true to ourselves and be selfish and enjoy our sexuality. We can start doing things that make us feel good inside and out.
  2. We need to love our minds, recognize that it has done an amazing job to survive with a very difficult predisposition. It has made judgement and decisions to get through all of life’s challenges to the point where we can accept our orientation.
  3. If you have not yet reached that point and no longer trust the powers of your mind, then it is now time to reach to the inner self and allow positive feelings to surface. We can close down the mind for a while and seek the positive energy of the inner Self. We can enter that space of peace through meditation of by taking a forest or ocean side bath where the richness of nature will enter our souls. While in this state we can allow the inner Self to shed its light on our consciousness and lead us to self-love where we can appreciate all life’s experiences as a path to greater understanding. We can let this bath of self-love touch our minds until all the fears and anger have melted under its power to the point where we begin to appreciate these experiences as part of the path to self-actualization.
  4. We can see and appreciate the beauty in others. If we have experienced traumas we can try to see the beauty and struggle of another soul instead of the ugliness of fear and anger emanating from someone else’s tortured mind.
  5. We then can consciously seek a soul-mate that can appreciate our inner as well and outer beauty so that we can let go of casual encounters and appreciate all the joys of a fully conscious intimate relationship.  We each give as well as receive the beauty and power of the intimate vibrations of the body and soul.

[1] Virtues for Life. http://www.virtuesforlife.com/30-gratitude-quotes-health-happiness-healing/

Bisexuality, The Virtue of Contentment, and the Second Nobel Truth

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)The first five virtues have dealt with healing and grounding. They have included Truthfulness, Awareness, Discernment, Forgiveness and Gratitude. We are now ready to development a life of conscious living. The first of these virtues is Contentment. Gratitude automatically leads to Contentment.  Gratitude is recognizing that life itself and every event in life is a gift. Contentment is living a life where our higher self is always present and giving us a feeling of peace and abundance.

The Buddha believed that the source of all human misery was having desires – no desires, no anxieties.[1] He identified three types of desires? According to the Buddha, Kama tanha is wanting sense pleasures through the body and always seeking things to excite or please our senses. Taste pecan chocolate cheesecake and see what happens: a desire arises for more. That is kama tanha. Like all philosophical and/or religious statements, I do not accept them carte blanche. What could possibly be wrong with sense pleasures and what is wrong with wanting to fill our lives with sense pleasures? What could be wrong with the wonderful taste of chocolate pecan? Granted discernment is needed, we must evaluate what pleasures  allow our soul to grow and what pleasures stunt our growth. A daily walk along the ocean fills my soul; daily viewing pornography, although it is a pleasure, affects the health of my soul; too much chocolate pecan, affects my health and can damage my teeth. If we are grounded, and in tune with our higher self, we know what desires and pleasures are good for the body, mind and soul, and which pleasures should be avoided or controlled.

The second desire is bhava tanha where we can be caught in a realm of ambition and attainment – the desire to become. We get caught in that movement of striving to become happy, seeking to become wealthy; or we might attempt to make our life feel important by endeavouring to make the world right. This desire is wanting to become something other than what we are right now. There can be no contentment without a sense of being present with the higher self in everything we do. Doing is not becoming, we already are. We do not have to strive to be happy but we have to understand what happiness is and know how to seek it and enjoy it without striving. When I am with my beloved there is no striving for happiness. Being present with each other is happiness and brings happiness to everything we do together. The same thing applies to being present with nature, with  life,  and with the giver of life, with the one who is, with the universe itself. Seeking wealth for the sake of wealth or power is a fool’s game. Endeavoring to make the world right should be the desire of all conscious human beings, but not to feel important but just because it is the right thing to do.

The desire to get rid of things is vibhava tanha. This may be a desire to get rid of our suffering anger, jealousy, fear and anxiety. We can see from this train of thought that “becoming” and “getting rid of”are very much associated. Vibhava tanha also applies in spiritual life, which can be very self-righteous. We may want to get rid of our human nature and become only spiritual. This involves hating our bodies and our minds and all the pleasures they can bring so that we can claim we are spiritual beings. We may desire to have spiritual gifts to show people that we are special or gifted. On the other hand there is nothing wrong with wanting to be rid of suffering, anger and anxiety. In fact, we should even strive for it as they interfere with our ability to be present. And there is nothing wrong with having gifts and sharing them to alleviate the suffering of others. But I think there is something wrong with putting our name behind it and charging for our services.

By understanding these three kinds of desires, we can let them go. The Second Noble Truth is not about identifying with desires in any way; it’s about recognizing desire. It is not about hating oneself for having these thoughts and desires but recognizing when they are conditioned by the ego or the mind. Desire then becomes behavior patterns that we slip into because of ignorance and then apply these patterns to everything in our lives. But we are not just hopeless victims of desire nor do we have to let go of all desires. We simply have to understand where they are coming from, consciously analyze them through our higher self, and either let them go or indulge and enjoy.

Here are the five applications to Bisexuality:

  1. Sex is great. It absolutely overwhelms the senses of touch and feeling. It links two people together through the joy of their bodies. But it should be based on pleasing as well as being pleased and it should always come from the soul, not desperation of anxiety or self-hate.
  2. Bisexuality is great, it allows for two kinds of pleasure and two different responses to life. However, it should also come from the soul. Promiscuity for the sake of promiscuity can harm the soul and lead to guilt and shame.
  3. When we are in harmony with our self and our partner there is never shame. There is a wonderful exchange of parts of our souls that we refer to as bonding. We should feel closer and share deeper understanding of each other.
  4. As bisexuals we have no obligation to set the world right or to gain our identity from being a bisexual. We do not have to strive to become anything or anyone but who we already are. We must enjoy being us.
  5. If we feel suffering or anger or shame because of our bisexuality –  we have to get rid of it. It is pure poison. We can never thrive with the virtue of contentment unless we accept ourselves just the way we are and  learn to control and channel our desires to become content with ourselves, the people around us and with our higher selves.

[1] http://www.buddhanet.net/4noble12.htm

Bisexuality and the Virtue of Gratitude

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SHIRT & TIE [small] (final)”Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others,” Marcus Tullius Cicero[1]. Wise words from a wise old Roman. It makes more sense when you apply the words of John F. Kennedy, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”[2] You see gratitude is more than saying ‘thank you’ it is being truly thankful.  That means realizing the gift that has been given is more than just a gift; the acts of giving and receiving are acts of the heart.

Sometimes it seems impossible to feel thankful for what we have been given. At times, life really sucks, and we may feel alone, abandoned, and despised.  That is when we have to dig deep into our souls to find our higher self which will always feel gratitude even if it is just for life itself.  That is when we come to know that life means there is a giver of life and that giving life is the most precious gift that we can receive, because the gift of life is the gift of love. If you have ever been a parent you know exactly what I mean. At that moment when the baby is born and placed in your arms we cannot help but feel an overpowering sensation of deepest affection and love.

As suggested by J.F.K. there is a part of our self that lives continuously in this feeling of gratitude, and that is our higher self. When we view life through our higher self, there is always a reason to be thankful even if it is just for the next breath. When we do this we change the circuitry of the brain .

Image result for pleasure center of the brain
The thought releases dopamine through the nucleus accumbens which is the pleasure center of the brain, affecting the amygdala, thus changing the emotion from negative to positive, and the hippocampus which affects our memories. . Then as we thank this universe for each breath, the other things come to mind, love that we have experienced, someone who touched us in a special way, the beauty of nature that is all around us. By doing this repeatedly, we create a new neural circuit where the memory makes us smile instead of weep.

 

The key to living a virtuous life is to be thankful for everything. We should practice gratitude every day and remind ourselves that there is always something good if we look for it. We should see difficulties as opportunities to learn. When people abandon us we can be thankful for the moments we have shared and be compassionate with them and wish them well in their own journey. If this person shows us contempt or spite, we can be thankful that we will not have to live with someone who no longer cares for us. We should be thankful for every kindness passed our way. We should not be envious of those who appear to have more but be thankful for the simplicity of what we do have, free of the tyranny of possessions.

So how does this apply to bisexuality? Here are my five suggestions on gratitude:

1 First be thankful for your life. It is a gift.

  1. Be thankful for your bisexuality. It too is a gift, one that opens up intimate relationships with both men and women.
  2. Be thankful for all the relationships you have had. Remember that people are just human and may not be able to understand your sexual nature or your wants and needs. Be thankful for the love and passion they were able to share; it may be all they were able to give at the time.
  3. When you move on to other relationships, be thankful for the lessons you learned in the last one or series of ones. Never give up on finding the soul mate and kindred spirit.
  4. Be thankful that you can give something back even if it is something small. Volunteer for something or plant a garden of flowers. Try to make the world a little bit better while you have the chance to live in it.

[1] Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/marcustull122152.html

[2] Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/johnfkenn105511.html